Chapter 1 #3
“For our next game, we’re going to set up a few zones,” Alana says as she makes circles on the ground with her ropes. This lady must really enjoy bondage to have so many ropes.
“You’re going to pick one person on your team to be a zombie.
They’re going to be in the middle and tied to a chair with a rope that will loosen, so every time it’s their turn, they get to step forward one foot.
The rest of you need to work together to figure out how to protect yourselves from the zombie.
Each turn, you can do only one thing. You can use anything in this room, but you can only leave your circle to grab one item per turn.
When the zombie touches you, you are out.
I want to see teamwork. I want to see you making decisions together.
You can only grab one item, but you should all discuss with each other to decide which item. Any questions?”
I raise my hand.
“Yes!” She sounds far too happy to be given a question.
“Can I leave? Zombies make me feel extremely uncomfortable and are against my beliefs.”
“Ignore him,” Michaels unfairly states. How would he know what may or may not frighten me?
“I want to be the zombie,” Gabriel announces.
“Never mind, I want to stay,” I say. “I want to be bitten by you.”
“Can I change teams?” Donna asks.
“Please do,” I tell her. “Alright, first order of business. I get to tie up Gabriel.” I take him to the middle where a chair sits and wrap the rope around his waist. “I can’t wait to get bitten by you.”
“I… I think I’m just supposed to tap people, not bite them. I mean… do you really want me biting Chris?”
“Go for his eyes.”
Gabriel cocks his head like something I’ve said could possibly be wrong. “Why?”
“So he doesn’t cry on you.”
“I cried once. One time and you will never let me live it down,” Chris says. “It’s okay to cry, you know that? It’s manly to cry.”
“It wasn’t a debate over whether or not you were manly enough, Chris. It’s that I am not emotionally capable of dealing with a crying human,” I explain.
“Don’t forget that when you say the word ‘human’ like that, it makes you sound like you’re an alien,” Gabriel says.
“I will be your alien,” I offer, which doesn’t seem to be what he was going for. I give his cheek a pat before parting with my beautiful zombie and going over to the others to make our decision on what our move will be.
“I propose that during our move, we sacrifice Donna to the zombie. It will slow him down and he will be less hungry when he reaches us,” I suggest. “All in favor, say ‘aye.’” Oddly enough, I’m the only one who says “Aye,” but I sure say it loud enough that I think it should win anyway.
“We need an item to block him,” Jesse muses.
“Right there!” I say, pointing at Michaels.
Jesse’s got this glower thing going on that almost makes me want to straighten up, but not enough to do so.
“Fine, fine. That chair right there,” I say as I point to it.
“It’s so narrow he’ll just go around it,” Matthew counters.
“She didn’t say where we had to put the item,” I say as I head out of the circle on my own.
“Liam! We’re supposed to work as a team! We don’t want the chair, we want that table!” Donna protests, which means that I will definitely not pick up the table, even if it is the best item in the room.
I grab the chair before walking over to my Gabriel and putting the chair so it straddles the rope. “If he can’t reach us, he can’t eat us.”
“Dammit, I hate when you make sense,” Donna grumbles.
“Thank you, Donna. Your misery gives me glee,” I inform her.
“I know it does,” she says.
Gabriel is given another foot of rope as he zombies his way toward us. He’s got some hand motions and a wobble that makes him and Matthew laugh.
“Looking sexy, my dear,” I say.
“I want to eat your flesh,” he intones.
I wink at him. “And I want you to eat me.”
“So if we’re going with Liam’s plan, what about that narrow table there? If we wedge it just right, the legs will interlock with the chair,” Matthew says.
“Matthew, look at you, using that big head for something useful,” I observe.
“First, it’s my long neck, and now it’s my big head. It almost feels like you’re jealous over how handsome I am and trying to harass me for it.”
“Sadly, it doesn’t appear to be working.”
“How pitiful,” he says with much sarcasm.
I beam at him as he wedges the object in there while Gabriel looks at it.
“But Liam… I wanted to eat you,” Gabriel says, and that pitiful tone makes me decide that on my next turn I will use our one move to lie down before Gabriel so he can consume every inch of me.
“Stop, don’t listen to him,” Jesse warns as he cups his hands over my ears. “If you win, I will send you this picture I took of Gabriel. It’s a really good one.”
Interest has been piqued. “Oh?”
“You promised you wouldn’t show Liam that photo!” Gabriel accuses.
“Now I must gaze upon this photograph,” I say as I turn around and eye the room before I see the curtain rod. “We will cram that between the table and the chair; it’ll cause the rope to twist around it and no matter how much he gains, he’ll never reach us. We can sit here for the rest of the time.”
“You’re a bunch of cheaters,” Gabriel says. “Liam, I wanted to bite you.”
“I know, babe. I know.”
So off I go to pull the curtain rod down before Michaels sees and rushes over.
“What are you doing?”
“I was told I could use anything in this room. I’m being creative, Michaels. Thinking outside the box. Look at me being the master participator, and still, you want to stomp on my enthusiasm to be the best group member I could ever be? Shame on you.”
“Shame on… you’re dismantling the room!”
“I am saving the lives of my less than desirable coworkers so that I can use them for… reasons in the future,” I declare. “And you are trying to end them. Shame. What. A. Shame.”
Alana, who had been checking on everyone like she’s a teacher making sure we’re not cheating on some pop quiz that no one cares about, arrives in front of us. “Oh wow! That is some smart thinking. You’re the only group going this route. I think you might win.”
“We might have won until Michaels came along and hurt my feelings. I would like to take a mental health day to recover from it, and I must take Gabriel with me.”
Michaels sighs, and I can see the way he just gives up. “You can use the curtain rod.”
“How kind of you,” I say before I ram it between the items so Gabriel has no hope of going anywhere. It’s pitiful and he looks lonely. So when it is our turn again, I shuffle over to him and lie down on the floor at his feet. “We have taken our turn.”
“If he’s ‘dead’ that means he can’t talk, right?” Donna asks.
“For sure,” Matthew says as he takes his foot and shoves me closer to Gabriel. “Dead men don’t speak.” And then suddenly half of the group is just pushing me closer to Gabriel.
“I will miss none of you. You all came into my life and caused me nothing but mental and physical pain every time I laid my eyes upon you. Please… don’t bother coming to my funeral,” I proclaim.
“Liam, stop being mean to your friends,” Gabriel says.
There’s that disgusting “F” word again. “They like it,” I assure him.
“I’m not certain they do. They’re literally working together for the first time, and it’s all to make sure you’re close enough that I can eat you.”
“They’ve done me proud,” I say.
Michaels just sighs loudly while Alana stands there unsure of what to say or do. And when it’s Gabriel’s turn, he kneels down, takes my arm and bites it.
“You are adorable,” I say. “Michaels, since I’m now a zombie too, may I eat my coworkers? I’ll probably skip Chris. I don’t want to get his moist tears on me.”
Gabriel clamps a hand over my mouth and gives me a look. Michaels and Alana simply leave instead of answering, so I lick Gabriel’s hand.
“Ew, no. You have no idea where this hand has been.”
“I’m very glad we get to die together,” I decide. “Cradle me as you consume my flesh.”
He raises an eyebrow. “So romantic.”
“That’s me. Liam the romantic.”
The way Jesse and Matthew cackle tells me that they don’t agree. That’s just because they’ve never loved anyone enough to buy them a house and feed them their flesh.