Chapter 16
SIXTEEN
Liam
I stare into the void and scowl.
The void stares back at me, and when I reach down, the void opens up its dark maw and snaps down.
“Um… maybe the cutie patootie just wants to stay in her carrier!” the woman says.
Her elf hat jingles every time she moves, increasing my distress.
And anyone who even has the words “cutie… cutie pa…”—hell, I can’t even think them in my mind—in their vocabulary should be banned from ever speaking again.
“She’ll be fine once she’s out,” I assure her as I debate whether or not Lucy Fur would tell Gabriel if I just flipped the carrier over and kind of… shook her out like a Tic Tac. She’s acting like I kidnapped her away from her father… which I kind of did.
With Mabel’s help, which it disgusted me to ask for, I managed to pull Gabriel away from his cat for a single afternoon where I commenced Jesse’s Christmas idea of a Satanic photo shoot.
When we arrived, Margarine oozed out of his carrier like butter and I plopped him down on the stand with ease where he is still sitting, front feet tucked under him in a way only cats can sit.
Lucy Fur, on the other hand, is living up to her name as I just commit and reach in.
She explodes, shredding my arms up and making me question if welding gloves would have been the more appropriate apparel for this adventure.
“Oh goodness me, maybe we just photograph the good one,” the woman suggests while she eyes Margarine, but Gabriel’s love lies with this demonic beast for some reason.
“No, it must be this one,” I say, carrying Lucy Fur over to where Margarine is still loafing. I plop her down as I drip blood onto her fur.
“Give me the outfit,” I instruct, prepared at this point to be the blood sacrifice Lucy Fur requires for a successful photo shoot.
“I think outfit-less would be best,” the woman says, oddly concerned about the state of my arms.
“She’s fine,” I tell her, since Lucy Fur really is acting just fine now that she’s out of the carrier. She’s a princess who is used to only Gabriel cooing her out when he hauls her back and forth between our houses with ease.
Her tail is twitching while she surveys all of the humans she will wish death upon in her dreams this evening.
I slip the little outfit on her I’d brought, knowing that she’s used to wearing clothes for Gabriel’s numerous impromptu photo shoots. Then I snap antlers on Margarine’s head and step back to let the two people do their magic.
And it better be fucking magic.
“You can, uh… get cleaned up in the bathroom back there.”
“Sure,” I say as I head back to wash the blood off my shredded arms. Then I just slap paper towels over them which are held down by the seeping wounds before I sit back and watch her helper try his absolute hardest to get either cat to play with his toy wand.
Margarine stares straight ahead with half-lidded eyes like he’s never been so bored in his life, and Lucy Fur just wishes the helper would get close enough that she could assassinate him.
“Maybe if you tossed down the blood of a virgin, she’d roll in it or something,” I say. “Do you have any of that?”
The woman bites back a laugh. “We… strangely enough don’t carry that. What about treats? Does the baby like treats?” she coos.
The “baby” would like her to get close enough to be within striking distance.
“What if Dad holds a licky for them?” she says as she holds it out to me.
I stare at it like she’s holding out a grenade she’s already pulled the pin on. Honestly, I’d prefer that.
I wad up the paper towels I’d been using to keep blood off their floor and dispose of them before taking the tube of disgustingness and proceeding to throw my life on the line. “Do you have a knife?”
“Like… a butter knife?” she asks.
“She prefers them to be sharp, but maybe she’ll be fine with a dull one,” I say.
“For the cat?”
“If I appease her blood lust, she might behave,” I comment, planning on staging her with a knife under her paw so Gabriel can see what kind of cat she really is.
“Let’s, umm… just try the licky first,” she says, so off I go to sate her hunger.
The assistant shows me how to position so that Lucy Fur is interacting without me being in the shot.
Shockingly enough, Lucy Fur is satisfied by the treat…
if not a little wild over it. Anytime Margarine looks at it, she smacks the ground in threat.
And when I try to give Margarine one, she puts a paw on his head and shoves him out of her way.
“There we go! We definitely got some cute ones. Adorable! And you have more outfits for them?”
“When I lie on my deathbed, buying cat clothes will be my biggest regret,” I inform her as I put the cats in different Christmas clothes.
It hurts my soul doing this, but Jesse was right for the first time in his life; Gabriel is going to love these.
Even if they turn out looking like trash or only show the tip of Lucille’s tail, he’ll think they’re the cutest things ever.
Then she has me put both cats on glass that she tosses treats over and slides under it to snap some more photographs of the cats that Gabriel will gush over.
After a few minutes with those, she has me disrobe the cats and then asks the most ridiculous question I’ve ever heard.
“Would you like to hold them for a picture with you in it?”
“Not in the slightest.”
“I bet the person you did this for would really like it,” she says.
I grimace as I pick Margarine up. His face reflects my own distaste. And then the two of us stare at Lucy Fur.
“You could just leave that one sitting if you’d like,” she suggests, but no, I must suffer for my one true love.
I scoop the cat up before she knows what hit her, and then while the assistant bounces around with a cat toy in an attempt to get her to look at the camera, she proceeds to whisper death threats in my ear.
Really, she needs to learn how to use stealth to assassinate her victims instead of making them aware of her displeasure. I could teach her a thing or two.
“Oh. My. Goodness. It’s adorable,” the woman says as I deposit Lucy Fur next to a bowl of treats that Margarine isn’t allowed to even look at.
The photographer comes over and shows me some of the photographs, and I have to hand it to the lady…
she somehow got that beast to look pleasant.
Like if I saw those pictures, I would think that it wasn’t Satan sitting there, but a normal feline.
She even somehow made a vicious slap at Margarine look like a pleasant play pat. This woman is clearly a wizard.
“I approve,” I state.
“Good! I will get them all tidied up… and remove the blood from her head in the first few photos… and we can pick out which ones you’d like to print, alright?”
“Yes. Can I leave the cat here?” I ask while I eye her and the carrier.
She just laughs and walks off, and when I look at the assistant, he hurries off as well. They’re not even going to stick around to watch my very own homicide take place.
I barely get Lucy Fur out of the carrier before the lights from Gabriel’s car illuminate the driveway. However, the bloody massacre that was once my arms is much harder to hide, and I question if the cat could benefit from some kitten mittens.
I dash off to the bathroom where I start washing the evidence away as Gabriel swoops in and wraps his arms around me.
My lovely human sure is fast when he wants to be.
“Hey, hon,” he says, kissing my neck. “Did you have a—what the fuck happened to your arms?”
“Oh, this? Matthew did this. I think we should fire him as a friend.”
“Matthew didn’t do this! Did Lucille do this? Why did she attack you?”
“It’s fine. She was tumbling from her cat tree and panicked. I didn’t mean to help her. My arms were just conveniently in the way, and she decided to use them to keep from plummeting to her death.”
“I’m so sorry. She’s really not very agile. I’ve seen her fall off that cat tree so many times.”
“Do you think it’s because every time she does, you dive under it and catch her so she never learns how to be agile?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about and am convinced you don’t either,” he says as he quickly opens the cabinet and pulls out the first aid kit. “I’m so sorry. I’m sure she didn’t mean to do this. She really is liking you so much more every day.”
While I want to claim she’s not, I realize that this is somehow true. She never would have let me hold her to pose for a photograph previously. And maybe if I’d cooed to her and kissed her face when I plummeted her into the carrier like Gabriel does each time, she would have responded better.
Instead, I was met with a near death experience… but it was worth it.
I just will never let Jesse know that.
I watch while Gabriel sprays some stuff on my arms before dabbing at them with gauze.
I’m almost mesmerized by it and question how much pampering I’d get if I got hurt even worse.
Why is it that the moment he turns his attention on me, I’m prepared to eat it up?
It’s like I’m addicted to it. I’ve never been one who has any interest in alcohol or drugs, but I can understand addiction now that I’ve met Gabriel.
Gabriel finishes cleaning up my arms and then kisses my hands. “I’m sorry you got hurt.”
And I want to tell him that I’m not done being pampered because I want more.
“Did you get hurt anywhere else?” he asks, as if taking note of my dilemma.
“I think my heart got hurt.”
“Yeah?” He pulls the neck of my shirt down and takes a peek. “Oh no… how will that ever recover?” He kisses what he can reach of my chest before looking up at me. “Did that help?”
“Just a little.”
Gabriel lifts my hand and kisses it. “It’s like you went off to war against a giant saber-toothed tiger.”
“I did and the tiger won.”
“Apparently. I’ll kiss away all of your pain and make it up to you,” he says as he slings his arms over my neck. “Can I make you dinner too? Would that help?”
“I already started dinner.”
“I know. I just wanted to sound like I’d actually cook for once,” he teases. “You know you can let me do some stuff occasionally?”
“But I want to pamper you.”
“You’ve pampered me plenty. Can the food sit or did you already start it?”
I lift an eyebrow. “It’s marinating and it can marinate until tomorrow if you so choose.”
“Yeah?”
“Sure can,” I say. Gabriel leans in to kiss me just as his phone begins to ring.
“Ignore it.”
“I would love to but it’s Michaels, and he only calls if it’s important.”
“Probably something about me calling in the hammer earlier,” I say, but Gabriel puts the call on speaker.