Chapter 30
THIRTY
Gabriel
“I’m so happy to be getting out of the hospital,” I say while the nurse wheels me out to where my mom’s car is waiting. Jesse and Matthew trail after me since Mom went ahead to collect the car.
“I bet you are. I’m just…” Jesse takes a deep breath. “So happy to finally be free of all of that. I can’t even tell you how happy I am.”
“Good,” I say with a smile as we reach the car.
I try to get in it, but Jesse and Matthew are both here trying to help me in.
Like… do they think my limbs no longer work?
Instead, they each grab a part of me and try to guide me inside, which makes the whole thing awkward and strange, especially when they bash their heads into each other.
“I really hope you two get your act together before you guys have kids,” I tease as I put myself the rest of the way in while they recover from head trauma.
“Ha. Ha. Funny,” Jesse says while he and Matthew get in the back seat.
Mom whips around. “You two are wanting kids? How sweet. Gabriel only wants that cat of his. He’s constantly over there coddling it and nursing it.”
“Nursing it? Mom!”
“Excuse me if you’re not, but you sure look like it when you have it over there cradled in your arms and bundled under a blanket,” she replies with a smug expression.
“Jesse only wants to nurse his tarantula,” Matthew says, sounding disappointed for some reason. Like what the fuck does he want him to nurse?
“Why did I get in this car with you guys?” Jesse asks, though their cars are at my house from where they were taking care of Lucille before my mom picked them up. I was informed that Butter is gone, which… honestly shocks me that Liam took him.
Did he grow a little bit of a heart from being with me?
It’s a possibility.
When we reach home, I get out before Jesse or Matthew can “help” again and head toward the house.
The car ride was a bit hellish, and I could feel every bump in the road even though my mom was doing her best to avoid any potholes.
Instead, I hugged the plush cat Liam must have gotten me while I slept, and wished away the pain.
I step inside and the instant Lucille hears me, she comes screaming toward me. She acts like she hasn’t seen me in weeks.
“Sweetie,” I say as I rush over to scoop her up, but before I can, Jesse does.
“You’re not allowed to pick her up, remember?” he asks, and I think Lucille is so shocked she’s momentarily frozen before she flips and flings from his arms. Somehow, he’s gotten away unscathed. “Sit down and you can hold her.”
“Right, right,” I mutter, having decided that the weight limit rules don’t apply to Lucille.
I carefully stoop down and pet her since I’m not quite sure I can ignore her all the way to the couch while she tells me all of her woes.
And I think part of the woes is that she misses Butter and Liam too, even if she won’t admit it.
I do too.
“Let me get to the couch and we can sit together,” I assure her once I stand up.
She nearly trips me as I take a step forward since she’s so eager to be rubbing against me. Then I see a letter on the table and wonder if the others have already read it. I head toward it, but Matthew just pushes it back like he might make me forget it exists.
“Give it to me.”
“No, just… fuck him. He didn’t even visit you in the hospital. He’s really pissed me off,” Matthew says.
“Yes, he did.” I lift the plush cat I’d woken up with that first day.
“It doesn’t count if you were asleep. He’s pissing me off,” Matthew grumbles. “What the fuck is wrong with him?”
“He stood outside my room on many occasions and was in the parking lot when my mom picked us up,” I say.
Honestly, he’s been there more than anyone else.
He was just refusing to show his face, but the nurses had told me more than once that he’d asked about me.
And every time I checked his location, my phone showed that he was in the hospital.
“So he’s just going to stalk you?” Mom asks.
“Why didn’t you say something about him being in the parking lot? I’d have beaten the shit out of him for being a dumbass,” Matthew says.
We all stare at Matthew, who sighs and changes it to, “I would have tried.”
“Let him have his temper tantrum,” I say as I grab the letter and head over to the couch that I sink into. But now that I have the letter, I’m not sure how to even read it. Lucille climbs onto my lap and starts making biscuits while her purrs fill up the room.
I pet her and she closes her eyes in bliss. “You’re a good baby, aren’t you?”
Instead of opening the letter, I pull out my phone and accidentally click a “There has been movement” icon that I know is just Lucille roaming the house last night.
When it opens, I realize that it’s not Lucille.
I slide it back to a couple of hours after Jesse left from feeding Lucille and click the recording.
In it, Lucille is roaming the house crying, and it breaks my heart hearing her unhappiness.
And then about fifteen minutes later, Liam enters the house.
Lucille comes running, expecting me, before seeing Liam. I assume he forgot something until I see him sit on the floor and turn to the cat.
“This is all you’re going to get,” he mutters.
She sits and watches him, her tail twitching back and forth before moving closer… and then a bit closer. She cries out her woes to him when she finally climbs onto his lap after about fifteen minutes. She just sits there looking miserable, and Liam looks just as miserable.
At some point, they move to the couch, but the two remain there in misery until about an hour before Matthew and Jesse showed up this morning. Then Liam gets up and leaves without taking anything.
Did… did he see Lucille crying and come over to comfort her?
Liam?
Of all people?
“Open the damn letter. We’re all over here dying to know what it says,” Jesse prompts, snapping me out of it.
“You didn’t already read it?” I ask in surprise.
“It felt rather rude to,” Matthew says. “We sure did stare at it, though.”
I laugh and open it.
To the man who means the world to me,
You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and the only thing that I will ever find myself caring about. But I fucked up and I can never forgive myself for that. I’ve unnecessarily put you in danger.
My credit card will always be yours. The house will be in your name only, and I will transfer a lump sum into your bank account. You deserve the world and I’m sorry I’m not the one who can give it to you.
Dramatic much?
I wish he was here so I could shake some fucking sense into him.
But he’s not.
“What’s it say?” Mom asks.
“Oh, that he’s willing to give it all to me. The house, his money, and his credit card, but that he’s not good enough for me because he put me in danger, which he didn’t.” I sigh and fold up the letter before tossing it on the end table and leaning back. “Why is he so ridiculous?”
“That’s a very good question,” Jesse says. “I’m really sorry. This is all my fault.”
I lift an eyebrow as I look at him. “It’s not. He’s just… Liam.”
“That’s a pretty good summary of him,” Matthew agrees. “There’s no one else like Liam.”
I lie down in bed and slowly reach over to the cold spot next to me. I’ve handled these last few nights alone at the hospital because I knew Liam wasn’t too far away. But tonight… tonight the loneliness settles in now that I’m home.
And it hurts.
I want to curse at him, yell at him, be mad at him, but I can’t find it in myself to do so.
From the beginning, our relationship has been this strange balancing act while I do my best to understand him and he does his best to be what I want him to be.
He’s afraid he’ll end up causing me hurt and I’m afraid I’ll lose him.
Does he think that it’s best for me to lose him now instead of after years of loving each other?
It really isn’t fair, but I can also understand why he did it.
Whether or not Liam would have turned to killing if his parents had lived is impossible to know, but losing them broke something inside of him.
The idea of losing me terrifies him… and I’m not sure if Liam has ever felt fear like this since his parents died.
His emotions aren’t like mine, and I’ve grown to understand that.
But he still seems to think that he’s dragging me down with him.
My hand digs into the spot where he sleeps.
I force myself to push those feelings of anxiety away, the ones that make me question if he truly is never going to come home. I have to push through those thoughts. I have to keep myself from wondering if this is really it.
Does he really think I’m going to let him go that easily?