Chapter 4
Donal’s luck hadn’t been the best of late, but it seemed things might be changing a wee bit in his favor.
This lass could be the answer to his as yet unsaid prayers.
She seemed to know something about bairns and was quite sympathetic to his plight.
Perhaps he could convince her to take the wee lass she held in her arms. A twinge of guilt hit him as he rose from the chair and approached Tina, but he couldn’t let that stop him.
It was what would be best for the wee one and for himself.
“What would ye name her?” he asked, inhaling an unfamiliar perfumed scent as he lowered his head so it was right next to hers.
He gazed down at the babe. He’d never paid much attention to bairns before, so it was with some surprise that he noticed how small she was.
His large hand seemed almost too big to touch her wee face, but instead he reached out one finger as he’d observed Robert doing and traced her forehead, nose and cheeks down to her sweet, wee chin.
“Hmmm … I’d have to think about it. You don’t want to name her after her mother?”
The question was laced with pity and he thought it possible to use it to his advantage. “I couldnae possibly name her after her Ma, ’twould hurt too much to say her name.” He hitched his breath as if holding back a sob.
He glanced around at the others who were all looking at him with varying degrees of disbelief. Luckily the lass hadn’t noticed.
“You poor thing,” she turned her head to see his face and he was so close her lips almost touched his. She pulled back away from him. “I’m sorry.”
“Dinnae apologize. ’Twas my fault. I was standing too close. ’Tis that I wished to see the wee bairn so content in yer arms.” The lass smiled, revealing sweet dimples. She was quite lovely.
Cailin cleared his throat and once he had Donal’s attention, shook his head at him, before speaking.
“Ye stay here with yer daughter, Donal. The rest of us have things to attend to.” Cailin turned to Ashley.
“I’ll be back for the evening meal.” He took her chin in his hand and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.
Ashley took Cailin’s hand in hers and they walked to the door followed by Dougall, Cormac and Logan.
“Ye seem quite motherly, lass.” He wasn’t lying to soften her heart. He meant it. She seemed quite at ease with the wee one, but she was a lass, of course she would be.
“I love little ones,” she replied, smiling down at the bairn. “You look like you could use a bath and some clean clothes,” she cooed to the baby.
“I’ve got some things upstairs she can wear,” Ashley said, joining them. “I’ll go get them and I’ll arrange to have some water warmed for a bath. I’ll be right back.”
Left alone with Tina and the babe, Donal turned on the charm. “So, yer Elle’s sister. Do ye sing?” he asked.
Tina rolled her eyes, he got the idea that she didn’t like that question, “Only to myself,” she said.
“The bairn may like to hear ye.” He made some funny faces at the babe and when his eyes returned to Tina’s face, she was looking at him with a mixture of pity and kindness.
“You’re going to have to give her a name. We can’t keep calling her the bairn,” she observed.
“I agree. What shall we call ye, sweetling?” Almost without thinking, he took the babe from Tina’s arms and cradled her, searching her face and wondering what name might suit her.
She smiled up at him, melting his heart as he placed his finger in her hand.
He was amazed at her strength as she pulled on it.
Of course she was strong, she was his daughter.
That thought brought an unexpected surge of pride and a tiny bit of peace to him.
This was his daughter, his responsibility and he would do his best to take care of her.
He turned his attention back to Tina, who seemed to be lost in thought.
With the right woman by his side, perhaps this very one, he could be a good Da.
Not a Da like his own had been. His had never paid much attention to Donal or his brothers and sisters.
He wanted to be a Da like Robert or the brothers.
They were strong warriors, with beautiful wives from the future.
They seemed as comfortable spending time with their bairns as a woman did and still commanded respect from the men.
Tina sat in the chair by the hearth and Donal placed the little one in her lap. She bounced her up and down on her knee until the wee lass giggled uncontrollably.
“She really is sweet and happy,” Tina said. He watched as she looked up, obviously thinking. “I’ve got it. I’ve been helping Elle come up with names for her baby when it’s born, so I’ve been looking at all the baby name books.”
He nodded, eager to hear what she would say and surprised to hear there were such things as baby name books.
“I keep thinking what a happy baby she is, but more than that when I look into her eyes, she has a wisdom there, like she’s an old soul. She knows things. What about Elena? It means shining light or bright one.”
“’Tis good,” he nodded. Tina was right. It was the perfect name for his daughter.
He squatted down in front of them, gazing into his daughter’s face.
He’d never placed much importance on names, but he could see it was crucial to give a bairn a proper name.
Tina had chosen well. “Elena … Elena McCabe.”
“Do you like it?” she asked, seeming unsure of herself. “I’m sure she’ll be a shining light in your life.”
“Aye. She will be Elena.”
“And what do you think, little Elena?” she questioned the babe.
“Mama,” Elena said.
The lass seemed startled. “Oh, my.”
“She called ye mama,” Donal said. “She thinks yer her Ma.”
“I doubt that,” Tina said.
“Mama,” Elena repeated.
“Well, that’s okay. She’ll find out soon enough I’m not her Mama.” She turned Elena to face Donal. “Who’s that?” she asked.
“Can ye say Da?” Donal asked.
Elena let loose with a stream of unrecognizable words in reply.
“Da,” Donal said again.
“Da,” she repeated.
“Aye. I’m yer Da!” She’d called him Da. After a moment of elation, he sobered. He was fooling himself. He couldn’t be her Da. He had no room in his life for a bairn or a wife.
“Is something wrong?” Tina asked.
He shook his head, sitting down across from her.
“Something is definitely wrong. This has got to be such a shock to you.”
It was, but not for the reason she thought.
“I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now. Finding out your wife is dead and her parents just leaving you with the baby out of the blue. Why would they do that?”
“She’s my bairn,” was all he could manage to muster.
“Of course. And that’s got to be why they left her, but you would think they would have stayed for a while. You know, to help you out until you could get Elena settled.”
“What will I do?” he asked, his eyes pleading with her for help.
“I don’t know,” she answered.
“Could ye help me? She seems to like ye.”
Tina’s eyes went wide and he knew he had overstepped. “I won’t be here for long.” She wouldn’t look at him and began rubbing her hands on her skirt. He needed to fix this. He was going to mess everything up. He had to fix this for Elena, for both of them.
He thought he had it all figured out, but this lass was only here for a brief visit. Her sad eyes touched his heart. He shouldn’t impose on her. He was sure she would have helped him if she were staying.
“I’m sorry.”
He sincerely believed she was. There was something about this lass. He wasn’t quite sure what it was, but he found himself drawn to her.
“’Tis my worry, nae yers,” he said. “Truly.”
“You’ll need to get settled and find someone who can help you while you’re doing whatever it is that you do around here.”
“I’m a soldier to clan MacKenzie,” he said, “and proud to be.”
“I’m sure that’s important. Are you away much? Will you need someone to live with you?”
“I’ll have to find someone to stay with her during the day and when I am out on patrol. What I need is a wife,” he said the words while silently denying them.
“You just lost your wife. It’s probably too soon to be looking for a new one,” she observed.
He winced at that and hoped she would think it was his grief. “Yer right.”
“Are there any older women in the clan who could take on a grandmotherly role?”
“I dinnae ken. I’ve never noticed.” He hadn’t. Why would he? He preferred the younger women and until now they’d seemed to prefer him. Once word got out about Sionaid, he’d be lucky if he ever found another woman to warm his bed.
Ashley returned with an armful of clothes. “Em’s outgrown these.” She handed them to Donal. “This should do her for a while. I’ve got the bath set up for her in my chamber.” She stood, hands on her hips waiting.
Tina rose. “We’ve named her Elena,” she said.
“Oh, that’s pretty,” Ashley observed.
“You should come with us, Donal. You’ll need to know how to bathe and dress her,” Ashley said.
Panic seized him. He didn’t know the first thing about bathing a bairn and Ashley knew it.
He was a warrior, and a brave one at that, but something about his wee daughter put the fear of God into him.
He felt the walls closing in around him.
He needed some air. “I’ve got some work to do.
If ye wouldnae mind, I’ll be back a little later.
” He began backing towards the entryway.
“We’ll take good care of her,” Tina said. “Say goodbye to Da.”
Donal waved to her and then realized he was leaving with the clothes he’d just been handed. “Ye’ll need these,” he said as he handed the clothes back to Ashley.
“Don’t you want to kiss her before you leave?” Tina asked.
He had a lot to learn about bairns. He had no idea you were supposed to kiss them when ye left. He bent down and gave her a tiny kiss on her soft cheek. “Goodbye, sweetling. Da will see ye later this day.”
***