Chapter 5
Iris
“Hi dear,” Aunt Josephine says before throwing her arms around me in a hug. “Are you feeling better today? You look a little green…and tired.”
My reflection in the mirror earlier told me the same thing.
I think I got like five minutes of sleep last night.
Not only were my ribs stabbing my lungs, but my mind also kept torturing me with the gory replay of Erik’s death.
At least the bruises on my face have faded enough that I could easily cover them with a layer of that stupidly expensive foundation Kaiden got me.
Of course, I can’t tell her that, so I mumble instead, “I had nightmares, and my stomach is still pissed at me for doing tequila shots with Sam.” I mean, what’s another lie to add to the growing pile, right?
I wonder when it will finally topple over and bury me under the debris.
Sympathy fills her kind brown eyes at my words when she inches back.
“I’m sorry, dear. C’mon, I’ll make you some chamomile tea, and we can start clearing the basement when you feel better.
Did you have breakfast already? I can fix you something real quick.
” She takes my clammy hand in her warm one and leads me to the kitchen.
“I already ate. Thank you for offering, though.” I pull out a chair from the table in the corner to drop down on it as Aunt Josephine busies herself, pouring water into the kettle that she settles on the stove.
“Ezekiel came around the library to ask about you. He said you missed your weekend sparring session.”
“I know, but I was too hungover to train. I swear I’m never drinking again,” I lie, yet again, but hey, at least it’s getting easier.
Sparring with Ezekiel is out of the question until my ribs heal.
One look at my weak stance would be all he needs to figure out something isn’t right.
And I can’t tell him my injuries are the result of a demon fight since the streets were still empty the last time I checked.
I might as well set myself on fire and say, Here I am, the big fat liar.
Last night was the second time I’ve missed a shift since I joined the Order—the first was when I attended the succubus party with Kaiden—and it’s killing me.
I’m lucky the demon numbers are so low; otherwise, someone from the Order would have figured it out by now.
Or they already did, and Grayson is waiting to kick my ass to the proverbial curb as we speak.
That is, if he doesn’t already suspect I was involved in his grandson’s disappearance, and if he isn’t already preparing my new home, a two-by-two meter cell at the Gomorrah Penitentiary—the prison where the Aureal Council sends all criminals against the Order to rot.
My fingers clench and unclench in my lap.
That’s what I deserve, right? After all, I killed a member of the Order.
A lightborn. Being a half-blood on top of committing the worst crime known to the Order will only add insult to injury.
I mean, they already view me as the stray Grayson picked up after my mother died.
And even if I was only defending myself, I can’t see the Council being too forgiving about what I did. Or how I did it.
Fuck.
The only good thing that came out of Erik attacking me in the dark alley behind Sin is that there were no witnesses.
Which I think was his entire MO and the reason he was never caught.
I need to find some sort of evidence against Erik to prove he killed those women and tried to kill me, too.
If I present it to the Aureal Council, maybe I’ll sway them in my favor.
Okay, Iris, you’re getting ahead of yourself. As far as you know, you’re not even a suspect yet, so stop freaking out!
The shrill cry of the water boiling snaps me out of my thoughts, and I realize Aunt Josephine was speaking to me, but her words completely flew over my head. “I didn’t quite catch that. What did you say, Auntie?” I ask.
She flaps a hand in the air before pouring the hot water over the tea bag in the cup.
I didn’t even notice her taking it out of the cupboard.
“Silly me, trying to talk over the boiling water. I said I also saw Noah, and he had that kicked-puppy look to him. He’s been moping around the compound.
” A worried look passes over her features.
“He told me he was expecting to hear from you, but you never called him back.”
Shit. I’ve had time to call him since Kaiden left to look for Adramelech in Hell, but I didn’t want to do it from the penthouse.
It somehow feels like I’m betraying Kaiden.
But if I’m being completely honest with myself…
I forgot about Noah’s existence, which is weird because he has been haunting my thoughts for the last five years.
Still, I have to set things straight with him.
I’m in love with Kaiden, and Noah doesn’t have a place in my life anymore.
I flinch when Aunt Josephine slides the steaming mug of tea before me. “Here, I hope you’ll feel better soon.” She pushes the sugar container closer and places a teaspoon next to the mug, giving me a toothless smile.
“Sorry, Auntie, I’m scatterbrained today.
I didn’t mean to be rude. I, um, I don’t know what to do about Noah yet.
I haven’t decided. I texted him and told him he could take me out on a date, and then I flaked on him because I’m still not sure if I can forgive him for ghosting me for five years, and I just…
” I drop my eyes to the floor, sighing. “I don’t know. ”
She slides her hand on top of mine. I lift my gaze to meet hers. “That’s why you really haven’t been at the compound, right? Because of Noah?”
I swallow heavily, then decide to play into yet another lie because she’s given me the perfect out. “Yeah…”
She tightens her hold on me. “I know heartbreak when I see it, Iris, and you wear it on your sleeve for the entire world to see. It’s pretty clear you’re both suffering.
And if you can’t find it within yourself to forgive Noah, maybe you should tell him and let him go once and for all.
I think it’s better this way. This uncertainty is not good—for any of you.
It will eat at your insides, and it will fester. ”
Nodding, I push up from the chair to envelop her in a hug, grateful that she’s perceiving my internal freakout over Erik’s death as heartbreak. “You’re right, Auntie. I’ll make a decision, and then I’ll let Noah know. Thank you for always being here for me.”
She frames the side of my face lovingly, a soft look in her doe-like eyes. “Of course, dear. I will always be here for you, all right?” She steps back. “Okay, well, I’ll let you drink your tea. Do you want to lie on the couch for a bit while I sort things out in the basement?”
“No, I’m fine. I was wondering if I could maybe take a look at Grandma’s books in her office.” I wait with bated breath for her answer.
The reason my question makes my insides twist is that Aunt Josephine took her parents’ death badly.
Both of my grandparents were scientists working for the Order.
They died in a massive explosion at the lab they were working at.
My mother left the Order and Ashville shortly after their funeral, so it must have felt as though she’d lost all her family in the span of a few days.
When my aunt first brought me into her house—the same one she and my mother grew up in—she strictly forbade me to go into my grandparents’ bedroom or their office. Being a curious little shit, I, of course, found the keys she’d hidden from me and ignored her wish.
I instantly regretted my decision when I stepped into their bedroom, which was eerily the same as they’d left it the day they died: bed unmade, probably because they were in a hurry, curtains skewed a little too much to the right, a solitary blue tie thrown over the gilded mirror in the corner.
Even my grandma’s hairbrush on the dresser still held strands of her hair.
The image unsettled me so much I decided not to go into the office after all.
I felt horrible for disrespecting my aunt’s grieving process—or lack thereof.
It can’t be healthy to make shrines of a dead person’s belongings.
But who am I to judge? It’s been eight years since my mother died, and I haven’t visited her grave once…
One day, Aunt Josephine decided to dust the office, which shocked me, to say the least. I didn’t enter the room until she called out for me to bring her the vacuum cleaner.
While she busied herself cleaning with the utmost care to not disturb anything from its exact place, I stared in awe at the shelves stocked full of books.
When my aunt took a break, I started rifling through them.
I didn’t recognize the language, but I knew they were mostly about fae because of the depiction of their elongated ears.
I don’t think I’m any more knowledgeable in languages today, but it doesn’t hurt to take another look.
Maybe there’s some information in there that will help Kaiden find the fae quicker.
Her eyebrows furrow. “Why?” she asks, a strained edge to her voice.
I take a moment to think about the next words that come out of my mouth so I don’t share too much.
It’s not that I don’t trust my aunt, but I would make her an accomplice if the Order finds out everything I’ve been up to lately.
She would be the first person they interrogate after me.
One future imprisoned member of our family is one too many, thank you very much.