Chapter 1 #2
I felt my body come alive with excitement as I pulled past the iron gate and began the long drive up the driveway.
It was a sensation I knew I would never lose, not as long as I knew Seth was waiting for me to come home.
It had been just eight months since I’d stolen back into his life and they’d been the best eight months of my entire fucking life.
Yeah, there’d been those few weeks early on where I’d nearly driven him away with my cruelty and lies, but Seth had been the stronger one and he’d kept coming back to me no matter how many times I’d pushed him away.
And now he was mine in every sense of the word.
My thoughts drifted back to my own proposal, though it could barely be called that since there’d been no planning or fanfare.
Hell, I hadn’t even had a ring. Nope, it hadn’t been conventional at all – just me buried deep inside of Seth’s beautiful body, his luminous eyes staring at mine as he’d clung to me, his lips parted as he’d whispered my name.
I’d watched a tear slip down his smooth cheek as I’d rolled my hips against his and I’d known.
Because how could I not want everything with the young man who still felt the emotion so keenly every time we came together?
I’d slowed my movements only long enough to lean down and kiss the tear before pulling back enough so I could see his eyes as I’d whispered, “Marry me,” to him.
He’d held my gaze for the longest time, but there hadn’t been any shock or surprise in his eyes.
No, he’d known it was coming at some point.
His faith in me was that unfailing. There’d been no tears or gasps or exclamations…
his eyes had simply held mine as he’d slowly nodded and the smallest of smiles had graced his lips.
And then his hand had come up to cup my face as our bodies had taken over our lovemaking.
It was something he knew I liked…him touching me with every part of himself.
It w as something I still couldn’t believe I’d ever thought I could go without.
We’d gotten married just a week later, both because we hadn’t wanted to wait even a moment longer than we had to, and because we’d wanted Matty and his fathers to be able to attend.
Our relationship with Hawke and Tate had strengthened a thousand times over in the months we’d continued to help them support Matty during his treatments for leukemia, but it was our connection to the little boy that had changed a lot of things for Seth and me.
Even though Hawke had only asked us to watch out for Matty early on when Hawke and Tate were in Texas to deal with Tate’s father and brother, the bond we’d formed with the child had done something to us both that I still couldn’t explain and we hadn’t wanted, or even been able, to give up our daily visits with him even after Hawke and Tate had returned.
In so many ways he’d become our son in that first week that we’d spent with him and it had been the most natural thing for us to continue to be a part of his life and he ours in the weeks and months that had followed.
Since I had already started the process of handing the reins of my group over to Memphis and Mav, it had been easy for me to commit to playing a full-time role in supporting Matty.
But Seth had been different. He’d just been in the process of fully taking on all the responsibilities that came with running a successful shipping company when Hawke had asked us to help with Matty for that week.
There’d been no issue with Seth taking the time off from work…
he hadn’t even hesitated for a second. But when Hawke and Tate had returned and settled into their new roles of co-parenting the little boy, along with Matty’s grandfather, Magnus, something in Seth had shifted.
He’d been free to go back to work on whatever schedule he’d wanted, but I’d sensed the reluctance in him to do so.
When I’d finally realized how much he’d been struggling with splitting his time between the company he felt an obligation to and the little boy he’d fallen completely in love with, I’d told him it was his right to choose one over the other.
I’d known it wouldn’t be an easy choice for him since the company was all he had left of his father, but he’d chosen Matty and had taken an extended le ave of absence from work, though he’d assured me – and likely himself – that it was just until Matty was out of the hospital.
But Matty had finally been released from the hospital this past week and Seth still seemed to be struggling with the idea of going back to work.
I slowed my car as I saw Bullet tear out of the house and run down the driveway towards me.
It was an odd little ritual we’d picked up early on and I couldn’t help but laugh at the dog’s antics as he jumped next to the driver’s side window, his barks growing louder and louder until I finally stopped the car and opened my door.
I groaned when one of the dog’s paws hit me in the nuts as he climbed over my body to sit in the passenger seat.
“Every time,” I muttered to Bullet as I pulled the door closed.
I could see Seth hovering on the steps leading up to the house as I pulled into the circular part of the driveway, and I immediately noticed his agitation.
I barely remembered to put the car in park before getting out.
I kept my eyes on Seth as I waited for Bullet to get out.
I hadn’t seen my husband looking so tense in a long time.
He didn’t look like he was about to have a panic attack though; fortunately, those had diminished early on in our relationship as he’d become more accustomed to being around larger groups of people.
“Baby,” I said softly to Seth when I reached him and took his hands in mine.
His big eyes settled on me and then he wrapped his arms around my neck.
Since he was higher up on the stairs than me, it was easy for him to settle his face against mine and I softly whispered into his ear, “Did something happen?”
Seth shook his head and just held on to me.
I ran my hands up and down his back and felt him relax somewhat.
He finally pulled back and kissed me softly.
“I just really wanted to see you,” was all he said, and then he settled his mouth on mine.
I couldn’t stifle the moan that bubbled up from my throat as his tongue slipped into my mouth and mated with mine.
When we were finally forced to come up for air, I pulled him against me again and just held him.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” I asked, since I knew there was definitely something he needed to get off his chest.
Seth nodded against my neck and then reached for my hand.
I followed him through the house and into the backyard.
Neither of us spoke as we made our way down to the beach.
Despite the cool, misty weather, Bullet darted into the water and began chasing the waves as they lapped up onto the shore.
I held on to Seth’s hand as we walked and didn’t push him to tell me what was going on.
I hadn’t ever actually seen him this nervous before, at least not since we’d gotten past our rocky beginning, and that had me on edge.
“I had lunch with Connor and Zane today,” Seth finally began after several long minutes of tense silence.
I knew he’d grown close to both men since their son had become Matty’s best friend in the past couple of months, but I didn’t comment since I also knew that wasn’t the crux of what had him so troubled.
“I drove because Connor doesn’t drive and Zane’s car was in the shop. Connor and I picked Zane up at his office. It was some kind of in-service day at Connor’s school so he didn’t have to work.”
I nodded in understanding, suspecting Seth was somewhat rambling because he was building up to whatever was bothering him.
“During lunch, Zane got a call from the hospital. Some kids he’s representing got hurt and were in the ER.”
I didn’t interrupt Seth because I was well aware that Zane Devereaux was an attorney who specialized in family law and was an advocate for kids in the judicial system.
I admired the man for the work he did because I suspected he saw the worst of the worst when it came to the most innocent of victims.
“I drove him there and Connor and I went in with him.”
When Seth didn’t speak and refused to look at me, I asked, “Did you see the kids he was talking about?”
Seth nodded and I pulled him to a stop, hating that he was still refusing to look at me.
“Were they okay?”
He finally lifted his head and said, “The little girl broke her arm. I guess some of the other kids in the group home were hassling her and her brother and she fell off a bunk bed when one of the older boys tried to grab her.”
“And her brother?” I asked .
“Not hurt…but he wouldn’t leave her side, Ronan. They just…they just kept holding on to each other like…”
Seth’s voice dropped off and I saw tears fill his eyes. “They don’t even have real names.”
I put my hand on his neck and began rubbing his cool, damp skin in the hopes of comforting him. “What do you mean?”
“Zane says neither of them have talked since they were brought in almost a week ago so no one knows their names. I guess the cops found them in an abandoned building of some kind downtown. It was just the two of them.”
“How old are they?”
“They think the girl is eight or nine and the boy is around three. The girl…she’s deaf and she won’t respond to any kind of sign language. Zane says it will make it harder to find a foster family for her, but the boy is young enough…”
Seth’s voice dropped off and I finally understood what he was struggling with.
And truth be told, I didn’t have a fucking clue how to feel about it.
We’d managed to make our way back to where we’d started our walk and I tugged Seth down to sit on the weathered log that had long ago washed up on the shore and that was often the place we just sat and talked and held on to one another when we were admiring the view of the water and mountains beyond.
I ignored the fact that the dampness of the log was seeping through my pants and pulled Seth against my side so that he wouldn’t get too chilled.
“They’re going to have to split them up,” I murmured as I gave voice to what was bothering Seth.
“I know it’s not fair to ask this, Ronan,” Seth finally said as he sat up so he could look at me. “We’ve…we’ve never talked about the future and…”
“Kids,” I finished for him.
Seth nodded and dropped his eyes. “I didn’t even know it was something I wanted until Matty.”
I tipped his face up and said, “Me neither,” I murmured as I let my thumb skirt over his jawline. “But I do,” I admitted.
A shimmer of relief spread across his features, but didn’t last long.
“They…they tried to take the little boy away from his sister when they had to cast her arm and he lost it…they both did,” Seth murmured and then he wiped at his face, presumably to dash away the tears that were threatening to fall.
“Even after they sedated her, he wouldn’t let her go…
I sat down near him and started showing him pictures of Bullet.
And then I showed him how to work the camera and use that app that lets you add funny effects to the pictures you take… ”
I nodded in understanding, hating the desperation in his voice. I knew exactly where he was heading, but I was conflicted about how I felt about it. What he was asking would literally change our entire lives.
“Can I see the pictures?” I asked when Seth’s voice dropped off again.
He dug out his phone and unlocked it and then handed it to me.
There were dozens of pictures of little body parts like a foot and a hand.
There were some of Seth too and different people in the hospital room.
Some were in weird colors and some had funny shapes added to them like an extra pair of lips or eyes.
But my eyes focused on the last picture which the boy had managed to snap of himself.
My first thought was that he was way too thin.
His tear-stained face looked gaunt and his expression hollow as he stared at the camera.
But there was a spark of something else there too…
a shadow of curiosity that I instantly wanted to see more of.
But what I really wanted to see was that slightly downturned mouth pull up into a smile.
Except there were no pictures like that.
Not one.
“If we do this, it won’t be easy,” I said as I handed Seth his phone.
Seth nodded. “I…I can’t explain it, Ronan, but I just…
walking out of there and leaving them behind - it hurt in a way I can’t explain,” Seth murmured as his hand went to his chest and began rubbing back and forth.
I had no doubt he was thinking about the night he’d lost his parents and what had remained of his idyllic childhood.
“I know it will change everything, but I don’t want it to change what we have… ”
I knew what he was talking about and I realized he wasn’t taking this whole thing lightly.
Yes, he was clearly emotionally invested, but he’d also been thinking about more than just the immediate need to protect the kids.
I clasped my hand around the back of his neck as I shifted my body so I was straddling the log.
I drew him forward until our lips met, but I kept the kiss brief.
“Nothing will ever change what we have. We may be tested by whatever the future brings, but we won’t be changed by it, do you hear me? We’re in this together until the end.”
Seth turned his head to kiss my palm and then he practically crawled into my lap. He put his forehead against mine and whispered, “I wake up every morning thanking God for bringing you back into my life.”
“I wake up every morning thanking you for not letting me walk out of it again,” I said softly and then I kissed him.
And I kept kissing him until the damp chill of the evening air began to settle around us.
I once again took his hand in mine as we began walking back towards the house, Bullet now walking sedately next to us.
And I couldn’t help but think how different things would look if there were five of us instead of three.
A quick glance at Seth showed he was thinking the same thing and I knew then that I’d do my best to make things right by those kids.
I’d do it for them and for Seth…and for me.