Chapter 12
Mav
I had the door open as soon as I saw the headlights flash across the window.
The first words out of Jace’s mouth when he crossed over the threshold were, “Where is he?” The worry in his voice was enough to answer the question that had been nagging me from the moment Jace had told me he was on his way.
“He’s resting,” I said and as Jace made a move to pass me, I grabbed his arm to stop him.
“We need to talk before you see him,” I said.
Jace’s hard eyes lifted to mine, but he nodded and followed me into the small den that was just off the entryway.
Eli was actually using the space to study so there wasn’t any furniture besides a desk, a chair and some bookshelves.
But I wasn’t in the mood to sit and from the agitation that was rolling off of Jace in waves, I knew he wasn’t either.
“What happened?” Jace asked.
“I need to ask you the same thing,” I said quietly.
“What do you mean?”
“Last summer after you got him out of the hospital, you were alone with him for nearly two days.”
Jace stiffened and his already dark eyes went black with anger. “ Is that what you think of me, Mav?” he asked. “You think I’d take advantage of a traumatized seventeen-year-old kid?”
“I don’t want to believe it, but whatever attachment he’s formed with you apparently hasn’t eased even a little since you left nearly six months ago.”
“Fuck you, Mav,” Jace snapped and then he was reaching for the door handle. But I slammed my hand against the door to keep it closed.
“The cops found him standing on a bridge that is apparently some kind of fucking magnet for jumpers.”
Jace’s reaction was similar to what mine had been at the police station.
Utter disbelief.
“Now tell me what the fuck is going on between you two,” I demanded. “Because we haven’t been able to get more than a few words out of him at a time and today he’s suddenly demanding to talk to you and only you.”
“Nothing fucking happened, Mav!” Jace bit out.
“Yeah, the kid’s got some kind of hero worship thing going on because I got him out of that hospital, but that’s it.
I thought the sooner I left, the sooner his life would start to go back to normal again…
even though I guess it never really was normal with what that fucker was doing to him. ”
“There has to be more than that!” I said in frustration.
“There isn’t! Think about it, Mav. He watched his brother die at his father’s own hand after being victimized by the man for most of his life. His mother was gone; Eli was gone…he had no one! So yeah, he latched on to me! He would have done it with anyone, though.”
“So you don’t have feelings for him?”
Jace opened his mouth to answer, but then snapped it shut.
“Jesus, Jace,” I muttered.
“Nothing happened, Mav,” he bit out. “Yeah, I felt sorry for him and I wanted to help him, but that was it. I never touched him…not the way you’re thinking.”
“What did you do? ”
Jace turned away from me and began pacing and I was reminded of Caleb’s behavior earlier in the day.
“I held him,” Jace finally said. “But that’s it.
” He stopped and looked at me. “You should have seen him, Mav. He couldn’t fucking sleep.
He couldn’t stop shaking. He kept whispering how cold he felt.
So yeah, I held him while he slept. I comforted him when he needed it. But that’s it.”
The normally cool and detached Jace’s voice was full of emotion so I knew that wasn’t ‘just it.’ But I did believe that Jace was telling the truth about not doing anything inappropriate with Caleb physically.
“I did what I was supposed to do and got him back here,” Jace murmured. “And I left as soon as I knew he was safe.”
I didn’t respond because it actually seemed like Jace was trying to convince himself rather than me that he’d done the right thing by Caleb.
“Have you talked to him since then?”
Jace shook his head. “He wanted my number, but I didn’t give it to him…I knew he was getting too attached to me.”
“We need to know if he was really considering hurting himself today, Jace,” I finally said.
“Eli and I want to bring him here to live with us so I can keep an eye on him, but we need to know what we’re dealing with.
He’s refusing any kind of therapy and he’s skipped so much school that he’ll probably have to be held back a year. And with his father’s trial coming up…”
Jace nodded. “I’ll talk to him.”
I nodded and opened the door and led Jace to Caleb’s room. Caleb was lying on the bed and Eli was sitting on the small armchair we’d put in the room to serve as a place for guests to put their luggage. Baby was lying on the bed next to Caleb.
“Caleb, Jace is here,” I said softly and I saw Caleb slowly turn his head to look over his shoulder at us.
Tears flooded his eyes as he sat up and then he was climbing unsteadily to his feet.
He really did look different from the young man we’d met the previous summer.
His hair had gotten long and messy and he’d lost a lot of weight.
Dark circles under his eyes overshadowed his gaunt face.
God, how had we all missed how quickly the young man had spiraled downward?
Why had we been content to believe he’d get better on his own?
“Jace?” Caleb whispered and then a harsh sob tore free of his throat and he walked into Jace’s embrace.
Eli came to me and I took his hand and led him from the room, shutting the door behind us so Jace and Caleb could have some privacy.
I knew Jace wouldn’t take advantage of Caleb…
I wasn’t proud of the fact that I’d mentally gone there even for a little while, but Jace’s behavior in the den had convinced me how much he cared about the young man.
I led Eli to the living room and we sat down on the couch and just held on to each other for a while.
An hour passed without a peep from Caleb’s room so Eli and I kept ourselves busy wrapping the many presents we’d ended up ordering online for Christmas.
Between his family and mine, we hadn’t even gotten halfway through the pile when we heard Caleb’s door open.
Jace led Caleb into the living room and sat down with him on the couch. Their hands were intertwined and it looked like Caleb was holding on to Jace so hard that his fingers had actually gone bloodless.
The scene was eerily reminiscent of the day we’d met up with Caleb and Jace at the motel in the mountains of West Virginia. Caleb looked a little more relaxed despite the way he was clinging to Jace.
“I didn’t go to the bridge to hurt myself,” Caleb murmured. His eyes searched out Eli’s. “I swear.”
Eli nodded.
“This kid at school has a brother who works at a liquor store near the bridge. He sells to underage kids. After I paid him the fifty bucks he charges plus the cost of the alcohol, I didn’t have any money left for a cab to get back home so I just started walking.”
“The police officer who picked you up said you seemed to hesitate when he ordered you to step away from the side.”
Caleb swallowed hard and glanced at Jace.
“I wasn’t thinking about jumping…I was thinking about when I was a kid and me and my mom and Nick would rent one of those paddle boats on a nice da y and paddle around Lake Union.
For the first time in a really long time, things in my head didn’t seem so loud and I just wanted to hang on to that for as long as I could. ”
“Caleb,” Eli whispered. “Please tell us how we can help you.” I tightened my hand on Eli’s because I could hear the raw pain and desperation in his voice.
“I don’t know,” Caleb whispered hoarsely. “I feel like I’m trapped in the dark and every once in a while, there’s a flash of light, but all I see is Nick…and Dad. I hate him so much, Eli…but I miss him too. It’s so…fucked up,” Caleb said dejectedly.
Eli got up and moved to the couch to sit on Caleb’s other side.
“It’s not, Caleb,” he said softly. He was careful not to touch his brother.
“I hate him for what he did to me…to us, but I still miss the fun stuff we did together…like going to baseball games or the movies or when he told me I could call him ‘Dad.’ I couldn’t make sense of how I could still love someone who did those things to me.
” Eli finally reached up to gently push Caleb’s hair off his face.
“But talking to someone helped me make sense of those feelings.”
Caleb nodded and wiped at the tears that had started to fall from his eyes. “Okay, I’ll try…but I don’t want anyone else there.”
Eli nodded. “Okay,” he agreed. “Mav and I were talking and we were thinking you might want to come stay with us for a while.”
Caleb’s eyes shifted briefly to me and then Jace. Caleb nodded again, but didn’t say anything else.
“Caleb and I were talking about the wedding this weekend,” Jace said.
I knew he was talking about Hawke and Tate’s wedding which was scheduled to take place at Seth and Ronan’s house on Whidbey Island.
“He wasn’t sure he wanted to be around all those people so I was thinking he and I could explore the city a bit… maybe he can show me around.”
I’d been torn about what we were going to do in terms of the wedding because I knew it wouldn’t be a good environment for Caleb.
He clearly wasn’t in any shape to interact with both of our extended families.
I’d already been planning to stay home with Caleb, but Jace was providing something I knew Caleb needed.
Peace .
Even if it was only for a day. And for whatever reason, being around Jace seemed to bring him peace like nothing else had.
“I think that’s a good idea,” I said. Caleb’s eyes actually widened and I saw a sliver of hope in them and I knew I’d made the right choice.
I’d told Eli about what Jace had said to me in the den and I knew he agreed with me that Jace wouldn’t take advantage of Caleb.
“Can I convince you to stay here at the house with us?” I asked. “The couch pulls out.”
Jace nodded. “I’d appreciate that.”
I suspected that between Caleb’s exhaustion and Jace’s comments that he’d held Caleb the previous summer at the motel so the young man could sleep, that Jace wouldn’t be spending any time on the couch, but I wasn’t about to tell the seventeen-year-old he could sleep with the man he was infatuated with.
I was putting my faith in Jace that he wouldn’t let things go any further than sleeping.
“Eli and I were planning on decorating our tree tonight,” I said as I motioned to the Christmas tree Eli and I had finally managed to pick out a few days earlier. “You guys up for helping?” I asked.
Caleb sucked in a deep breath and I saw his grip on Jace finally ease. He looked at Eli and said, “I’d like that.”