Chapter 6
Brooklyn
R yan slept cutely.
I found her on the pullout sofa bed, lying on her side, hair sprawled around her in a mess, with her hands curled together in front of her face, like a little kitten, breathing softly in her sleep. The morning sunlight was soft and warm through the slat blinds, and I dropped onto the coffee table, nudging her shoulder.
“Just a minute,” she murmured.
“It’s seven. You asked me to wake you up now.”
“Who?” She turned bleary-eyed, focusing on me and blinking fast to clear away the haze, looking at me like a near-stranger she recognized vaguely from years ago. I laughed. She was so cool, so in control, that it was cute seeing her a little sloppy like this.
“Do you want me to put on some coffee? I usually do a crappy little flat white with instant espresso and microwaved milk and a little handheld frother, but I don’t know if maybe you have standards.”
“Brooklyn…” She covered a yawn with both hands, sitting up slowly, stretching her arms out over her head. She had a monogrammed silk pajama set, the whole deal, RB there in flowing cursive letters above the breast pocket, a dusty mauve color that matched her clean, simple manicure, and it looked cute with the juxtaposition of the way she looked like a sleepy puppy waking up from too long a nap. “What time is it?” she mumbled, and I bit back a laugh.
“Seven.”
“You just told me…”
“I wasn’t about to bring that up.”
She laughed, rubbing her eyes. “Sorry. I’m slow in the mornings. I would love coffee… would you mind?”
“Not in the slightest. What do you want to do for breakfast?”
“Mm… my family will be mad if I’m not around for breakfast plans, so I have to go face the music…” She stood up slowly, yawning into her hands, scrunching up her face as she did, and I stood up with her.
“Can’t go facing the music on a totally empty stomach. Let’s do a little something small just so you don’t get hangry dealing with your family in this state.”
“Thanks, Brooklyn. I’m looking forward to falling off a rock wall and somehow considering that to be repayment for this.”
I grinned, turning back to the kitchen and grabbing the milk from the fridge, turning on the electric kettle. “You’re probably going to pick it up quickly. You seem like a quick study.”
“I’m a pretty quick study in the arts and humanities. Science, I can do okay. PE was never my subject.”
“Let me guess, you had a bad teacher.”
“Not relevant. I’ve got a much better one now. Where’s your bathroom? I probably look like a poodle that went through the dryer.”
“You look cute. The bathroom is down the hall on the left.”
She shook her head, rolling her eyes with a little smile to herself. “ Cute means you look like a mess and I think it’s funny, but I’ll still take the compliment. Do you mind if I take a really quick shower?”
“Not at all. Set out the white towels on the shelf for you.”
“You’re a good host… do this often?”
“I’ve got my work friends here, and the terrace and pizza oven here make the place popular for hangouts, so—not my first time with a friend crashing for the night. If I were a better host, I’d have spritzed the towels down with lavender and set out a bedspread for you with turndown service and everything, but as it is, I’m at least making you food, so that’s gotta count for something.”
She laughed. Seemed to be doing better today, which was a load off my mind. “I’ll consider forgiving the oversight of a little fancy chocolate left on the turned down sheet corner. Thanks, Brooklyn. I’ll be just a minute.”
I changed gears and made my coffee first, popping some protein pancakes from the freezer into the oven to warm up, and all was well until there was a knock at the door, and I realized I hadn’t checked my phone all morning, just thinking of Ryan. I smoothed out my hair and made sure my clothes didn’t look like a mess before I opened the door, the morning air warm and damp with dew on the other side, golden morning sunlight spilling down over where Allison stood on my stoop with a sheepish smile.
“Hey,” she said. I put my hands on my hips.
“I fed you last night, and you already want me to feed you again? Little baby bird over here.”
“I’m not even harassing you for food this time! I left my work jacket here last night… it’s got my name badge in it.”
“Oh yeah.” I’d found it there, draped over the back of the patio chair, but I’d forgotten all about it with Ryan showing up. I stepped back out of the doorway. “Well, you’re here now, so do you want coffee?”
“I mean, it’s not like I’d mind.”
“So coached, so polite. Your jacket’s hanging by the back door.” I went back to the kitchen, and she took her shoes off in the entry.
“Who’s here? I don’t recognize the car.”
“Ah… that’d be Ryan Bell. She’s in the shower right now.”
She perked up, looking at me. “Ryan? She stayed the night?”
“Mm-hm. Apparently things didn’t go well with the breakup conversation, and she spent the night here instead. I was making her breakfast before the hobo down the street barged in.”
“I am not a hobo!” she laughed, hands on her hips. “Honestly, I wonder why I’m even friends with you. Aside from the pizza oven.”
“And my irresistible charm.”
“I didn’t say that.” She dropped into a seat at the kitchen table, leaning in, folding her arms on the wood surface. “So, how’d it go? She doing okay?”
“Doing as well as can be… she’s shaken up, understandably, but she seems to be moving into the fuck that guy phase pretty readily, which is a sign of good progress.”
She relaxed. “That’s a relief… I wouldn’t be able to blame her if she hadn’t.”
No doubt it was doubly loaded for Allison, who wanted to believe a person could live after being cheated on. She’d made a commitment to tell that girl about the girlfriend cheating, and although I could see it in her eyes that she hadn’t yet, I believed her. She was a good kid—always got around to the right thing in the end.
Even if I wasn’t sure she’d ever get a girlfriend, at the rate she was going. Girl saw one pretty woman who might have been queer and locked up, never managing a word.
“She’s going rock-climbing with me, too,” I said, taking a pitcher of milk from the microwave and frothing it, and I could barely hear Allison’s voice over the sound of it.
“What? Did you bully her into it too, or did you finally find the rock-climbing partner of your dreams?”
“The former. She’s never done it before.”
“Oh, nice. I want to go at the same time she’s going so that I’m not the most clueless one there. So, what? Is she gay too? You’re not usually inviting a girl so readily unless she’s gay and you think she’s cute.”
“For god’s sake, Allison, I’m not hitting on Ryan,” I said, turning off the frother and pouring the milk into three mugs. “As for whether she’s gay… I didn’t ask,” I said, which was technically true. She hadn’t seemed quite ready to talk about whatever she was, beyond sidling crabwise into saying she wasn’t straight—she struck me as the type who was repressed and got embarrassed talking about sexuality, but from the nervous way she’d brought it up, she wanted me to know she was queer. Not in that she was flirting with me, I imagined, but in that she knew I was queer and wanted to share that she was with somebody.
Allison squinted at me. “You’re thinking really deeply about it.”
“I’m trying to remember when you work today,” I lied. “Didn’t you say it was eight? You’re going to be late.”
“I start at noon today.”
“Oh. I’m probably thinking of some other front desk girl I like better.”
“Okay, rude,” she laughed as I slid the mugs onto the table, and right on time, because that was when the bathroom door opened, and I heard Ryan’s footsteps padding softly down the hall before she spoke.
“Hi, Allison,” she said, coming around the corner, wearing the shirt and pants she’d had on yesterday, her hair damp over her shoulders. “Am I ever glad to not be the only one harassing Brooklyn for food right now.”
Allison sat up taller. “Oh my god, not you too. I came here because I forgot my name badge!”
Ryan smiled flawlessly at Allison’s coffee and back at her. “That doesn’t look much like a name badge, now, does it?”
Allison rolled her eyes, giving me a tired smile. “You found someone as bad as you are…”
“Did you have a nice shower?” I laughed, pulling out a seat for Ryan, and she sat gracefully, clearly a little more with it now after some sleep and a shower.
“It was lovely. The bathroom is so pretty here.”
“Ah, thanks. I did the tiling and everything myself.”
Allison scrunched up her face at Ryan. “Don’t compliment her too much… she already has too much of an ego.”
Ryan cupped her coffee in both hands, relaxing in the chair. “I’m nothing if not an enabler. It’s the least I can do to thank her for this.”
Allison softened. “You feeling all right…?”
Ryan shrugged as I turned back to the oven, pulling out the food, and I heard her voice quietly. “I’m feeling… whatever I’m feeling. It’s a strange sensation, honestly. I’m not sure how to put it into words. Not sad, not angry, just… detached.”
“I’m sorry about all this,” Allison said, and Ryan sighed.
“Thank you. I’m just grateful you and Brooklyn have both been so good to me. Brooklyn likes to spoil people a little, huh?”
I plated up the pancakes with some strawberry jam and a little clotted cream, bringing them over to the table. “Compliment me more, please,” I said, and Ryan nudged my side.
“I appreciate somebody who communicates their wants and needs clearly. So for a compliment… this looks delicious.”
Allison arched an eyebrow, and I didn’t need the commentary. She was probably going to interpret the exchange as flirting… I couldn’t argue there was an energy between me and Ryan, but she’d just dumped her cheating boyfriend, and I wasn’t going to make a move on her.
I also wasn’t going to say no if she made a move on me, to be clear.
“See?” I said, looking back at Allison. “Complimenting me is that easy. Thanks, Ryan.”
Allison laughed, rolling her eyes. “You just spoil someone because you want to hear them say nice things about you.”
“Well,” Ryan said, as I slid into the seat next to her, “if so, then she’s doing well spoiling us both. She tells me she took you under her wing too so she can make fun of you for not knowing how to talk to girls.”
I suppressed a snort, and Allison’s jaw dropped, shooting me a look. “Oh my god, is that the kind of thing you tell people about me when I’m not around?”
I put my hands up. “Hey, to be fair—it’s also what I tell people about you when you are around.”
“Okay, touché, asshole,” Allison laughed, rounding on Ryan again with zero subtlety. “Okay, so, does that mean you’re gay too? Brooklyn didn’t answer and told me to ask you.”
Ryan tensed up, just a little bit, a blank look on her face. I gave Allison a polite smile. “She just now broke up with her boyfriend. You can wait a minute before trying to hit on her.”
“Ew—I’m not hitting on her.”
Ryan spoke through a light smile. “Oh, so I’m ew, am I?”
Allison made a face at her. “What, do you want me to hit on you?”
“Hm.” Ryan sipped her coffee pointedly. “You’re not exactly my type.”
Allison laughed. “Because I’m a girl, or because of everything else?”
I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Allison, have you ever met subtlety?”
Ryan looked away. “You just seem a bit young…”
“Yeah, just hanging out with the old fossils. So, what, you like an older woman?”
Ryan blushed, looking down at her coffee with an awkward expression. She was so cool and calm about absolutely everything else that it was kind of adorable seeing the way she got embarrassed and shy when it came to her sexuality, and I was about to cut in trying to save her when she said, “I, uh, I don’t know… I think I just prefer to date around my age. That’s probably a boring answer.”
Allison smiled wider. “So, other fifty-year-old ladies?”
“Excuse you,” Ryan laughed. “I’m twenty-six, thank you very much!”
Allison tried to suppress her smile, which only made it stand out more. “Oh, same age as Brooklyn,” she said, her voice just a little pointed, and I kicked her foot under the table. She made a face. “Ow. What are you kicking me for?”
“Because you sprawl all over the floor under the table like you’re doing an interpretive dance while you eat. Be normal,” I laughed.
Allison stuck out her tongue at me before turning back to Ryan. “So, what else did BB tell you about me?”
“That…” She speared a forkful of food, casting her eyes up to the ceiling. “That she bullies you into going rock climbing even though you hate it with every fiber of your being.”
“Okay, yup. I hear you’re going next time so I don’t have to suck the worst of everyone there.”
Ryan smiled wider. “Just because I’m new doesn’t mean I’ll be the worst at it.”
Oh, this girl was good. Shame I only got her for a week. I’d have loved to keep her around if for nothing else than to tag-team to drag Allison.
Allison scowled. “Oh, so now you’re going to try beating me at rock-climbing. Maybe I don’t even want to go! Maybe I’m revoking my offer to go. Ugh, Brooklyn wouldn’t even be mad, she’s got someone else to go with now.”
Ryan laughed, shaking her head, eyes gleaming. “I’d be mad. I’m looking forward to going with you. I want to see if I’m worse than you are.”
I shook my head. “You’re sounding a bit more confident about it than you were a minute ago, Miss Bell,” I said, and she grinned.
“I get a little competitive, maybe.”
Allison rolled her eyes. “You really are going to bring out the worst in BB.”
It was a relief how easily she fit into the dynamic between me and Allison, teasing barbs flying every which way and laughing together, and Allison seemed perfectly taken with her, which, well—it was easy to like Ryan, especially once she got onto the subject of her work. Not just that she had a cool job, but the clear passion she had for it, the way it made her eyes light up, and there was something especially about the way she talked about the people she would meet in the work.
Couldn’t work out at first what it was, but it got clearer as the conversation went on, and I think I’d figured it out once we were clearing up and Ryan was getting ready to leave. There was something about the way she looked at people, talked at people, thought about people—the most random encounters with people, fleeting insights into people’s lives, a few minutes of conversation revealing years and years of lifetimes, and the way Ryan saw it all, it was like she saw every person out there as a masterpiece. Like each person she had the briefest encounter with was a work of art, a transformational piece that changed her life a little to work with each one, whether victims of terrible situations, people who devoted their lives or just a chapter of their lives to helping people, or the people who devoted themselves to justice in the wake of it. She talked about all of them with equal reverence, and I guess there wasn’t much more beautiful than a person who saw beauty in everyone.
Even when she got betrayed by the person she should have been able to trust most, she still clearly thought people were good. And I guess I was a sucker for that, enough that Allison saw right through me, because she cornered me the second Ryan was out of the building to go confront her family, and she folded her arms, giving me a sly smile.
“So, she’s cool, huh?”
I wasn’t an idiot. Not about what she was getting at, nor about the fact that she was right. “Yes, she is cool,” I said. “And yes, I do find her attractive. That doesn’t mean anything. You know the situation.”
She dropped her arms by her sides with a huff. “She’s interested in you, you know.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Oh, you’ve decided that, have you?”
“It’s not like she’s hung up on that dickwad. I think she’s more than happy to move on and forget about him entirely.”
“And… I should be the one to help her forget, I assume is what you’re getting at.”
She put her hands up. “What? Did you see the little looks she kept giving you out of the corner of her eye?”
I kind of hadn’t. I wondered if that did mean anything. Ryan was gorgeous, charming, fun to be around. And I guess rebounding from a bad breakup with a little fling wasn’t uncommon, but it felt a little… loaded when it was potentially a fling with the person your boyfriend had tried to cheat on you with.
I sighed. “Look, if she makes a move, I’m not turning her down. But I’m not making the first move on her.”
“Okay, okay. I guess I wouldn’t, either, in your situation. It probably feels a little weird. But just… let her know that you’re available. I bet it’d help her anyway.”
I laughed, giving her a weird look, my hands on my hips. “You, Allison Holt, are telling me to have more casual flings. Did the world start turning backwards overnight?”
She took a long breath, and she puffed out her chest, standing a little taller. “I’m gonna try it.”
I paused. “With Ryan? I think she’s already said she’s not interested.”
“Not with Ryan. Oh my god.” She shook her head. “Just… while I’m here this summer. I want to try doing something casual with someone.”
I relaxed, leaning back against the counter, kicking one foot up over the other, studying her. She looked serious about this, like her heart was really in it. “Yeah? Decided to be just like your role model Brooklyn Sterling?”
“Not in a million years. I don’t think I’d do it as a regular thing. But I want to do it at least… at least once. Just to know. Plus, like you said, it’s just… putting so much pressure on myself to get everything perfect… it’s, like, suffocating.”
“Proud of you.”
“Ew.”
“I know you hate me saying so, but, it probably isn’t for me, but I want to go in with an open mind and see what it can show me about myself, that’s a pretty mature mindset.”
She rolled her eyes, but I could see her little smile even if she tried to hide it. “Yeah, yeah. I think I also just want to see if I… can.”
“Like, if you can handle doing casual without getting serious about it?”
“No, just… just, like…” She shoved her hands in her pockets, shrugging, looking down. “I dunno. I just feel like I’m, like, fat and ugly and I have a whiny, annoying personality. Casual dating feels like something you can pull when you’re hot.”
I paused. “So, all the times you’re talking about me sleeping all around the place, secretly you’re just telling me I’m devastatingly hot.”
“That isn’t what I said.”
“Plenty of girls would love to have you,” I laughed. “I mean, c’mon. Look at your little dimples. Girls will go wild. We’ll get you a hot date before the week is out.”
“The week? ” She raised her eyebrows. “I said before the summer ends.”
“Shoot for the moon, and all that.”
“How many gay girls do you even think are out here right now, anyway?”
I laughed, dropping into a seat, kicking one leg up over the other. “Oh, Allison. The things I could tell you. During tourist season? A whole hell of a lot. Not all of them are open about it.”
She wrinkled her nose. “I’m not sleeping with a closet case here with a husband.”
“Oh, it’s usually the gal pal bunches anyway. Like that sorority group that came through earlier—all of that aggressive heterosexual energy, someone there is just performing it. I guarantee you at least one of them masturbates to lesbian erotica and keeps it a secret.”
Allison hit me with the last thing I’d have ever expected—something I’d never have landed on if I’d had my whole life to sit here and guess things she might say—which was that she thought about it for a second and said, “Yeah, I’d do it.”
I’d always thought Allison was all shy and proper about girls. Maybe underneath all the insecurities, there was a very different girl there.
Or maybe this was just her trying things out while on vacation to see what would happen. Only one way to find out.
“Then I’m on it,” I said. “We’ll find you a girl. Possibly one who needs a little awakening.”
Allison blushed, but she played it cool, nodding. “Cool, yeah, works for me,” she said. “Just don’t expect this to become a thing.”
“Genuinely no idea what to expect right now. Can’t wait to find out.”
Guess everything was always up in the air. This would be a hell of a week.