Chapter 13
Ryan
I buried my face in the pillow when Brooklyn stirred me, curling up on the far side of her bed.
“Ryan,” she laughed, leaning over the bed to jostle my shoulder. “I made breakfast. Are you planning on getting up, or just suffocating yourself?”
“Ugh…” I rolled to face her, even though I couldn’t bring myself to look her in the eye right now—tried my best and immediately found myself staring at the bedsheets. “Thanks. I mean, for the breakfast. You didn’t have to do that.”
She stared at me for a second before she eased herself onto the bed next to me, laying a hand softly on my side. “Talk to me,” she said lightly. “What’s wrong?”
I laughed awkwardly, sitting up with her. I’d gone to bed wearing one of her shirts, a cozy henley that had felt like a good decision at the time—and probably was a better decision than going to bed naked—but really? Sleeping in her clothes, too?
“I am… very sorry for last night,” I mumbled, fidgeting my hands together. Brooklyn leaned into my field of vision, eyebrows raised high.
“Did you not want it?”
“What—” I shot her an incredulous look. “Brooklyn, you’re a smart woman. I think you could tell I was into it.”
She tried to suppress a smile, keep a serious expression on. That little self-satisfied smile of yeah I made you come four times and you loved it —I didn’t know why it was a turn-on, but it was, inconveniently enough. “What’s the problem, then?”
“I just, uh—” I cleared my throat. “I don’t know what got into me. I swear I’m not normally like that.”
She stared for a second before her expression cracked, breaking out into a big, brilliant smile. “Like what, horny?”
I cleared my throat harder. “I mean, I’ve been aroused before. I’ve had sex. Just, you know…”
“Not usually demanding someone get you off in a car, interrupting someone to go down on them until they come without even getting their pants off, begging to get—”
“ Brooklyn. ” I slumped down in the bed, covering my face with a pillow. She laughed, pulling it away.
“That was the hottest thing in my life,” she laughed. “I like sex. A lot. I’m not… judging you for being really into it. It’s actually enough of a turn-on that I really wanted to get myself off this morning thinking about it, but I didn’t want to wake you up and I thought you might want breakfast…”
I was not prepared for the way my whole body reacted to the idea—the thought of Brooklyn touching herself thinking about me, I felt a shudder that left me tingly out to my fingertips, and I couldn’t get the image out of my head.
Jesus Christ, though, she was so hot I felt like I was losing my mind. Even just now, in a casual loose white tee and sweatpants, tattoos on her arms standing out against the simple outfit, messy hair, she was like sex incarnate, the way she casually oozed desire, owning it simply. You’re hot, I enjoy sex with you, and I wanted to get off thinking about you. Was it that simple to win me over?
“You’re having a moment with that thought,” Brooklyn teased, and I huffed, looking away.
“Look, if I managed to get into bed with you, the whole thing is going to take me a moment to process.”
She laughed, and she was quiet for a second before she said, “Ryan?”
“Yeah?” I turned to look at her, which was a mistake—or a very good idea—because she met my eyes, held my gaze, and slowly, deliberately, she slipped a hand under the blanket and placed it on my bare thigh, just below the hem of my shirt. I felt all my thoughts wash away like a waterfall all at once, replaced just with the sensation of her fingertips on my inner thigh, and she gave me a small, loaded smile.
“I like when you get turned on,” she whispered. “The more the better, honestly… I’m not expecting to get anywhere near my fill of you.”
“Brooklyn—do not—if you keep your hand there for one more second I’m not making it to breakfast.”
She licked her lips, looking down, and slowly, back up, keeping her hand there for more than one more second, before she said in a low murmur, “Breakfast can reheat,” and she ran her fingertips higher, up to the edge of my underwear, teasing just a hair’s breadth underneath, and I was gone.
It was quick, maybe fifteen minutes later that we collapsed together, Brooklyn breathing hard underneath me as I let myself indulge in resting on her firm musculature, our legs tangled, Brooklyn’s clean hand running through my hair, the two of us laughing breathlessly. She pressed a kiss to my forehead, and I felt so stupidly, ridiculously happy here like this—like I never wanted to leave this bed, never wanted to stop having morning quickies with Brooklyn and getting cuddles and kisses. Oxytocin releases from sex forming bonding feelings. Also that she was sexy as hell.
“Are you sure you’ve never been with a girl?” Brooklyn laughed, and I shrugged.
“Call me a natural.”
She caressed her fingertips down the length of my spine, sending tingling feelings through my body. “I will call you just that. I could absolutely get addicted to you… I’m glad I waited instead of getting off myself.”
I could not believe I was saying this in the full light of rational thinking, well outside the sex haze clouding my thinking, but I said, “I mean, if you want that again another time, you can just wake me up…”
She laughed. “You say that now, but getting woken up for sex is a little less fun than it sounds. It’s still getting woken up before you want to get up.”
“It’s sex with you. Are you kidding?” I propped up to give her an incredulous look, fighting down laughter. “I really did decide to give women a try and just… went and picked out… the single hottest one alive.”
She gave me a long, languid smile. “I think I’m just your type, Ryan.”
“I could hardly believe anyone not… having you as their type.” I buried my face against her collar again. “I don’t think sex has ever felt like… anywhere close to…”
“Is this you realizing you’re actually a lesbian, or realizing you’ve just been settling for some pretty shitty men?”
I snorted. “Hey, you almost went for it with one of the men I’ve dated.”
I saw the glint of caution in her eyes, but apparently she got the appropriate read that I was well and truly over that asshole, because she relaxed. “Honestly, I’ve slept with a lot of people who aren’t good in bed. Sometimes they get you with being attractive and then they disappoint you. I get the feeling Shane would have been a disappointment, judging by how you’re losing it over having someone make you feel good.”
I laughed, burying my face against her to hide the blush. “I don’t think I’m a lesbian… I might, uh, like women more than I realized, though. But I think the main thing is just that you’re literally the hottest woman alive.”
“So…” She brushed my hair back from my face. “Not to get too presumptive, but if I’m the hottest woman alive in your mind, any chance that means we can keep doing this? Because you are not one-and-done material.”
Brooklyn Sterling actually thought I was hot. To think Shane used to say I was plain, told me when I was breaking up with him that I didn’t deserve him anyway, when Brooklyn Sterling thought I was hot.
I wondered, briefly, if Shane might have liked me better if I’d had sex with him like this. He clearly hadn’t been satisfied, and I couldn’t blame him—we only ever did one or two things in bed, maybe half an hour all told, every couple of months. But then—I hadn’t wanted to do more than that. Brooklyn made me need it in a way I hadn’t realized was possible, a way more than just I’m ovulating and you’re my partner so it seems like a good setup to have sex.
I wasn’t a lesbian, was I? I was pretty sure… I could still see myself doing this kind of thing with a man, too. Just… it was the sad realization creeping in that the answer was it would have to be a man who cared about me.
Maybe it wasn’t just that Brooklyn was my type. Maybe it was something a little more than that.
Of course, she was also hot as hell.
I kissed her collar. “I am literally all yours,” I said lightly, and I pushed past the self-rejection to say, casually, “Honestly, if you wanted to just keep me around in this house for the rest of my stay and have sex with me anytime you wanted, it’s not like I’d complain.”
She laughed, kissing the top of my head. “If I didn’t have a job, I’d take you up on all of that,” she said. “And I’d like to do more with you than just fuck. But trust me that it is high on the list. I’ve got a day off today, though, so let’s go reheat that breakfast and see how far we get before I need your fingers again.”
“Mm. Do you suppose I should get my fingernails done shorter?”
“They’re just fine right now. And I happen to like a pretty manicure. But let’s move before I get turned on thinking about your fingers.”
I suppose if we had to. I was getting hungry.
∞∞∞
“Yeah, no, not looking forward to it,” I said, leaning against the counter. The resort lobby was sleek and polished and felt like something from another lifetime, but I tried to focus on Allison on the other side of the counter, looking like a different person in her uniform, the lobby quiet around us right now. Allison gave me a tired look.
“I can imagine,” she said. “Your family’s a lot.”
“Still, they’ve been blowing up my phone, so I figured I should finally have a proper talk…”
She nodded, and she glanced both ways before she folded her arms on the counter, leaning in closer to me. “So, how did last night go?”
“What?” I felt my face burn suddenly bright-red—I didn’t know if it was written all over me somehow that I’d slept with Brooklyn—but I felt like an idiot when Allison raised her eyebrows and said,
“The club?”
Jesus Christ, I’d forgotten I’d even gone to a club. “Ah,” I said, after half a second too long. “Yeah, it was… it was nice.”
She grinned. “Damn, you’re losing it. Congrats on it going well.”
“It wasn’t—I didn’t pick someone up at the club,” I protested. I didn’t even know why. Maybe I should have gone with it. Allison grinned, a light in her eyes.
“So you hooked up with BB instead?”
“What—no, I, uh,” I stammered, my face fuzzy, every part of my body feeling like it was in the wrong place. Even my teeth felt out of place. “We didn’t do anything.”
“You are such a liar,” she laughed, standing up taller. “Just admit to it. I’ve been rooting for it. You two are cute.”
“Uh—” I wrung my hands on the counter. Since when was I this uncool? Well—I knew the answer. It was when the topic came to being with a woman. I slumped, looking down, picking at my fingernails. “Just don’t… tell anybody.”
“I won’t, jeez. Congrats. I could tell you two were so into each other. So does this mean BB’s going to stop trying to push me into someone’s bed, now that you two are going to spend the week being all cutesy holding hands together?”
“Uh… Allison, it’s not—” I cleared my throat, standing taller. Why was this a million times more difficult when it came to women? I could have these conversations effortlessly around relationships with men. “We aren’t dating, you know, just, er…”
“Okay, but it’s not just sex, either, is it?” she said, hands on her hips. “Something between a serious relationship and no-strings casual sex. That’s what BB usually does anyway. You know—a fling. All the intimacy and tender things without trying to make it a commitment. Don’t pretend that’s not what you’re after. I see through you.”
“You think I know what I’m after?” I huffed. She raised her eyebrows.
“Honestly, kinda, yeah. You seem like you’ve got your ducks in a row.”
“I am laying low on vacation because my family is spending time with my ex-boyfriend instead of me, having a fling with the girl my ex tried to cheat with. What part of that looks like ducks in a row to you, ma’am?”
Allison laughed, but she didn’t get a response before the door flung open behind me and I looked with a sick feeling in my stomach at where my mother swept through the door in a rush, eyes burning at me. Allison gulped. “Oh—yikes,” she muttered. “Good luck.”
“Ryan,” Mom said, sweeping over to me and pulling me into a hug, where I stood awkwardly rigid as a plank just accepting it. Grandma and Grandpa came in the door too, talking quietly to each other, clearly gossiping about me, but I wasn’t listening anyway. Mom stepped back and brushed herself off. “My god, where have you been? Do you realize how much we’ve been worried about you?”
“I told you I was just fine,” I said coolly. She threw her hands up.
“You sent one text while you disappeared without a word! Just fine isn’t enough for us not to worry.”
Ugh, this wasn’t how I’d hoped to do this. Everybody was supposed to be getting ready at the other side of the complex in a minute, and I was planning on showing up to address them all together, not this awkward piecemeal thing. Mom must have seen me through the window while fussing over somebody who wasn’t any of her business.
Still, if we were doing this, we were doing this. I’d made a commitment, told Brooklyn about it this morning after breakfast—and other activities—and I was sticking to it. Trying to be a little more like her, like that authenticity she brought to everything. Hoping it could, if not fix things, at least set the record straight for everyone.
“I’ve been with a friend here,” I said. “And I’ll probably continue to stay with her for the rest of the trip.”
She frowned, shaking her head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. This is a family vacation.”
Grandma, bless her heart, decided this was her chance to speak up and condescend. “Now, Ryan, you know, your mother put a lot of work into this. I know she didn’t raise you to be disrespectful.”
Maybe it was Brooklyn rubbing off on me, or maybe it was what I’d said about how it was easier seeing the situation from the other side, but either way, I didn’t care. Not just that I didn’t, but that I couldn’t —that there wasn’t any part of me I could dredge up to care. I folded my arms. “No, if we’re talking about disrespect, then it all comes from a very different place,” I said. “Mom—I’m extremely disappointed in your reaction yesterday, to put it lightly. I’m your daughter, and you believed Shane over me without even hearing me out, and you tried to bring my career change into it, which makes me feel like you’re always going to take Shane’s side because you’re disappointed in my career change.”
Mom looked a little green in the face, like she might heave. Grandma and Grandpa both gave me stony looks—not even judgmental, just that thing they did where they didn’t like a conversation so they’d turn into stone statues and pretend it wasn’t happening—and that was when the universe decided things weren’t fun enough yet, and the doors swung open to shoes squeaking in on the clean polished floors, Oscar and Stella coming in along with my cousin Daniela, and Stella was like a moth to a flame when drama was going on, so she made a beeline right for us.
“Jesus, Ryan, everyone’s been freaking out about you,” she said, looking between me and Mom and our grandparents. “What’s going on? Don’t tell me we’re having another fight right now.”
“I’m sure you’d like that,” Oscar sighed, giving me a greeting nod and not any more acknowledgement than that, standing with his hand in his pocket. Mom hunched her shoulders.
“Well,” she said, her voice tart, “Ryan was just telling me how she’d rather spend this trip with her friend instead.”
“ Mom, ” I sighed hard. “I’m not trying to start a fight. I’m trying to let you know how I feel.”
Grandma turned to Allison with a sharp look on her face. “Miss, tell me what room Ryan’s been staying in.”
“Uh—” Allison froze up under the attention. I stepped between her and Grandma.
“Don’t drag her into this. I booked a room at a different hotel altogether.”
“You’re being ridiculous,” Grandma said, and she looked at Allison again. “Have her room canceled and bring her things back to her own room.”
“Grandma, it’s at a different hotel, ” I said incredulously, and of course, Stella was raring for a fight, because she stepped in too.
“You literally want her to get pushed back in with her cheating ex-boyfriend? Force her to go share a room with him?”
Grandma frowned, like she was the one being targeted right now. “What are you talking about? I’m trying to keep this family together, Stella. This is ridiculous.”
Mom put a hand up, starting to look almost chagrined. “Mom, please, it’s all right. It’s not the 19 th century. We’re not forcing Ryan to share a bed with the man we’ve picked out for her.”
Grandma glowered at her. “She’s ruining this family vacation, Elizabeth. And after all the work you put in!”
“ She’s ruining it?” Stella said, and I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“Everybody—”
Stella turned to me. “Look, forget them, we can go explore the island together or something—”
“Oh, no need,” Grandma said tartly. “Apparently she’s got a friend .”
Stella raised her eyebrows high at me. “You made a friend here?”
Oscar laughed. “Ryan knows how to make friends.”
“ Everybody, ” I said, putting my hands up, raising my voice louder, clearer—it actually worked this time, if only because I never raised my voice like that with my family. “I’m here to set expectations clearly and lay out what I’m doing. I’ve been deeply disappointed with the response I’ve gotten from some of my own family members, and I’m hurt in a way that will take time to heal, and I am not going to be the one to initiate that healing, either. That said, I know also that a lot of people have been looking forward to this family vacation, and that a lot of people, my mother especially, have put a lot of work into making it happen. And I’m sorry that this happened now, and I don’t want to ruin that. I’m not pulling away to punish anybody. I’m going to be more comfortable taking this vacation at my own pace with my friends here, and I want everybody else to enjoy the vacation too. So let’s please put this whole thing aside until after the vacation, and all of you can enjoy your trip, and please don’t worry about me, don’t feel guilty over me, but don’t try to force me to come back either. We can address this… whole thing… in more detail once we’re back from vacation. Is that something we can all do?”
Oscar spoke up before the last syllable had left my mouth. “I think that sounds very reasonable,” he said. “Ryan’s a grown-ass woman who can do what she wants.”
Mom gave me a teary-eyed look that, before all of this, would have broken my heart and made me want to do whatever she was asking me for. “Sweetheart, I just want the family to be all in one place, to all be together. Is that too much to ask for?”
“Yes,” I said, “actually. If you count Shane as part of the family still, then yes. I won’t be in the same place as him. So I think I’ve made it clear that you have to choose which one of us to have around, and as far as I can tell, you’ve chosen him.”
“It’s not that I’ve chosen him—” she started, but Stella cut in with a fiery look her way.
“You absolutely chose him. Why are you giving grace to her cheating ex-boyfriend instead of her? You’re taking his side in this whole thing—”
Grandma sighed pointedly, and once again, she turned to poor Allison for help. “Miss, can you please just give me the details for Ryan’s new room so we can get her out of this?”
“Grandma,” I said, pushing through every word, “it’s at another hotel. Allison doesn’t have any say in the matter.”
Allison, for better or worse, had had enough, because she went red-faced, and she said, “I wouldn’t tell you anything anyway, Ryan is my friend.”
Grandma looked like she’d just been slapped across the face, blinking at Allison before she slipped into the most passive-aggressive patronizing smile her way. “Look, sweetie, that’s not how business works. Okay? I understand you have a lot of feelings, but you have to do as the customer says, or you could lose your job.”
“Grandma—” I started, but Allison was out for blood, I guess.
“You know, if you’re going to get me fired, go for it,” she said. “I’m still Ryan’s friend.”
Stella cut in next to me, stepping between the two of them. “Grandma, I swear to god, if you harass the managers to get this poor girl fired, I will literally never talk to you again.”
Grandma went pink. “Stella, you’re being ridiculous.”
“ I’m being ridiculous,” Stella said. “You’re the one who doesn’t even understand different hotels are run by different companies!”
“Everybody, please,” I said. “I know you all have your brunch reservations and the matinee today. Go ahead and make them and let’s stop fighting.”
“That sounds great,” Oscar said, but Stella shook her head.
“No, forget that. I’m not going with anybody until they’ve apologized.”
“ Stella, ” Mom pleaded. “We can’t go losing all our daughters now.”
I put a hand on Stella’s shoulder. “Stella. You love live music. Go, go.”
“Not if I’m… absolutely… furious with the people I’m seeing it with. I’m not going.”
Oscar muttered under his breath, “This is about the lifeguard…”
“Stella, stop being childish,” Grandma said, and Allison stepped in again.
“Ma’am—if you’re scheduled for brunch before the one PM matinee at the King Theater, you should probably move. Your reservation must be coming.”
Grandma shot her a look. Allison stood up taller, and I knew from the fiery look in her eyes that she was about to say something she shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t stop her in time.
“If you’re debating whether it’s childish for somebody to stand up for her sister, then maybe you can debate it over brunch.”
Dammit. I couldn’t help at least a little snort laugh when she said something like that. Stella, who loved snide comments, laughed outright, and when Grandma paled, Stella said, “Don’t even think about complaining to her manager. Like I said. This girl loses her job because of you, and I don’t know you anymore. Okay? I’m staying behind. Get a move on.”
Mom sighed, hard, but she stepped back. “I hope I’ll see you both for dinner and the mountains tour tonight.”
“I’ve made myself clear, Mom,” I said, but as she walked away, together with my grandparents and Oscar, back to where my cousin Daniela had hung back at the door, all leaving together, I couldn’t help but fear I hadn’t made myself clear enough, somehow. Allison slumped her shoulders.
“Um… thanks for standing up for me. I probably shouldn’t have said anything.”
Stella waved her off. “Hey, relax. If anything, I’m hoping she does fire you now. I’m looking for any excuse I can get to not talk to that old bag.”
Allison put her hands on her hips, pouting at her. “Oh, I’m just a pawn on your board, huh?”
“Stella just likes to start things,” I laughed drily, suddenly feeling winded, exhausted, like the whole thing was a big physical fight I was coming down from. “Well, Allison, this is my sister Stella. Stella, this is my friend Allison.”
“Hi, Allison.” She turned to me. “This is the friend who’s been showing you around the place?”
“Her and another, uh—” A woman who’d fucked me senseless this morning. Why that thought was coming into my head now of all times, I didn’t know, but it wasn’t welcome. “A mutual friend… I guess technically I met Allison first, but it feels more appropriate to say I met Allison through Brooklyn.”
“Brooklyn?” Stella frowned. “Isn’t that the bartender Shane tried to cheat with?”
I hung my head. “How do you even know her name?”
“You’re friends with her?”
I leaned back against the counter. “Well, yeah. Why not? She’s the one who had the honesty and integrity to notice he had a girlfriend, stop everything, find me, tell me, and make sure I was supported through it. She’s a really good person.”
Allison chipped in with, “Ryan does like her a lot. ”
I’d kick her if there weren’t a counter between us. I just shrugged at Stella. “She’s easy to like. I’m grateful for her. Was there when my whole family wasn’t.”
Stella scowled. “I’m not taking their side.”
“Honestly, Stella? I appreciate you being on my side, but you picking fights with everyone —right in front of me so I’m automatically dragged in—it’s not the most helpful.”
Stella folded her arms, giving me a betrayed look. “I’m not going to just let them walk all over you.”
“And I see that, and I’m letting you know that, while the effort is appreciated… you’re kind of adding a lot of stress to the situation.”
Stella rolled her eyes with a huffy sigh, but she didn’t say anything. Allison spoke quietly. “Ryan’s going through a lot and she’s, I dunno… delicate. Anyone would be, right?”
Stella smirked at me. “Got the whole staff on your side.”
“She’s not just the staff, she’s my friend,” I said. Allison smiled.
“No, staff is right. She’s paying me to agree with her.”
I rolled my eyes, a smile tugging on my lips. “Allison. Telling is a breach of contract. I’m cutting your pay.”
Stella laughed, and she sighed, slouching. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make things worse, or anything.”
“It’s all right… I appreciate you taking my side. And I appreciate the apology. I feel like crap for ruining the vacation, too.”
“Shane’s the one who ruined it,” Stella said, at the same time Allison said, “Your stupid boyfriend is the one to blame.” Stella shrugged. “See?” she said. “Even your paid lackey agrees.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “Well, if even the paid lackey says so. You really can go watch the show, though. Although… what’s this about a lifeguard?”
Stella bit down on a smile, looking away. “We were all at the beach last night, and I was just admiring the scenery a little bit. And by that I mean this lifeguard on duty. Tall guy with dark skin and total dreamboat eyes. I got to talking to him a little bit, his name’s Jacob, he’s vegan and loves this vegan sushi place here, so I was hoping maybe I could take him there today.”
“Ah… I should have known. Looks like Allison and I both are just pieces on your board.”
She waved me off. “That’s a later thing anyway. I want to meet your friend.”
“Oh, uh…” I looked at Allison, who shrugged at me. “Brooklyn and I were going to get lunch with Allison and go to the beach together once Allison’s done with her shift… I guess you could come? Your hunky lifeguard might be there again today.”
Stella stood up taller, beaming. “Yeah, that’s a plan,” she said. “What about you, Allison? Do you have a boyfriend, or are you going to be talking to lifeguards too?”
Allison shoved her hands in her pockets. “I’m a lesbian.”
Stella blinked. “Okay… do you have a girlfriend, or are you going to be talking to lady lifeguards ?”
“Uh.” Allison lost her mojo.
“Allison’s terminally single,” I muttered, and Allison shot me a betrayed look.
“Oh my god! I’m working on it!”
“Okay, great,” Stella said. “Then we can divvy up the cute people between the two of us and talk to everyone on the beach.”
I shot Stella a look. “What, forgot about Jacob already?”
“I don’t know it’ll work out with Jacob. Talking to other cute boys is, like… insurance. I’m trying to make sure I find somebody nice while I’m here. You should, too. Try to bounce back from Shane.”
Allison snorted, and I withered. Stella shot her a look.
“What? I’m serious! Bouncing back is a real thing!”
“No, just, uh—” Allison scratched her head. “Uh, it’s just… I’d actually just been saying the same thing to her.”
Oh, god, she was bad at this. I pursed my lips. “I will let you know if I decide to,” I said. “But for right now, I would just like to be in peace.”
Stella laughed. “All right, so am I going to meet your friend or am I keeping Allison company?”
Well—I was vindictive. “You’re going to keep Allison company,” I said. “She’s looking for all the advice she can get on how to score a date.”
Allison gave me a horrified look. “Ryan. Why?”
Stella grinned at her. “Yeah? I can do that.”
I smiled sweetly at Allison as I headed for the door. “Have fun, Allison.”
Allison hung her head. “You too. You and BB go have a much better time.”
Psh… trying to get that in like it was supposed to be a shot at me. I wasn’t exactly ashamed that I was going back to the most attractive person alive.