Chapter Four #3
This is to say, George always treated Jane with a very handsome and wide gallantry.
George generally avoided speaking to Elizabeth, and when he did he inevitably spoke in an overly loud voice, as though he could not, as many seemingly could not, understand the difference between blindness and partial deafness.
It was a day which truly delighted Elizabeth when George Wickham went off to his school a week after Fitzwilliam went to university.
Even though Elizabeth had never had any high opinion of George Wickham, she had what she believed to be a wholly uncharacteristic and inexplicable spasm of jealousy as she listened to Jane receive so much attention from him.
She would never be treated in that way. No silly boy would ever speak nonsense to her.
There would never be anyone who would devote themselves to her mindless amusement.
She would always need to bother others to gain what she needed.
Yes, one of Sarah’s duties was to read such books or letters to her that were fit for her innocent and delicate ears.
But Sarah sometimes was occupied cleaning, or bringing up the firewood, or eating her own supper.
It was in fact a bother to ask, even if it was Elizabeth’s right.
And when Elizabeth was disobedient, or upset, or demanding in general, or simply when she tripped over some object that had been carelessly moved within the drawing room, Mr. Darcy always reminded her that she must not be too difficult since one day she would be Jane’s dependent, and she would not like to be more of a burden than she must.
This was a consideration that Mr. Darcy frequently mentioned because he had found that telling her that she would one day be a burden on Jane more quickly corrected Elizabeth’s behavior than anything else he’d thought to say.
Unknown to Mr. Darcy, being reminded of this did not to encourage sisterly affection on Elizabeth’s part towards Jane.
Elizabeth resented her sister. Within a month’s time, she hated to even hear the particular tone of Jane’s breathing when she entered the breakfast room or drawing room.
Elizabeth avoided Jane, and though her sister did not know why, she felt as though she deserved this, and felt great pain at the deserving.
Mr. Darcy considered the domestic circle to be of the greatest importance, and whenever he did not host his neighbors, he had all of the children sit out in the drawing room with him for several hours in the afternoon.
On occasions, Mr. Darcy entertained them with reading aloud.
Elizabeth always enjoyed that, as Mr. Darcy had a reading voice that was even the superior of her father’s.
He could read the lines from Bowdler’s The Family Shakespeare with great aplomb.
Elizabeth disliked that Mr. Darcy refused to read from a proper edition of the bard, but she knew that she would receive a lecture upon the importance of being decorous, and how her behavior and reputation would reflect upon Jane’s, and how she would not wish to be a heavy burden on her sister, if she asked to hear an unexpurgated version of Othello or Hamlet.
With both George and Fitzwilliam gone, it was only the three girls, Elizabeth, Georgiana, and Jane present with Mr. Darcy on these afternoons.
Generally, Miss Wilson also attended, and often George’s father Mr. Wickham would sit with them.
While Mr. Darcy always inquired of Elizabeth about the progress of her studies, how much she enjoyed her lessons, if she had encountered any recent difficulties due to her lack of sight, and if she was properly grateful, beyond those practical matters, he paid her little attention.
His chief interest was in Jane and Georgiana, and of the two, it was clear that he preferred to listen to Jane, to have her serve them all the tea, to have her recite poetry, or to inquire about what she was presently involved with embroidering or knitting.
But chiefly Mr. Darcy did not speak during these afternoons.
He thought it was important to be present with the children, but he had many matters of business and private reading to attend to, and two hours out of three he merely kept half an eye on the children as they spent time together.
It was Miss Wilson’s duty to supervise them and provide thick papers for them to cut up or draw upon, glues, paints, all of the necessities for sewing, and everything else to keep their hands busy without any excess of noise.
By decision of Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth was often set to play and sing.
The vocal training that she received when she first came to Pemberley involved Elizabeth singing until she was nearly hoarse for the two weeks that Maestro Valdani had been present, but by the end of it she had a great command of her voice.
Elizabeth enjoyed being required to produce music.
She could excel at music the same as any person with full use of their eyes.
She only had a little extra difficulty in learning the music, as she had to memorize it by ear, rather than being able to read the notes, but once a piece was learned, it seemed to fully become a part of Elizabeth.
Her hands acquired facility with the piano under Miss Wilson’s tutelage, and her voice was described as beautiful and like that of the angels by Mr. Darcy.
And while desperately singing the saddest songs she knew, or the fiercest marching songs, Elizabeth released those emotions roiling around in her that she would not speak of to anyone, not even Fitzwilliam.
Descriptions of the songs that she’d learned to sing and play made up a significant part of the letters that she wrote at least once a week to Fitzwilliam.
But she also talked about the changes in the weather, her chances to walk about the grounds, the time she’d twisted her feet in a hole when she’d gotten far enough away from Sarah to try walking at a fast pace, and how she was convinced everyone thought it was very exceedingly strange when she insisted on making the clicking sound to help herself navigate.
Elizabeth always eagerly awaited Fitzwilliam’s replies to her, and either Mr. Darcy read them to her, or her servant Sarah.
Rather than being kept in the nursery, Jane had been given her own room as she was now fourteen and almost a lady.
Further, much of Jane’s lessons now were about dancing, walking about with a book on her head that she could not let to slip, always speaking in a soft and shy manner, and the meaning of different flower arrangements—the matters that Miss Wilson considered essential to a lady who would come out in two more years, instead of the basic education which Elizabeth and Georgiana received.
Also in the first month, Elizabeth spent many hours simply feeling along the walls, and becoming used to where there was a table or some other obstruction that she might kick her feet into or knock her knees into.
One time, despite Sarah’s best efforts, she knocked an expensive vase off a table and shattered it.
It was a matter of some relief for Elizabeth to discover that Pemberley was solidly built from brick, marble and stone, and the only places for wood were in paneling and a few unimportant supports.
She did not need to fear Jane and Georgiana dying horribly like Lydia and the rest of her sisters had.
For a long time, the greatest loss that Elizabeth felt was the lack of exercise.
There was no way for her to run, and walking while holding someone’s arm to avoid falling into the ha-ha or a ditch was hardly the same as a brisk walk to clear the senses.
On occasion Elizabeth entertained herself by going up and down one of the staircases for the servants a dozen times at once, just so she could feel herself breathing hard.
Elizabeth had discovered that if she was cautious and deliberate, she could climb a tree by feel, managing both down and up, although any time she made an attempt to do so she was immediately stopped and given a strict lecture about appropriate behavior from Mr. Darcy, and by the time that she’d gained sufficient confidence and stealth to successfully sneak out of the house at night, the weather had turned too cold for her to find any joy in doing so.
Elizabeth and Georgiana both slept together in the room, and they spent the chief part of every day together.
During the first week, Georgiana barely spoke to Elizabeth, and when she did speak it had been with a half desperate inquiry about if Elizabeth wished to be guided somewhere by hand. This was chiefly offered while Elizabeth sat occupied with embroidery or food.
But when Elizabeth wrote about this to Fitzwilliam, with her comments more than half in the way of a complaint, he had replied with lines about how sweet Georgiana was, and shy, and determined to be helpful, and he said that he hoped very much that Elizabeth and Georgiana would become the very best of friends.
He further wrote that he thought that this would be very good for Georgiana, who was much in need of such a good friend as Elizabeth could be.
It was of course clear to Elizabeth that Fitzwilliam knew perfectly well that his letters were not private communications, and that they would likely be read by his father, and very possibly heard by Georgiana and everyone else in the household.
Elizabeth considered this a pointed request, and made a promise that she would be of use if she could cultivate Georgiana.
Such was her respect for Fitzwilliam, and her guilt over refusing to make any attempt to mend matters with Jane, that Elizabeth made the effort to overcome Georgiana’s shyness and Elizabeth’s own present readiness to think ill of everyone who was not crippled.