Chapter Sixteen #3
She reached forward a hand, and Darcy took it and pressed it against his cheek.
The door to the room was then opened, and a maid bustled in with a tea tray, filled with biscuits and two types of pastries, and she set it on the table before them.
The woman looked with some surprise at Lizzy’s uncovered eyes.
But she said nothing about that. The woman said, “Your father has been asking after you.”
Darcy frowned. “I see. We will join them presently. But I must speak with Miss Bennet on an important matter first. Thank you.”
He dismissed the servant and examined Lizzy’s expression as he poured a steaming cup of tea for each of them.
“The cup is here in front of you,” Darcy said, helping to guide her hand until she softly touched the edge of the cup. She then easily found the handle and picked it up.
Lizzy let out a contented sigh after blowing and taking a careful sip. “Where are the biscuits?”
“To the left of the teacup.”
Elizabeth’s other hand sought them, feeling forward over the table until she brushed against one and then picked it up. “I am ravenous.”
Both were silent for a little as she warmed up and ate the biscuits and drank the tea.
Darcy was a man who had never fancied himself in love with a woman before. Yet there was something deeply right in the feeling that suffused him presently.
He said to her after some consideration of the matter, “You are still too young to marry.”
Lizzy’s hand which was reaching for another biscuit paused. “Not as a legal matter—why do you say that?”
“I…I wish to do what is right for you.”
“While a sentiment I like very much,” Lizzy replied smiling at him, “that does not make the matter clearer.”
“I miss the letters we used to write,” Darcy replied solemnly, “and I would like to regularly write to you while you are in London.”
This time Lizzy completely froze. She looked straight towards him with her unseeing eyes. Her breathing started to speed up.
“Lizzy, if you do not—”
“Of course. Of course.” She said, speaking over him. “But I have been informed that only engaged couples can correspond with propriety. I see what you mean, what you might mean, what—Fitzwilliam, speak clearly. Please.”
“Lizzy, there is no one whom I admire or love so much as you. I want us to spend our lives together. I want to always be able to talk to you, care for you, and I want to always have you near me when I need someone to whom I can say anything. Mistakes and all, there is no one I trust so much as you. No one who I like to talk with so much as you. And there is no woman who has ever made me feel this…this thing in my chest that I feel when I look at you. It is almost painful how beautiful you are. I…I want to have the right to protect you, and be there for you, and to be your strong support as you would be mine—I want that more than anything in the world.”
Her hand searched for his, and he took and held it between both of his hands.
“Even though I am blind? Even though I am scarred? You do not think I would be a burden?”
“You are no burden. You never have been. You have always made my life happier and more joyous. Why would I dislike that you need to be led around often, when that gives me extra opportunity to speak to you?”
She brought her hand up to press against his face again. “Oh, I wish I could see how you look now.”
He leaned towards her hand, reveling in its warmth against his face. The feel of her affection was sweeter than anything he had ever felt.
She smiled at him. “Yet you think I am still full young to marry.”
“Ah, yes. I always had the notion that a girl ought to be eighteen, at least.”
“No, no. I think that is too long to wait—a long engagement? That is what you mean to offer. And your father shall die soon. There shall be a long period of mourning.”
“You do not hate such a notion?”
Lizzy was quiet. Considering. “I want to marry you. I know that. I have known that since…” She flushed. “Since I fancied that you might favor Jane. How I felt at thinking that you loved her made it impossible for me to pretend my feelings were anything else.”
“My dear Lizzy.”
She pulled his hand to her face and pressed it against her cheek. She rubbed her chin against his hand. “Your father will not approve. We certainly cannot marry while he is alive, since he is my guardian.”
“You are right. I will still tell him, I think. Once you are safely travelling south. Even if it makes him unhappy, he deserves to know before he dies. I no longer fear disappointing him, as I always have.”
“I am so happy. It is strange. I still have fear from this morning in me. I still must tell Jane something. And we will be parted, perhaps for many months. Yet, I am so, so very happy.” She then added in a quiet serious voice, “You know that my life would have been immeasurably worse without you. Every day, since the first when you retrieved me from the lodgings of my awful Aunt and Uncle Phillips has been better because I have known you.”
He nodded, but he could not find words to express his feelings and instead brushed his thumb over her cheek and then her lips.
She kissed his fingers, and Darcy felt a surge of desire for her.
He stood. “We must tell Jane and my father that you will be leaving presently. I do not think my father will have any unhappiness about this.”
“But Jane will. She will wish to know why. I must tell her. Or at least I must ask her if she wishes me to tell her. And about the housekeeper, maybe. Lord, what a man. It is so unfair. It is not right that I can be so happy now.”
Darcy squeezed her hand. “I will be with you if you wish. I can even tell her myself, if that would be easier for you.”
“I should be the one to tell her.” Lizzy said, “To tell her everything. May I tell her about our engagement, even though you do not mean to tell your father yet?”
“Yes. Yes, do tell her. I will tell my father later today, I think.”
Lizzy nodded.
She took a deep breath, clearly trying to settle herself.
“I have every confidence in you,” Darcy said to her.
With a small laugh, Lizzy stood up. “I keep a letter where you said nearly the same to me stored. Though I can’t read it, it has always been amongst my most precious belongings—this all feels as though it is a dream. Did we really agree to get married?”
“Yes.”
“And…and you shall not—but I know you shall not. I have every confidence in you. And if I love you so dearly, I cannot have any reason to be surprised that you can love me. We are too dearly friends.”
“We will always be such dear friends.”
“I wish I did not need to speak to Jane. I wish I could just disappear.”
Lizzy’s hand sought out Darcy’s, and he took it and kissed it. “I shall be with you.”