Quincy
“I didn’t mean to wake you.”
His alpha tsked. “Did you come to my bedchamber and drop some freezing water on me? Because I thought all you did was have a nightmare.”
“You want to tell me about it?”
He didn’t answer. The petting didn’t stop, as if the Earl of Saran was perfectly willing to stand there soothing him in the middle of the night, no explanation needed.
“It was... It was about Mar. About her... She told me she lost the babies,” he said very quickly. It did not help, of course, Valgar’s pain was like a bottomless pit, dormant but never gone.
“Yes,” he told Quincy, and without the bond, he would not have known how deeply it cut him.
He was about to blurt out an apology, but he couldn’t, because the danger was very real, and as little claim as he had to Mar, he couldn’t imagine anyone— “Is she... Is there anything you can do so it doesn’t...?”
Strangely, Valgar exhaled against his cheekbone, his hold relaxing. “You may rest easy. Her heat cycles have stopped.”
“Oh.” He flushed in horror at the relief he couldn’t stop or disguise.
“No,” Valgar told him, squeezing him close again before leaning back enough to meet his eyes. “I am glad of it. I could have never forgiven myself if...”
Quincy reached for his face, holding his gaze like he could be in it with him somehow. His alpha meant every word, of course, but his own sweet relief was mixed with the bitterness of deep regret.
“You really wanted a child with her.”
Valgar’s eyes widened, and Quincy understood he’d got it wrong.
“I mean, I did, once upon a time, but watching her lose them, watching her... In pain.” He shook his head.
“It wasn’t worth it.” He lifted his own hand to Quincy’s face.
“It is no excuse, but I was young and stupid, and I thought it was my duty. We both did.”
“That’s what the councils say, is it not?” Quincy suggested, knowing he was close to heresy, but...
“Yes,” Valgar agreed. “And yet one wonders why one should be ruled so.”
His alpha had stayed with him, sending Cocal out for tea. Once the food and sweet Veolian tea settled in him, Quincy began yawning, and Valgar smiled and bid him goodnight before Quincy could find the courage to touch him.
Or to ask him to stay.