Chapter 4 #2
In her experience, men only ever leered.
The last time she’d been foolish enough to believe she could actually share a meal with a man, he’d ordered her onto her knees before she’d even taken a bite.
She could still hear his gravelly voice.
‘I have a better meal for you under the table.’ She closed her eyes, pushing the memory back down.
“Mantha.”
Maggie’s voice pulled her out of her hellish thoughts. She forced her lips up into a smile.
“Will you come to my room for story time tonight?” Maggie’s eyes were wide and hopeful. Was that something that was even allowed? She looked to Trent, and he gave her an encouraging nod.
“I’d like that.” Tears welled in her eyes, and she tried so hard to keep them from falling.
Something about being invited to participate in an innocent, wholesome thing, made a chaotic jumble of emotions swell inside of her.
It was hard to believe herself deserving, as if the stain of her past would somehow leach into everything around her, sullying anything pure.
Trent helped Maggie down from her chair. “Go with Mrs. Baird and get changed. I’ll be up shortly.”
As soon as the young girl was out of the room, Samantha lost her battle and tears flowed down her cheeks.
Trent pulled the chair out beside her and sat down. Once again, he held out a hand but didn’t force his touch on her. He simply offered it. She placed hers on top and he squeezed it gently, rubbing his thumb over the back. Even through the glove, his warmth was comforting.
“I’m sorry, Trent. I’m not usually such a watering pot. I don’t really even know why I’m crying.”
He looked down at their hands for a moment.
“You know, sometimes I still struggle with feeling unworthy. Unworthy of living in this—” He paused and looked around the room.
“This grand house. Unworthy of being Ash’s brother.
Unworthy of his support. And yet, he gives it anyway. And here I am, in this house.”
He let out a long sigh and squeezed her hand again.
“All that to say, these feelings you have, they’re there.
” He shrugged. “You don’t have to earn some kind of special approval to make them acceptable.
You are already allowed to feel them. Already allowed to express them in any way you need to and as much as you need to. ”
Tears started down her face again, but she nodded and squeezed his hand in return. She wiped them away before looking into his eyes. “If it’s any consolation, I think you must be worthy.”
He lifted her hand toward his lips as if he was going to press a kiss to it, but then quickly put it back down. “Why don’t I carry you upstairs so you can get changed and join us for a bedtime story?”
* * *
After closing the door to Samantha’s room, Trent had a sudden realization.
He’d just left her to change into her nightgown for story time.
He hadn’t even considered the possible implications.
He sighed as he walked into his own room.
He really was a naive fool sometimes. Not only was she going to be in her nightgown, but now he needed to be in his pajamas too, or she’d feel awkward.
He cursed himself as he stepped out of his trousers. Her first night here and they were to spend it together in their nightclothes. How had he let this happen?
She hadn’t seemed appalled, but Ash would be bloody furious.
Not to mention her brother. He was a trained assassin, for God’s sake.
And if Ash thought him dangerous, he was not a man to be trifled with.
Trent groaned as he finished buttoning his pajama top.
At the rate he was going, he’d be lucky to make it out of this alive.
At the time, Trent hadn’t thought anything of Ash's warning. It was such a ridiculous notion that he might cross any lines or do anything inappropriate, he hadn’t given it a moment’s thought.
Yet here he was, in his pajamas, like a bloody idiot, about to go and carry her through the house in her nightgown.
Not to mention, he’d very nearly kissed her hand.
What in God’s name had come over him?
He stopped outside her door with a sigh. She’d shown him genuine kindness. Pure, unfeigned, kindness. His heart’s reaction to it surprised him, even now. I think you must be worthy. That’s what had come over him.
Shaking his head to clear it, he knocked on her door.
“Come.”
He opened the door slowly, terrified she might still be changing, but thankfully, she wasn’t. She sat on the edge of her bed, her wrapper covering her all the way from her neck, down to her wrists and ankles. Slippers even covered her feet. Thank God for that, at least.
“Are you ready for your personal chariot?”
The soft laughter that spilled from her lips was lovely. It warmed his heart, and somehow, his soul as well. He smiled as he crossed to the bed. He waited for her nod of approval before lifting her into his arms. It was important to him that she knew she had a choice in all of this.
“I feel utterly spoiled,” she said as he carried her into the hall.
“I might just have to drag out the healing process so I can take full advantage of your chivalry.” She gave him a teasing smile, and he couldn’t help but laugh.
Something had changed in her, sitting out there with Brennan.
He wasn’t sure what the man had said or done, but from that moment, her fear had been so much less.
Samantha’s presence also seemed to soothe Maggie. He only had to read two stories tonight, and she fell fast asleep before he even reached the end of the second. Quietly, he carried Samantha from the room, and back to her own, settling her on the edge of the bed.
“Does it bother you that she calls you Mantha? I can correct her if you’d like.”
“Of course it doesn’t bother me. It’s adorable. She’s adorable. And she reveres you.”
He didn’t know what to say, so he simply nodded. He knew that was true, but he felt like an imposter. She revered the man she thought him to be.
“Thank you for allowing me to participate in story time tonight. I enjoyed it thoroughly.”
“Thank you for joining us. Did it make you uncomfortable being in your nightclothes? I didn’t even think to ask before I told you to change.”
She shook her head. “I wasn’t uncomfortable. Were you?”
“No.” He hadn’t been. Hadn’t felt like he should be, in fact. “I’ll send Sandra in to help you get settled. Sleep well, Samantha.”
He didn’t ever go downstairs in his pajamas, but he wasn’t going to change again just to play backgammon.
Benson raised a brow when he entered the drawing room.
“Don’t ask.”
Benson said not a word and simply held out a glass of brandy.
“We don’t have to play if you don’t feel up to it. We can simply enjoy some of His Lordship’s excellent brandy, and you can tell me about Samantha, and about everything else that led to this.” He gestured to the pajamas, and Trent laughed.
“I’d like that very much. Thank you, Benson. For—” Trent shook his head. All the words he wanted to say were suddenly lost from him. “Just, thank you.”
Benson placed a hand on his shoulder. “You’re welcome, my boy.”
Benson couldn’t possibly know what those words meant to him. Trent had never had a father to say them. He’d had to be a man from the time he was ten years old, finding work however he could to help pay the bills.
He was filled with so much gratitude, but he couldn’t continue to repeat his thanks, so instead, he settled himself onto the sofa.
“I hope Ash didn't make a mistake sending her here.”
Benson shook his head. “He didn't.”
Trent's body was heavy with exhaustion, and being away for two days meant he’d have even more to do than usual. He downed the last of his brandy.
“I hate to cut this so short, but I think I should probably go up. Goodnight, Benson.”
The sun hadn’t even fully risen by the time he was awake and dressed again.
God, he was tired. He poured a cup of coffee down his throat and reminded himself to be grateful for this life, as he went in search of Brennan.
He eventually found the man out near the stables with a group of grooms and other servants, all admiring the new young pinto mare that had been delivered.
He groaned. He’d completely forgotten about that.
“Good morning, boss,” Brennan said when he approached.
“I’m not your boss, Brennan.”
“You are right now. Would you rather I address you as sir?”
“No.” Brennan was obviously holding back laughter, but Trent was still unable to find the humor in it.
“Have you seen the mare yet? She’s a beauty.”
He wasn’t wrong. She was a beauty. “Maggie won’t know what to do with herself when she sees this. I can’t believe he actually bought her a bloody horse.”
Brennan did laugh then. “Lucky girl to have an uncle like Ash.”
Trent shook his head. She was lucky, but sometimes, it felt like too much. “I was hoping we might have a word. Why don’t you come up to my office, so we don’t have an audience.”
Brennan followed him inside. He looked more uncomfortable with every step he took through the house.
“You’ve never been in this house before, have you?”
He shook his head as he settled across the desk from Trent. “It doesn’t feel right. Not only for me to be here, but it doesn’t feel like Ash.”
“He’d probably take that as a compliment.
” It was awkward sitting across from him this way.
It made Trent feel like he really was his boss.
Perhaps it would have been better to just go for a stroll, but it was too late now.
“More than anything, I want to thank you. I don’t know what you did or said, but you really helped Samantha last night. ”
He shrugged. “I didn’t do anything. I just sat with her.”
“Is that why Ash sent you? He knew you’d be good with her?”
Brennan barked a laugh. “I’m not good with anyone, unless it’s someone in need of a beating.” He shook his head. “He really didn’t tell you why he sent me?”
“All he said was you owe him.”
“I do. I made a big mistake a few months ago. One he should have sacked me for. But instead, he took the time to explain to me the importance of my job there, and the reason what I did was such a problem. He gave me a chance to redeem myself. He’s promised that if I do a good job here, I’ll be completely absolved.
So I’m not here to be another person for you to concern yourself with, or to laze about like this is a holiday.
I’m here to work hard, and prove to Ash that I really deserve that second chance. ”
Trent nodded, admiring the man’s loyalty to his brother. “Fair enough. After I finish breakfast, I have the perfect job to get you started.”
The door to Samantha’s room was open, so Trent peeked inside. She was already dressed and kneeling on the side of her bed. She looked around at him.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb your prayers.”
“You aren’t disturbing me. I wasn’t actually praying.
” She pushed herself up, still favoring her right foot, but managed to sit on the edge of the bed.
“It’s strange, I know, and it’s hard to explain without getting into things that you’d rather not know about. But being in that position, calms me.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me, but also, if there are things you wish to talk about, or just want to get out so they’re no longer trapped inside you, I’ll be happy to listen. Nothing you say will be offensive or shocking, and I won’t share it with anyone. Not even your brother.”
He gave her a moment to respond, but she merely nodded. “Right now, I’m going to get Maggie up and thought I’d see if you’d like me to carry you down so you can join us for breakfast.”
“When you signed up for this, you didn’t realize you’d be carrying the weight of not only my problems, but my body as well.”
“I don’t mind at all. I enjoy your company.” More than he should, in fact.
He walked to the bed, and at her nod, picked her up and carried her down the stairs. He settled her into her seat at the dining table. “Now it’s Maggie’s turn.”
“At least she’s not as heavy.”
“Do you doubt my strength, Miss Allister?”
Her laughter filled the air behind him as he jogged from the room and up the stairs.
“Good morning, Maggie.” As always, she was already smiling when he opened her door.
“Can it be my birthday again?”
Trent chuckled. “No. Your birthday only comes once a year. If it happened more than that, it wouldn’t be nearly so special.”
She sighed. “I just want to have cake for breakfast every morning.”
“Well, there’s no cake, but there is a surprise for you after you eat breakfast and get dressed. Your gift from Uncle Ash.”
Her pouting instantly stopped. “Uncle Ash is my favorite!”
Trent laughed. “He’s a pretty nice uncle.”