Chapter 7 #2
But he didn’t hurt her. His grip loosened and he closed his eyes with a long, tortured sigh. “I know I’ve been a right bastard, and for that I am profoundly sorry. But I will never abuse you.”
“Did you just apologize to me?”
He sat back on his heels. “Only the first of many, I assure you. Will you allow me to help you back into bed?”
“I’m sure I can manage, but it feels like my nightgown has been pushed up around my waist.”
“Not to worry.”
She assumed he meant it didn’t matter because he was her husband, but he got to his feet and turned his back.
“Tell me when you’re all tucked in.”
Untangling herself, she got up off the floor and shook her gown back into place. She straightened the blankets and climbed beneath, and he never moved. “I’m in,” she said quietly.
He settled back into the chair beside the bed.
“Will you tell me what happened? I don’t understand why I’m in your bed, or how I got here.”
“I don’t know all the details. But I believe you snuck off to your father’s to get away from me.”
She had run away from him, and gone to her father’s. The very last thing she remembered was climbing into her old bed. “But how did I get here?”
“I carried you. Your father drugged you and then ransomed your virginity.”
She gasped, shaking her head. “He would never do that.”
Giles pulled a folded piece of paper from his inside pocket and dropped it onto the bed.
She didn’t want to read it. Didn’t want to believe he was telling the truth.
But she had to see for herself. She opened the note and her heart broke as she read the horrible words.
But when she fully understood the meaning of them, panic gripped her.
“But, does that mean— Did you…?” A tear trickled down her cheek.
“Did I have my way with you, while you were unconscious?” He looked so defeated as he breathed a long sigh.
“I suppose I deserve that. I know I’ve been awful to you, and you have no reason to believe anything but the worst of me.
But I would never do something like that.
I only carried you out of your father’s house and brought you here. ”
“Why would he do that?”
“He got himself back into debt already. And when he found out our marriage hadn’t been consummated, he saw an opportunity to leverage more money out of me.”
How could her father do something so wretched? After everything. The roast chicken, and his apology… none of it had meant anything. “How much did you pay him this time?”
“Nothing. I made it clear when I paid his debts the first time that I would not do it again.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shared that with him.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. Everyone around you has failed you. Especially me. It’s my fault it hasn’t been consummated, and it’s time to rectify that.”
Oh God. She wasn’t ready for that. She pulled the blankets more tightly against her chin and scooted back just a bit.
“I didn’t mean I’m going to climb in and force myself on you.”
“You are my husband.” Her heart lodged itself in her throat, fear constricting her lungs. “I know I have to submit to you.”
“You most certainly do not.” He shook his head, looking appalled.
“I may have been a bully and a cad, but being your husband does not entitle me to your body. I don’t give a damn what the law says.
You are the only one who gets to decide when, or if, I touch you.
And I have a whole lot of groveling to do before I can earn enough of your trust for you to even begin to want that.
So if I ever do anything you don’t want, you have my full permission to wallop me with whatever object you have to hand. ”
Cautious laughter whispered between her lips. “You did kiss me,” she reminded him.
“I did. Perhaps you already owe me a wallop. Would you like me to fetch an umbrella for you?”
Another tear fell as she laughed. It felt strange to laugh with him, but slowly, relief settled over her. He wasn’t angry or shouting, even though she’d run away from him.
“Was that kiss your first?”
She nodded, remembering the warmth of his lips pressed against hers.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.”
That seemed to surprise him. “Aren’t you?”
“No. That was the best moment we’ve shared.”
He laughed. “It was, wasn’t it? I’m sorry for that too. But I’d like to start over, if we could. Make a go of developing at least a friendship, and then perhaps even a proper marriage.”
“I’d like that.” Please let this be real. She was terrified it might just be a dream. Her mind still felt a bit fuzzy.
“I’m sorry I’ve been so terrible to you, Christina. When my mother hears how I’ve treated you, she’ll tan my twenty-seven year old hide.”
Christina gasped. “You have a mother?”
“Don’t we all?” He raised a goading brow.
“I don’t.” She pouted her lip.
“No, I didn’t mean, I’m sorry.”
She laughed. “I was teasing.”
His mouth turned up slowly. “I deserved that.” He leaned back, clasping his hands in his lap. “Will you accompany me to Bournemouth so I can introduce you to her?”
“But surely I’ll only make things worse. Your mother will hate me.”
“No, my mother will love you.”
“But I trapped you into marriage.”
“Well,” he said with a shrug, “that’s up for debate. But she will love you, regardless of how we got here. So what do you say? Will you go with me? I can’t promise perfection, but I will try my best to not be the grumpy, arrogant lout I have been since the day we met.”
“I’ll go. When are we leaving?”
“As soon as you're up to it. Get some more sleep and we’ll see how you feel in the morning.”
“I don’t want to sleep yet. Not now that we’re actually talking. There are things that I don’t understand.”
He nodded.
“You could have just walked away that night and gone back to your normal life, but you didn’t. You insisted on marriage and even forced my hand, or at least that’s how it felt,” she added quickly. “But then you were so angry about it. So angry with me.”
“You’re right. I could have walked away. But it wouldn’t have been right to just leave you to be a pawn in your father’s schemes.”
“Are you saying you did it to rescue me?”
His answering laughter was cynical. “That does sound romantic. But surely a hero would never have bullied you the way I have.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “I’m sorry, Christina. I was angry at you for things that simply weren’t your fault.”
“Like what?”
“Aside from the obvious marriage bit, which I wasn’t happy about, the money I was going to pay your father, I borrowed from the safe in my club.
But that wasn’t my money to borrow, and I paid for that with a beating and the confiscation of my keys, and I blamed you for that.
If I’m completely honest, a part of me still wants to blame you for it because it’s easier than taking responsibility for my errors in judgement. But it wasn’t your fault.”
“But I thought you had money.”
“I do. Plenty. I just didn’t have access to that amount in the middle of the night.”
“Then why did you agree to pay it?”
“Your father wasn’t leaving me with much of a choice.”
“It was only ever a bluff. He wouldn’t have gone through with it because it would have ruined our scheme. But I still don’t understand. You took the money out of the safe, which means you intended to pay it. So why did you change your mind?”
“I told you, it wouldn’t have been right to leave you to be used by your father. But even that wasn’t really my decision. I would have been expelled from my partnership if I hadn’t married you after that. In order to be a part of that group, I have to be a better man than that.”
She hadn’t meant to hurt Giles. In fact, she’d been so wrapped up in her own fear, she’d never even considered how her actions might affect him. And it had certainly never occurred to her that it would impact other parts of his life. She really had trapped him. “I’m sorry, Giles.”
“None of this is your fault. No one gave you a choice in any of it.”
They could undoubtedly go back and forth apologizing for the rest of the night, but that would accomplish nothing. Perhaps getting to know him might do some good. “Will you tell me about your club?”
“I’ll tell you about it tomorrow. You need to sleep.”
“And what about you? Are you just going to sit in that chair and watch me?”
“Because of the laudanum your father gave you, I’d like someone to watch you. But if you’d prefer it wasn’t me, Winnie is here and I can send her in instead.”
“I don’t mind if it’s you.” Somehow, in a single conversation, her whole view of this man had changed. Was it possible he really had forced her into this marriage to save her from her father?
She picked up the paper from the bed and held it out for him, not wanting to see it again. It would seem he’d at least rescued her tonight. “Thank you.”
As he took it, he held her hand with one of his and patted the back of it with the other. “Things are going to get better. I promise.”
When she woke in the morning, the sun was shining, but he was still there, in the chair.
“Don’t you sleep?”
“Not usually at night. How are you feeling?”
“Better. I’m sorry for the way I reacted when I woke last night. I was disoriented when I came around and it scared me.”
“Understandably. And mine was not the most comforting face for you to wake to.”
She couldn’t argue with that.
“Do you think you’re up to traveling?”
“Yes. But I should warn you. If you shout at me, I will shout back. Even if we’re in public.”
He chuckled, and a flash of amusement crossed his face as he smiled. “Warning received.”