Chapter 21
I drive Jo and Kody back to the ranch early the next day.
Jo asks me to wait while she fetches something inside.
She disappears into the house and Kody busies herself on the swings.
Minutes later, Jo reappears on the porch.
I watch her as she walked down the stairs, noticing how each step towards us seems heavier than the last. It’s as if she’s carrying something that gets heavier the longer she holds onto it.
When she finally reaches us, she drops a small velvet bag into my hand and then exhales a long, shaky breath.
“This belongs to Lila’s family,” she says solemnly.
I know what’s inside without having to ask.
She turns to head back inside but then stops and faces me again.
“I want to thank you, Paige. For everything. I won’t lie to you.
It still hurts you that you hid what you knew from me.
It probably will hurt for a while. Everything feels mixed up, and I can’t separate if I’m so upset because I feel like you chose someone else over me or if I’m just upset by everything.
But I know that you’ll always be there for me and Kody.
Knowing that makes me feel a little less scared about what comes next. So, thank you. I love you.”
“I love you too, Jo. So much. And I’m so, so sorry. For everything,” I say, choking on the words.
Jo’s eyes move beyond me, taking in the slope of the hills behind me, the barn below, the stretch of rippling prairie.
It’s a view she’s known all her life. Her home and her heartbreak.
When her eyes meet mine again, the sadness and pain that had been haunting her gaze for weeks is replaced with steely determination.
“I’m going to need time to figure this out on my own.
My priority is making this adjustment as easy on Kody as I can.
But I’ll be in touch soon.” she says, and I nod, my eyes brimming with tears because I know what “be in touch soon” means.
It’s her way of telling me to back off. She doesn’t trust me, doesn’t want me around.
She turns and walks back inside, Kody follows at her heels.
It’s my cue to leave and give her the space she needs to start piecing her life back together, but it takes all my strength not to rush after her and beg her not to push me away. I drive back to my house in silence, preparing myself for the second hard goodbye of the day.
Shayne is waiting for me in the driveway, Duke already stowed again in the trailer.
I park my car on the side of the road and then walk up the incline.
Shayne meets me halfway, and I fall into his arms the moment he’s within reach.
I’d promised myself on the drive over that I was done crying, but that quickly proved to be a lie.
He strokes my hair as I soak his shirt with fresh tears, all the while murmuring sweet words.
After a while, I pull away from him and dry my eyes on my sleeve.
“So this is it,” I say. “You better leave now before I figure a way to chain you and your demon horse to my porch.”
“I can’t imagine anywhere else I’d rather be chained. But my mom deserves to hear the whole story from me. Then I’ve got to sort out what’s next for me and Duke—"
“Which will be getting chained to my porch, like we’ve discussed,” I interrupt.
Shayne laughs and then tilts my head up for a final kiss.
It’s mind-meltingly tender and full of promise.
It’s not a goodbye kiss. It’s a kiss that says soon, all would be well again soon.
It takes all the strength I have left not to deepen the kiss and insist that now was what I want.
Not soon. I know he has to leave, but I desperately want him to stay—more so, I desperately want him to want to stay.
I’m having a hard time ignoring the voice in my head that taunts me that the moment he leaves my sight, that would be it.
He’ll never return. To stop myself from fixating on all the what-ifs, I reach into my pocket and then grab his hand, flipping it over so I can drop the velvet pouch into his palm.
Shayne closes his fingers around it hesitantly.
“It’s strange, but I almost don't want it. I’d say we throw it in the river, but I know my mom will appreciate having it back in the family.
Please thank Jo for me.” I nod as he pockets the pouch.
Our fingers twine together as we walk the rest of the way up the hill.
Duke’s enormous head pokes through the trailer window when we approach, and I reach up to give him a final pat while my eyes linger on Shayne doing a final check on the trailer hook-ups.
“Alright, that’s it then, Banshee. I’m not saying goodbye because that would be pointless,” he says, brushing his hands on his jeans as he straightens up from his crouch between the truck and trailer.
I nod at him, not trusting my voice. His eyes soften as he meets my embarrassingly watery gaze.
“I’ll be in touch.” He brushes his lips quickly over mine, then rounds the cab.
And just like that, he’s gone.
I stand there for a long while, lost in my misery. My fingertips itch. I’m dying to pick up my phone and call Jo. Knowing that I can’t somehow makes the pain of his leaving even more intense. I turned to walk inside. My phone rings loudly in my pocket, making me jump.
My face breaks into a huge smile and I answer it on the second ring. Shayne’s deep baritone filled my ear, “Tell me how many times you’ve imagined me naked in the last ten minutes, Banshee.”
I laugh and am about to tell him off when a loud car horn erupts behind me.
I spin on my heels and am gifted with the sight of Nola’s head hanging out of the driver side window of her bright yellow-and-rust speckled Saab.
“I’m going to have to call you later Shayne.
The circus act that is my mother just arrived.
Oh, and the answer to your question is… about ten times.
” I hang up and throw my mother a glare.
She waves excitedly in response, clearly unperturbed by my welcome grimace.
The car coughs and sputters up the driveway, stopping about six inches away from my shins. I jump backward as the car wheezes to a stop.
“Jesus, mom, I can’t believe you drove this car three miles let alone three hundred,” I extoll, hand to my chest to calm my pounding heart. In all honesty, - forgot she was coming.
“Hello, darling!” she tootles loudly. She throws open the car door and unfolds herself gracefully from the car’s interior as if she’s stepping out of a Rolls Royce and not a junkyard reject.
She pushes the oversized aviator sunglasses she’s wearing on top of her head and squints intensely into my eyes.
I’m instantly overwhelmed by her closeness and the cloud of santal-scented perfume she’s doused herself in.
“Paige. You look like absolute dog shit. Tell me everything. Oh wait, where is that young man of yours? You know, the one who rearranged your alchemy?” Nola says, glancing around as if expecting to find Shayne hiding behind one of the tree clusters.
“Believe it or not, you just missed him. I bet you passed his truck on the way up here.”
Nola reacts like she’s been slapped. “You’re kidding. You’ve got to call him back here right this instant.”
“Absolutely not,” I say, doing my best to usher her into the house.
She argues with me the entire time I’m getting myself ready for work and even manages to grab my phone in an attempt to text him herself, but thankfully can’t get past my lock screen.
When it becomes clear that I won’t give in to her request, she hides in the loft upstairs and refuses to talk to me until I leave for work. A very typical Nola welcome indeed.
* * *
It’s been a week now, and besides her initial histrionics, having Nola around has proven to be much more of a gift than a curse.
She’s been working in the bookshop every day without complaint.
At night, she’s cooked us delicious meals, while entertaining me with an endless supply of stories from her exploits.
Having her around has prevented me from pining about Jo—who has yet to reach out.
I’m deep in thought, making a mental list of the things I have to get done in the store tomorrow when Nola loudly clears her throat behind me. I drop the pot I was scrubbing into the sink and force a smile onto my face. I miss being alone.
Nola rubs my back and then lifts herself up onto the counter beside the sink.
She reaches into the fruit basket hanging beside her and bites gratuitously into a peach, letting the juice drip down her chin as she flutters her eyelids as if in ecstasy.
I roll my eyes at her. There are only twenty years between us, and more often than not, I feel like I’m the older one in our relationship.
From this close angle, I have an unobstructed view of her still-unlined skin.
She has just a few gray hairs around her temples, but other than that, she could be mistaken for my sister.
She finishes eating the peach and then reaches across to cup my chin, her fingers still sticky with fruit juice. I squirm and try to protest, but her grip is surprisingly tight.
“There’s something rather important I have to tell you, Paige,” Nola says, dropping her hand from my chin once she’s gotten my full attention.
Gone is the silliness of the previous moment.
Her look is serious now, and the quick way she’s shifted from one to the other gives me pause.
I put down the dish I was cleaning and turn so we’re facing each other. “What’s up?”
“I’ve avoided telling you this because I didn’t think I had to,” Nola says, dropping her gaze to her hands.
“You’re not going to be pleased that I’ve hidden this from you for so long.
In fact, you might ask me to leave, so I’ve gone ahead and packed my bag just to be safe.
” She points to the front door where her bag is, in fact, already packed. My anxiety surges.