CHAPTER NINE
We all share the same guilty pleasure
VANESSA
I think it’s time to go home.
Watching Jake stick his tongue down another girl’s throat five feet away from me is all the entertainment I need for one night.
It was nice getting to know him a bit better. I guess, for the most part, I did have him pinned down wrong. He’s not a super shallow hockey player who only cares about getting in a girl’s pants, although looking at him right now makes that hard to believe.
Does Jake know how infuriating he can be?
I mean, who asks a girl to hang out and then leaves her for some random chick at the bar?
Okay, I shouldn’t be getting worked up over this. I shouldn’t even care what Jake’s up to. But I can’t lie and say I wasn’t a little hurt. I was really enjoying our conversation. I feel like it’s so rare for me to find a guy I can actually communicate with.Talking with Jake felt so effortless.
This hasn’t completely changed my mindset on him. He went from talking with me most of the night to making out with the small redhead I saw at their game today. She is drop-dead gorgeous, with her defined legs and tattoos, so props to Jake. If he wants to hook up with someone to celebrate, I won’t get in the way of that.
I grab Sydney and Maddie from the dance floor, and we push our way through the crowd over to Nate to let him know we’re ready to leave.The upside of going out with Nate and his friends is he at least offered to drive us all home.
Ugh, I can’t wait to go home to my vibrator and not think about Jake.
“All right, girls, hop in,” Nate yells while rolling down the passenger window.
Sydney hops in the front of his all-white Lincoln Aviator while Maddie and I slide into the backseat.
“Nate, hold up!”
As if on cue, all of us turn our heads to the front door and see Jake waving at us with the redhead attached to his hip.
Seriously? You’ve got to be kidding me right now.
If there is a god out there, can you help a girl out?
Jake opens the door next to me and leans in. “Hey, Ness, mind moving over?”
He pushes inside the car, moving me so I’m now sitting in the middle. I don’t remember signing up to sit bitch in the backseat.
The girl from the bar is pulled in the car, too, and Jake positions her right on his lap, as if there wasn’t any more room back here for her to sit. Could this night get any worse?
“Seat belts,” Nate orders before driving off.
I get settled in as Jake pulls his seat belt around him and the girl sitting on his lap. She leans into him as he buckles them in and starts kissing his neck.
I think I might puke. He clearly doesn’t have any consideration for everyone else in the car being subjected to this.I turn toward Maddie, sticking my finger to my open mouth, pretending to vomit when Jake and the girl start heavily making out next to me.
I stand corrected, this night can definitely get worse.
Jake slides his hands up her tattooed thigh, playing under the hem of her skirt. If I wasn’t so annoyed I would compliment the girl on all of her ink, but right now I’d rather vomit on the two of them.
“Please refrain yourselves from fucking while there are other people in the car,” I mumble but loud enough to hear Jake chuckle against the girl’s lips.
I might open Maddie’s door and throw myself out of the vehicle while driving.
After what feels like an hour, but was realistically only twenty minutes, we finally make it to our building. Jake is still preoccupied with the girl from the bar and doesn’t notice any of us slip out of the vehicle. We wave off Nate and head inside.
I want to collapse on my bed and suffocate myself with all of my pillows. I am so over tonight.
We wave at our security guard, Greg, as we walk through the well-lit modern lobby.
“Good evening, ladies. Did you girls have a fun night out?”
“We had such a lovely night, Greg. How’s yours going?” Sydney boasts. She’s the most outgoing of our group, and she and Greg have the friendliest relationship. She always makes sure to bring down leftovers when we have them or give him gifts on holidays, so he feels appreciated.
“It’s been quiet so far. You ladies get settled and have a good night.” He waves at us before we head to the elevator.
We get to our floor and unlock the door to our apartment. Immediately, we kick off our shoes, and all let out a collective groan of relief, our toes so thankful that they’re free of our heels.I can finally feel my pinky toes again after squishing them in tight shoes all night.
Sydney walks over to the couch and plops down, grabbing the remote. “Anyone wanna watch an episode of Love Island ?”
“Ooh, I’m down for an episode.” Maddie takes a seat next to her, wrapping herself up in a pink throw blanket.
They both look at me, waiting for an answer. I’m exhausted from the events of today and don’t really feel like watching twenty hot single people mingle for an hour. I’m ready to shower and wash all my makeup off then pass out like a bear in hibernation.
“I think I’m gonna turn in. Rain check?”
“Fine, but you owe us two uninterrupted hours of trashy reality TV.” Maddie snuggles further into the couch, tossing one of her horror movie decorative pillows behind her head.
Maddie’s secret love is horrible, trashy reality shows. Besides true crime documentaries and horror movies, reality TV is the only other thing she’ll watch. She’s up to date on the newest shows and keeps us informed on which ones are worth watching, and which ones aren’t—even though we end up watching them all. I guess we all share the same guilty pleasure.
“All right, sounds like a plan. Goodnight, love you both!” I shout from the hallway as I make my way to my room.I just need some alone time.
“Goodnight!”
“Love you!”
I shut the door behind me and lean against it for a moment to collect my thoughts.
My skin feels sticky from the sweat and alcohol. I need to shower. After being out at the bar and sharing a car with two people basically having sex next to me, I need to cleanse myself.I walk into my bathroom and let the water run. Steam quickly fills the air. I step into the shower, letting the hot water wash over me as all the sweat and makeup drips away. Once I’m scrubbed raw, I toss on a baggy tee and climb into bed, ready for my exhaustion to take over and lull me to sleep.
Except it doesn’t.
Instead, all I can do is stare up at my ceiling as my brain continues to be stuck on a loop, replaying the events of tonight. It’s like my mind can’t move on without making me think of that one thing. That one person.
Jake.
I can’t even have my own thoughts to myself, he needs to invade those too.
I have a feeling I won’t be getting any sleep tonight.
The weekend flies by. After a nice deep clean of the condo, we all decided to take the rest of our Sunday working on our own school projects and things.
Sydney spent the morning organizing our entire kitchen before heading to the library. She’s currently obsessed with watching videos of people cleaning and organizing their homes, so now she’s taken it upon herself to declutter our space.Sometimes she can be a bit crazy with cleaning, but I will never complain because the place is always spotless when she gets in one of her moods.
Yesterday I worked on editing a few photos for my digital print lab and I also met up with two of the guys from the team, Sebastian and Levi. We went over basic questions regarding their studying, their hobbies, and of course their stats.I had them meet me at Caio, and talking with them was actually really refreshing. Levi and I joked about how ridiculous Jake was the previous night and Sebastian commented on how Jake couldn’t keep his eyes off me until we all left, but I just shoved their comments aside.
I couldn’t care less if Jake was watching me all night. At the end of the night, he still went home with one of his puck bunnies, not me.
Whatever, it doesn’t bother me.
My late-night overthinking has concluded that my relationship with Jake is purely platonic. I’m going to be civil and nice for the remainder of my term project and then forget that he ever existed.
It’s probably time I stop obsessing over this and get my Sunday started, since I’ve been lying in bed all morning. I need to tackle the heaping pile of laundry I’ve accumulated in the corner of my room. I don’t know why I do it, but I always tend to leave all of my chores to Sunday. It’s probably because I’m a huge procrastinator.
I pick up the clothes off the floor and bring them to our laundry room. We’re lucky enough to have in-house laundry, which isn’t too common for apartments. I guess one thing my parents are good for besides money is finding a good place to live. I toss a Tide POD in with the wash then make my bed and organize my shelves.
As I’m organizing the textbooks scattered on my desk, there’s a knock at our front door. Okay, odd . Maybe Maddie or Sydney forgot their key; highly unlikely, but it’s happened a few times before.
I walk over to look through the peephole only to see Jake on the other side.
What the hell is he doing here? I open the door and Jake’s standing there in gray sweats and a red BCU hockey sweater.
“Uh…what are you doing here?”
Jake smiles wide at me. “Well that’s no way to greet a guest, Nichols. Can I come in?”
He strides past and waits for me to shut the door behind him. As I turn to face him, I don’t realize how close he actually is, and I bounce off his chest.
“Geez, you’re a freaking giant,” I mutter, straightening my glasses.
He chuckles at my lack of coordination. My depth perception isn’t the greatest, especially with my eyesight.
I forget how much taller he is than me. How intimidating his frame is. I wonder what it’s like to be that tall and what I look like from his point of view. Probably like a mouse.
We’re standing in the hallway and silence falls between us.
Okay, not awkward at all.
“So back to my original question, what are you doing here? And how did you even get into the building?” I ask, crossing my arms across my chest.
“I called Sydney, and she told the guy at the front desk to let me in.” He pulls his laptop out of his bag, holding it with one hand. “Did you forget that we’re watching The Godfather ?”
Oh, so he wasn’t kidding about that.
I thought he was joking. I wasn’t expecting him to actually show up with his laptop ready to watch a three-hour movie. If I would’ve known he was being serious, I wouldn’t be wearing sweatpants and an old T-shirt.
“You were serious about that?”
“Why would I joke about watching one of my favorite movies? Did you hit your head and lose your memory? Do you even know your own name? What year is it?” he jokes as he removes his shoes.
I roll my eyes at him.
Hmm, okay, maybe it is an involuntary response to him.
“No, I didn’t forget, I just didn’t think you were serious.”
He scoffs at me. “C’mon, Nichols, someone’s got to make sure you don’t fall asleep.” He knocks his shoulder into me, teasingly. “So are we just gonna watch the movie in the hallway or is there somewhere we can sit?”
“Oh, right. We can watch it in my room if you want. Sydney just cleaned, so if we make a mess out here she’ll kill me.”
“Damn, what kind of mess will we be making?”
I guess I set myself up for that one.
“Speaking of Sydney, where are your roommates?”
“Sydney’s on campus and Maddie’s at work.”
He raises his eyebrows seductively, “Oh, so it looks like we have the place to ourselves.”
I ignore his comment and walk down the hallway, he’s smart and keeps his mouth quiet as he follows me to my room.
“Straight to the bedroom. Geez, Vanessa, if you wanted to have sex with me, all you had to do was ask.”
I turn around and lightly shove him with one arm. “Don’t be dumb or you can go home, and I’ll watch it by myself.”
He holds his hands up in a sign of defeat. “All right, all right calm down. I’m just joking.”
Jake plops down on the bed, and it sinks a little under his weight. I sit next to him, adjusting the pillows so I’m in more of an upright position rather than lying down with him. Jake stretches his legs out and I realize that my double-sized bed is almost too small for him. If he were to lie flat I can imagine his feet dangling off the edge of the bed. Now that I’m imagining that in my head, I can’t stop the laugh that escapes my lips.
“What’s so funny?”
I stifle my laugh. “I’m just imagining you sleeping in this bed and…you just wouldn’t fit.”
“You’d be surprised how easily I can fit into things.” He winks at me, and I roll my eyes in response.
I guess I set myself up for that one. “Turn the movie on you idiot.”
“Whatever you say, Ness.”
He opens his laptop and queues up the movie. This man really has The Godfather purchased on his computer rather than streaming it online like I did.
Hmm, so he wasn’t lying when he said it was one of his favorites.
“I’m going to be watching you throughout this entire movie to make sure you don’t fall asleep.”
My stomach flutters with his words— he’ll be watching me. I’m imagining his eyes on me throughout the duration of the film, and it makes me feel nervous. His deep blue eyes can be so intimidating I don’t want to have them staring at me for hours. I’ll sweat through my shirt before we even get five minutes in.
“Now before we start.” Jake rubs his hands together. “Do you have any snacks?”
“So let me get this straight, you come here unannounced, ready to watch a movie, but didn’t bring any food with you?”
He nods at me.
Of course. He clearly didn’t think any of this through. Am I surprised? Not really. It seems like Jake is completely oblivious to his actions.
Without another thought, I reach over to my nightstand and pull open the drawer to grab my secret stash of munchies. You never know when you might need a chocolate bar or a bag of chips.I pass him a KitKat and a small bag of salt and vinegar chips. Immediately he holds the chips by the corner as if it’s a diseased animal that he picked up off the street.
“Is there something wrong with the chips?” I ask.
He tosses the bag back to me. “That is the worst flavor. What is wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you? Salt and vinegar is the best flavor out there. You clearly have no taste.”
“Ness, I think the chips burnt off all of your taste buds ’cause those things burn your tongue as you eat them. Only crazy people like it.”
“Well call me crazy then. If you wanted better snacks then you should have brought your own. Now eat your KitKat and hit Play, I don’t want to spend all day watching this.”
I open the bag and slowly plop a very sour chip into my mouth, keeping eye contact with Jake the whole time. As I chew on the chip, he makes a barfing sound.
Classy.
The chip had more vinegar than I expected and causes me to pucker my lips at the acidity. Jake’s not wrong, they do burn as you eat them but that’s what makes them so good. The salt and vinegar make your mouth pucker and I can’t help myself from finishing an entire bag in one sitting.
“Yep, you’re definitely crazy. At least you have good taste in chocolate.” He breaks off a piece of the bar and takes a bite.
KitKat is the supreme chocolate in this household. They’re Maddie’s favorite and her parents send her care packages every now and again filled with all the different flavors. Sometimes I wish my parents knew my favorite candy and would send me boxes of it. Unfortunately that would require them to care to know something about me.
We eat our snacks in silence as the movie begins. I remember the first half hour of the movie, but everything after is a complete blur. At some point I get under the covers, our apartment is always chilly no matter how high we turn up the heat.
“Do you mind if I use the blanket?” Jake motions to the comforter I’m currently lying under. I shake my head and he maneuvers under the covers.
Throughout the movie, Jake makes small comments here and there to help explain the plot better. I hate to admit it, but watching it with someone definitely makes the movie more entertaining—even if it’s Jake.
We get about halfway through the movie and the main character ends up in Italy and gets married while the rest of his family remains in New York. I was expecting this to be a sweet ending until the wife unexpectedly dies.
I shoot up from my now-lying position. “She didn’t even do anything, and then boom, she dies in an explosion made for Michael. That’s so messed up!”
“But that’s the point! The movie is showing you how the Italian mob was back then. They were ruthless. If they couldn’t go after you, they would go after your family.” He explains. “No one was safe, that’s the most unsettling part of it all.”
“I don’t think I could be with anyone who is involved with shit like that. Having a target on your back all the time, never knowing if your family was safe. I would go crazy.”
“Oh, so if I told you I was in the mob then we couldn’t be friends anymore?” Jake asks.
I side-eye him. “Who said we were friends?”
“Ouch, you wound me.” He holds his hand over his heart, as if I had just stabbed him. He smirks at me in a way that makes heat rise to my cheeks.
Can we be considered friends? We’ve only talked a handful of times. If I wasn’t assigned to the team, then I can guarantee Jake would have never spoken to me again.
We finish the rest of the movie with minimal comments from Jake.
“See, it wasn’t so bad now was it?”
I stop staring at him so I don’t seem like a freak. “As much as it pains me to admit this, you were right. I think it was better to watch it with someone.”
Jake nods at my comment and then his face turns to a more serious expression.“So I wanted to talk to you about the other night. I didn’t mean to intentionally ditch you.”
Well that wasn’t what I was expecting him to say. But is that what he should be apologizing for? ’Cause I would rather have him apologize for basically having sex with the girl next to me in the car.
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”
He shifts his weight so now he’s lying on his side, directly facing me. “No, it’s not fine. I acted shitty. I ditched you to take shots with Car and made you wait around. I—Ness, look, I enjoy hanging with you. Even with your sassy remarks and constant eye rolls, you’re fun to be around.”
Okay, that was oddly sweet.
“That’s nice and all, but what about you bringing home that girl from the bar? You were practically humping in the backseat. Did you not care that there were other people in the car?”
His eyebrows furrow. “What, with Caroline? We were just making out. We do it all the time.”
Oh God, does he have a girlfriend? Jake doesn’t seem like the type from his reputation. But hey, I guess you should never assume.
“Okay, well maybe next time you and your girlfriend could be more considerate of those around you.”
“ Girlfriend? That’s cute.” He sits up more, resting his arm behind his head. “Car and I are just friends who’ve hooked up a few times. Nothing more than that. And I’m sorry if we offended you with our kissing.”
Hmm, okay, so not his girlfriend . But still, it would’ve been nice to not sit next to them the entire way home while they exchanged saliva.
“All right, look, Ness, if you don’t want to be friends with me then that’s cool. I just thought since you’re going to be around the team for the whole year, we might as well get along, right?”
He makes a valid point, and I was just saying how I want to get along with everyone on the team. Friday night turned out to be a lot of fun, hanging out with Jake and then dancing with Levi and some of the other guys. They made me feel welcomed, a feeling I didn’t expect from a college hockey team.
“Well, I guess we can be friends, considering you are lying in my bed.”
Jake laughs at my remark. “Yeah, I guess that’s true.”
I stand up on the bed and stretch. Lying in my bed for three hours has made my back stiff.
“All right, well I’m going to make a late lunch, you hungry?”
Jake looks at the watch on his wrist. “Yeah, I could eat.”
Jake follows me into the kitchen, which is spotless thanks to Sydney. I open a few drawers, looking for our frying pan that Sydney must have moved during her cleaning spree yesterday—and yes, a house with three girls and we only have one frying pan, sue us.
After searching for a few minutes, I finally find the pan and grab three different kinds of cheese from the fridge.
I quickly assemble two sandwiches as Jake silently scrolls on his phone in the corner of the kitchen. He’s in the doorway, one hand above his head leaning on the trim. I don’t know if guys know this, but leaning in a doorway is one of the sexiest positions a guy can stand in.
I try to focus on cooking rather than staring at Jake, but I find my eyes peeking back to him every now and again.
“Voil à , the best grilled cheese you’ll ever have.” I smile up at him, passing him his sandwich on a plate, pretending like I’m a world-class chef, when really this is the extent of my cooking abilities.
He looks down at the food on the plate and I’m waiting for him to roast me for making such a basic meal.
“Are you a mind reader? I fucking love grilled cheese.”
“Seriously? I thought you would tease me for my lack of a palette.”
“No way, that was one of the first things I ever learned how to make. Grilled cheese was my staple snack between school and hockey practice. I once made one with goat cheese, spinach, and prosciutto, it was fucking fire.”
I motion for him to go sit at the table while I slide my sandwich on my own plate. Normally Sydney and Maddie make fun of me for making simple dishes, so it’s nice that someone appreciates the basics.
We both dig into our food and start chatting about everything and yet nothing at the same time. I guess this is a step toward being friends.
Jake tells me how Coach Wilson is super hard on them this year because of the small mistakes made in the championship last season.
“It’s just ridiculous. He works us so hard some days that I feel like I’m going to pass out or vomit afterward—sometimes both. And now Coach is all about teamwork and not relying on one single player to carry the team, which is good ’cause you do need a strong team to win. I think that’s why he made Nate captain, ’cause he’s a good leader. I mean, I’m not going to complain about taking more shots, but sometimes Coach can be such a hardass. Especially during early morning practices.”
“How early are we talking?” I ask out of pure curiosity. I realize I only gazed over the schedule Coach Wilson gave me. I need to make a mental reminder to myself to review it closely later so I can set up my week accordingly.
“Tuesdays and Thursdays we have practice at six. That way if anyone has morning classes, we have time to take a shower and shit beforehand.”
“Six? As in, six a.m.?” I ask and Jake nods. “I think I might die.”
Jake pops the last bite of his sandwich into his mouth. “Meh, once you’ve been doing it for so long, it gets easier.”
I guess that makes sense. If you’ve been training for years and play the sport, your body gets used to early morning practices and late-night games. That’s probably why these guys are always in such good shape. But now I’m imagining myself at some of their six a.m. practices, and I don’t know how I’ll be able to function.
“I’m sure that seeing a bunch of very good-looking hockey players will wake you up in the morning.” Ah, there’s that cocky attitude.
I brush him off and grab both of our plates off the table and leave them in the sink with the rest of my dishes. I have to remember to clean that up before Sydney gets home or she might rip my head off.
“Thanks for lunch. I’m gonna grab my laptop and then probably head out if that’s cool?” Jake calls from the dining room.
“Yeah, for sure, I have laundry and stuff to finish, anyway.”
I watch Jake go down the hall and turn into my bedroom. I start to clean up the crumbs off the counter and the table when I hear a loud, almost girlish shriek come from my room. I drop the crumbs in my hand and race down the hall to see what caused him to scream so loud.
I freeze in place when I enter my room and see Jake standing there holding Geralt.
Kill. Me. Now.
Geralt is my dildo. My lovely, vibrating dildo that has kept me sane over the past few months.
“This was behind my head the whole time?” He holds it between two fingers, just like the bag of salt and vinegar chips.
I can’t stop the laughter that comes out of my mouth. Jake’s face is frozen in shock, it’s as if he’s never seen a dildo before—which I find hard to believe.
“Sorry, I must’ve forgotten to put Geralt away last night.” I walk over to Jake and try to grab the thick blue silicon dick from his hand, but Jake pulls away too fast, putting Geralt out of my reach. His height gives him an advantage and I jump up trying to retrieve the toy from his gigantic hands. “Give it back!”
“Geralt? You named it?” Curiosity laces his voice. “Why the fuck did you name it Geralt?”
I climb up on the bed to gain more height to grab the toy from him. “Geralt, like Geralt of Rivia from The Witcher? Henry Cavill ?”I make it sound like it’s so obvious.
Jake looks at me with the most amused expression and lets out a low chuckle that shakes his chest. “Oh, Ness, you are such a nerd. Do you touch yourself thinking of fictional men frequently?”
I use this moment of reprieve to hook my leg behind Jake’s knee to make him fall so I can grab the toy out of his grasp.
My plan ultimately fails when I lose my own footing and we both tumble onto the bed, his body now covering mine. He mostly catches himself, hovering over me, but I can feel his muscular thighs trapping my body under his. His body is hard as rock, I wonder what other parts of his body are this muscular.
He’s still holding my dildo in his hand, and I can’t help but picture him using it on me. Telling me how good I take it, praising me while filling me up. I can feel the heat rise to my cheeks.
Our faces are just inches apart and both panting slightly from falling and laughing. I never realized how gorgeous his face is so up close. His lips are a little plump and I wonder what it would be like to kiss them, taste them. Even just for a second.
I know we had a drunken moment together, but my brain can’t remember what it felt like for our lips to touch. Or how it felt to have his big hands roam my body, to be fully encased by this man’s body.
Why is he having this kind of effect on me?
I realize now just how silent the room has become and look up from Jake’s body to find him staring at me. His blue eyes scanning, studying my face—it makes me breathless.
His eyes find my lips and they settle there for a moment, and I swear he starts leaning in closer, closing the very small gap that’s between our bodies.
“Ness, I am going to kill you! You left a huge mess in the—” Sydney storms into my room and stops dead in her tracks as she sees Jake over top of me, immediately killing whatever was going on between us.
Her eyes are wide, and she smacks her hand over her eyes, retreating her steps out of my door. “Oh my, sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll be in my room with noise-canceling headphones on!”
She pulls the door shut, and Jake and I are left in the same position, him over top of me, our bodies touching in many places.
Okay, this time, I’m actually going to kill her.
“Well, that’s probably my cue to head out.” Jake climbs off me and stands up, fixing his sweater and pants.
I follow suit and compose myself before he can read the blatant expression written across my face. What the hell was that, and why did my body react so easily to him? His lips were right there and all I wanted to do was crash my own to them. Clearly my hormones are all over the place because my body has been starved of a man’s touch for months, but that doesn’t mean Jake wants me. We literally just agreed to be friends and he’s clearly getting it elsewhere.
I think I’m going insane because of him. I need to gain control of myself. I cannot be like this if I have to spend the entire term constantly interacting with Jake.
He clears his throat and I turn around to face him. “I believe this is yours.”He extends my dildo out for me to take.
“Yeah, uh, thanks.”
Can this be any more awkward?
“So, I’ll see you later?” He grabs his laptop off the bed, waiting for me to respond.
“Yeah, I’ll see you around.” I’m ready to dive into my bed and hide from the entire world. The second he leaves I’m going to scream into my pillow and pretend this didn’t happen.
Oh God, please just leave.
My silent prayers are answered as he turns to leave, giving me a small smile as he exits my room. I wait until I hear the front door shut and then fall into my bed, letting out a scream the second my face hits my pillow.
Now would be a great time for a black hole to swallow the world up so I don’t have to think about this ever again.