CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Are you becoming a puck bunny?
JAKE
Studying the stars is one way I like to keep my mind occupied from all the other shit going on in my life. After the relentless teasing from the guys yesterday, I decided to spend my Sunday in the library catching up on notes and assignments.
Unlike the typical college athlete stereotype, I don’t like to fall behind in class, and I find I can study better at the library. The atmosphere here is different—everyone is focusing on their own work whether they’re studying or working on a paper. It motivates me to concentrate.
Or maybe the environment just helps my ADHD brain focus.
I’ve let myself get a little behind in my astronomy class, but I didn’t think that an intro level course would have so many articles to scour. I have a paper due on Tuesday that I haven’t even started yet.
For the past hour I’ve been reading every article since the first day of classes and haven’t found one that inspires me to write a whole four-page essay. There are countless topics to choose from, like black holes, the different types of light, discussing the development of telescopes and satellite imaging—and yet I’m still stuck.
A coffee break might just be the remedy I need to help me get into the groove of things. A little caffeine will give me the boost to trudge through the next couple of hours and write a B-worthy paper.
I shove my laptop in my bag and head down to the lobby to grab a coffee from the cafe.I spent a lot of time here in my freshman year.Kieran and I used to sit in the cafe pretending to be on a study break when we actually just came here to pick up girls. Some girls loved the smart athletic look, so Kieran and I ate it up.By the time winter semester came around, we had to change our game for something new.
I walk up to the counter, shaking off the nostalgia that it brings, and order a large black coffee. I need this to last until my paper is done.
“Shep.” Levi’s voice sounds from behind me, fist-bumping me as I turn to meet him. “Hey, man, how’s it going?”
“Good, good. Just grabbing a coffee on my study break.”
He leans against the display case that’s full of baked goods. “How did the talk with Coach go? I probably would’ve shit my pants if I was in your position.”
“Not bad actually. Kieran and I were lucky to leave the office intact. He didn’t rip into us as hard as he could’ve.” It isn’t until now that I notice the small figure emerge from behind him.
Vanessa.
She looks up at me, holding tightly onto her laptop in her arms, and smiles at me through those huge glasses.
I fucking love those on her.
Today she has an oversized plaid shirt unbuttoned with a black tee underneath. Her leggings cling to her body, defining her calf muscles, and her platform Converse do nothing to increase her height next to me and Levi.
She brings an immediate smile to my lips. “Hey, Ness, what’s up?”
“Hey.” She adjusts the bag on her shoulder. “We just met up to work on some assignments.”
I turn back to the cashier and grab my coffee from him, tossing the extra change into the tip jar.
“Oh man, I meant to ask, is there anything I need to bring to the party next Saturday?”
For the past three years, Nate and I have put on one of the best Halloween parties on campus. It’s invite only, and it seems like every year it gets crazier and crazier.
“If you could scoop up some extra napkins and ice on your way over, I’m sure Nate would be happy. One less thing for him to obsess over.”
Vanessa looks back and forth between me and Levi. “What party?”
“We’re gonna have a Halloween party after the game if you wanna come.”
I see the hesitation spread across her face for a moment.
“Sydney and Maddie are more than welcome to come too. But you guys have to dress up.”
It’s a rule we have. No costume, no entry. There’s no point in hosting a party on Halloween if people aren’t going to dress up. I feel like that goes against everything that the holiday was meant for. It’s a day made for young kids to get free candy and for college students to get absolutely smashed while wearing the most random fucking outfits.
Her teeth graze her bottom lip as she decides. “All right, sounds like fun. We’ll be there.”
Levi looks down at his watch, cursing under his breath.“Oh shit, I’m late to meet Seb. I’ll see you around later?” Levi gives Vanessa a hug before heading toward the front doors and shouting back, “See you at practice, Shep!”
I look down at Vanessa, whose cheeks have the smallest tinge of pink. Is she into Levi?
“So is this why you didn’t want me to say anything about last weekend? Because you’re into Levi?” I raise an eyebrow at her, teasing.
Her eyes automatically roll into the back of her head. “I don’t think that’s any of your business.”
“I thought we were friends, Ness, you wound me.” I bring my fist to my chest, acting as if she just stabbed me.
“You’re so annoying.”
She starts to walk toward the front doors that lead to the parking lot and I follow into step next to her.
I tickle her side. “Yeah, but you love when I annoy you.”
The look she gives me makes me wonder what’s going on in her head.
VANESSA
I hate to admit it, but I think I do love it when Jake annoys me.
He never fails to bring a smile to my face with his dumb jokes and goofy personality—but I will never tell him that because I truly believe he will never leave me alone until I die.
“So…” He stops on his heel, leaning his back against the floor-to-ceiling window with his arms crossed over his chest.
He looks so put together. His curly hair is tousled perfectly somehow. His jeans are worn in, the way your favorite pair fades over time, and his black long sleeve clings to his toned body.Whether he’s wearing everyday clothes, a suit, or his hockey uniform— he always looks perfect.
Jake’s so different from Levi. Levi is a sweetheart, and I absolutely cherish the friendship we’ve started to build, but where Levi is dark and gloomy, Jake is sunshine and smiles.Our friendships are so different, and I find myself craving Jake’s presence more and more. Being around him brings more light into my life.
When I hang out with Levi, we normally talk about school or photography, with Jake, anything is on the table. It makes me look forward to seeing him because I never know what’s going to come out of his mouth.
“You and Levi have been spending more time together, is it anything serious? Anything I should know about?”
Okay, I take back what I said about loving when he annoys me.
“Since when are you so curious about my life?”
“I’m always curious about you, Ness.”
My heart skips a beat at how fast he responds.I swear, sometimes this boy just says things that make me feel like I’m being swept off my feet. Who even says things like that?
“Seriously, why are you so concerned about my friendship with Levi?” I press.
“I’m just watching out for my friend, that’s all.”
“You didn’t seem to be watching out for him when you asked me to ditch him last weekend to go to a party with you.”
His nostrils flare, as if I struck a nerve.He was like this the other day and I got the weirdest vibe from him. Levi accused him of being jealous. As if. I don’t think that Jake could ever be jealous of anyone. He could get any girl he wanted with the snap of his fingers.
I squint my eyes and cross my arms, staring up at him. “Are you jealous of Levi?”
His back straightens, pulling him away from the wall and puffing out his chest. “ Me? Jealous? Fuck no.”
Just like I’d thought.Levi is definitely delusional thinking that Jake would be jealous over someone like me.
“Okay, well, Mr. Nosey, I have no intentions of dating Levi because I. Don’t. Date .” I poke his chest with the last three words.
Jake studies me, watching my body language, as if he’s trying to read my mind.
“So what, are you becoming a puck bunny or something?”
His question feels like a slap to my face.I don’t have anything against girls who hook up with guys solely based on a sport they play, but I’m not one of them. And I know he didn’t mean it as a compliment.
I take a step back from him, moving closer to the doors. “What the hell, Jake?”
“I mean, you get randomly assigned to work with the team. You become friends with me and we hook up, and then boom, you move down the roster onto Levi. Sounds like something a puck bunny would do.”
As he speaks, his eyes never land on me. It’s like he’s looking right past me and doesn’t care that his words are hurting my feelings. My cheeks immediately heat and I can practically see how red they’re getting from his accusation.I don’t know where the hell his attitude came from, but I’m not into it and I won’t tolerate him degrading me— especially in public.
“Fuck you, Jake. I asked you to keep that between us.”
I don’t let him respond, I turn around and head out the front doors to the library, praying that Maddie is already waiting for me in her car.
The late October air carries a chill that causes goose bumps to litter my skin. I wish I had brought a jacket, but I wasn’t planning on standing in the cold while waiting for my ride.
I feel his soft grip on my arm before I hear his words fall from his mouth. “ Shit. Ness, wait, please.”
I face him and feel like there’s steam coming out of my ears. “You don’t see me commenting on your sex life, so stay the hell out of mine.”
I should pump the brakes on my words. But I can’t. I’ve lost complete control of the car and I’m going full speed ahead.
“You’ve slept with half the girls on campus, Jake. How dare you accuse me of trying to sleep with the whole damn team. In case you didn’t know, I can be friends with whomever I please, and that doesn’t mean that I’m sleeping with them.”
His face crumbles as I tear into him.Deep down, I know that he didn’t say that to me because he actually believes I’m a puck bunny. But it still stung. Whatever his reasons are, I don’t want to hear them. I couldn’t care less about what he has to say right now.
“Ness, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be such a dick.”
“Sorry if I bruised your ego, but that doesn’t give you the right to tear me down!”
I’m tired of explaining myself. I shouldn’t have to feed his ego and make him feel like he’s the only guy I can be friends with. Levi is right, he does sound jealous, but I have no idea why he’s acting this way.
My phone vibrates in my hands, signaling that Maddie pulled into the parking lot, and perfect timing too.
“My ride is here, I’ll see you later.”
I don’t wait to hear his response. Instead, my feet fly down the stairs and pull me to the parking lot where Maddie patiently waits for me.
Should I have slut-shamed Jake after he accused me of sleeping around with the team? Probably not. But in the moment, it felt right.I just don’t understand what’s going on between us. Maybe it is sexual tension, but I feel like that only comes from one side— me.
In all honesty, after Jake and I hooked up, it’s been so hard to forget him. Every time I try to get off, whether it’s with Geralt or my small vibrator, it’s always Jake’s name that escapes my lips. I’m always picturing him .
I’m messed in the head.
I’m the one who told him to forget it ever happened, and yet I’m the one who can’t seem to forget that night.
Maddie immediately notices my mood the second I sink into her passenger seat, tossing my laptop onto her backseat. Her pants are covered in paint from work, and I’m a little glad I quit working at the paint store after only a couple of months.
“Why do you look like someone just punched you in your tit?”
I sigh, immediately venting to her. “Jake called me a puck bunny because I hooked up with him and now I’m hanging out with Levi. Even though Levi and I are just friends, he’s acting as if I want to suck each player’s dick.”
“What the fuck? Who does he think he is?” She scoffs as she pulls out of the parking lot. “Do you want me to go kick him in the dick or something? Because I’ll do it.”
I cherish my friendship with Maddie. She’s the type of friend that you could call at any time of the day and she would answer. I’m sure she would even help me hide a body if I asked, and knowing her knowledge with forensic science, she would also make sure we would never get caught.Having her and Sydney both in my life seems too good to be true sometimes. I wouldn’t trade them for all the money in the world.
“No, it’s fine.” I bite at the inside of my cheeks, something I do when I’m anxious. “I mean, it’s not fine, but everything feels so messy.”
“Girl, I need you to elaborate. What the hell has been going on with you recently?”
What has been going on with me?
I don’t feel like myself.I feel like I’m misguided and confused. Mainly with all of my emotions.My relationship with my parents is rockier than ever, and that’s definitely taken a toll on me.Other than that, the only other thing in my life that has been on my mind is Jake. And I hate that he’s constantly on my mind.
Sydney once told me that Jake and I were perfect for each other. We both hate commitment, we love the environment, and both of us are nerdy as hell—even if Jake doesn’t show it all the time.
I never believed her until the night in Vermont.
Since then, he’s spun my world around. I can no longer go a day without thinking of him and it’s been driving me crazy. I’ve been going crazy wondering if he’s been with anyone since me, if he’s seeing other girls, if he hooked up with me just because I was there. These thoughts are constantly going through my head and sometimes it becomes too overwhelming.
“Oh, also, we’re going to a Halloween party on Saturday at Nate’s place.”
A wicked grin grows on Maddie’s face. “I have the perfect idea for your costume.”
She spills her idea to me, and I absolutely love it.