Chapter 4
Three Years and Seven Months Prior
The mortal war keeps Vane away from the palace most years.
It is for the best. I do not know what he would do if he knew she was here, amongst the eldest princess’ handmaidens, of all places.
She does not remember, though June assures me the dreams will begin soon, if they have not already. It’s only a matter of time.
—Lady Anabeth, Royal Scribe’s Apprentice, D’anna
The air was cooler now, but even in the dead of winter, it wasn’t frigid. This part of Mise was far enough south that the snow and ice rarely touched it. Still, when she started to shiver, Morgen slung off his heavy cloak and tugged it over her shoulders.
She was beginning to lose track of how many times they had met here now.
Mostly, he listened to her talk, sharing little about himself.
It was a bit irritating, given her life wasn’t exciting in the least. But she didn’t like the way he disappeared into his own mind when the forest grew too still, so she spoke of anything and everything she could think of.
The only things she knew of him so far were that he was a demi-god who had grown up in Arcadia, that he had bonded with Varax when he was seventeen, and that had happened a long time ago. Beyond that, he was a mystery.
“Is it cold right now?” she asked as he adjusted the cloak. “In Arcadia? There are seasons there, right?”
He cleared his throat. His long hair was half pulled back, as usual, but a few wayward strands fell in his face as he dipped his head to meet her eyes. She ignored the small urge to tuck his hair back, to linger maybe, her hand pressed to his cheek.
“Where I am now, it’s cold most of the time.”
She bit the inside of her cheek, not wanting to push him too far too soon. But curiosity and the burning need to know more about him got the better of her.
“What about where you grew up? It was different from where you are now, wasn’t it?”
His hands stilled, hovering just above the clasp by her throat. He was trying to look away, but she sought out his gaze, a brow raised. His expression was closed off, and she had the distinct feeling he was about to shut down.
“Morgen,” she said softly. “I’m not going to judge you.”
His jaw tightened, fingers brushing her neck. She started to arch it but stopped herself the moment she realized what her body was doing. Thankfully, he didn’t appear to notice.
“You might. You know a few things about Arcadia, don’t you?”
She shrugged. “I know some. If you’d rather not tell me names or places, I don’t mind. I just want to know you better.”
He looked away, dropping his hands. “It’s not a pleasant story, nor is it a short one.”
With a sigh, she plopped down next to Varax, who was curled into as small of a ball a Vemon dragon could manage. Nya patted the space next to her.
“We have time.”
Morgen’s mouth twitched, and his eyes were still wary, but he joined her on the forest floor, facing her cross-legged. She didn’t say anything, giving him space to figure out how he was going to begin.
Finally, he said, “I lived in my father’s house as a child, but I never had parents. My mother died in childbirth, and the wet nurse was gone by the time I was four. Mostly, I was shut in my room, and I preferred it that way. It was safer.”
She furrowed her brow. “Safer?”
“My father…he was not fond of me.”
Her stomach dipped. His body was covered in scars. Could someone really do that to their own child?
“Whatever you are imagining,” Morgen said quietly, “it was much, much worse.”
“But why?”
It was perhaps a silly question to ask. Why did anyone hurt an innocent? But she chased a selfish need to understand, because she was reeling with such an overwhelming wave of confusion and anger.
Morgen sighed and lifted a long-fingered hand, brushing calloused fingers against her cheekbone. She stared at him, her lips parting to say what she did not know, but then, he murmured, “I don’t see ether in your eyes often.”
She blinked a few times. He was close to her now and still hadn’t moved his hand from her face when she realized…
Oh gods.
He was beautiful. There was something raw and wild about his features that made her both sure he was not merely mortal but also not just a god.
The more time they’d spent together, the more she had come to like being around him.
He was closed off, so their friendship had been slow blooming, but now, she found herself terrified.
Quite suddenly, she wanted, and she did not know what to do with it.
He started to move away, almost as if he sensed it, but on instinct, she grabbed his hand, holding it to her face. His expression shuttered, but not before she saw the flash of heat in his eyes.
“Nya.” He was shaking his head. “We cannot go there.”
Her cheeks warmed, and she let go of his hand. He didn’t move it again right away, even as she asked, “Will you tell me why?”
His throat bobbed, his eyes lingering somewhere near her shoulder. “If I say it’s because I don’t want to, will you stop asking?”
“Of course,” she whispered. “I would never force you to do something. I just thought… Well, it doesn’t matter now.”
Now, his hands dropped, and he shut his eyes, jaw tight as he sat back. He almost looked like he was in pain.
“Morgen?”
He took an abrupt, sharp breath then got to his feet, speaking with his back to her.
“I should probably go.”
She stood, chewing anxiously on her lip. “Alright. Will you come back?”
His shoulders rose and fell a few times, and then he turned. She couldn’t quite read his expression as he said, “Of course. Before the moon cycle ends. Varax will check in with you as well.”
She nodded, unsure what to say. Finally, she settled on, “Okay. Be safe.”
“Mm.”
“And Morgen?”
He turned from where he’d been about to climb onto Varax’s back.
“I want you to come back, alright? I’m not upset… A little embarrassed, but I’m not angry with you.” She grimaced. “I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable at all.”
He froze, eyes widening. For the first time since he had rescued her from the undertow, she swore, she saw the amber in his eyes flare almost to gold.
Before she could register what he was doing, he was in front of her, a hand gently cupping the back of her neck and his lips pressing to her forehead. It was her turn to freeze, entirely unsure of how to react. But after a moment, she leaned into his touch. It felt natural to be like this with him.
After a long moment, he pulled back but didn’t move away, resting his brow on hers. She dared a glance at him, finding his eyes closed.
“It’s not because I don’t want…” He shuddered, and she shivered as his thumb brushed against the side of her ear, the touch delicate.
“But nothing about this is simple, nor is it safe, even if we just remain friends. I’m selfish enough that I will keep coming back, but things need to remain as they are. ”
She shut her eyes too, lifting her hand and ghosting her fingers across the curve of his high cheekbones, relishing the small catch of his breath. “I understand you want to protect me, but who looks after you?”
He didn’t respond, and she opened her eyes to find him looking at her, the amber-gold soft, but there all the same. His nose nudged against hers, and she hardly dared to breathe when he brushed his lips over hers.
“No one,” he whispered against her mouth before pulling away.
She felt immediately unbalanced at the loss of his presence. It was as if her whole life had been lived in halves, and she just hadn’t realized it until this moment.
By the time she had recovered, he was already atop Varax, readying to take off. He always flew away, out of her sight, before he conjured up the portal.
“Why don’t you just portal from right here?” she called.
Even from atop Varax’s enormous back, she could see his lips curve. Perhaps someday, I will show you.
It wasn’t until after they were gone that she realized how sad his smile had been.