Chapter 22
Chapter
Twenty-Two
Sora told me of him today, the man she meets with in secret. I have never seen her so happy, and I have never been more afraid. Perhaps I should try to stop her from going to him. Or, perhaps, it is already too late.
—Anabeth, demi-god daughter of Juno, goddess of Fate
Nya lay wide awake in an unfamiliar room.
She’d only realized she was in Nyx’s house because she recognized the night blooming rose garden just outside the window behind her.
She didn’t bother trying to leave and had a creeping feeling the door was locked anyways.
In the hall beyond, angry, hushed voices raised every few minutes until someone scolded them to be quiet.
Mostly, it was her father arguing with Thanatos and another male voice she was fairly certain was Vulcan’s. Occasionally, Carus would interject, along with a feminine voice she recognized but could not place.
No one came into the room, but she tried to reach out to Morgen several times down the pathway.
He did not reply.
It had been several hours since she had woken here alone, and she was so terrified of facing the truth, she’d hardly moved.
She had hazy memories of him pulling her close, his face covered in blood, his body shaking so hard, he’d barely been able to hold her.
She couldn’t quite remember exactly what had happened, beyond piecing together the basics from the argument outside.
The void had called to her, and again, as she had nearly every night of her life, she had answered. But this time, she had been awake and fully able to wield her magic. Morgen had been the only one able to stop her from letting the world fall into the hands of that endless darkness.
“It might be for the best,” she could hear Vulcan saying for the third time in the hour. “We should at least try—”
“I am not letting you drug my daughter!” her father snapped, this time not managing to keep his voice quiet or level.
“Vane, it’s for her own good. Just until—”
“Until when? Until you and the others figure out a way to take away her magic? Unfortunately for you, I’m not stupid enough to believe that’s even possible, not without killing her.”
“We’ve been over this. We won’t hurt her, especially not with her tie to Morgen.”
A silence fell. Then, her father spoke in a voice so low, she could barely hear it through the door.
“Yes, of course. But tell me, both of you: if not for him, would you say the same? You need Morgen. I understand that. Just stop lying that you care about your granddaughter—tell me the truth: you wouldn’t hesitate to kill her yourself if doing so didn’t kill Morgen and, in turn, destroy the embers. ”
Neither of the gods replied. Nya shut her eyes and buried her face in the stiff couch cushions, forbidding herself to cry.
Her father laughed coldly. “I thought so. You all pretend you understand what love is, that you’re even capable of feeling it, but you only love others when it’s convenient, even your own children.”
Someone sighed loudly, and Thanatos said, “She’s awake, by the way.
Has been for a while, probably eavesdropping.
” His voice faded along with his footsteps as he added, “The walls of that room are thin. Sora often took ‘naps’ in there when we had council meetings at the house—at least, until we figured it out…”
There were more footsteps, a few low murmurs, and then the door opened, flooding the room with light.
Nya hadn’t realized there was a hearth in the corner, but flames roared to life within it as her father entered the room, shutting the door behind him quietly.
She didn’t sit up from the couch, hardly even looking at him as he sat on the edge of the armchair facing her.
“So, they want to sedate me.” Her voice was hoarse and grating, and the back of her throat tasted like iron.
He scrubbed a hand over his face, blowing out a breath. “I’m not going to let that happen.”
“Maybe you should.”
“Nya…” He shook his head, looking at her with a crease to his brow.
“Maybe it’s the best solution. Since they can’t just kill me.”
Silver flared bright in his eyes, and even as it dimmed, his voice was unyielding. “Don’t even go there, alright? You are not some problem that needs to be fixed.”
“The principals out there sure made it sound like it,” she said. She felt emotionless, even as a cold tear slid down her cheek.
“Yes, well, fuck them,” he said, but his voice caught. He rubbed his eyes, the gold band on his finger catching in the firelight. “I should have realized what was going on. I’m so sorry, Nya.”
She looked away, curling her hands into fists. “I never told you or Mama. How could you have known?”
“Except you did. I knew you were having nightmares, and I just brushed it off. I should have known it was more.” He sounded angry, but she knew even now, it wasn’t directed at her. “I’m supposed to protect you. It’s my one job, and I failed at it.”
She pushed herself up and took a deep breath, trying and failing to keep her jaw from trembling. “Yes, well, I think if every father was able to keep their children out of trouble their entire lives, the world wouldn’t be the way it is.”
His smile was very sad. “I suppose you’re right, but I still wish I could. If you have children someday, you’ll understand.”
She dropped her gaze, worrying her lip between her teeth. “Where is Morgen?” The question had been burning in her for hours now, simmering slowly into a festering fear the longer the pathway between them remained silent.
“Unconscious still.”
Her stomach dropped. “Here?”
“Yes.” He cleared his throat. “The others—the principals—were talking about taking him somewhere else, but Varax made quite the fuss about separating you two. Watching her argue with Heles and Thessilnn was like looking at three enormous cats get into a spat.”
Despite everything, her mouth twitched. That did sound like Varax.
“Nya,” he began. His expression was just shy of a grimace, and he looked uncomfortable enough that she knew exactly where this was going. “I know there’s a lot happening right now, but—”
“I don’t know,” she blurted out. “You were going to ask about what’s going on between me and Morgen, right?”
He cleared his throat again, leaning back. “Your mother vouches for him now.”
Nya bit her lip, gaze dropping to her wringing hands.
“I’m just…I’m confused. I knew him as one person all those years at home, and when I realized that was a lie, I hated him.
But now, I’m realizing I might have been wrong.
He was never two different people, not really.
I’m just angry he withheld information.”
“Do you think he had a reason for not telling you everything right away?”
She raised a brow. “Are you taking his side on this?”
“Not… No.” He knotted back his hair, something he did sometimes when he was nervous.
“But I do think that sometimes, telling someone the truth right away, just for the sake of being truthful, can often do more harm than good. Some truths need to be handled carefully, or instead of providing clarity, they have the potential to only cause more pain.”
She met his eyes, his expression always gentle and kind for her.
She wondered for a moment if her fervent tenacity towards caring for the few people she really loved came from her father too.
Sometimes, she wished she could feel less ferociously; loving someone regardless of risk wasn’t always the smartest or safest choice.
But she thought of her conversion with him mere days ago, when she’d asked if he ever wished he hadn’t met her mother, and how he had said he didn’t, without a second of hesitation.
To love as they did, in a world like this one, was a tragedy.
He would understand her next request, even if no one else did.
“I need to see him,” she said firmly. When he hesitated, she felt a flash of power rise like fire in the back of her throat, and she added, “Say it, whatever it is.”
To his credit, he didn’t sugar coat it. “The principals kept you separate on purpose. They’re worried for Morgen if you slip again.”
“Oh, now they care?” She laughed coldly. “They always knew he was the only one with embers, so I don’t see…” But she trailed off. “Or did they?”
Her father shook his head slowly. “It seems Sol kept some, just a small amount that he was somehow hoping to increase. I presume he fed the council lies that he was the reason the stability of the world had yet to digress.”
“But they realized that’s not true, didn’t they?”
“I meant what I said in the hall, Nya.” She opened her mouth to say she hadn’t been listening, but he only gave her a pointed look and continued, “They tend to care about things only when it is convenient for them.”
She cleared her throat to ease the tightness there.
It felt like the circumstances of her life were constricting around her, and she was powerless to stop it.
If the situation were reversed, she knew Morgen wouldn’t let a few doors stand in his way, but maybe this was for the best. This way, she might actually be able to force herself to leave.
“I’m tired,” she said, avoiding her father’s eyes.
He paused, and she was sure he was going to push more about Morgen, but instead, he sighed. “Alright. Get some more rest; we’re right outside the door.”
He patted her cheek and stood, letting the fire die as he left. She waited a long while after that, for the voices in the hallway to quiet and for the darkness of night to deepen. Then, she quietly unlatched the window and slipped outside.
“You are a stupid, stupid bastard, and they are going to kill me for this.”
Nya jerked, nearly tumbling off the cliff she was dangling her legs from. She had walked aimlessly for over an hour before finding the waterfall. It was much larger than the one in the forest at home in Mise, and she was sure the chances of surviving a fall would be slim.
“They won’t kill you, and they won’t kill me, so calm down.”