Chapter 29
Chapter
Twenty-Nine
I dream in such vibrant color, the world often feels dull in comparison.
But watching Sora and Vane during the marriage ceremony makes me wonder if the strength of colors are simply held in feelings.
The cavern, though dimly lit, was teeming with color and light, cradled perhaps in the emotions themselves. It gives me hope for the future.
—Anabeth, demi-god daughter of Juno, goddess of Fate
Late in the night, Morgen startled so abruptly, she nearly fell off the bed in alarm.
“Morgen,” Nya whispered, reaching for him.
He sat up, running a hand roughly through his hair. He must have been sleeping too; she wasn’t the only one haunted by nightmares.
She took his hand, pressing her lips to the inside of his wrist. “You’re alright.”
He took a slow, shuddering breath. “I know.”
“Was it bad? The dream?”
He paused then cleared his throat twice. “I didn’t lie when I said the palace exists where it does for a reason.”
She didn’t understand what he was trying to tell her at first, but when he didn’t explain further, she realized he meant that, in order to rule Arcadia, they would need to return there, to the place of all his childhood nightmares.
She had no doubt all but one of the scars visible on his skin had been given to him there.
Kronos, in his infinite creative torture, had found ways to make them last, despite the embers.
“I’m sorry,” she said, curling against his side. “I wish you didn’t have to go back there.”
He tugged her closer and wrapped his arms around her, breathing evenly again. “I wish I didn’t either,” he whispered into her hair.
“I’ll be with you.”
“I wish you didn’t have to see it, or be forced to rule and stay—”
“Morgen.”
“—with me.”
She shook her head, searching his expression. “Do you really still think I don’t want to be with you now?”
He looked away. “I did force you into this. If you need some space for a while, I won’t—”
But he cut himself off, inhaling sharply when she brushed her lips against the curve of his neck, just shy of the binding scar. She did it again, moving closer to the spot she knew would make him lose control.
“Nya,” he said, voice strangled. “You’re still—”
“I’m fine,” she murmured against his heated skin. “You really need to stop making assumptions about how I feel.”
“Are you sure?” he pushed. His hands slid up to her face, cupping her cheeks as she shifted to straddle his lap. “You’re not in pain anymore?”
Her lips tugged with a small smile, and she leaned her forehead against his. “Are you never not in a little bit of pain?”
His thumbs brushed absentmindedly over the curve of her cheekbones. “I was hoping that wouldn’t be the case for you, since you have less mortal blood, but…yes. The embers always wear a little bit.”
“Okay.” She smiled fully now, pressing the heel of her palm against his heartbeat. “So, I’m in pain, but it’s normal pain.”
“I just want to make sure—” He began but cut himself off with a surprised groan as she rolled her hips against his.
“Trust me,” she breathed, nipping at his mouth.
He slid a hand behind her neck, tangling his long fingers in her hair. “Only you,” he murmured before kissing her.
Neither of them took it further than that for a while, though she was hyperaware he was completely hard beneath her.
When he started to figure out if he pushed his hips into hers at certain angles, she whimpered and shivered, he began to do it more and more, until she was a trembling mess on top of him.
“If I touch you right now,” he said roughly, kissing along the curve of her neck and sucking on the binding scar, “I think you’ll come within seconds.”
She didn’t tell him he probably didn’t even need to do that, because it was already happening. He fisted his hand in the fabric of her long tunic, pumping his hips and swearing under his breath as she panted, her forehead pressed against his shoulder.
“Did you come?” she murmured sometime later, nipping at his jaw, her eyes half-lidded and her mind hazy.
He moaned softly when she tugged on his ear with her teeth and tipped his head back. His cheeks flushed in the dim light of the gas lamp on the bedside table, his voice thick when he rasped, “Yeah. But don’t you dare consider this done.”
She laughed softly, brushing the tip of her nose against his. “You do know that’s a little risky, right?”
“Risky how?” he muttered, kissing her to punctuate the words.
“Risky, as in…” She gasped as he gently flipped her so her back was pressed against the mattress. “If you’re trying to prevent children.”
He didn’t freeze or shut down like she expected him to. He stayed where he was, stroking his fingers against her cheek, but his gaze wandered. He seemed a little distracted, though not upset.
“Morgen?”
His lips twitched in a smile that never quite formed, and then he cleared his throat and met her eyes. “You remember what I said, about why I was against that?”
“Yes, because of the embers…” Except she trailed off when she realized what he must have considered too.
The reason he didn’t want children wasn’t because he didn’t want them, but because he was terrified of what would happen to her if she was pregnant with his child.
He had vowed to never let such a thing happen, because he thought the embers would kill her.
But she had the embers held within her now too.
She had already technically survived the process that killed his mother and all the others.
“Do you understand what I’m saying?”
She nodded, eyes widening and burning with rising emotion.
“This doesn’t mean I expect that of you. I would never ask you to have children if it was something you didn’t want. You know that, right?”
“I know,” she whispered with a trembling smile.
Her entire life had been ruled by fates she had no say in.
When she was young, she hadn’t been able to put her fear of love into words.
But as she grew, she’d realized her idea of giving herself to someone in that way was tied directly to pain.
Tragedy ran in her bloodline; the Fates had long decided for her that to love was a fatal thing.
It could still happen, but when it did, it would destroy her—and it had.
She was not the same, and something inside her was forever broken by what had happened.
But perhaps that was just what was needed to end the cycle.
Morgen had defied the Fates when he gave her the embers.
She felt the truth of that in every breath she took, just a little more strained than before.
But she was alive, and he was no longer cursed by the fear Kronos had never let him forget or deny: that he would destroy anything he loved.
They had choices now, not tragic destinies.
“Hey,” he said softly, his brow creased. “I didn’t mean you had to make any sort of decision right now.”
She laughed, her voice breaking. “I know, and I won’t, because I already know what I want. I just never had the luxury of being able to admit it, even to myself.”
His lips parted, but he didn’t speak. She could tell he didn’t want to say anything that might push her one way or another.
“You can relax,” she whispered, kissing him. “For now. Because I’ve always wanted a big family.”
He laughed abruptly, pulling back to look at her. “Are you serious?”
“Completely. I used to be terrified Varax would randomly send you flashes of all our babies I was imagining. And then you’d ask, and I’d have to pretend it had nothing to do with you, but the lie would be very easy to pick up on because they all had your eyes—”
“Nya,” he said, laughing and brushing his thumbs down her tear-damp cheeks. “That would have terrified me.”
She grinned. “I know.”
He sighed, still laughing softly as he dropped his forehead against hers and shut his eyes. “Just promise me something, will you?”
She nodded against him. “I’m not going to die in childbirth. I’m fairly certain the embers would make that very difficult.”
“I wasn’t going to say that, but thank you for reminding me of that terrifying notion.”
“Oh… What were you going to say?”
He kissed her, slowly and deeply, and she almost forgot she was waiting for him to speak until he gently pulled away.
“Promise me to make sure I actually do my duty, by force if you need to. Even though I know you’ll probably be much better at it than I will, ruling Arcadia is supposed to be my burden.
A part of me would love to watch you put everyone in their place, and once we have children, it will be tempting to say fuck it and hand off being king to someone else.
But I shouldn’t hide from the responsibility, not anymore. ”
“And the embers,” she muttered, arching her back as he kissed down across her collarbone. “Can’t forget the importance of those.”
“Mm, yeah, those,” he said, entirely uncaring and completely distracted as his lips skimmed her breasts.
She bit her lip, and when he noticed, a low sound escaped him. He pressed his thumb over her mouth then appeared to reconsider before instead scolding her with a nipping tug of his teeth.
“Morgen?”
He pulled back just enough to look at her. His irises were a deep amber-gold, eclipsed by the dark spread of his pupils, and his expression was hungry but open. He wasn’t trying to hide anything from her, not anymore.
“Yes, Nya?”
“I love you.”
The gold of his eyes flared bright, and his lips twitched. He nudged his nose against hers. “I really thought you would never let me say it.”
She kissed him, but he stopped her. He laughed shakily, nothing but warmth in his eyes when he told her, “I have never loved anything in my entire life. Nothing except for you. I love you so much, I sometimes think it will break me. It nearly did, and I don’t even care.”
A tear slipped down her cheek, and he kissed it away. His lips were salty when they met hers.
She had never wanted anything more than to imagine a future with him without fearing the cost. She could, now, she realized, and it was enough to make her chest ache with joy.
“Let’s make some heirs,” she said, meaning to joke but failing when her voice broke.
He didn’t flinch or shy away at her words or the unfettered emotion in voice. He only smiled and agreed before kissing her again.