Chapter 24 #2
He plays with my nipple before he moves down, grazing my skin with his fingertips. When his warm palm spreads across my stomach, we both still.
My belly is flat, but we heard it yesterday. Life is pulsing inside me.
“I thought I was overstressed and tired. I didn’t eat properly. I didn’t sleep properly. I didn’t rest at all. What if I hurt the baby?” I whisper.
Liam slides down and kisses my belly. “That heartbeat was strong, Roxy. Our baby won’t give up easily. It’s ours, after all.”
And the crack in my defenses deepens a bit.
Liam kisses my forehead and puts his phone away. We’re snuggled on the sofa.
Yesterday, a pregnancy book he ordered for us was delivered. I’m flipping through the pages with trepidation. Ready, and not ready at all.
Liam spent the morning answering emails. We’ve been playing house for three days now.
We fell into some semblance of normalcy, not leaving the little bubble we created.
Within our bubble, we don’t talk about the fake marriage, about the actual future, or about the fucked-up past. We don’t talk about Merged.
We talk more about our families. About my fashion choices. About his siblings. Our likes and dislikes. We learn small, insignificant things about each other.
Liam learns I hate peppers. I find out he really can cook. He shakes the revelation off without explanation.
I discover he loves dogs, cars, and doesn’t go to movies unless it’s an opening night gala he must attend for appearances.
He works out religiously. He hates ties. He has inexplicable knowledge about insects, motorcycle clubs, and Greek gods.
He suffered through a few chick flicks with me, and I enjoyed watching a documentary about culinary trips in Europe with him.
These things deepen the intimacy between us. But we don’t talk about that either. It’s like we’re suspended in a vacuum where we choose what comes to the surface.
Nothing is resolved, but perhaps we need this time to adjust to our circumstances.
The road ahead doesn’t look very clear. The baby doesn’t care if I trust their father. If he betrayed me. He or she doesn’t care about our differences. It ties us together.
So, we lean into it, pretending for the moment. Avoiding. Dancing around the elephant in the room. Mastering the game of evading.
He strokes my arm, leaning over me. “Will you be okay for a few hours? I need to go to work.”
His question shatters the fragile domestic peace.
He has a job. I don’t have one. We need to leave this bubble eventually, but his sense of purpose just threw us back into the whirlpool of unsettled issues.
He is becoming a partner. I’m staying on the sidelines. And even if I wanted to get back into the ring and fight for what was supposed to be mine… how would that even work?
Now, when I’m expecting?
My priorities didn’t change overnight, but the playing field shifted for sure.
“Of course. In fact, I think I should just move back to my place. Get out of your hair.” As if that were so simple.
“Thunder,” Liam growls, but I pretend to study the gestation graphic in the book. “You’re not returning to that place.”
I lift my gaze, scowling. “So we will play happy families here, in your brother’s guest room, forever?”
He flexes his fist and lets out a heavy sigh. “I will get us a place where we can prepare the nursery.”
He ignores my jab. He avoids conflict. He keeps focused on the future. Our future. A future that equals forever, because we’re expecting. We will always be parents to this little boy or girl.
Forever.
The idea scares and elates me at the same time.
“Go to work, and we’ll talk later.” I drop my gaze back to the book.
He hovers for a few beats, but then he leaves with a sigh. I snap the book closed and jump up, not even sure what I’m planning to do.
My phone rings before I can decide.
“Tee, are you alright?”
My sister sighs on the other side.
“What happened?” I walk into the kitchen and open the fridge.
“I’m under house arrest.”
I shut the refrigerator and walk back to the living room. “What? How? Where is Father?”
“He’s the one locking me in.” She huffs.
I let out a long sigh and collapse onto the sofa. My hand goes to my stomach. These adrenaline spikes can’t be good for the baby. “So you’re grounded? Why?”
“Nico was busy, so Rowan came to pick me up at school.”
Our oldest brother is the most protective of us. And the biggest asshole at the same time. “How is that a reason for grounding?”
“He caught me kissing a guy.” She whimpers.
Nico would probably look the other way, but Rowan… well, he means well, I think, but compassion isn’t his strong suit.
“I’m sorry, Tee.” I rub my flat belly.
It’s become a weird compulsion of mine to stay connected to something—someone—I still can’t believe exists.
“Father said that if you came for his birthday dinner, he would let me join the family and go back to school.” The hope in her voice burns my throat.
I swallow. “He doesn’t let you go to school?”
Of course my father would blackmail my sister into getting to see me. I need to figure out how to flee these family dynamics completely. I don’t want my child to be forever under their influence.
“Will you come? Please?” I hear her unshed tears through the line.
“Tell him I’ll be there.” The words fall out, but their weight settles in my chest, making it hard to breathe.
I avoided the man for two years, but I guess the time is up.
“Okay, I’ll tell him, and have Nico text you the details.”
I nod as if she can see me.
“Ro?”
“Yes?”
“Will you really come?”
As much as I tried to protect her, she’s already learned not to trust. She’s already realized that everything in life is a transaction. I might want to save her, but the damage is done.
I didn’t realize when I left how my absence would form her views. Indirectly, perhaps, but still.
I thought I would protect her, but instead, I left her unprotected.
“I will come.”
“Thank you.”
We stay silent for I don’t know how long, just keeping each other company without the need to speak.
My cheerful sister is lost in her own world, fighting circumstances she shouldn’t even know.
I’m lost in my world that seems to be crumbling more than thriving lately.
“I don’t want to marry a stranger,” she whispers.
This is the first time she has touched on the topic and admitted her fears. The threat must be imminent.
“Tee, you will marry who you want to marry.” I utter the promise that I’m going to keep at any cost.