Chapter Five #2
I look at his warm brown eyes and feel a sudden, intense wave of panic about what’s supposed to happen between us tonight. He’s supposed to prep me. Break me in. The thought makes my skin prickle with a confusing mix of dread and heat.
“Yeah,” I say, slightly hoarse. I clear my throat and step back toward the hallway. “I just … I need to take a shower. Wash the city off.”
Ash nods, giving me space. “Go ahead. Take your time.”
I don’t wait for Ryker to step out of the elevator. I turn and head down the hall, slipping into Ash’s bathroom and locking the door behind me. I just need a minute to breathe.
Later that night, I linger outside the bedroom door for a long time, shifting my weight from one bare foot to the other.
The digital clock in the kitchen read midnight twenty minutes ago.
I can’t put this off any longer. I’m just delaying the inevitable, letting my anxiety spool out of control in the hallway.
Taking a slow breath, I push the door open and step inside.
Ash is sitting on the edge of the bed, illuminated by the soft amber glow of a bedside lamp in a pair of soft grey sweatpants, his chest bare, looking relaxed as he scrolls through his phone.
He looks up when I cross the threshold. He doesn’t look impatient or annoyed by how long it took me to show up.
He just smiles gently and pats the mattress beside him.
“Come sit,” he says.
I force my feet to move, crossing the carpet and sinking onto the edge of the bed next to him. I’m stiff, my shoulders hunched, my hands clamped between my knees to stop my fingers from fidgeting. The mattress dips under my weight, tilting me slightly toward him.
Ash puts his phone on the nightstand and turns his head to look at me. “How are you feeling?”
“Nervous,” I admit, staring at my knuckles. The words tumble out. “I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get into this. I’ve never done anything with a guy before last night, and that wasn’t the greatest introduction. It mostly just scared the shit out of me.”
Ash’s expression softens. He reaches out, laying a warm hand over my knee.
“I know. Last night was rough. Ryker isn’t exactly known for his gentle touch.
But tonight is going to be different. I’m going to take it slow.
I want to make it feel good for you.” He squeezes my knee, holding my gaze steady.
“If at any point you want to stop, you say the word, and we stop. No questions asked. Okay?”
I swallow the lump in my throat and nod. “Okay.”
Ash moves closer, closing the distance between us on the mattress. He lifts his hand from my knee and brings it up to the side of my neck, his palm warm against my skin, his fingers curling lightly into the hair at the nape of my neck. He leans in, tipping his head, and presses his mouth to mine.
I freeze for a split second, bracing for the aggressive, invasive push I experienced yesterday.
But it doesn’t happen. Ash kisses me softly and slowly.
His lips are warm and gentle, testing the waters, giving me room to breathe.
He strokes his thumb along my jawline, a steady, soothing motion that sends a shiver down my spine.
I’m surprised by my own body. Instead of pulling away or locking up, I feel myself leaning into his touch.
My eyes drift shut. I part my lips, letting him deepen the kiss.
Ash hums against my mouth, a low sound of approval.
He traces my bottom lip with his tongue, coaxing me open, sliding inside to taste me.
My pulse picks up, but it isn’t from panic.
It’s want. The thought makes me feel dizzy.
I like this. I actually like kissing him.
Ash pulls back just enough to look at my face, keeping his hand wrapped around my neck. He traces my cheekbone with his thumb, smiling when he sees my flushed cheeks.
He moves to the hem of my t-shirt, gripping the cotton. “Let’s get this off,” he murmurs.
I lift my arms, letting him pull the shirt over my head and toss it onto the floor.
Cool air washes over my bare chest, but Ash’s hands are already there, replacing the chill with heat.
He trails his fingertips down my stomach, tracing the lines of my muscles, his touch unhurried.
He hooks his fingers into the waistband of my sweatpants, easing them down my hips.
I lift my hips off the mattress to help him, kicking the fabric away until I’m wearing nothing but my boxers.
He strips those off too, leaving me completely naked. He never breaks contact, keeping one hand on my thigh or my hip the whole time, keeping me still. It doesn’t feel like I’m being stripped for inspection. It feels like I’m being taken care of.
“Lie back,” Ash instructs softly.
I scoot up the mattress and lie flat on my back, my heart hammering. Ash shifts, moving to kneel between my spread legs. He reaches over to the nightstand and grabs a black bottle of lube. The cap pops open with a sharp click.
“I’m going to start loosening you up tonight,” Ash says, his voice low and reassuring. He pours a pool of clear gel into his palm. “We aren’t going to go all the way. No cocks inside you tonight. I’m just going to get you used to the feeling of being touched there, okay?”
“Okay,” I whisper, my throat dry.
He slicks his fingers with the lube, rubbing his hands together to warm the gel.
He slides his hands under my thighs, lifting my hips a few inches off the mattress to get a better angle.
I tense up, my breath hitching as I feel the wet, slick heat of his fingers tracing the sensitive skin between my cheeks.
“Deep breath in,” Ash says.
I inhale a shaky breath, filling my lungs.
“Now let it out slow, and try to relax your muscles.”
As I exhale, Ash presses the tip of his lubricated middle finger against my hole. He applies steady, firm pressure, waiting for my body to yield. I wince, my hands curling into the bedsheets. It’s strange and uncomfortable, a foreign stretching sensation that my brain doesn’t know how to interpret.
“You’re doing great, Jax,” Ash murmurs, keeping his eyes on my face. “Just breathe for me.”
He pushes a little further, sliding past the tight ring of muscle until his finger is fully seated inside me.
I gasp, my hips trying to squirm away from the intrusion.
Ash holds my thighs firmly, keeping me in place without hurting me.
He leaves his finger still for a long moment, giving my body a chance to adjust to the fullness.
Slowly, he begins to move. He pulls his finger back, slick and wet, before pressing deep again.
He repeats the motion, adding a little more lube, working the tight muscles, stretching me open.
The uncomfortable pinch starts to fade, replaced by a strange, building heat.
I let my head fall back against the pillows, my breaths coming in shallow pants.
Ash adds a second finger. The stretch is wider, deeper. He scissors his fingers apart slightly, pressing against the slick walls inside me. I let out a low groan, my hands fisting in the linen sheets.
Then, Ash lowers his head.
I suck in a sharp breath as his warm mouth closes over the head of my cock.
The contrast is staggering. The wet, hot suction of his lips pulling on me, combined with the slick, steady thrusting of his fingers inside my hole, sends a jolt of electricity up my spine.
My thoughts vanish, wiped away by a flood of sensation.
Ash bobs his head, taking me deeper into his mouth, his tongue swirling around the sensitive underside of my shaft. At the same time, he curls his fingers inside me, hooking them in a specific direction, pressing upward toward my stomach.
He hits a spot I didn’t know existed.
My mouth falls open. My hips jerk off the mattress, chasing his hand. A blinding wave of pleasure crashes through my system, so sharp and sweet it makes my toes curl.
Ash hums around my cock, feeling my reaction. He focuses his attention there, dragging his slick fingers over that bundle of nerves again and again, matching the rhythm of his mouth.
I’m falling apart. The pleasure is too much, building too fast. I can’t hold it back. My hips snap forward, grinding up into his mouth, chasing the friction of his tongue and the relentless pressure of his fingers.
“Ash,” I gasp, my voice cracking. “I’m—I’m gonna—”
He doesn’t slow down. He sucks harder, his fingers pressing deep into that sweet spot one last time.
I come hard, crying out as my body bows off the mattress. Thick spurts of cum shoot into his mouth. The orgasm rips through me, shuddering down my legs, tightening every muscle in my body. I gasp for air, gripping the sheets like they’re the only things keeping me from floating away.
Ash swallows my release, pulling his mouth off my cock with a soft, wet sound.
He slides his fingers out of me slowly, wiping his hand on a nearby towel.
I collapse flat against the mattress, my chest heaving, my skin coated in a slick layer of sweat.
I’m stunned. My mind is spinning, trying to understand how insanely good that just felt.
Ash gives me a minute to float back down to earth. I stare blindly up at the ceiling while he wipes my stomach clean with a towel. The cool cloth feels nice against my flushed skin, but my mind is still spinning out of control. Did that really just happen? Did it really feel that crazy?
“You still with me?” Ash asks softly.
I blink, turning my head on the pillow. He’s watching me, a fond smile curving his lips. I nod, though my body feels like it’s made of warm jelly.
“Yeah. Just catching my breath.”
He laughs, tossing the towel onto the nightstand. He runs his hand down my thigh, squeezing the muscle above my knee. “Do you think you’re up for learning how to reciprocate? You don’t have to if you’re too worn out, but I’d like to show you how to do it without hurting yourself.”
I nod again, still a bit dazed from the crazy high of that orgasm. “Okay. Yeah, I can do that.”