Chapter Ten #5
The room cools down eventually, the sticky heat of what we just did evaporating.
Ash pulls the duvet up over us, trapping the warmth against our bare skin.
He tugs me backward so my spine presses flush against his chest, wrapping an arm around my waist. His chin rests on the top of my head.
His fingers lazily card through my hair, scratching lightly at my scalp.
It feels nice. I let my eyes drift shut, sinking into the mattress and listening to his breathing.
“You’re quiet,” Ash murmurs.
“Just thinking,” I say, keeping my voice down so I don’t break the calm vibe we’ve got going.
“About?”
“Work. School. What I’m actually supposed to do with myself now that I’m out here.
” I shift a bit, getting more comfortable against him.
“It felt good today, being at the batting cages with Aiden. Just being around sports again. Back home, my parents pushed me toward business management because my dad runs a firm. I hated every second of those classes. I’d rather be outside.
Or building something. Or doing something active. ”
Ash’s thumb strokes the side of my neck. “You could look into kinesiology. Or sports medicine. If you like the coaching aspect, there are programs for that. You don’t have to be trapped in an office if you don’t want to be.”
“Yeah, maybe.” I stare out at the shadowed wall across the room. “I don’t know though. It sounds good in theory, but…” I trail off, chewing on the inside of my cheek.
“But what?” Ash prompts gently.
I blow out a long breath, letting my guard down.
The darkness and the warm weight of him wrapped around me makes it easier to admit the embarrassing stuff.
“My parents basically handed me my whole life on a silver platter. They paid for my tuition, got me the car I drove, got me the apartment I lived in with my friends. The only jobs I ever had were summer gigs working for guys my dad knew from church. I’ve never actually earned anything on my own merit. Not really.”
I swallow, a knot of anxiety tightening in my throat. “What if I’m useless out here? What if I can’t hack it without them pulling the strings? You guys are giving me a free ride at the moment, but eventually, I have to stand on my own two feet. And I don’t know if I actually can.”
Ash stops playing with my hair. His arm tightens around my waist, squeezing me closer to his chest so I can feel his heartbeat against my back.
“Don’t say that,” Ash says, his tone firm. “You’re not giving yourself enough credit, Jax.”
“I’m just being realistic.”
“No, you’re doubting yourself because your parents made you think you needed them to survive.
” Ash presses a kiss to the crown of my head.
“You walked away from everything you knew because you refused to live a fake life. You hopped on a bus to a city where you didn’t know a single soul.
You survived sleeping on the street when you had nothing but the clothes on your back.
Most guys your age would’ve gone crying to their mommies the second their debit card got declined. ”
I let out a breathy, self-deprecating scoff. “I almost did. I was ready to give up when you found me.”
“But you didn’t,” Ash points out. “You’re resilient, Jax. You’ve got guts. You’re starting over with nothing and you’re figuring it out. You’ll find a job, you’ll figure out classes, and you’ll do great at whatever you pick. You just need a minute to get your bearings.”
I listen to his words, letting them sink in. Hearing someone say they believe in me, without any strings attached to their religion or their expectations, feels brand new. It loosens that anxious knot in my chest, leaving a warm sense of relief.
Ash lets out a soft, breathy chuckle as he drags his nose along the nape of my neck. “Besides,” he adds in a teasing purr, “you had the nerve to agree to live with the three of us and take our cocks whenever we tell you to. That alone takes some serious balls.”
A surprised laugh bursts out of my mouth. “Shut up.”
“I’m serious,” Ash laughs with me, his hand sliding down to cup my bare hip. “Ryker’s terrifying on a good day. Aiden’s a handful. And you let us gang up on you without batting an eye. You’re brave as hell.”
“I think I might just be crazy,” I mutter, a smile stretching my face in the dark.
“Maybe a little,” Ash agrees, sounding fond. “But we like you anyway.”
I laugh softly again, turning my head, breathing in the smell of his body and the lingering musk of sex. I tuck myself closer, letting my legs tangle with his beneath the covers. Ash’s hand goes back to my hair, his fingers working their way through the strands in a slow, soothing motion.
Gradually, his strokes slow down. His breathing evens out in sleep.
I lie awake for a little while longer, staring up at the ceiling. For the first week I was in Seattle, looking at the future felt like staring into a black hole. It was terrifying and empty. Now the future doesn’t look so bleak.
All those possibilities stretching out ahead of me actually feel like things I can reach.