Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
ABBY
A muffled banging noise wakes me, and it takes me a moment to make sense of what I’m seeing, my vision blurry. Grayson’s holding his foot, leaning against the dresser, his face twisted in pain. Only his lower half is dressed, his shirt clutched in his hand.
“You okay?” I ask, sitting up. I slouch back down when I remember I’m naked, covering myself with the sheet. That’s right. We slept together last night.
Warmth spreads through my chest remembering how good it was, how he handled my body with ease, knowing exactly what to do to make me come. Then feeling him pulse inside of me as he came, too, and the way he’d clutched me tight to him, keeping us connected. Falling asleep in his arms, exhausted from the hustle and bustle of the wedding.
The warmth fades. None of that will happen again.
He nods. “I stubbed my toe. Sorry if I woke you.”
“No, it’s fine.” I glance at my bedside clock. Wow, it’s almost nine. We slept in late. “Are you, um… What are you doing?”
He lets go of his foot, straightening himself up. “I have to get going. I promised my mom I’d help her out with some stuff around the house before I drive back.”
A bowling ball settles in the pit of my stomach. He’s leaving already? I thought we’d have more time. I thought… Well, more like I wished.
I knew this was coming. Knew it’d be on us in the blink of an eye. I can do this. I can be strong.
I nod, pasting on a smile. “Yeah, of course.” I grip the sheet tighter to me, feeling exposed. Can he see right through my fake smile?
He slips on his shirt and crosses the room to sit next to me on the bed. Without hesitation, he kisses me, his warm palm cupping my jaw, and the tension in my belly loosens.
“I’ve had an amazing week with you,” he murmurs.
“Me, too.”
He takes my free hand, brushing his thumb over my knuckles. “I’m not good with emotional goodbye kind of things,” he says with a self-deprecating laugh.
My stomach sinks even further. “I wish you didn’t have to go,” I whisper. It’s all I can seem to get out through my suddenly parched lips. All I’m willing to admit out loud. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to this. How hard it would be afterward.
And I still did it anyway.
He nods. “I know. But it’s not like I’ll never be back.”
Neither of us say what our next meeting might be like. If we’ll pick up where we’ve left off. Or if everything’s over once he returns to Seattle.
I’m fairly sure it’s the latter. I can’t remember if he outright said that when we first made this agreement, but I’m not going to ask for clarification either. If he wanted to stay, he would. I won’t beg him.
How pathetic would that be?
There’s a burning pressure behind my eyes, but I refuse to let any hint of moisture break through. There’ll be time enough for that later. “I’ll see you next time, then.” I force my lips to tip up at the corners, to put on a brave face for him.
“Yeah, next time.” He’s still playing with my fingers, looking down at them instead of me. He suddenly squeezes my hand, then sets it down. “Fuck, Abby, I…”
Nothing follows that statement, and my heart pounds in my chest as he leans forward and kisses me again, hoping he’s changed—
He stands and crosses the room, pausing at the door. “I’ll let myself out.”
I nod, not that he sees, and then he’s gone, my front door opening and closing a moment later.
The tears leak out then, an unrelenting river that won’t stop. My ribs grow tight, my hands fluttering up to my face helplessly, my breath hitching into sobs I can’t control. I’ve held this at bay all week, and the reality of it comes crashing down on me now. Grayson’s gone. He really left.
I lay there for I don’t know how long, crying in a way I don’t remember ever doing, until Leo’s fluffy face nudges my arm.
“Hey, bud,” I mumble, thankful for him as he curls up in my lap. I focus on petting him instead of the crushing weight of Grayson’s leaving, and his purrs eventually calm me enough to where I can get dressed and ready for the day.
I wander through my house, but all I see is Grayson. Sleeping together in my bedroom, making out on the couch in the living room, playing strip poker in my kitchen, getting each other off in the guest bathroom. Even my craft room is affected, where he sat and kept me company while I finished packing up wedding favors, talking and laughing with me.
I hope there will come a day in the not-so-distant future when I can be in my house without remembering him, but today’s not that day. I need to get out of here.
Grabbing my phone from my nightstand, I open a text from Kristen I must not have heard during my crying jag.
Kristen : Breakfast at Cascade?
She sent it half an hour ago, and I quickly text her back, hoping she didn’t already eat. This is exactly what I need. Something to take my mind off of Grayson.
Me : Meet there in fifteen?
She responds with a thumbs-up emoji, and I finish getting ready and get out the door, driving to Cascade Cafe, our only restaurant in town.
Now that she’s dating Eli, Kristen has actually had more free time than usual, since the kids love hanging out with him. She’s already sitting in one of the back booths, her dark head bent over a laminated menu.
“Hey,” I say, sliding into the opposite side of the booth.
She looks up and smiles, but there’s something troubled in her eyes.
“What is it?” I ask without preamble. Now that I think about it, it’s kind of weird she asked me to breakfast when I’ve seen her nearly every day this week.
“What do you mean?”
I give her a look and she sighs. “How do you always know?”
“You have an expressive face. And we’ve been best friends for over twenty years.”
She lays her menu on the table. “What is it exactly you’re doing with my brother?”
I stare at her, momentarily dumbstruck. What does she know?
Lucy, the cafe owner, chooses then to come over and take our orders.
“Did y’all have a good time at the wedding?” she asks, clueless to the tension.
I nod mutely as Kristen makes some kind of small talk with her.
“I saw Grayson last night,” Lucy is saying. “Been forever since I’ve seen him in town.”
That’s right, she was there. I didn’t realize Harper was close enough with Lucy to invite her. Then again, Harper must come to the cafe a lot since she hates cooking.
“Yeah, he’s been here this week. Longest he’s been back since Dad’s funeral, I think,” Kristen says.
I’m silent as they finish talking, only chiming in when Lucy asks if I want my usual order of the combo platter. When she leaves, I take a sip of my water, avoiding Kristen’s eye.
“You’re being weird.”
I finally look at her. Did I actually believe I could hide this from her forever?
“I saw you two kissing last night,” she says when I don’t respond. “That seems pretty far to go to convince my mom you’re wedding dates. Especially when the wedding was already over.”
I nod. It’s not like we were being circumspect at the end there. I stupidly even wanted people to see us. For there to be some kind of proof that this connection between me and Grayson really happened. “We, um…” How do I even begin to explain this? It was one thing for her to tell me about stuff with Eli. It’s another for me to tell her the same about her brother.
“Did you get drunk again?” she asks, searching for an explanation.
“No, nothing like that.” God, I don’t want her to think Grayson took advantage of me. “We sort of started something up the past few days. The way you and Eli did when you first got together.”
Her eyes widen. Crap. I shouldn’t have said that last part, even if it’s the truth.
“It’s over now, though,” I continue hastily. “Just a fling, I guess.”
I trace my finger through the condensation on my water glass, willing my mouth to keep shut. I don’t need to start blabbing about how amazing it’s been with him or how I’ve kept my crush on him a secret from Kristen all these years.
Pressure builds behind my eyes, coming easily since I already spent God knows how long earlier crying. I look down at the table, praying she doesn’t see what I fear is all over my face.
“Do I need to go beat up my brother?”
I startle, nearly spilling my drink.
“Because I will for you.”
“W-what?” I ask, confused.
“He broke your heart, didn’t he?”
My eyes are hot, moisture pooling at the edges. “No… well, maybe a little.” I press the heels of my palms to my eyes, trying my best not to let anything break through. “It’s not his fault, though. It’s my own.”
My voice cracks on the last word and my shoulders shudder with the weight of keeping everything inside. We’re in a public place. I cannot cry in front of everyone.
I blindly fumble out of the booth and head to the single restroom in the back, but I’m barely in before it opens behind me and Kristen’s there, pulling me into a hug. Latching onto her, I let my head sink onto her shoulder, tears leaking onto the soft cotton of her shirt.
“It’s okay,” she says soothingly, her tight embrace calming me.
I didn’t realize how much I needed this. It’s only a hug, but right now it feels like a lifeline. Especially since I feared she’d have a different kind of reaction to the news about me and her brother.
A minute later, I’m better. I rub my fingers over my eyes, clearing away the wetness. “How’d you know I was upset about it?”
She gives me a small smile. “Like you said, we’ve been best friends for over twenty years.”
I nod. “I’m such an idiot,” I mumble. “I knew he was leaving.”
She makes a hmm sound, neither a confirmation nor denial. Then again, she obviously doesn’t see what I see in him.
“I guess I hoped something would magically change before he left. The way Eli stayed for you.”
I haven’t said that out loud before. Have barely let myself think it. I was trying so hard to prepare myself for the reality of him leaving, I stuffed down any secret wish that he would stay. It’s the truth, though. Of course I wish he would’ve stayed.
Even if I knew it was impossible.
“Abby…”
There’s so much pity in her voice, another wave of sadness nearly washes over me, but I hold it at bay. “I thought you’d be mad at me.”
Her brows furrow. “About what?”
My hands twist together, a bad habit I’ve picked up from Kristen that she does when she’s nervous. “Me and Grayson. You didn’t like that I was even helping him.”
She waves me off. “I was being stupid. But to be fair, I did say he’d leave a mess behind. I just thought it’d be with Mom, not you.”
A weak chuckle escapes me. “He has some explaining to do with her, too. She made it sound like she has some kind of master plan last night.”
“Of course she does,” Kristen mutters. She looks at me and rubs her thumbs under my eyes. I probably look a wreck. “You good now? Can we leave this gross bathroom and go talk about this?”
I nod and follow her back to our booth, where we get an odd stare from Lucy. I can’t tell if she’s concerned that we both emerged from a single stall or maybe my face looks like a puffy, red mess, but I don’t care. Knowing I have Kristen’s support has done more than I realized to ease some of the tension in me.
Kristen asks me how this all started and I do my best to explain without fully admitting to the years-long crush I’ve had on her older brother. I also gloss over the… intimate parts, fairly sure she doesn’t want to hear about that, either.
She spears a forkful of pancake when we get our meals and quietly listens, and when I’m finally all talked out, she shakes her head.
“I can’t believe you slept with Grayson. Then again, I can’t believe Harper does the same with Owen.”
“That’s what we’re focusing on?”
“Right, right. Sorry. So…” She picks at the food on her plate for a second before setting her fork down. “You have feelings for him? Like, serious ones?”
I nod, unable to deny it.
“And you don’t think he does?”
One of my shoulders lifts in a half-shrug. “He left. That says everything, doesn’t it?”
Her lips twist. “Harper left. But she came back.”
“Please don’t.”
She blinks at me, and I realize it came out harsher than I intended.
“Don’t get my hopes up,” I say in a softer tone. I can’t deal with hope right now. “He made it clear from the beginning he was going to leave today.”
She frowns but doesn’t argue. “Did you know then you’d be this unhappy?”
A sigh escapes me. “Yeah. But I still thought it’d be worth it.” The last few days have meant everything to me. “You did the same with Eli, right? Before he said he’d stay.”
Her mouth flattens, like she doesn’t want to agree with me, but she nods.
I pick up a piece of bacon and take a half-hearted bite, the usual rich flavor bland and dry.
“I can talk to him—” Kristen says, and I cut her off.
“No. Don’t tell him I said any of this. I don’t want him to know I’m upset. It’s pathetic enough, as is.”
It’s one thing to secretly pine after a guy. It’s another for everyone to let him know, too.
She hesitates for a moment, then nods. “If that’s what you want.”
Breakfast continues in a somber fashion until I get a text from Mom asking if I’ll be over today like I usually do to help out with Dad. I like giving Mom a break from being a full-time caretaker for him.
And though I’m happy to help my parents, it’s another reminder that it’s back to the real world starting today. Back to work tomorrow, back to my normal life. This past week has been play-acting, pretending I’m with Grayson. Knowing it was a dream as it was happening. Now it’s time to face reality.
There is no me and Grayson. And there never will be.