Chapter 4
Beitris had changed out of her training clothes and wore a colorful gown that flowed as she walked. She’d run a brush through her hair, which had untangled the stubborn knots.
Hours had passed, and still that infernal man played on her mind.
She was certain that she could have defeated him. She had been patient in her defense and had been ready to strike when her silly brothers had come along to interfere. They had always ruined her fun.
She joined her family in the Great Hall.
A feast had been laid out before them, a seat was reserved for her beside her sisters-in-law, Eilidh and Calista.
Allan and Elliot sat opposite them, while her mother and father, Ryan and Caroline, were sitting at other ends of the table. The children were with wet nurses.
Beitris smiled at her sisters-in-law, but she reserved only scowls for her brothers. She picked up a knife but paused before she cut her meat.
“Am I allowed tae eat, or are ye gaeing tae interfere in that as well?” she glared at Allan.
Allan glanced at Elliot and rolled his eyes. “Dinnae be angry with me, lass. I was only protecting ye. What dae ye think ye were daeing, getting involved in a fight with Grimhand?”
Eilidh and Calista gasped.
“Sae it is true? I heard the whispers. Apparently he’s the fiercest warrior the clan hae ever seen, although I’m sure Duncan would dispute that. What is he like? We hae only heard stories,” Eilidh says.
Beitris took a moment to think. It was surprisingly difficult to concisely express her opinion about the man.
He was impossible. He was infuriating. He was arrogant, and she hated him.
But he was also imposing and powerful. He was strong, his body taut with muscles and hot with strength as though there was a fire burning inside him.
If she lingered too long she would get scorched, but it was, oh, so tempting to reach out and touch the flames.
Thankfully, her father interrupted, preventing her from answering the question, although it troubled her that she still had so many complicated feelings about him.
“Ye should nae be training with the guards anyway. I dinnae like the idea of ye joining them,” he said.
“Dae ye like Allan and Elliot fighting? Because I am better than both of them. How many times did I put ye on yer back when we were bairns?” Beitris fired back, glaring at Elliot.
Calista stifled a giggle.
“We were bairns,” Elliot said.
“And it is different,” Ryan said.
“It is only different because ye make it different. If I were a man we would nae be haeing this discussion, and if ye dinnae want me then I’m sure Aunt Nessa would.”
Beitris wore a haughty expression. Ryan scowled.
“Neither of ye hae ever listened tae reason,” he muttered.
“I think what yer father means tae say is that ye should be careful tae nae be swept away by yer ambition, darling. There are plenty of enemies tae fight. Ye dinnae need tae fight intensely with our own soldiers, especially nae one with the reputation of Grimhand. Our healers hae been busy treating soldiers who hae dueled with him,” Caroline said in a caring tone, and this did mollify Beitris’ frustration.
However, Caroline said something that stoked it again. “Ye dinnae hae tae prove anything.”
“I dae,” Beitris replied, “because people see me as yer daughter. I want tae be a warrior in my own right. The clans are in danger and we all need tae fight. But if I am tae be accepted intae the guard I need their respect.” She turned to Allan and Elliot again.
“And ye coming tae interfere dinnae help people take me seriously. All ye did was make me look weak in front of the others.”
Allan sighed. “We all hae different ways we can serve the clan. Fighting is nae the only way. Hae ye given any more thought tae marrying a young Laird? Strengthening our influence and making allies will—”
He didn’t get to finish his sentence. Beitris was too busy laughing.
“I assure ye I can best serve the clan with my bow than with my bond,” she said.
“Beitris, listen tae reason,” Allan implored.
The laughter faded and Beitris’s expression fell into a scowl again.
“Ye listen. Will ye force me intae a marriage when ye saved Eilidh from such a fate? What about ye, Elliot? Should Calista nae hae followed her heart?”
Allan and Elliot looked cowed.
“She hae a point,” Calista said, rolling her shoulders.
Eilidh reached across the table and took Allan’s hand.
“Aye, she does,” Caroline said firmly, giving a meaningful look to Ryan. “Let us nae speak of this anymore.”
Beitris breathed a sigh of relief. A long time ago her parents had met because her mother had fled a forced marriage. Beitris was confident that nobody would try to make her endure the same fate, although Allan squirmed with frustration because he clearly saw things differently.
Beitris let her head drop and focused on her food, nursing her feelings.
Sometimes it was as though nobody understood her.
Despite having such a big family, she could often feel alone.
It had been that way for as long as she could remember.
When she was younger it was as though everyone knew their place and their purpose.
Beitris had been precocious and cheeky, but it was an act to prevent other people from seeing just how scared she was.
Scared of nae living up to the Knox name, scared of nae being as impressive as the other members of her family who had all become legends in their own right. They had all accomplished so much, so how could she compete?
It certainly wouldn’t be done through marriage. She wanted command, respect, and she wanted to have a say in the strategy of battles. But Allan and Elliot still saw her as their little sister.
Perhaps that’s all she would ever be.
“Hae there been any reports about Warnock? Any sightings?” Ryan said.
Caroline sighed a little. “Please let us nae turn dinner intae a meeting about war,” she said.
“I apologize, but it hae been playing on my mind. After all, I cannae help but feel as though it’s my fault,” Ryan replied.
Beitris’ ears pricked up at this.
“Ye cannae blame yerself. Enough time hae passed,” Caroline said.
“Why would ye blame yerself? What happened?” Beitris asked.
The others did not seem to react with surprise. Beitris was annoyed that she had not been privy to the information, whatever it was.
“It’s a long story that is best left in the past,” Caroline said, but Ryan leaned forward and answered Beitris’ questions.
“Just before I met yer mother I received a guest tae the Keep. Warnock’s daughter.
A marriage was proposed by Warnock, although I dinnae trust him even back then.
I sent her back, and then I met yer Ma.” His face lit up with a smile as he looked down the table towards Caroline, and her frustrations were soothed.
“Nae long after we were married I received a letter saying that the lass died. Warnock blames it on me. I thought it was just grief talking and that eventually he would see sense. I dinnae even get the impression that she wanted tae marry me.”
“What was she like?” Beitris asked.
Ryan leaned back and thought for a few moments. “She was quiet. Skittish. Nervous. She was always looking over her shoulder as well.”
“I can imagine she would, haeing Warnock as a father,” Allan said darkly.
Ryan pressed his lips. “If I hae kenned his true nature I could hae helped her. If she hae asked…” he trailed away.
“It was nae yer fault,” Caroline reminded him firmly, although it was clear that the matter played on Ryan’s mind.
Beitris thought about the past and how there was so much of life that happened before she had been born, yet the consequences reached far into her life.
Caroline then started speaking about her grandchildren and the conversation moved on to happier matters, although Ryan and Beitris were still brooding, father and daughter so alike when they were lost in thought.
When dinner was over, Ryan left immediately. Beitris dabbed her corners of her mouth and then followed, intending to speak more about her role as a guard.
However, she noticed a shadow trailing him as Ryan disappeared up a flight of stairs. Beitris pounced with no hesitation.
“What are ye daeing?”
The shadow paused and turned. When he came into the light she saw that it was Grimhand, and her breath caught in her throat. A prickling sensation danced upon her skin.
“Looking for a way tae get tae the turret. I’m on watch taenight, but I cannae find my place around here.
There are tae many twists and turns,” he replied in an indifferent tone.
Then his sharp green eyes narrowed on her.
“Why are ye following me? Trying tae get first blood by stabbing me in the back?”
The light from torches crawled over his face, casting half of it aglow. The reflection of light danced in his eyes and she had to force herself to not be overwhelmed by the intensity of his presence.
“Ye hae a lot tae learn, Grimhand. I am nae dishonorable. That is nae the Knox way. The turret is back that way,” she said, raising a hand and pointing in the opposite direction.
Logan tilted his head and as he moved he grew closer to her. Something stirred inside, that same ache as when he’d pinned her to the ground. He said nothing as they parted, but there was so much communicated in his eyes.
It was only when he was gone that Beitris realized she had been holding her breath.
She pressed her back against the wall. It was the only way she could stay standing. There was something about him that was debilitating, but she needed to be stronger. She could not allow her emotions to get the better of her.