Chapter 12
“W
here hae ye been all day?” Brody asked, finding Logan sitting on his bed, a brooding expression on his face.
The other guards were all feasting and drinking, so they had the barracks to themselves, although they still made efforts to keep their voices low; otherwise, their ruse might have been uncovered.
“Resting, like ye wanted,” Logan replied dryly.
“Resting, aye, and I’m supposed tae believe that? I saw what happened, Logan. Ye are letting yer feelings for Beitris interfere.”
“I hae nae feelings for her.”
“I saw ye two kissing. I ken what ye are like. Ye would nae kiss anyone unless ye meant it, nae even for this plan.”
“Ye dinnae ken anything.”
“Ye are my brother. I ken ye better than I ken yerself. Ye hae been different ever since ye met her. We dinnae come here tae woo her or get confused, unless the mission hae changed.”
“It hae nae changed,” Logan hissed.
“Then stop getting distracted. I never thought I would be the one reminding ye tae avoid getting yer head turned by a pretty lass.”
Logan sighed. The matter of Beitris got under his skin and he hadn’t been able to resolve the tension. The echo of her kiss lingered on his lips even hours after it happened. The sting of shame pricked his heart as he remembered how wounded she looked when he left.
“Maybe ye are right. The longer we tarry here, the more chance there is of getting something wrong. I should strike now, when I hae the chance. Taenight. I will dae it taenight,” he said.
Brody exhaled deeply. “I ken ye are resigned tae being captured, but I will be near the forest with a horse. Make it there and we can ride away.”
Logan shook his head. “Ye should leave now, before anyone can find ye. Once they learn about what I hae done, they will try tae capture ye.”
“We hae been through too much taegether for me tae leave ye now, Logan. I’ll wait for ye and we can be away from here. Perhaps ye will finally smile once we’ve put this sorry business behind us.”
Logan grimaced. He didn’t think that was possible, because he had a feeling that of all Ryan’s children, Beitris would be the one to come after him. Then the feelings behind their kiss would be tested.
Would either of them be able to kill the other?
He tried to put the thought out of his mind, because whenever he thought of himself and Beitris in close proximity he felt a strange sensation come over him, as though he was losing control of his entire body.
Logan waited until later in the evening before venturing towards Ryan’s study.
He had a dagger tucked in his sleeve, ready to be unleashed in one swift motion.
Ryan would die before he had a chance to utter a word or raise the alarm, although it surely wouldn’t be long before the alarm was raised.
Ryan Knox would leave a legacy of peace, war, children, and heroism, but Logan would never let him forget the stain on his honor, the life that had been taken because he chose another woman.
Logan had learned Ryan’s habits. Ryan liked to spend a few hours in his study, alone.
Logan’s footsteps were quiet against the floor.
He passed residents of the castle. His heart skipped a beat every time he did so, fearing that at any moment one of them might accost him, somehow sensing his evil intentions.
He reminded himself that they had no way of knowing that he had won their trust and respect.
Including Beitris’.
“What are ye daeing?” a stern voice called out.
Allan came striding down the hallway. Logan clenched his jaw and his hand ready with the dagger.
He’d prepared for this. If he needed to, he would kill Allan and anyone else who stood in his way.
The study door wasn’t too far now. Logan probably wouldn’t make it out alive, but he’d been prepared for that all along.
Hopefully Brody wouldn’t wait too long for him.
“I was—” Logan said, having prepared an excuse.
Allan didn’t seem interested in hearing it, though. “Ye should be guarding Beitris. If anything should happen tae her…” Allan raised a gloved hand and pointed a finger towards Logan’s face.
Logan curled his lip with irritation and quickly formed a lie. “Ye ken how she is. She dinnae think she needs a guard. She slipped away from me.”
“Aye, well ye hae tae be more cunning. It’s yer duty. I saw her heading in the direction of the watchtower,” Allan said, and unfortunately this watchtower happened to be in the opposite direction.
Allan waved Logan away, and he was forced to obey.
He turned on his heels and slunk away, surreptitiously peering over his shoulder.
Allan lingered in the hallway, talking with a servant.
There was no telling how long he would be.
The plan had gone awry for now. Logan hissed with frustration and went to find Beitris, because if he didn’t then Allan would grow suspicious and perhaps revoke Logan’s position.
Logan left the castle. His footsteps were heavy, leaving deep prints in the ground.
The watchtower overlooked the glen, affording a sentry the opportunity to notice any approaching armies.
It was made of wood and from what he’d learned, had only been erected recently, when the threat of Warnock’s army became too mighty to ignore.
He paused for a moment as he spotted Beitris looking over the barrier. The wind caught her hair and her dress. She looked ethereal, almost as though she shouldn’t have existed at all.
He turned back to the Keep. Technically he’d found Beitris, but he couldn’t shirk his duty now. He climbed the ladder. Beitris turned as she heard the support beams creak under his weight.
“What dae ye want, Logan?” she asked. There was a sense of resignation in her voice.
“Allan ordered me tae watch over ye.”
Beitris offered a sad smile.
“I watch over the clan,” she said, gesturing to the horizon with her open palm. “And ye watch over me. I’m starting tae think ye are all blind. Ye hae all seen me fight. They are nae as insistent tae hae guards following Allan and Elliot. Why dae ye think that is?”
“Because they ken ye are good with an arrow, but fear that ye are vulnerable tae an assassin’s blade,” Logan said honestly.
Beitris considered his words. She looked at him strangely, and for a moment he believed she was going to accuse him of being an assassin. It almost felt as though she could see into his soul and lay all his secrets bare, but instead she returned her gaze to the horizon.
“We are all vulnerable tae that. Let me ask ye a question, Logan. Was yer Da a harsh man or a kind man?”
Logan shifted and tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but it was not easily dislodged. “A harsh man. He demanded much of me, and I often dinnae meet his expectations.”
Beitris nodded. “Mine was always kind. He never shied away from allowing me tae train with my brothers. I thought he was proud of how strong I became, but as soon as war broke out he changed. Suddenly he became scared, but what is the point of training if we cannae put the lessons intae practice? I fear that when he looks at me he still sees that wee girl struggling to fix an arrow tae her bow.” She wore a half-smile at the memory.
Then, she turned her head towards him again. “Hae ye hae any kindness in yer life?”
“Just my sister. She made up for what Da lacked. I miss her,” he admitted.
“Perhaps it’s a blessing, in a way. She dinnae need tae see what happened tae the Highlands.” Beitris sighed heavily. “I am tired of fighting, Logan. I dinnae just hae tae fight the enemy but also my own family. I hae tae fight tae be seen.”
Logan couldn’t help but smirk. “Everyone sees ye, Beitris.”
She turned fully towards him. The moonlight passed across her eyes, giving them a dreamy quality that struck him as quite magical.
A profound yearning stirred in his heart and his gaze drifted along the features of her face, settling on her full lips.
Memories of the kiss flooded him. A sense of warmth spread over him, and his skin was alive, as though tiny dancers frolicked over his flesh.
“Dae ye see me?” she asked in a breathy whisper.
“I…” The words caught in his throat. How he wished he had Brody’s silver tongue.
“Ye dinnae need tae earn yer place beside me, Logan. I hae never judged anyone by what they possess or their title. Some of the most insufferable people hae been ones with titles. Why did ye turn me away?”
Logan closed his eyes, attempting to silence the wild thoughts that careened through his mind.
“Because it makes things complicated. I hae my duty. Anything that interferes with that is dangerous,” he confessed, although he let her assume that his duty was to protect her and not to kill her father.
Beitris nodded. “And ye are a man of duty. Hae there ever been anything more tae yer life?”
“Aye, but it feels so long ago now that it might as well be a dream. Since I decided tae avenge my sister it hae kept me gaeing. I ken the danger of the world. I sleep lightly. I look for exits as soon as I enter a room. I ken I am never gaeing tae stay anywhere for too long, because everything can be taken away in an instant. I hae my sword, and that’s all I can rely on. ”
“And what about when the war is over? What will ye hae when ye lay down yer sword?”
Logan considered her question. It was something that had been playing on his mind since he arrived at the Knox Keep, for the end of his journey was in sight. He hadn’t quite come to a conclusion, however.
“I dinnae ken if the war will ever be over.”
“Dinnae say that. It hae been gaeing on for too long already.”
“There will always be enemies tae fight. Even if Warnock is defeated a lot of his men will become bandits. It will be a long time before the land is rid of them. I’m nae sure I will ever put down my sword.”
“There’s more tae life than fighting, cannae ye see that?”
“Perhaps for ye, but I am a warrior. It’s all I am. It’s all I hae ever been. I cannae be anything else.”
Beitris dipped her head. Her curls framed her face, and half of it became illuminated by silver light.
It took all his willpower to stop himself from taking her in his arms and kissing her under the stars.
For a moment he saw the possibilities of the world and what his life might have been like had he not been so consumed with vengeance.
In the back of his mind he heard Abigail whispering, urging him to listen to his feelings.
But his feelings were wrong and weak. His resilience was already faltering and he had to tense everything in his body to keep his feet in one place.
“Then I suppose that is yer choice. But ye dae hae a future if ye continue tae prove yerself. There will be great rewards for those who cover themselves in glory. Ye might even end up with some land. Ye could be more than ye think, Logan.”
“If I make it beyond the last battle. There is nae guarantee of that, nae for any of us.”
“Unless ye are kept behind,” she said bitterly.
“For what it’s worth I think ye should be allowed tae fight, but I hae my orders,” Logan offered.
“Aye, but for now I’d ask that ye watch me from a distance. I wish tae be alone with my thoughts,” Beitris said and turned her back to him.
Logan remained standing there for a few moments before descending the ladder. He leaned against the tall support beam and closed his eyes, thinking about how close he had grown to Beitris and how he could not all himself to get any closer.