Chapter 15
The first threads of dawn were beginning to spill through the windows.
They flickered in Logan’s eyes, although he was already awake.
He might have slept for a few moments, he couldn’t truly remember.
He turned his head away from the light, towards Beitris, who was fully asleep.
Her breaths were deep, and those curls he loved flowed down her back and along her shoulders.
Logan stared at her bare skin, feeling something stir inside him.
He closed his eyes, although it didn’t stem the flow.
Beitris’ skin was milky and supple. Her muscles were taut, and yet she possessed feminine curves as well. She was a paradox, a mix of contradictions, and he still didn’t truly understand why he wanted her.
Why he loved her.
But he did, and now he had to let her go.
For a while he listened to the rhythm of her breathing, as though they were secret messages meant only for him.
He committed each one to memory, intending to carry it with him for as long as he could.
He did the same with the memories of the previous night, with the wonder of her lips and the knowledge that she was as adept with her body as she was with the bow.
Perhaps more so.
Every inch of her skin belonged to him now.
It was etched into his mind, an oasis of tranquility and passion amid the desert of despair and gloom.
If he were a different man he might have been able to turn away from it all.
He might have been able to follow the light and lay with her forever, twining his fingers with hers, plucking each other’s bodies like lyres.
A heartbeat pounded in the caverns of his mind.
He couldn’t be sure if the echo belonged to him or her.
Perhaps it was both, as the two had become one.
If only this moment were eternal, he thought. As he gazed at her there was a sense of timelessness. A part of him would always belong here, with her.
It was the best part of him, and it was only right that she should have it.
With a heavy heart he twisted and rolled off the bed, planting his feet firmly on the floor. He pulled on his smock and boots, trying to be as silent as possible, hoping that Beitris’ sleep was deep enough to prevent her from waking.
But of course a huntress like her had honed instincts, and her eyes bolted open.
“What are ye daeing?”
Logan clenched his jaw. This would have been easier had she not awakened.
“I’m training,” he muttered.
Beitris pushed herself up, leaning on an elbow. The bedsheet fell away, revealing the curve of her bosom and a vivid pink nipple, the source of such pleasure through the night, tempting him now. How easy it would have been to slip back into bed and shrug his responsibilities away.
But he was a demon to her, although she didn’t know it yet. He would spill the blood of her father and she would hate him for it, doubly so now that she had loved him too.
“Ye are nae training,” she said, seeing through his lies with ease.
“It’s easier if ye dinnae ken. I hae a secret mission.”
Beitris laughed. “I hae nae heard anything of a secret mission.”
“That’s because it’s secret.”
“And ye are supposed tae be my personal guard. I would ken if someone else was assigned tae me.”
Tension coursed through Logan’s body. He curled his hands into fists so hard that his nails dug into his palms. Beitris was so maddening, but then he wouldn’t have found her so comely had she been quiet and mousy.
He liked her fire and attitude despite how vexing they became, and he wondered if he should have been stronger, refusing the allure of her bed, her body, and her beauty.
It had been selfish to take her love when she didn’t know what he was capable of.
“Just trust me, Beitris. Where I’m gaeing, ye cannae follow. There is something I must dae.”
Beitris leaned forward, kneeling on the bed, her dark locks framing her face. Logan summoned all his willpower in the hope that he could look away. He didn’t entirely succeed.
“What must ye dae? What is sae important that ye would run away from me again?”
“I am nae running away,” he snapped.
“Aye, ye are a coward. Ye can throw yerself intae battle, but as soon as ye throw yerself intae bed ye suddenly become scared. What is it that frightens ye? My Da? My brothers? Or is it just me?”
“I’m nae scared of anything. The Knox name dinnae frighten me,” he snarled.
“And what about the Knox heart?”
Logan closed his eyes and bit his tongue. Some might have said that the Knox Clan had no heart.
“Beitris, I’m leaving. I’m sorry that ye dinnae understand. I’m sorry ye are angry, but this cannae be avoided. It’s for yer own safety.”
“My own safety?”
She leaped up from the bed, incandescent with rage, glorious in her naked state. Her bare feet slapped against the floor. Her hands crashed against his chest, pushing him back, forcing him to confront her directly.
“How many times hae I told ye that I dinnae need protecting? I hae never asked ye tae dae anything on my behalf.”
“I ken. Ye dinnae need tae ask. There are things ye dinnae ken.”
“What things? What things, Logan?” she repeated, more urgency in her words.
Her eyes were wide enough that he could see the whites of them.
She clutched his clothes in her fists. She was strong, but not strong enough to stop him.
Nothing was. He might have seen confusion in them now, but if they ever met again he would only see hatred.
He curled his fingers around her wrists and pushed her arms away firmly.
She gasped and staggered back. Logan moved towards the door, each step feeling leaden, each step costing him a piece of his soul.
“I’m tired of haeing this discussion. If ye trust me, then trust me. Believe what I say, and if ye dinnae then raise the alarm and keep me here in chains. But I’m leaving, and unless ye want the entire Keep tae see yer bare arse then I suggest ye stay here, my lady!”
He slammed the door behind him, hating that he had to use the words as an insult, but the only way to keep her away from him was to make her angry. He strode through the Keep, smashing his fist against the inner walls in frustration, hating himself more now than he ever had before.
Beitris’ eyes stung with angry tears.
She was left standing naked in the room, the echo of the slamming door reverberating around her, the thrum of her heartbeat powerful in her chest. She screamed and clenched her fists.
Logan had never been more maddening. Last night they had shared something so wonderful and profound, yet now it was rendered meaningless.
She could have killed him. Fury was in her eyes as she whirled around and grabbed a poker by the hearth.
She wrenched it free and slammed it against the wall again and again until she tossed it aside.
Then, she pulled on her clothes angrily.
He might have wanted to leave, but that didn’t mean she had to let him.
There was something he was hiding from her behind cowardly words, claiming that it was for her own safety.
She thought she had made it clear to him that she could protect herself, even if he had saved her life.
A dark suspicion formed in her mind, swirling like the mists of a storm on the horizon. Could this have something to do with what she’d heard from the enemy general? If so, then it was even more imperative that she find him, for she had no idea what dark scheme might unfold.
Her face was set in a scowl and she was about to fling the door open when suddenly there was a knock.
“Beitris, are ye awake? There’s a special visitor,” Caroline said.
Beitris’s scowl deepened. What was her mother doing there? Beitris flung the door open to see Caroline, Nessa, and Tara. Her two aunts and her mother, altogether. For a moment Beitris blinked, stunned, for she hadn’t expected to see Tara.
Tara leaned forward and embraced Beitris in a firm hug.
“Och, it’s been too long, Beitris!” she said and then released Beitris.
Nessa looked more circumspect. “Ye look like ye are dressed for war,” she said, and then her gaze turned to the unkempt bedsheets and the lingering tension in the air, the smell that was unmistakably masculine. Beitris was too angry to keep the truth from them.
“Logan left on some fool’s errand. I need tae chase after him,” she said.
At the moment, she couldn’t pass through the wall her aunts formed. Worry lined Caroline’s face.
“Are ye sure that’s wise? Anything could happen. The Highlands are dangerous. I’ll hae Allan send a patrol out tae find him,” Caroline said, trying to think of a solution that did not endanger her daughter.
“There’s nae talking her out of this,” Nessa said quietly.
“I’m sorry,” Beitris said, more to Tara than her mother. “But I hae tae dae this. He’s more than a guard tae me, more than a man. Something… something hae happened between us.”
“Then ye must take time tae think and consider, Beitris. There is nae need tae make rash decisions,” Caroline said.
Nessa smirked. “Someone should hae told ye that when we were locked up in a room.”
“It was yer idea tae climb out the window,” Caroline said defensively, and they both turned to Tara.
Tara held up her hands. “It was sae long ago I dinnae remember! I just ken it was certainly nae my idea, but Beitris hae a point. We all followed our hearts. We cannae deny her the same opportunity, Caroline. I ken ye want tae protect her. We all want tae keep our bairns safe, but they hae tae live as well, just as we did.”
She reached out and placed a comforting arm on Caroline’s.
Nessa had some reassuring words as well. “She’ll be fine, Caroline. After all, she was trained by the best,” she winked.
“I suppose… if ye must,” Caroline said, stepping forward to take Beitris’ hand.
When Beitris looked into her mother’s eyes she didn’t see only her mother but the girl that Caroline had once been.
She saw the same thing in her aunts as well.
They had been young women once, just like her.
They had all made sacrifices for love. Caroline had been forced to run away from home, doing anything she could to keep her sisters safe.
Tara had risked everything to heal a boy.
Nessa had returned to the clan and proven herself worthy of being a leader.
“Beitris, life hae nae been easy for any of us. I hae always tried tae keep ye safe, but more than that, I wanted ye tae be able tae meet the world head-on. When we left home for the first time none of us were prepared for what awaited us. We all hae tae find our own way as we went along, but ye hae been wise from a young age. I trust ye, and I ken that if ye love this man then he is worthy. But dinnae let that love lead ye tae ruin. Ye can dae many things in this world, but ye cannae control a man’s heart.
If he keeps running away, it might be wise tae let him gae and see if he will come back tae ye. ”
“I need tae ken why he’s running, Ma. He is hiding something from me,” Beitris said.
“Then I hae nae doubt that ye will find him and the truth. Just promise me ye will stay safe and that ye will come back tae me,” Caroline said, drawing Beitris into a tight hug.
Beitris closed her eyes. Although she considered herself an adult, there was something about the comfort of her mother’s embrace that soothed her. Then, Nessa and Tara hugged her in turn, wishing her good luck.
Those women had all lived their adventures.
It was time to let Beitris embark on her own.
Beitris ran through the Keep, trying to make up for lost time. Everything blurred before her and she leaped upon the first horse she could find. She asked them in what direction Logan had left, then she geeed the horse, galloping away as swiftly as she could.
Logan was going to learn the hard way that he couldn’t simply run away from her, and if there was something more to his soul then she would learn the truth, and she would lay him bare before her.