Chapter 4
CHAPTER 4
SHIVINA
T he last thing I wanted to do right now was eat a laddoo, but I forced myself to finish the whole damn thing. Because he asked me to finish it. He ordered me to finish it. What did it say about me that a man I barely knew ordered me to do something I didn’t want to, and I felt compelled to do it for his sake? Did that make me a doormat? A pushover?
I sighed heavily as I looked for a tissue to wipe my sticky fingers. At this point, I’d do anything for this beast of a man who looked scary enough to devour me alive but went out of his way to protect a woman he did not know at all.
I shook out the skirts of my poshak and straightened my odhani. It was time to rejoin the crowds. Otherwise, Rani Sa would think I was slacking off. Rani Sa came looking for me when I made my way to the back of the terrace.
“Where have you been?” she demanded suspiciously.
“I was helping the Mirpur staff bring up some more food from the kitchens,” I lied.
“Hmph! I better not find out that you’ve been stealing anything,” she grunted, and it took all my restraint to stay silent.
She was baiting me intentionally because she wanted a reason to kick me out. I knew the miserly royal resented the amount she had to pay for Zarna’s fees, but her husband, the Raja Sa, had a kind heart, and he was worried about how we’d get on in the world without their support. Rani Sa was just waiting for a chance to be rid of us, and I was going to make sure I never gave her an excuse to boot us out of the palace. I could put up with any amount of abuse for Zarna’s sake.
“Ji, Rani Sa,” I murmured, with my eyes downcast.
“Don’t wander off again,” she warned before she stalked off towards the front of the terrace.
She was all smiles as she joined the group at the dais. I craned my neck to see what was happening, and my stomach sank when the DJ turned off the Bollywood dance music and began to play numbers oozing romance. Ugh!
His Highness and Kavya Baisa were about to exchange rings. I wished I didn’t have to see this. For some reason, it felt like an unseen hand was squeezing my heart tightly. I didn’t know why I should mind so much. If there was anyone who deserved some happiness after what he had lost, it was His Highness. So why did the sight of Kavya Baisa sliding a ring on his finger coyly turn my stomach? The laddoo threatened to make a sudden reappearance, and I took a few deep breaths to ease the tightness in my chest.
The guests cheered loudly, and the happy couple gazed at each other lovingly. I blinked back tears as I silently wished him all the happiness in the world.
This was just gratitude, I told myself. For rescuing me. It was just the stress of the past hour that was making me overly emotional.
I took another deep breath and forced myself to look away. The Mirpur staff was starting to set up the dinner buffet. I went over to them and started helping out even though no one had asked me to do anything because I needed something to take my attention off the couple posing for photographs with their families.
I tried not to look at His Highness again because I refused to ogle another woman’s fiancé, but I could hardly refuse when the Mirpur housekeeper asked me to serve at the head table. I could feel his eyes on me when I offered him some kebabs from the platter that a waiter held for me, but I kept my eyes on his silver plate.
“Thank you, Shivina,” he said gravely.
I bobbed my head in response and moved on to Kavya Baisa, who shook her head without a word. But before I could move to the next person in the row, I went sprawling to the ground. The waiter next to me had the presence of mind to hold on to the kebab platter. Otherwise, the heavy tray would have landed on the head of one of the VIP guests.
His Highness leapt to his feet.
“Are you okay?” he asked in concern.
The waiter helped me up, and I nodded slightly, wincing at Rani Sa’s furious expression as she stood up and came rushing towards me.
“Shivina! What are you doing? I’m so sorry, Jamai Sa. I shouldn’t have sent this girl anywhere near your table. She’s completely useless. Bewakoof!”
The Mirpur housekeeper came up to us calmly and took over from me, and I didn’t look at any of them as I walked away, holding on to the tattered fragments of my dignity. I wasn’t useless at all, but who would believe me if I told them the truth? That the beautiful but vicious bride had tripped me on purpose.
Kavya Baisa had stuck out a dainty little foot and tripped me just as I was about to move to the person next to her. I wondered why she felt the need to humiliate me like that. She had everything. She was rich, titled, loved and pampered, and now she was engaged to a wonderful man. What more did she want?
I went back to the big kitchen that occupied most of the space at the back of the palace. The housekeeper came in soon after and headed straight to me. I braced myself for an earful because I had violated the cardinal rule of most palaces. Servants should neither be seen nor heard. We had to move like mice - discreetly and quietly. If we had been in Sajjangarh, Rani Sa would have slapped me hard, but she had to be on her best behaviour in her Jamai Sa’s palace. I had no doubt the housekeeper would do the needful on her behalf.
She came up close to me and studied me for a minute.
“Eh ladki, tell me the truth. What happened to you out there?” she demanded.
“I’m sorry, Mausi,” I replied. “I tripped. I’ll be more careful next time.”
I wasn’t going to waste my breath defending myself because what was the point?
“Hmm… I’m not one to be disloyal to my Hukum,” she grunted. “But the truth is the truth. Is it true that Hukum’s new fiancée tripped you? The waiter told me so.”
I stared at a corner above her head and kept my face blank.
“I have no idea what happened,” I insisted.
She shook her head in exasperation.
“Watch your back with that one, beta. She seems to get her kicks out of torturing the servants. Well, she won’t get any joy out of that in this palace because my Rani Ma will not put up with such behaviour, and neither will my Hukum. Now, go make up a nice plate for yourself and join me at my table. I want to hear all about you.”
She was so motherly that I couldn’t keep up my poker face. I unbent and followed her to a massive, scarred wooden table in the back of the kitchen. Sannata Mausi served me a heaping plate of food and sat down next to me to make sure I ate it all. It was delicious, but it tasted like dust to me because I just wanted this miserable day to end. I wanted to go home to our room in the palace and curl up in bed with a good book, with Zarna in the matching single bed next to me.
“There’s nothing to tell, Mausi,” I said with a weary sigh.
But she was an expert at interrogating people, and with the skill of a CID Inspector, she ferreted out every little detail about me.
“I knew you were far too educated to be a servant. Why don’t you go out and get a job that’s suited to your skills?” she demanded. “Be brave, beta. Everything will fall in place as long as you’re willing to take the first difficult step.”
“It’s not as easy as that, Mausi.”
“But it isn’t even as difficult as you think it is,” she countered. “Sure, your life will be hard for a bit, but it isn’t easy even now. At least you’ll have your self-respect.”
She made a good point, I realised. Maybe it was time to move out from under Rani Sa’s thumb. I refused to work for someone who treated me like dirt. I had done nothing to deserve the humiliation that Kavya Baisa had dished out today. Sannata Mausi was right. She did get her kicks from torturing me. How long would it be before she and Rani Sa turned their eyes on Zarna?
“I’ll think about it,” I promised.
I stayed out of sight until it was time to leave, and it was with a huge sigh of relief that I climbed into the mini-bus that was transporting the staff back to Sajjangarh. The royal family had already left in their posh cars. I didn’t see His Highness again, which was a good thing. I was a little miffed that he hadn’t come to the kitchen to check on me, but why should he, I asked myself sternly. I was a nobody, and he was engaged to Kavya Baisa.
And my attraction to him was one-sided. After all, I could hardly be the first woman to be so fascinated with him. He was probably used to it by now. And he had done nothing to encourage it. If I read something more into his kindness, that was my problem. He would have done the same for any woman who was being attacked.
It was past midnight when we reached home, but Zarna was still awake when I trudged into our room.
She sat up in bed as soon as I opened the door and bombarded me with questions.
“How was it? Is the dulha handsome? How was the food?” she asked excitedly.
“Awful, yes and I have no idea,” I mumbled before I stumbled into the bathroom to change out of the awful outfit I had been forced to wear.
She sighed dramatically.
“I had high hopes for this wedding, Di,” she groaned.
“Why? It’s not my wedding or yours,” I replied around a mouthful of toothpaste.
“It’s still a wedding. I was hoping to dance a little, eat some good food and maybe flirt with some boys,” she said, clutching a pillow to her chest.
I spat my toothpaste out in alarm. Boys??? What boys? She was only fourteen!
If I had my way, no boy would ever come near my sister until she turned thirty-five, but I knew that wasn’t a realistic goal. Zarna was going to grow up and discover boys whether I liked it or not. If I kept treating her like a child, she would rebel sooner or later, and I’d lose her forever.
Because, like it or not, I was her sister, not her mother. I might have raised her ever since our mother died, but I could never replace Ma. I had to accept that. And I had to accept that my sister was not a child anymore. All the same, I had to keep her safe. My stomach churned again at the thought of the dangers that lurked in every corner. My experience with Sangram tonight was a prime example of that. I couldn’t count on a prince coming to my rescue every time. And neither could my sister.
“The only boys at this wedding are going to be entitled royals who think they can use and discard women like tissue paper,” I said carefully. “And we’re not going to the wedding as guests. In fact, you’re not invited to the wedding at all, babe.”
She sat up and threw the pillow at me. I caught it and plumped it up again while she ranted.
“What! Why? That’s so unfair! I live here too,” she cried.
She was such a child sometimes, I thought frustratedly.
“You live here because of me, Zarna! Because I work for the Dodiyas. We’re not part of the family. I’m little more than a servant in the palace,” I said bluntly.
“So what?” she mumbled, not meeting my eyes.
“So we have to remember our place. If Rani Sa fires me tomorrow, we have to move out of the palace and believe me, if we’re not working for them, we’re as good as dead to the family. They won’t even acknowledge us if they meet us again.”
“But they’ve known us for years,” she argued. “Baba served them for so many years. I was born in this palace. Does that mean nothing?”
“Yes, it means nothing,” I replied brutally. “Maybe there are other, kinder royals who care about their employees, but the Dodiyas aren’t like that. Do you know how much Rani Sa pays me?”
I named a salary that was less than the bare minimum required to survive. Zarna gasped in horror.
“The girls at my school spend more than that on skincare and outings every month,” she cried.
“Well, Rani Sa gets away with exploiting me because she knows we need this roof over our heads. She pays me much less than she pays the other staff because she’s paying your school fees. Sure, I can earn more if we leave here, but it won’t be enough for your fees as well as rent,” I explained.
Zarna’s face fell as she realised the extent to which we were indebted to the royal family.
“It’s all because of me, Di. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have to put up with their nastiness,” she said, beginning to cry. “It’s all my fault.”
I walked over to her bed and held her tightly.
“If it weren’t for you, Zarna, my life would have no meaning. You’re the only bit of light in my life. The only person who loves me. And I regret nothing. I don’t care how they treat me. I’ll do it happily for as long as I have to,” I declared, dropping a kiss on the top of her head.
“I’ll get a job,” she announced.
“No, you won’t,” I said sharply. “You will study really hard and fulfil all your dreams. Don’t forget the plan, Zarna. You’re going to become an astronaut and fly me to the moon, Rocket Girl.”
“Fine,” she said with a sigh.
“And stay away from rich boys, especially royals. They will only break your heart, Zarna. I mean it,” I said seriously.
She studied me thoughtfully for a minute before she spoke.
“Who broke your heart, Di?”
I forced a laugh, and maybe it was my imagination, but it sounded demented enough to scare away the palace bhoot.
“I’m still heart-whole, thank you very much. And I intend to be so for the rest of my life. Love is for schmucks,” I said lightly.
I wasn’t saying anything I hadn’t said a thousand times before, but as I got into bed and turned off the light, I was aware that I wasn’t being entirely honest. Love might be for schmucks, but I wasn’t as heart-whole as I used to be.
T he next three days flew past in a blur. The staff worked overtime to get the palace ready for the wedding, and there were rituals being held every day.
“What kind of wedding is this, Di?” asked Zarna, coming up to me when I was busy making up gift boxes containing a silver diya, bags of dried fruits and nuts, and a box of mithai for the third-tier guests. The first and second-tier guests were getting very fancy, professionally packed return gifts according to their importance, while the plebs were stuck with the simple boxes that we packed. I tried to tie a fancy bow on every box, but it didn’t change the fact that class distinction was on full display during the Rathore-Dodiya wedding.
“What’s wrong?” I asked my sister, slapping her hand away when she reached for some dried fruit. “That’s for the guests.
“Ugh! They won’t even know,” she complained, but I shook my head sternly. “Fine! As I was saying, this is such a boring wedding. Did you know there’s no sangeet? Who doesn’t have a sangeet these days? Even Gullu Pehelwan, who lives in that tiny house near the Chowk, had a sangeet at his wedding. And everyone knows he’s skint because all his money goes towards his Olympic training.”
“That’s their choice, Zarna. It has nothing to do with us,” I said firmly.
I didn’t want to think about this blasted wedding or the blasted bridegroom who had taken up permanent residence inside my brain and was refusing to vacate the space. Maybe it was time to take Sannata Mausi’s advice and leave the palace. How long was I going to pine after a man who wasn’t even mine?
Zarna looked around quickly and leaned forward.
“Apparently, Baisa was really upset when she found out. I heard her raging at her mother, saying her dulha was too boring.”
“What rubbish! He’s not boring at all,” I replied without thinking.
Which was a mistake because Zarna didn’t miss a trick.
“How do you know?” she asked suspiciously.
“I mean… not wanting a sangeet doesn’t make a person boring. It means they just don’t want to dance in front of people. Not everyone is dying to perform before a captive audience,” I said hastily.
“Hmm… Di, did you get a chance to see the dulha? Up close, I mean.”
I shrugged carelessly as I tied another bow and leaned back to admire it.
“Not really. He seemed okay enough from far. But what do I know?”
Zarna didn’t look convinced, but she didn’t probe any further.
“Achha, there’s some more tea,” she confided.
“Where are you getting all this ‘tea’, Zarna?” I demanded. “Have you been listening behind doors again?”
“You make it sound so sordid,” she whined. “I’m just collecting information. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“You’ll change your mind when Rani Sa catches you in the act and slaps you soundly. She really puts her shoulder into it,” I said drily.
“Has she hit you?” asked Zarna irately. “I’ll fix that evil witch for you, Di! See if I don’t put hair remover in her shampoo tonight. She’ll have to wear a wig for the wedding. And as for Baisa, I’ll mix mirchi powder into her coffee. See if I don’t!”
I patted her back to calm her down.
“Hush! Don’t even say that in jest. They’ll kick us out if they hear you. Now, what’s this new tea you were dying to spill?”
Zarn exhaled sharply and snatched up a handful of cashews before I could stop her.
“Think of this as compensation for every slap,” she said, stuffing them into her mouth defiantly.
“So I get the slaps, and you get the compensation?” I asked, raising my eyebrows in disbelief.
She grinned widely and reached for some more, but I held the tray away.
“You’re such a buzzkill sometimes, Di,” she grumbled. “Anyway, I heard that Kavya Baisa is having a bachelorette party tonight in the desert. She and her friends are going on a desert safari, and none of the elders are invited.”
I stared at her in surprise.
The desert was a four-hour drive away from the palace because Sajjangarh Palace was situated on top of a hill.
“But the wedding is tomorrow morning. And the muhurat is at ten am. How the hell can she get back in time for the wedding?”
“I know, right?” asked Zarna gleefully. “She threw an awful fit when she heard there was no sangeet and cocktail party, and the only way to keep her from calling up His Highness and giving him an earful was to agree to this bachelorette party. She’s promised to be home by five am. Or so I’ve heard. Di, what do you think would have happened if she’d called His Highness?”
I shuddered at the very thought. He didn’t look like the sort of man who’d put up with such treatment. But didn’t they discuss the wedding arrangements when they decided to get married? This was such a medieval way of going about things, I reflected.
Still, things seemed to be on track for the wedding, and the palace was in a state of high excitement. Until five am dawned, and Rani Sa realised that her precious daughter still hadn’t returned from her bachelorette party.