30. Lily #2
Okay, then. So she was gorgeous and ran in the same circles as Sebastian.
“Nice to meet you,” I said politely.
She gave me a small smile. “You too. Love your dress.”
“You too.”
“Prosecco, Bas?”
Bas?
She was calling him Bas like she was one of his close buddies?
“Sure.” He gestured for me to go inside first, and Candice stepped aside to let me pass. When I glanced over my shoulder, the newcomer slid her arm around Sebastian’s waist. I quickly turned away.
I wanted to go home.
I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing how much it hurt.
However, I’d leave before midnight.
I doubt he’d even notice.
Candice and Sebastian ended up on the other side of the flat talking with a bunch of people. It was a blessing because she was fawning all over him, touching him, and he was allowing it to happen. His behavior was uncharacteristically cruel considering what happened between us before Christmas.
I saw Harry at one point before he joined Sebastian’s wee group.
Zac and Jan seemed to take it upon themselves to recover my night and apparently that meant getting me drunk.
I downed a pint of water in between each beer they set in front of me and I ate the party food. It was catered and delicious and I needed it to soak up the alcohol. Between the crowded room, the drink, and my indignant fury, I grew uncomfortably hot.
“Are you okay?” Zac asked suddenly, his brow furrowed.
I probably looked like a bronzed tomato. “I need some air.”
“Oh, come this way.” He took my hand before I could agree, and I found myself being led into his bedroom.
Zac closed the door, dropped my hand, and crossed the room to open the large window near his bed.
His room was slightly smaller than Sebastian’s and way less cozy.
There was hardly anything in it and his furniture choices were on the severe sterile side of modern.
The only item that looked somewhat comfortable was his bed.
As if he read my mind, he smirked. “I grew up with a mother who hates clutter and loves clean lines. Her tastes rubbed off on me.”
Nodding, I moved to the window and sighed in relief as the wintry air seeping in through it fluttered over my skin in a cooling caress. “Thanks for this.”
“No problem.” He leaned against the wall.
Feeling his penetrating stare, I turned from the window. “What?”
“I can snog you at midnight,” Zac offered matter-of-factly.
I snorted. “I don’t need a pity snog, but thanks.”
“Lil, you’ve seen you, right?” Zac gave me a very serious look, despite the drunken glaze in his eyes. “You’re gorgeous. It wouldn’t exactly be a chore to kiss you at midnight.”
“You’re sweet.” I reached out to squeeze his arm. “But I’m good. I promise.” It was an absolute lie.
“Right.” His tone suggested he knew it was a lie too.
Wanting desperately to change the subject, I asked, “How was LA?”
Zac’s entire demeanor changed. His features hardened and he pushed away from the wall. “Exactly as I imagined it would be.”
Sympathy filled me at his dull tone. “Do you want to talk about it?”
His eyes and mouth softened. “There’s not much to say, Lil. I realized a few years ago that my mother is a narcissist who loves herself more than she’ll ever love anyone else, including her son. One day my heart will catch up with my brain and it’ll stop hurting.”
I didn’t say I was sorry. I had a feeling that would piss him off. But I was sorry. It baffled me that some people had children and then forgot to love them. “You’ll do better with your own children.”
“I hope so. Harry and I say that all the time.”
Surprised, I asked, “Harry wants children?”
Zac chuckled. “Unbelievably, yes. At some point. Later. Much, much later in life. But he gets it, you know. His mum is all right. But his dad is an utter prick. It’s harder for Bas to get it. He’s had this amazing childhood with wonderful, loving parents. Like something out of a children’s book.”
I frowned because I heard a hint of bitterness in his tone. “He’s not had it easy with his parents this year.”
“Oh, I know.” Zac nodded. “I feel bad for the guy. But at the same time, his parents were good when he needed them to be. Not much to complain about there. Bastian’s kind of … things come easy to him. I love the bloke, so I’m glad for him, but I think he takes things for granted.”
I wasn’t sure I agreed at all. The one thing I’d admired about Sebastian was that he recognized his privilege and had a great perspective.
“I’m feeling better,” I replied quietly. “I’m going to find January.”
“Sure,” Zac agreed easily and strode across the room to let me out. As we did, he said in my ear, “Lil, you deserve better than Sebastian.”
My heart flipped over in my chest. “Zac?—”
“She’s the type of girl he’ll end up with.
” Zac gestured across the room to Sebastian and Candice who stood near one of the large floor-to-ceiling windows in the main room.
“I don’t say this to be a shit but to help.
She’s from old money. Aristocratic. Known and liked by the royal family.
That’s the kind of woman he’ll choose to be with.
Someone who gets it. Not someone like you or me who exist on the fringes of that world.
I mean, my mum might be Hollywood royalty, but it’s a totally different thing to be an aristocrat.
They tend to stick to their own because bad things happen when they don’t.
Like you said, Bastian’s parents are falling apart now.
You don’t think it’s partly to do with the fact his mum married outside of the nobility?
Why else would she be constantly pushing noble women at her son? ”
His words hurt so bad, I had to bite my lip to stop my tipsy tears from trembling it. “We’re not that,” I wheezed out.
“No? Because he’s certainly been all over you for months. Look, he’s my friend, but what he’s doing to you is screwed up. He’s strung you along when he has no intention of ever being with you.”
Those tears sprung to my eyes before I could stop them. It was humiliating to realize everyone was aware of my unrequited feelings for Sebastian.
“Shit, Lil, I’m sorry.”
“No.” I blinked away tears, looking down. “You’re not wrong.”
“I could have been more sensitive about it, though. It just … it pisses me off because you’re so great and you deserve better.”
“Thanks,” I muttered.
Zac sighed heavily. “I’ll be back in a sec. Need the loo.”
I nodded, but I wouldn’t be there when he returned. I was going home. This was too embarrassing and if I stayed, I might get drunker and start shouting at Sebastian for being such a dick.
Just then, however, Harry suggested we go up to the roof garden to see the street party and wait for the fireworks to go off at the castle.
“Come on, you!” Jan grabbed my hand, tugging me along with the crowd of moving partygoers.
I slipped free of her on the stairwell, but with everyone heading upward, I had no choice but to follow or be crushed.
When we reached the rooftop, it was bloody freezing.
Once everyone had filed onto the roof, I reopened the exit to the stairwell to make my escape.
I turned to find Jan to tell her I was leaving, but she was nowhere in sight.
“Cold?”
I whirled around to find a familiar-looking man grinning down at me.
He held out his jacket. “Here, put this on.”
Like magic, his Irish accent flicked the recognition switch. “You. You were my bartender a few weeks ago.”
“I was. I recognize you too. Hard to forget you in that green velvet dress. It’s imprinted on my brain.
” His eyes dragged down my body, lingering on my legs.
“This one is good too.” He grinned unrepentantly at my raised eyebrow.
“But then you’d make a bin bag look amazing. Where’s your boyfriend tonight?”
There was that aching sharpness in my chest again. With a will of their own, my eyes found Sebastian at the edge of the rooftop. He was laughing with Candice as she rested a hand on his chest, smiling up at him with “screw me” eyes.
I felt sick. And enraged.
“He’s not my boyfriend.”
Following my gaze, Bartender huffed. “He moves fast, huh?”
Ignoring that, I asked a little snippily, “What are you doing here?”
“I work with Chaz, who apparently knows one of the lads who lives here.” The Irishman smirked. “How the other half live. I’m Lorcan. You are?”
“Lily.”
His lovely eyes twinkled with overt interest. It soothed my ravaged self-esteem. Lorcan was incredibly good-looking and there were many attractive women at this party. Yet, he’d zeroed in on me.
Ugh, I replayed that thought in my head.
January was right.
I really needed to work on my self-esteem.
January would see things the opposite way around. Like, Lorcan was the lucky one for getting to breathe anywhere near her. I thought about the quote she’d inscribed in my locket. Maybe bravery meant walking away from something you wanted but knew was bad for you.
A kernel of doubt had me looking over at Sebastian again.
My heart plummeted at the sight of his lips pressed to Candice’s. Her arms were looped around his neck, her body crushed to his, and they were kissing like no one else was there.
Tears burned in my throat. I felt gutted. Like I was watching my boyfriend cheat on me.
Another one.
Even though I knew that wasn’t rational, it’s how I felt.
And once again I wondered what was so wrong with me that the guys I liked always ended up hurting me.
“Lily?”
I wrenched my eyes from the awful sight of Sebastian snogging another woman to the Irishman.
Lorcan was a sexy distraction.
And I needed to be brave enough to walk away from the thing that was bad for me for a sexy distraction that wouldn’t leave me feeling like shit in the morning.
Forcing the pain from my tone and my expression, I gestured toward the street with a tip of my head.
“I know it’s kind of crazy out there, but would you fancy getting out of here? ”
His eyes lit up and I felt a flutter of butterflies in my belly.
That was encouraging.
It was a much better feeling than the crushing ache of seeing Sebastian all over Candice.
“You don’t want to wait for the bells up here? Watch the fireworks. Kiss at midnight.”
I chuckled at his cockiness. “How about we kiss at midnight … just not here?” Then recklessly I threw out, “My flat is empty. We could go back to my place.”
“Hell yes.” Lorcan held out his arm in a gentlemanly fashion, incongruous to his enthusiastic response and the unspoken plans between us.
I was about to embark on a one-night stand.
My first ever one-night stand.
Jittery nerves almost stopped me.
Go for it, big sis! I heard my sister’s voice in my head.
I took Lorcan’s arm and headed toward the rooftop door. Zac stood near it chatting up a pretty brunette. “Hey, Zac, can I grab my coat from your room?”
His eyes flickered over me and Lorcan and narrowed ever so slightly. But he flashed me a grin, like whatever that thought was he’d wiped it clean. “Sure. I left it unlocked before we came up. Go in and grab it. You’re leaving, then?”
I nodded. “Aye. I don’t feel like staying.”
Zac peered across the rooftop. “Good for you, Lil. Happy New Year when it comes.”
“You too.”