34. Lily
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
LILY
I t might have been ten or twenty minutes that passed as we lay in my bed. I wasn’t quite sure. I just knew that I dreaded each minute that moved us further into the new year.
Finally, Sebastian let out a ragged breath, pressed a kiss to my forehead, and gently moved out of my arms. “Stay in bed,” he told me quietly.
Reaching for the duvet, I pulled it over my naked body as Sebastian got up to deal with the condom.
He grabbed the wastepaper basket and disappeared out of the room, presumably to dispose of them properly.
When he returned, he put his clothes back on.
We watched each other as he dressed until he sat on the end of the bed to tie his shoes.
I waited as he finished and stared at my open bedroom door out into the hall.
“We’re still friends, aren’t we?” he asked dully.
Part of me still wanted to rage at him. To ask how he could not want to explore what was between us after that. Then again, he’d had more sex than me and maybe it was normal for sex to be this good for him. He was a very generous lover.
The thought of his head buried between some other woman’s thighs nauseated me.
My promise to remain his friend nauseated me.
I’d let blinding passion guide me tonight. It had overtaken my rationale and allowed me to talk myself into something I knew I’d regret.
I wanted to hate Sebastian for not being willing to give me more.
But he’d been honest about what this would be for him.
Scratching an itch.
His itch had clearly been scratched.
Mine had turned into an open, bleeding wound.
“Aye,” I muttered. “Friends.”
Sebastian turned his head to look down at me. A sad smile curved his mouth upward. “I suppose kissing you goodbye wouldn’t be very friend-like?”
Maybe his itch wasn’t scratched.
Maybe I was right all along.
He wouldn’t explore what was between us out of penance.
Shoving down my growing anger, I shook my head. “Better not. Goodbye, Sebastian.”
His nostrils flared as he stood. “Good night , Sawyer.”
When my flat door snicked shut with the automatic lock behind him a few seconds later, I let the tears burning my nose free. I cried silently for a while until realization hit.
I shouldn’t have agreed to stay friends.
This was going to be agonizing.
A sob burst out of me like an animal’s wail, and I cried until my nose was stuffed up and my head throbbed.
Eventually, I eased out of bed to shower. To scrub the smell of Sebastian Thorne off every inch of me.