41. Lily
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
LILY
I ronically, Professor McAvoy’s lecture today wasn’t penetrating.
Ten minutes in, I switched the recording on my phone, hoping it would pick up the seminar.
Because my brain certainly wasn’t. And it was ironic because she’d handed our Gender and Psychology papers back to us as we came into the lecture hall, and she’d stopped me when she handed over mine.
Professor McAvoy had taught a few of my courses over the years and we’d met to discuss my future career.
Moreover, she was my dissertation advisor since she specialized in gender and psychology.
She’d pulled me aside as I approached her desk for my essay and told me in concern, “This isn’t your best work, Lily.
Now is not the time to drop the ball. It’s not awful by any means, so there’s no need to panic, but I want you to know I noticed a shift.
Let’s get things back to where they should be for you. Do better with your research proposal.”
I was an A student.
The essay was a B.
I really needed to pull myself together. My career would be there long after some guy who …
Throwing Sebastian from my mind, I tried to focus on Professor McAvoy. But my mind kept going back over the events of the last few days, including getting a B on an essay.
I’d been staring dazedly at my tablet, so it took me a second to realize someone had interrupted our class.
My classmates’ murmuring brought my attention to the front of the class and my heart faltered in my chest.
The sight of Sebastian standing next to Professor McAvoy caused a flush of heat through my body so strong, my palms started sweating.
What the …
“I’m in the middle of a class,” Professor McAvoy stated impatiently, as if it was not the first time she’d said it to him.
“I understand.” Sebastian’s voice carried upward through the smaller lecture hall. “And I respect your time, but this is incredibly important. And possibly educational for any would-be therapists in the room.” There was a teasing note in his words.
Professor McAvoy, it seemed, was not immune to Sebastian Thorne’s charms. “Fine. Enlighten us, Mr. …?”
“Thorne. Sebastian.”
“The floor is yours, Mr. Thorne. I’m eager to hear what is so important that it warrants interrupting my fourth-year class.”
I sat upright, as if my body was preparing to flee before my mind even considered it.
However, Sebastian nodded and turned forward, his eyes finding mine immediately, like he’d known where I was from the moment he stepped into the room.
My breath caught.
He’d shaved his beard since I’d seen him a few nights ago and I could see now in the sharp angles of his handsome face that he had lost weight.
What the hell was he doing? My eyes widened with the nonverbal question.
His lip curled up in one corner, but there was a panicked edge of sadness in his expression that made my chest throb. “Hullo, Sawyer.”
The physical evidence of the impact our estrangement had on him, along with the gently affectionate words, made me want to burst into tears.
I couldn’t speak around the thickening in my throat.
“I’m sorry for interrupting your class, but I didn’t think I could get you to listen any other way.
I thought about calling into the podcast, but you could easily walk out or hang up …
and really, I need to say this face-to-face.
Also, apologies to your classmates.” He gestured to them.
“But hopefully, no matter which way this goes, they’re thoroughly entertained.
I’m about to get metaphorically naked in front of them, after all. ”
“ Literally would be better!” a girl shouted from the back, and everyone tittered but me.
I was too much in shock.
Sebastian grinned. “Sorry, but I only have plans to get naked for one woman for the rest of my life … if she’ll have me.” His gaze returned to mine and softened with such tenderness, I swear I heard the girl two seats down from me sigh cartoonishly.
What … what … I think my brain exploded.
Why wasn’t Professor McAvoy putting a stop to this?
Instead, my lecturer sat on her desk, smiling like she found my ex-best friend incredibly amusing.
Sebastian moved slowly toward the stairs. Toward me. “Lily Sawyer, I have been a thickheaded, stubborn, unforgiveable moron. You know this. I know this. Our friends know this.” He waved to the room as he climbed the auditorium stairs. “And now this room of complete strangers knows this.”
More tittering.
Again, not from me.
I glared at him, my cheeks flushed hot. I was stuck between being infuriated with him for making me the center of attention and furious with him for making me feel hope.
“You were right. I thought I didn’t deserve you.
” The teasing note left his tone. “I thought I didn’t deserve anything that made me truly happy.
” Sebastian stopped a few steps down from my row so we were on eye level.
His were pleading. “Lily, I … I didn’t think I’d ever meet anyone like you, so I wasn’t prepared for you or what you make me feel. ”
“Dude, what the fuck?” a guy behind me sniggered.
“Shut up!” someone hissed.
Sebastian ignored them. “I thought I could have just enough of you for it to be okay.” His expression was meaningful, and I understood even though everyone else around didn’t. “It wasn’t fair to you, and I ended up hurting the one person I never want to hurt.”
“Sebastian…”
He took the rest of the steps up to me but lowered onto his knee at my side. “I’m done being a masochistic arsehole. You are so much more important than some stupid vow I didn’t even know I made to myself. If you … if you think I’m worthy of you, then who the hell am I to disagree?”
Oh my goodness. Oh my … I was having difficulty breathing.
“Forgive me, my love. Forgive me and let me love you. Because I do. Lily, I am …” His voice grew low and gruff as his eyes shone with emotion. “I’m so in love with you, I cannot imagine my life without you. I don’t want to. It’s an awful place. It’s bland and boring and I’m very monk-like there.”
My lips twitched even as my hope turned to utter euphoria. “You mean it? Really, truly mean it? You’re not planning to self-flagellate again tomorrow once reality hits?”
“No, no plans for that.” He moved closer so our faces were mere inches apart. He searched mine. “Be my girlfriend, Lily, and I promise I’ll make it my mission to make you happy. I’ll even allow you to make me a research subject in your dissertation.”
I laughed, but it was cut off by Sebastian’s hungry kiss. His hands clasped my face as he kissed me breathless. For a moment, I was swept up in it and the resultant whistles and whoops of my classmates.
But then I reluctantly pulled away. “I didn’t say yes.”
His fingers caressed my cheeks. “You should.”
“After this mortifying display?”
“It was more mortifying for me.”
“You’re not in the least bit embarrassed by this.”
“No, I’m not. I don’t care who knows I love you. Apparently, everyone already did.”
“I didn’t.”
“Well, that’s because you’re blind to the fact that you are the most lovable …” He brushed his lips over mine. “Sexiest …” Another caress of his mouth. “Smartest, kindest, funniest woman in the world. How could I not love you?”
“If she doesn’t want you, I’ll have you!” some girl shouted from behind us.
I scowled.
Sebastian chuckled and then leaned his forehead against mine. “I only see you, Lily Sawyer. Say yes. Before your professor has me forcibly removed.”
A glance toward Professor McAvoy revealed her amused smile was starting to strain. I looked back into Sebastian’s eyes. I … I found I couldn’t quite tell him I loved him back. Even after his grand confession. Not because I didn’t … but because my heart was still badly bruised.
“If you ask me out on a date,” I said, “I’ll probably say yes.”
He pressed another kiss to my mouth. “I’ll wait for you after class and take you to lunch.”
“That wasn’t asking,” I complained as he stood up to leave.
“You said you’d say yes, but I’m not taking the chance you’ll say no.” He winked and hurried down the auditorium steps.
“Sebastian!” I hissed.
“I love you, Lily Sawyer!”
Oh my goodness. I laughed, my cheeks hot as I buried my face in my hands.
“Thank you, Professor, for giving me the space to declare myself in this humiliating and cringeworthy fashion that will make my grandmother rethink leaving me an inheritance. Much appreciated.”
Everyone laughed.
I peeked between my fingers to see my professor thankfully give him an amiable nod. “You’re welcome. And you’re right. I think I can turn this into a teachable moment.”
“Always happy to be of help.” He glanced back up toward me, flashing that sexy smile. Except this time, I recognized what I’d been too insecure to realize before. His smile was not a new smile. It was the smile he’d given me for months.
It was a smile filled with love.
I bit my lip against my own and Sebastian reluctantly left the hall.
I could feel everyone’s eyes on me.
“Well, that was an entertaining respite, but let’s get back to it. Or should we expect more suitors interrupting to declare their love for you, Ms. Sawyer?”
One day, I’d get revenge on Sebastian for this. I groaned and slid down in my seat, shaking my head with a mortified no.
As my professor launched back into her lesson, I couldn’t say I was listening. I was too busy trying to keep the stupid grin off my face and the butterflies in my belly from lifting me right out of my seat with the frantic flapping of their wings.
Then, as the lecture ended and I packed up, taking my classmates good-natured ribbing on the chin, I realized my phone had recorded the entire incident.
I laughed to myself as I saved it with glee.
“You’re so lucky.” A girl whom I’d shared classes with for the last four years but who had never spoken to me before approached as I strode toward the exit. “He’s so gorgeous. And that accent. And what he did and said … it was like a movie.”
“Aye, it was like a really embarrassing, corny movie,” I agreed.
Her face fell. “It’s just a pity we were all too engrossed in the moment to film it so you could see it from our perspective. It was really brave of him. I hope you appreciate that.”
It was brave, but Sebastian wasn’t easily embarrassed.
He was too confident to care what strangers thought of him.
What he’d done was more smart than brave, really.
Because Sebastian did know me. Once I made up my mind about something, I could be a stubborn arse.
He knew he’d have to do something like this to get me to stick around long enough to listen.
“Who says I didn’t appreciate it?” I shrugged and pushed out of the auditorium doors to find Sebastian leaning against the opposite wall, waiting for me as promised.
The sight of him filled my chest with possessiveness.
And to prove I appreciated him, I strode across the hall, aware of the eyes on us and not caring in the least for once.
He pushed off the wall to greet me, but I got there first, dropping my bookbag at our feet so I could hop into his arms. It was a move I’d have been too self-conscious to make with any other boyfriend, but Sebastian caught me with ease, eyes lit with happy surprise as he cupped my arse in his hands.
I tightened my legs around his middle, my fingers moving through his hair, as I crushed my mouth over his.
While giving my classmates a second show, I kissed Sebastian Thorne with all the love I wasn’t quite ready to confess out loud.