Chapter 28 – Ramona
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Ramona
T ears stream down my face as I hold my finger to my lips, not wanting Cooper to know I’m standing here. I could’ve done a better job making sure that he knew Darius was technically my nephew and not my son, but it honestly doesn’t matter. I needed Cooper to know that Darius and I were a package deal. He couldn’t have one without the other, regardless of how we were related to each other.
“Does this change anything for you?” I jump at the sound of Alise’s voice right next to me.
“Jesus fucking Christ! I swear we need to tie a bell around your neck or something.” I spin around, smacking her hard on the shoulder.
“Or you need to pay attention to something other than Cooper Hendrix.” Alise giggles, motioning her head toward Cooper and the boys.
All four of them huddle together, whispering something to each other before Cooper throws his head back and laughs loudly. His entire face is lit up in happiness as he ruffles Darius’s hair and begins shuffling the cards.
“So does it?”
“Does what?” I question, keeping my eyes focused on Cooper and the boys.
“Does his knowing about Darius change anything for you?” Alise asks, implying something else entirely.
The short answer is no, but there’s a part of me that’s still terrified of telling him the whole story about what happened to Dad and Imani. Will he still think the same of me once he knows what I said to them, or will he run in the other direction? I can’t say that I’d blame him if he did, but I’d be heartbroken.
I spend every day fighting to keep my demons at bay. Struggling to silence the voice in the back of my head telling me I should never have been born and that Imani and Dad would still be here if I never existed. On days like today, the voice is stronger, louder than usual, but having Cooper here with me has kept the darkness at bay. Now that he knows, I’m sure he has questions. Questions that deserve to be answered by me.
I’ve talked to my therapist at length about this. How I was going to tell him, what I was going to say, but now that the moment is here, my mind is blank. I want to run in the other direction and hide away. Let the pain from Aunt Thea’s words wash over me, consuming the few shreds of happiness that I’ve carved out for myself with Cooper.
“Stop that, Mona. Stop it right this instant.” Alise pinches me hard on the arm, bringing my mind back to the present. “I can see you spiraling. Remember, karma's coming for those two. I just hope we are both around to see it.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you are not fine, Ramona. I know you. I can practically hear you making excuses for why you don’t deserve to be with Cooper. That you will only bring him down with all your demons and issues dealing with your past. But I’m never going to stop telling you that you’re wrong. Trust me, there are no two people that deserve each other more than you and Cooper Hendrix.”
I’ve gone through years of therapy to get a grip on my emotions about what happened that night, and while there are still some days I believe it was all my fault they were even on the road that late at night, I know logically there was nothing I could do. I didn’t force the drunk driver behind the wheel and ask him to plow into their car. I have no control over anything that happened that night.
Logically, I know all this, but emotionally, it’s a different story. A small part of my family loves to remind me I had a hand in their deaths. I may not have been the person who actually killed them, but I played a part in it. I had hoped to spare Cooper from hearing their hateful words, especially from Thea and Trina.
My eyes fill with tears again as I turn toward her, pulling her in for a tight hug. She freezes slightly, surprised by my hug, but she relaxes in my arms. “I’m sorry,” I croak, releasing her and taking a step back. “I should have asked before I hugged you.”
“It's okay. I know you needed that hug, so I’ll let it slide.” She smiles at me before turning back towards Cooper and the boys. “Are you ready to answer my question now?”
“No, it doesn’t.” I give her shoulder one final squeeze before heading toward Cooper.
I know I need to tell Cooper the complete story, but right now, I just want to enjoy what remains of Darius’s birthday party. Everything else can wait.
Quinton grabs the pile of cards from in front of him, smiling slyly over top of them. “Are you ready to get your butt kicked again?”
“In your dreams, young one. No stacking the deck with draw twos. I made sure the deck was shuffled properly this time,” Cooper responds, reaching to grab his own pile of cards from in front of him, the sleeve of his Henley sliding up just enough to show a series of large red marks on the inside of his wrist and a few tracks of what looks to be dried blood, as well.
I squeeze in between Cooper and Darius, pointing toward his now-exposed left wrist. “What happened?”
“Oh, nothing. I’m fine.” Cooper pulls at the sleeve of his Henley, covering the marks on his flesh. “Where have you been? These three started cheating at Uno the minute you went into the kitchen.”
He uses his free hand to wrap around my waist, nuzzling his nose into the flesh of my belly as Darius narrows his eyes at him. “We didn’t cheat. We just were playing by Black rules, Ramona.”
“Black rules are cheating.” I giggle, squeezing Cooper’s wrist to get his attention. He winces slightly but doesn’t say anything. “Do you three mind if I borrow this one for a few minutes?”
“No problem. He was bringing down my game.” Quinton grabs everyone’s hands and starts shuffling the deck quickly.
“Bringing down your game?” Cooper reaches to grab the deck, but I grip his hand in mine and pull him to his feet. “You mean stopping you from cheating.”
“I don’t cheat, Mr. Cooper. You’re just a sore loser.” All three boys throw their heads back and laugh as I pull Cooper toward the house.
“You know my uncle taught him how to count cards, right? There was no way you were going to beat that kid playing anything card-related.” I push the back door shut behind me before grabbing his hand and pulling him toward my bedroom.
“You’re all a bunch of cheaters, aren’t you?”
My head checks every room as we pass, wanting to make sure we are alone in the house before I open up this can of worms. The last thing I want or need is someone from my family chiming in with their own personal commentary on what happened that night.
“No. We just adhere to the motto: work smarter, not harder . It’s not our fault you got hustled by a group of twelve-year-old boys.” I back him up until the back of his knees hit the bed. “Now sit.”
He plops down on the bed, his eyes tracking me as I rush into the bathroom in search of the first aid kit I stashed here for emergencies. “Serves me right. Alise warned me not to play cards with anyone. I thought I was safe sticking with the kids.”
“We start them young.” Kneeling down on the floor, I pull out everything I need to clean his wrists.
“I told you I was fine.” He tries to pull his wrist away from me, but I tighten my hold on it before pushing up his sleeve and exposing the bruises and cuts on his wrist.
My thumb brushes softly over the area as his chin drops to his chest; he hides his eyes away from me. “You’re lying to me, Cooper Hendrix. You were bleeding, and by the looks of it, these marks were self-inflicted.”
“I was just so angry about the shit your aunt and cousin were spewing.” He growls, pushing to his feet. I remain in place, feeling the anger coming off him in waves. I know none of his anger is directed at me, but I still feel the need to cry and beg for him to listen to my side of things. “I wanted to strangle both of them. And the things they said about Darius…”
“They were telling the truth.”
Cooper’s eyes widen in horror as he drops to his knees, gripping both of my hands in his. “No, they weren’t.”
“They were. Everything they said was true.” I try to pull my hand from his, but he only holds on tighter, imploring me with his eyes to listen to what he’s saying.
I hear him. A part of my heart even believes in him, but an even bigger part of me knows that no matter how I spin it, I had a hand in Dad’s and Imani’s deaths. If they weren't out looking for me, they never would’ve been in the path of that drunk driver. Not to mention the horrible things I said to them before storming out of the house. That part breaks my heart even more. Knowing that the two people I cared for most in the world had no idea how much I loved them in the end.
“So you are using me for my money, wanting to buy your family’s forgiveness for an accident that had absolutely nothing to do with you?”
“Of course not!”
Why the fuck would he think that? I never gave a shit about Cooper’s money or his job in the NHL. If I’m being honest, it’s the main reason I was so hesitant to fathom having a relationship with him. In the end, I couldn’t not try to see where things went between us or I’d have regretted it for the rest of my life.
He brings my knuckles to his lips, kissing each one individually. “Then they are full of shit, like I said.”
I’m relieved he doesn’t believe the bullshit they were spewing, but I need to know if he knows everything about what happened to Dad and Imani. “Did they tell you what happened?”
“No. I stopped listening after the shit they were saying about you using Darius. Anyone with a pair of goddamn eyes can see that you believe he hung the moon. If anyone is using Darius, it’s me. He’s the only way I can force you to see me at least twice a week at practice.”
I pull my hands from his grasp, turning my back to him. I would love nothing more than to laugh this off and pretend like it never happened, but he needs to know. I have to tell him my deepest, darkest secret and hope that he’ll still be here with me after he finds out the type of person I really am. “This isn’t a joke, Cooper.”
“And I’m not joking, Beauty. Thea and Trina are a bunch of miserable bitches who love nothing more than to bring everyone down to their level.”
“Damn, tell me how you really feel about them,” I chuff, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of laughing.
“I can’t take complete credit for it. Tyrees’s mom said it first.” Cooper moves in front of me, cupping my face in his hands. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t feel comfortable telling me. We have all the time in the world to get to know each other better, Beauty.”
“Thank goodness, because you apparently thought I was old enough to have a twelve-year-old son.”
He plants a kiss on my forehead, running his hands down my arms before gripping my hands in his. Cooper pulls me to my feet before flopping down on my bed, patting the space next to him. “It was an honest mistake. You act very mature for a twenty-four-year-old.”
“So you’re saying I act like an old lady?”
“No, but you’re practically the same age as my brother Cole and only a few years younger than Beau. You’ve met that knucklehead. Now you tell me if you’d honestly think you were closer in age to him than me?”
He’s right. According to the internet, Beau turns twenty-eight right before the end of the year. There’s no way anyone in their right mind would believe that we were anywhere near the same age. “Fair enough.”
I could ask him how old he is, but I already know. That’s probably one of the first things I found during my Google expedition after our first official meeting. There’s a six-year age gap between the two of us, which obviously isn’t a problem for me.
Cooper rolls to the side, pushing me down onto the fluffy mattress. He smiles down at me, tucking a loose loc behind my ear. “Do you have an issue with being with an old man, Beauty?”
“You’re not old, Cooper.” I push up on my elbows and press a soft kiss to his lips before yawning loudly. “Shit. I’m so sorry. I didn’t sleep well last night because I was freaking out so badly about my aunt and everyone meeting you for the first time.”
“It’s okay, Beauty. I think we both deserve a nap after today’s events.” Cooper rolls off me, toeing his shoes off at the end of the bed. “Left side or right side? You slept on the right at my place, but figured since you're awake this time, I’d give you the option.”
“How thoughtful of you. I usually sleep on the left.”
“Good, because I prefer the right.” Cooper unbuckles his jeans, dropping them to the floor and stepping out of them. His Henley is pulled over his head next and added to the pile on the floor. “If you keep looking at me like that, we won’t be sleeping much.”
“I can’t help but appreciate my man. So sue me.” I pull back the covers before shucking my own pants and climbing in.
“Hmmm. I love the sound of that.”
“The sound of what?”
“Being called yours.” Cooper pulls me tight against him, his body molding around me like a cocoon.
The only sound is our combined breathing. The silence is comfortable, giving me all the time I need to muster up the courage to tell Cooper the truth. I know he told me I could wait, that I didn’t have to tell him anything today, but I feel like I owe it to him.
“My Dad and Darius’s mom, Imani, died in a car accident. They were T-boned by some drunk driver coming out of The Pit Stop.”
Cooper gives my waist a squeeze but doesn’t say anything. His silent support is enough to convince me to keep talking. “I know it was an accident. That the man who drove drunk that night was at fault, but a portion of my family doesn’t agree with that. They blame me for their deaths, and I’d have to agree with them.”
Tears blur my vision as I curl into myself, gripping tightly on to Cooper’s arms like it's a lifeline. And it is. I feel my chest tightening as those same feelings of guilt threaten to swallow me whole. Instead of fighting to keep control, I let go for what feels like the first time since everything happened.
“No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to forget that it was my fault they were even out. They were driving around, looking for me. But I didn’t want to be found. I was so angry at them for not supporting my dream of moving to New York and becoming a chef that I said things...” My voice cracks, but I force myself to continue, needing him to know everything. “No amount of therapy is going to help me forget the horrible things I said to them before walking out the door.”
Tears stream down my cheeks as I relive that night, giving Cooper every detail I can remember, not glossing over it or leaving out a single thing. It sounds strange, but it’s freeing in a way, sharing my darkest secret with someone else. Someone who cares for me and would never use it against me. I usually try to shove everything back into a box deep in my mind, which I keep clamped shut at all times, but today I let it all out.
“It wasn’t your fault, Beauty.” His hand brushes up and down my back as he murmurs, “I know it feels that way, but there was no way you could’ve known what was going to happen that night.”
“Logically, I know, but emotionally is a different story. I’ve been in therapy twice a week for years, and it’s getting better, but there are days like today where it’s thrown in my face.” I sniffle loudly, pulling his arms tighter around me as I try to keep myself from falling apart completely.
“I want to beat the shit out of anyone that made you feel like that.”
“The things I said to them before I left the house…”
“They knew you didn’t mean it, Beauty. They know you loved them more than anything,” Cooper murmurs, planting a kiss on the side of my head.
“How do you know?”
“I know.” His voice catches before he clears his throat loudly. “Because I know you, Beauty. You wear your heart on your sleeve. Everyone knows that. Even though you were angry, I guarantee they knew you meant nothing you said before leaving the house that night.”
I sob loudly, letting all the pain, regret, and sorrow about what happened to Dad and Imani go, and for the first time in five years, I allow myself to finally heal. I don’t know how long we lie there. Cooper continues comforting me as my tears slow.
“I’ll live every day for the rest of my life proving it's not your fault. That you are worthy of being loved and are appreciated. That you deserve every good thing that has and will ever happen to you.”
“Promise?” I yawn, quickly losing the fight to keep my eyes open.
“I promise, Beauty,” Cooper grumbles before my eyes finally drift closed, and I fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.