Chapter Twenty-Four
As they continued to walk along, snowflakes began to softly drift from the sky. Jessica laughed playfully as she reached out to try and catch some in her gloved hands. ‘You were right about the weather,’ she said.
Reuben looked up at the sky. ‘It looks like it’s getting heavier. I think we should head back or I’ll soon be challenging you to a snowball fight.’
‘I think you would lose that,’ she said teasingly. ‘I have a very good aim. But I agree, let’s turn back.’
They quickened their pace and Jessica realised that talking to him had definitely cleared the air between them. ‘I haven’t actually told anyone else this, but I toyed with the idea of buying the bakery.’
‘Really?’ he said, clearly surprised. ‘I wasn’t expecting you to say that.’
‘Neither was I. It was an idea that came to me and I wanted to help. But then the more I thought about it the more I realised it should be owned as part of the community. It’s already like a hub for people and it should stay that way.
Wouldn’t it be great if it could be owned by the village and we could also offer jobs and apprenticeships to younger people? ’
He smiled at her. ‘I think it’s a great idea. And are Gillian and Struan on board?’
She shook her head. ‘Not yet. I haven’t spoken to them properly about it. We’ve got a meeting later in the week and I thought I’d float it past them then to see what they think.’
‘If they agree, how long would it take to happen?’
‘If we can get things moving then it could take around six months.’
‘Well, let me know if I can help in any way.’
‘Thanks,’ she said now feeling elated at Reuben’s encouragement.
She hadn’t realised how much his opinion mattered to her.
The fact she trusted him enough to share her thoughts spoke volumes.
She was usually so guarded about what information she shared with anyone.
More importantly, she loved how easy it felt again between them.
‘Your ears must be bleeding,’ she said to Reuben, apologetically. ‘You’re very easy to talk to.’
‘Not at all,’ he said with a grin. ‘You seem really enthusiastic about it. In fact, it’s the most excited I’ve seen you since you’ve been back.’
Jessica could feel her smile slip from her face. ‘Really? Have I been that miserable?’
He smiled kindly at her. ‘Sorry, that maybe wasn’t the right thing to say. You’ve just been a bit distracted. Though not obviously . . .’
‘Jeezo, thanks,’ said Jessica, now feeling quite deflated. ‘I didn’t realise I was that bad. I thought I’d done a good job of putting on my happy face.’ She forced a smile.
‘Hey,’ he said lightly, touching her arm. ‘You’re not at all. I guess I just recognised something in you because it reminded me of . . . well, me. And your mum is always diplomatic but I know she’s been worried about you. Your brother too.’
She arched an eyebrow at him. ‘I see. So, you’ve all been talking about me.’
‘No, don’t be silly. It’s just . . . I know they’ve just been a wee bit concerned. Sorry, Jessie, I’ve obviously said the wrong thing. How about you let me buy you a hot chocolate over there.’ He pointed at the coffee shop, St Mocha, opposite the car park, which did look warm and inviting.
Five minutes later, they were sitting at high stools in the window of the café as two mugs of hot chocolate were placed in front of them along with a piece of lemon-and-coconut slice and millionaire shortbread.
‘Thanks,’ Jessica said, then lowered her voice.
‘This is all good market research.’ She tilted her head towards the cakes.
‘I am very glad to oblige,’ Reuben grinned.
She clasped her hands around the mug, enjoying the warmth. ‘To answer your question and Mum and Murray’s concerns . . . then yes, it’s been a tough year in London for one reason or another.’
Reuben fixed his eyes on hers but didn’t say anything.
‘I’ve worked flat out all year and taken no holidays and had issues with some clients . . . and then got burned out . . .’
He gave her an encouraging nod.
‘And this time last year I was seeing someone . . . and then he died suddenly.’ There, she had said it. She had told him her big secret.
‘I’m so sorry to hear that,’ he said softly. ‘That must have been awful.’
She nodded, and her jaw clenched tightly.
‘It was.’ As he looked at her, his eyes warm and full of concern, she wanted to tell him the rest of the story.
She wanted to tell him everything. But then she would be exposing herself and making herself even more vulnerable than she already was at this moment.
She didn’t want him to judge her or think less of her.
She just wanted to stay in this cosy cocoon and be in this moment with him for ever.
Then the little niggle of guilt stabbed at her and reminded her of the reality.
‘How did you cope?’
She sighed and gave a shrug. ‘I worked. And worked. But then I realised that wasn’t a great coping strategy.
I was starting to get irritated with the clients.
’ She remembered Ivan’s conversation with her just a few weeks ago.
Things had shifted a lot for her since leaving London.
‘I actually don’t know if it’s something I want to do any more.
’ Her mouth dropped open. ‘There, I have actually said it out loud. I don’t want to go back to my old way of life.
I don’t think I want to be in that corporate world any more.
’ She lowered her gaze. ‘I want to stop hurting,’ she added softly.
When she glanced up at him, he was looking at her with compassion.
‘I know. I understand. And it won’t feel like this forever.’
Jessica could feel the tears start to smart in her eyes and decided it was time for a change of subject. ‘Anyway, enough of me. Time to try out these cakes.’ She lifted up a knife and cut them both in half. ‘Dig in,’ she said, pointing at the plate.
Reuben paused, still looking at her. Then he reached across and squeezed her hand. It was a small gesture but it made Jessica feel so much better. But would he be so understanding when he found out the truth? It was a risk Jessica wasn’t yet ready to take.