Chapter 21
T he next morning, Brody was up with the dawn.
While his coffee brewed, he checked the online charts—tides and weather and winds and currents.
Forecasts for ocean sailors extended out over several hundred miles, some as far south as the Venezuelan coast. Today he restricted himself to the region beyond the Shackleford Banks.
He thought they would head out to Cape Lookout, maybe as far as the northern tip of Cedar Island if Emma was up to it.
He drank coffee on the cottage’s stubby porch, gauging the wind and weather for himself.
He decided it would indeed be a fine day, and set out.
He stopped by the same taqueria, where construction workers and delivery drivers stood in sleepy silence drinking strong Mexican coffee.
He followed a long-held habit and ordered a dozen breakfast burritos.
He ate one of the thin flour tortillas filled with eggs and sharp cheese and chorizo and cilantro as he crossed the island bridge.
When he pulled into the marina parking lot, the office was still closed, the docks silent. He unlocked the vessel, entered the galley, placed the burritos in the warming oven, and set the temperature on low. Then he brewed fresh coffee, poured himself a mug, and returned topside.
Brody had no idea how the day would pan out.
There was a very real possibility that sailing minus the tight discipline, the adrenaline rush of competition, the heady joy of a big win, wouldn’t hold him.
But he didn’t think so. Watching the day take shape, Brody caught flashes of something so potent he feared it might be forbidden.
As if a joy this strong could never be his.
As if the closest he could ever come to true contentment was to glimpse it in the faces of others.
But he heard whispers of a new melody, one suggesting he had indeed started the necessary turning. That here in this wintry dawn was the chance of a new life’s course.
“What does a girl have to do to get a coffee around here?”
Rae was dressed in a navy turtleneck and matching slicker.
Pale denim slacks, slip-on boat shoes. Canvas satchel slung from one shoulder.
Her hair was partially tucked inside his extra knit cap, the one from his glove box that she had apparently kept.
Brody thought she had never looked lovelier. “Where’s Emma?”
“Amiya and your mother are bringing her.”
“Great. Who’s Amiya?”
“The friend I told you about yesterday, remember?”
He had a vague recollection of something mentioned in the whirlwind of events, but what really held him was Rae’s somber expression. “Welcome aboard, sailor.”
He stowed her gear belowdecks and returned with a second mug to find Rae had taken position in the skipper’s chair. She accepted the coffee, then snagged his hand, keeping him close. Rae examined him with those astonishing aquamarine eyes, unblinking in their intensity. “We need to talk.”
Those softly spoken four words were enough for his heart to start thumping like a great kettledrum, boom-boom-boom . He set his mug on the transom and realized his entire body was now caught by subtle tremors.
Rae told him, “When we were together before, the last thing I worried about, the very last, was you breaking my heart. There wasn’t any risk of that, because it was already shattered.
You helped fill an empty void. You gave me a reason to smile again.
Without you, I don’t know how I might have found my way back.
” She sipped her mug without taking her eyes off him. “Now is very, very different.”
Another pause, another sip. Brody felt as if time had flowed away, an unseen current that no longer touched them. This craft was now held in the grip of a woman’s gaze and softly spoken words, so powerful it could set a compass heading unique to them and this gathering day.
Rae continued, “All I’ve gained from my string of broken romances is a clear idea of what I really want.
A love strong enough to hold both our private and our professional worlds.
So potent we can be ourselves and walk different paths yet know we walk them together.
A life we live in unity, happy in our times apart, connected wherever our work and responsibilities go. Talking and sharing whatever we face …”
She paused midsentence and gave a slow and thoughtful nod.
Brody had the sense of her reflecting on what she had said and deciding it was enough.
Either he was able to finish the sentence for them both or not.
Her unblinking intensity stripped him bare.
Which was absolutely necessary. A vital component of this moment beyond time’s reach.
He began, “I’ve never known the meaning of the word relationship .
I’ve been too blind to see beyond the momentary and too wounded to give back.
I’ve basically kept everything about myself a secret, walled off from everyone.
I took whatever was offered, gave nothing, and hurt a lot of people in the process. ”
Despite his yammering heart and unsteady voice, Brody saw the day with utmost clarity. As if being honest with a good woman lifted the veil from his eyes. And what he saw …
Her solemn and open gaze granted him the strength to continue: “I’ve loved you from the first moment you stepped on the marina’s front deck.
I knew you were brokenhearted and couldn’t give me more than a few days or weeks.
It wasn’t enough, but I knew it was more than I deserved.
So, I did what I could to be the man you needed.
Day after day I watched you knit your world back together.
Until you were ready to leave me. I wanted to spare you that, too.
So I lied. The only lie I’ve ever told you.
I said we were starting ocean trials. And we were.
But not for another month. So, we parted and my heart was broken for the first and only time.
And I went back to my string of fake romances.
Until last spring, when one day it all just fell apart.
I decided it was time to stop living the lies.
I didn’t have a clue what truth was, or what I should do now with all this empty space in my life. But that was the turning point. …”
Brody stopped because the words were no longer there.
Just one thought remained. One simple truth he had to reveal, no matter how great the risk.
“I have no idea what true love is. Or how to forge a real relationship. I know how to pretend. But that time of my life is over. I never want to do that, not ever again, not for as long as I live. I want to learn, Rae. But you’ll have to teach me. Show me how—”
That was as far as she let him go.