70. Maren
70
Maren
I ’d forgotten our rings until I’d woken to a bizarre canvas of words inside my head, each one a swipe of paint I hadn’t dipped my own brush in, until my mind began making words that mixed with the foreign ones, the canvas becoming so blurred with thought that whatever art might have been there muddied into a puddle of mucky gray.
“Stop. Stop, stop, stop,” Kye said, fingertips rubbing the sides of his eyes. “Say what you want to say out loud.”
“Fine.”
“What’s on your mind, Leihani?”
“I need to talk to Selena.”
“Now?”
“Well. Today.”
Kye rolled off the bed, feet hitting the floor.
I chewed my lip. “When did you put your ring back on?”
He sent me a slow look over his shoulder, thrusting his head through the hem of his black shirt.
I immediately regretted the view that shirt cost me.
His smile brightened.
“Answer the question,” I snapped at him.
After you left , he thought slowly, testing his inner voice for a semblance of control. I was here in the palace. I didn’t want anyone to see me without it, especially with you gone. I forgot I was wearing it, Leihani. I’m sorry.
“Don’t be sorry.” I sent my fingers under my hairline, scratching the side of my head in thought. I forgot I was wearing mine, too.
Our eyes met, each of us suddenly shy.
No more secrets. A nervous chuckle bounded in my ears.
No more secrets. And no more privacy, either.
You don’t have to think so rudely.
I narrowed my eyes. “How in Mihauna’s name do I think politely ?”
Think positive thoughts.
“You little cockroach,” I spat, earning a highly offended look from him. “Did it really take you twenty seconds to figure out how to decide which thoughts to share with me?”
I was taught from a young age to mask my thoughts, whereas you take no issue in parading yours wherever you go, glaring at everyone like they’ve generally arrived to intentionally exist in your way and hinder the most mundane of your daily tasks.
“I do not.”
Kye grinned, and it was the strangest, most satisfying thing in the world to hear his voice without watching his mouth move. You do. It’s one of the things I admire most about you.
I shoved a fist into my hip, nothing to retort at that. Let’s go, lout.
You could always take it off.
My mouth opened. I glanced down, my fingers straightening at the end of my arm, the unassuming band a black and glinting slash, golden moondust caught in orbit around my finger.
I closed my mouth. “Let’s go.”
“Until the ocean dries up,” Selena said at her door.
My mouth opened, but Pheolix’s voice came from behind her. “It’s her.”
Selena’s jaw stiffened. “I’m not taking any chances,” she whispered.
I nodded, unbothered by her need to protect her cordae , the function of the secret words she taught me suddenly clear as crystal. Thaan could shift his shape. I didn't mind offering her proof I was myself. “Until the moon burns out.”
She stepped back, allowing us inside, and we followed her into her ruined study where she plucked a broomstick away from its resting place against the wall. “What’s your question?”
I told her. Selena quickly turned her back on me. “Shield weed would do it.” She pretended not to fight the corners of her mouth from curving up, sweeping sparkling shards of glass. “Too bad I’ve simply no idea where to find any.”
The water had been called out the window an hour ago. I’d sensed it, Venusian salt dumping into the Juile Sea, and wondered at the fact that I’d immediately known what had entered my realm.
My realm—words I never dreamed I’d say.
I darted a sideways glance from Selena to Kye, annoyance fletching the end of my gaze like the stunted feathers from one of Diara’s arrows. He looked as though he stifled a laugh as well, walking across the floor still saturated in limp shield weed and crouching to locate a sprig in the corner that hadn’t been trampled by feet or abused by glass. I sighed as he found a lacy handful that passed his inspection.
I supposed an afternoon stomachache would suffice in lieu of a swollen belly, but I didn’t relish the thought of either option.
“Just a tiny leaf. No larger than half your pinky nail. And you’ll want to be near a toilet when you eat it,” Selena warned, eyeing the mossy filaments in his hand as he returned to me. “Or a bowl. Something to catch the contents of your stomach when they come up.”
I gave a short sigh. “Great.”
“A cool bath might also help, since you’ll likely run a fever. Sea water would be best. That weed is fresh and green, so its effects won’t last as long as eating a handful of it, but keep in mind you’ll still lose your ability to water call for a few hours.”
My mouth thinned. I snatched the shield weed from Kye’s open hand.
Not very civil, Kye’s voice drifted in my head.
Curses to the moon fired back in his. His mouth twitched again.
"I thought it would take weeks to metabolize," I said.
"A tiny piece of leaf? It won't take that long."
"And the ash of it?"
Selena stopped. "Do not eat any ash."
I rolled my eyes. "I won't. I came into contact with it in Rivea."
“Ah," she said, returning to her broom. "The ash is more potent. Toxic. But it will wear off faster than green leaves, if it doesn't kill you. A few days, if not less, depending on how you come into contact with it." She gestured toward Kye's hand. "Don’t eat anything for a few hours,” Selena continued. “Drink plenty of water, though.”
Want me to drink a vat of caster oil with you?
Don’t be stupid. There’s only one toilet in your apartment.
There’s one in yours across the hall. But I don’t mind sharing. Imagine how romantic it would be.
I shoved at his side, but standing a full foot above me, he barely moved. Selena paused her sweeping to watch us, curiosity in her gaze.
“Anything else I should know?” I asked, tucking the weed into my pocket.
“A messenger from Winterlight came while you were in your tower,” Pheolix said. His healing Naiad blood had mended his burst blood vessels, though the open sores in his skin hadn’t yet faded since we’d last stood in this room. They’d shrunk into pale pink lines, stretching anywhere his skin might have torn from the burden of daily movement.
What a curse it was, to have someone own your body.
“What did he say?” Kye asked. The playful, if not irritating mood in the room dropped at Pheolix’s words, both Kye and I hesitant around the man who had worn the name of Thaan as long as we’d known him. Kye’s hand slid along my side, landing just over the flare of my hip bone, pulling me in.
“They still think I’m him, of course.” Pheolix’s hands wrapped around his cup. “They’re calling half the palace guard to Winterlight. And all of the soldiers stationed in Calder City. Including you.”
Kye released a slow exhale beside me, then dropped a kiss on my temple. “I need to see Aren.”
I crossed my arms. Alright .
Will you stay here?
“I need to walk down to the water,” I said. “I have to speak with Nori and have Aitne check my leg.”
Kye’s hand found the back of his neck, and he rubbed it hard. “I’ll go with you first.”
“I don’t think they’ll appear if you’re with me. They don’t trust human men.”
“I’ll go with her.” Selena bent to sweep the glittering mess into a dustpan.
Kye’s jaw tightened, molten eyes flicking to me, unsure. I found his knuckles along my hip and slid my fingertip across them . I’ll be fine.
He kissed my forehead, and I watched him leave, ducking to avoid hitting his head under the office doorway.
Behind me, I could almost feel Selena’s hidden laughter.
“Get it all out,” I said, dropping into a chair beside Pheolix and avoiding crossing paths with his eerie white stare.
“I said I’d marry him. I didn’t say I’d mate with him,” Selena trilled, smile erupting now that Kye had left the room.
I stared at the wood grain of the desk and clamped down on my own smile. “Are you a Prizivac Vode , Selena?”
“Not that I know of.”
“And how might you know?”
She slowed her sweeps, thinking. “I believe there is some theory in tail color. Something about silver and blue tones being common, and tails tinged with red or gold hold the inherited blood of a Videre . My tail is steel-gray. It looks violet in the sunshine, when you get close enough. But I’ve never given it much thought past that.”
“Really?” Pheolix asked her. Something in me cringed at the sound of his voice. Thaan’s voice. I supposed I’d have to grow used to him being nearby.
“Yes, really,” Selena answered. “Why? Do you know?”
“The force of a Naiad’s spiculae has always told me.” He turned his empty eyes in my direction. “Yours was always strong. It made Thaan nervous.”
I didn’t ask how he knew when I looked at him if he was blind. Something informed me the answer was as unsettling as his clouded pupils.
“What color was my mother’s tail?” I asked her.
“The same shade as Selena’s, but bronze,” Pheolix answered.
I leaned back in my chair, studying him. It should have been obvious that Pheolix had known her if he’d been Thaan’s puppet and Selena’s cordae all this time. But the thought surprised me anyway. How many other people had I surrounded myself with that had known her?
“Well, you must be a Prizivac Vode ,” I finally said, directing my words at Selena even though I stared at Pheolix. “Because I am. Sidra named me her heir in the dry season before I came here because of my Prizivac blood.”
I felt her turn slowly to stare at me, eyes wide and mouth open.
“I killed her two days ago. The Domus vowed their loyalty to me. I've taken her place as queen.”
The absence of sound hung like the chemical cloud of a vacous’s scent in the air, thick and acidic enough to choke on.
Pheolix’s jaw churned as though he was suddenly nervous to be around me. “I’ll wait for you in your apartment,” he said to Selena, rising to his feet.
“Thaan knows I’m Queen. You might as well stay.”
“I heard him say the word.” Selena breathed. “I didn't realize what he meant. Queen of the Juile Sea? You killed her? How?”
“An icicle.”
“An icicle ?”
I found a wooden groove in the surface of the desk and ran my fingertip along it, my voice falling to a murmur. “I think she let me win.”
Selena rocked slowly from one heel to the other. “Was it an easy fight?”
“No,” I sighed, my jaw taut. “No, it wasn’t.”
“Then why do you think so?”
My teeth found the inside of my cheek.
“If you fought her to the death, you’ve earned the right to take her place,” Selena said softly. “Don't doubt that you deserve—”
I shook my head. “It's not that.”
Sidra’s face flashed in my head, close to my body. Closer than she’d needed to be to drown me inside of a watery serpent. Close enough for me to grab hold of.
She’d seen me reach for the icicle.
She hadn't moved away.
And I'd caught the triumph in her gaze when she’d read my vows. That they’d end when I became queen. And then, the pride in her eyes when I’d killed her. She might have made me fight for my crown. But she'd planned to lose before I’d even challenged her.
Nori and Olinne hadn't betrayed her by freeing me. She’d ordered them to.
I hadn't yet had the time and space to unravel how I felt about it. About all the ways in which my life had changed in the matter of three days. But it had. And it left a sinkhole in the pit of my stomach, something deep and endless and blackened by shadow, ever growing into the depths of the unknown. I swallowed, shoving it away for now. “In case you’re interested, your lessons were faulty.”
“Were they?” Selena opened a small broom closet, leaning her tools against the wall inside.
“Kye and I cordaed on Neris Island.”
She dusted her hands, brows tightening. “In Leihani?”
I nodded.
“How?” But a light flickered behind her eyes, a sudden awareness in her gaze.
“How?” Pheolix echoed. I ground my teeth together. I’d have to choose my words around him more wisely if I didn’t want Thaan to know Kye and I had cordaed , though I imagined he assumed we would be eventually.
Selena sent me a look that plainly said, only speak if you want to.
“You don’t have to tell me.” Pheolix sent the words into the heavy silence. “It might be better if you didn’t, anyway.”
“He came to Leihani in a rowboat and almost drowned. I pulled him to shore and gave him my breath.”
Pheolix blinked, puzzling out my words. “Ah.” He took a slow sip from his cup. “Haven’t heard of that before, but it would do it.”
I crossed my arms. "You told me once that incantation won't work on a cordaed human," I said to Selena, lilting my voice to offer the words as more question than accusation.
Selena quirked her mouth. " Incantation relies on oxytocin. That protection only exists through a mating bond. Your protection might be completely different, strung through a preservation bond. Something arbitrary, like when other Naiads threaten his safety."
I scoffed, remembering how the Naiads of Juile couldn't touch him in the water. "It's not that arbitrary."
Soft footsteps came from behind his shoulder, Selena leaning across Pheolix to knead his arm affectionately with her fingertips. “You’ll be alright here?”
Pheolix pushed off the desk, rising to his feet. He caught Selena’s hand before it dropped, rubbing the back of it firmly. “I think I’ll lay back down for a while.” He walked ahead, a hand guiding him along the wall, his steps slow and unsure until he split from us to enter Selena’s bedroom. I caught the view of her bed, as rumpled and messy as the one I’d left not too long before.
We walked down to the water slowly, taking our time over the sky bridge and down the stairs as I leaned on her for support, the steep rockface obstructing our passage any further. The Juile Sea beat against the cliffs below. One way down. Selena dropped to an un-Selena-like squat, loosening the binds on my splint. “Want me to come or stay?”
I watched her fingers work, answering without hesitation. “Come.” Nori probably wouldn’t like it, but I didn’t care. If I were to be queen, I’d need them united, no matter what they thought of each other.
But moon and sun and stars, I knew it wouldn’t be pretty.