Chapter 25 Paige
PAIGE
Ryan grasps the railing as he pulls himself up the steps to the front door.
I know instinctively that he won’t want any help.
Damn ex-SEALs never do. Sweat beads on his forehead, but he smiles as I open the door for him.
My heart flutters at the smile that’s all for me, and my lips tingle with the memory of his lips pressed against them.
It’s been a long time since I was kissed like that. Three long years, and the man who did it is right here in front of me. I shiver as desire spikes, and I’m not sure if it’s the memory of that weekend, the kiss from earlier, or the fact that I haven’t had a man’s hands on me for a very long time.
Once again, my inexperience has me tied up in knots.
“All set?” I focus on the task at hand and push the thoughts of his hands clasping the nape of my neck out of my mind.
“I’ve got a video feed running to an app, which is connected to my smart watch.” He holds up his wrist to show me a large watch. “It will trigger a silent alarm if there’s any movement. I can monitor the camera feeds from my laptop.”
Ryan follows me inside, and we go through to the living area. A couch faces the window, which looks out onto the garden. Next to it is a small dining table, which borders the living area and the kitchen.
“Take a seat.” I indicate the table, guessing the couch might be too low for Ryan. I’m not sure what the parameters are for the prosthetic, and given how he’s jumped from wheelchair to a leg in one day, I’m guessing he’s not sticking to the program from his physio.
“I’ve ordered pizza,” I tell him.
Ryan eases into a seat and sets his laptop next to him on the table. He lets out a long sigh as he rubs his thigh. “Hawaiian?”
Our eyes meet, and a smile passes between us. “Of course.”
He chuckles. “Glad to see your important values haven’t changed.”
As he relaxes into the chair, I get a glimpse of the man I remember. Funny and smart and thoughtful, whose kiss makes me forget everything.
Noah drops the building blocks he’s been playing with in the corner and toddles over to Ryan. “Where are your wheels?” He glares at Ryan as if he’s betrayed him by trading in the wheelchair.
“I upgraded, buddy.” Noah pulls up the leg of his trousers to reveal the prosthetic underneath. “I got me a special new leg instead.”
Ryan knocks his knuckles against the leg, and it makes a hard rapping sound. “Do you want to feel it?” Ryan asks.
Noah tentatively puts a hand on the leg and pulls it away when he feels the hard material.
Ryan chuckles. “It doesn’t feel like a real leg, does it? But I’m thankful for it. It allows me to walk again so I can see you and your mom in your home.”
“Ryan’s going to stay with us for a few days,” I explain to Noah, trying to keep my voice casual. I’ve never had a man over to stay. I’ve never even dated since Noah was born. Not that this is a date, I remind myself.
“Sleep in my room with me.” Noah smiles up at Ryan, eager and hopeful.
“He can’t sleep in your room, Noah. That’s just for you.”
Noah makes a face. “Where will he sleep, Momma?”
It’s the question I’ve been asking myself since I agreed to his staying.
It’s a two-bedroom place. Perfect for the two of us.
Anyone else would stay on the couch, but I can’t put Ryan there in his condition.
I’ll bet anything he’s overdone it today, and his stump will be sore.
Besides, it’s low and will be tricky for him to get up from.
There are not many options in a two-bedroom house.
“He’ll sleep in my bed.” Ryan’s head jerks around to me. “And I’ll sleep on the couch,” I add hastily.
“Heck no,” Ryan says. “I’m not kicking you out of your own bed. I’ll take the couch.”
I press my lips together. He won’t want me to remind him how difficult and uncomfortable that might be for him. Damn SEAL reminds me of Hudson when he insisted I take Mom’s house, even though it was left to the both of us.
“It’s got the best view of the garden,” Ryan adds.
“I like the garden,” Noah says sagely.
Ryan goes tense and jerks his wrist. “Someone’s here.”
He opens his laptop, and images from the camera feed appear on the screen. I peer over his shoulder at the images of the front yard from four different angles. Coming up the drive is the pizza delivery boy holding a pizza box.
“Marcus isn’t hiding in the bushes to tackle him, is he?”
Ryan’s lips quirk up. “At least we know it works.”
An hour later, the pizza has been devoured, and Ryan is clearing up the kitchen while I get Noah in the bath. He’s unusually squirmy this evening, caught up in the excitement of having Ryan staying in the house.
“I want see Ryan,” he whines as he wiggles in my arms.
“Me, too, buddy.” I mutter, as I give up trying to brush his teeth for the full two minutes.
As soon as I release Noah from the bathroom, he runs down the hall to find Ryan.
“Will you put me to bed?” He tugs on his trouser leg and looks up at him with wide eyes.
Ryan’s expression softens, and he leans down toward Noah. As they stare at each other with the same dark eyes, my heart melts a little.
“Sure. If that’s okay with your mom.”
If only he knew how okay that is with me. Seeing the two of them together does things to my insides that I can’t explain.
“We’ll do it together,” I say.
My chest fills with warmth as Noah takes Ryan by the hand and leads him down the hall. Ryan limps with every step, but he follows his son with wide-eyed wonder into his bedroom.
I tuck Noah into bed and make sure he’s got his favorite snuggly toy. The whole time, Ryan observes as if I’m going to test him on how to do it later, and I can’t help but smile at him.
Afterward, Noah picks Ryan to choose a book to read, and he settles next to Noah on the bed. I lean on the door frame and watch them together, letting Ryan take the lead now.
Soft light from the bedside lamp casts a warm glow over their faces.
Ryan does funny voices for the animal characters, making Noah giggle.
My chest squeezes, and I rub it with my fist. For so long, it’s been just the two of us.
Hudson has been great, a caring uncle, but now there’s a new possibility for Noah. A chance to have a father.
I’m waiting at the kitchen table when Ryan turns out Noah’s light and comes down the hall. He takes a seat next to me and winces.
“Does it hurt?”
“Like hell.” He stretches the leg out in front of him. “But it got me here to you.”
His gaze finds mine, and the air sizzles between us. It’s the first time we’ve been alone since the kiss this morning, and the chemistry is as charged as it was then.
“Thank you for being here.” He could be in his room at the retreat resting his leg, but he’s here instead.
He reaches a hand across the table. “I wish I’d been here sooner.”
There’s regret in his expression. And I feel it too.
I told myself Noah and I were good on our own for two and a half years.
But now I know what I’ve been missing. If Ryan were around, maybe the pregnancy, the shock of birth, the long nights, and the toddler tantrums might all have been easier.
But it’s not just about Noah. Perhaps the long nights in the house alone, going to bed alone, and waking up alone might have been easier, too.
“Me too.”
As I take his hand, and he curls his fingers around mine, warmth spreads up my arm and through my chest. Maybe I don’t have to be alone anymore.
“Come here.” He hooks his fingers under the chair and drags it across the floor towards him. I slide my legs in between his thighs, taking care not to bump the prosthetic.
My heartbeat thunders in my chest. It’s been too long since I was this close to anyone, and his scent is making me dizzy.
His gaze rakes over my face as if he’s seeing me for the first time. His finger brushes my cheek, and he curls a strand of hair around it.
“You let your hair grow.”
It seems like forever since I had a time to even think about my hair. “My priorities changed. I have bigger things to think about than a cute pixie cut.”
His fingertips trail down my neck and rest on my throat.
“You still look cute.”
His touch makes my skin sizzle, and my voice comes out breathless as I say, “You do too.”
His face hasn’t changed much, and he’s got more stubble. But he has the same curious eyes, and as his fingertips trail over my skin, it’s the same soft and persistent touch that sparks a fire in me. I’m drawn to him, as much now as I was then.
His lips crash into mine, and every nerve ending in my body responds. I kiss him back, hard and hungry, consumed by the need I have for him. His hand slides up my back, drawing me closer to his body. Shuffling forward, I feel him tense as I knock against his prosthetic.
I pull back. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
We’re both panting, and I glance down the hall to make sure Noah hasn’t come out of his room. When I turn back to Ryan, I see his gaze has followed mine.
He turns back to me with resignation in his expression. “I’d better make up the couch.”
“No.” My hand grabs his arm, and I sound desperate and needy, but I need this. I need him. My heart races as I peer up at him. “Do you want to sleep in my bed?” He goes still. “With me.”
I slide my hand around his waist so there’s no misinterpreting my meaning. Ryan is the only man I’ve ever wanted to be intimate with, and that hasn’t changed in three years.
His lips turn up at the corners. “Are you picking me up? Again?”
I chuckle, and his arm slides around my waist, encircling me against his body. He’s warm and hard and safe.
“I guess I am.” There’s hesitation in his look, and I pull away. “What’s wrong?” I’ve been too bold. Too presumptuous.
“I’m not the man I was, Paige. I don’t know how this will work or what I’m capable of.”
A memory of him throwing me across the bed makes my skin heat, and I trail my fingers up his arm.
“If all we end up doing is sleeping, then I’m fine with that. I just want to be next to you.”
I press my lips together, my heart racing at the admission.
Ryan tilts my chin up so I’m looking in his eyes. They search mine with a new intensity. “You have no idea how often I dreamed about sleeping with you in my arms. Sometimes it felt so real I’d wake in the morning and feel the loss all over again.”
A sigh escapes my lips. Knowing he was out there thinking of me as much as I was dreaming of him is a relief that makes my heart feel whole.
His thumb strokes my cheek. “If all we do is sleep, I’m fine with that too. But I have rules.” His lips quirk up, and I raise my eyebrows. He holds up his hand, counting the rules off on his fingers. “One. We use our real names.”
I nod in agreement. If we’d used our real names that weekend, everything might have been different. We wouldn’t have wasted three years apart, and Ryan would know his son.
“Two. We’re honest with each other.”
His eyes lock with mine, and his intensity makes me shiver. Honesty feels like a partnership, the first building block of what could be our future.
“Always.”
“And three.” His voice drops in tenor, and his gaze bores into mine. “This is more than one night.”
His hands slide up my thighs, and heat blooms wherever he touches. I’m distracted by the physical contact, but I get what he’s saying. We’re getting a second chance at this, and we’re going to do it properly. We’re going to explore the connection between us to see where it takes us.