Chapter 7 #4
He leaned forward and lightly touched his lips to hers.
Elizabeth held still until his gentle but insistent pressure overtook her waning resistance and her mouth gave way.
Darcy melted into her, one hand weaving through her thick locks, the other wrapped around her waist and pulling her closer.
This was what he wanted. Her, in his arms. Nothing had ever felt more right, and the clarity of his thinking in this moment, when his senses were overtaking his emotions and his legs were trembling, startled him. He moaned as his tongue touched hers.
Suddenly she pushed at his chest. “What are you doing? Oh my God!”
Darcy put his hand on her cheek. “I’m kissing you. Again. Finally.” He pulled her to him, but Elizabeth yanked herself away.
“No. I’m not doing this—not with you.”
His hands fell away, and his head snapped back as if she’d slapped him. “Not with me? What does that mean?”
“You know what it means,” Elizabeth spat.
“No, I don’t. Ever since you checked my socks at that football game, you’ve been flirting with me. Teasing me.”
“Flirting with you? Are you insane?”
Maybe. “I know you were upset about what didn’t happen at Netherfield, but I can’t stop thinking about it. About you.”
“Seriously? You think I’m pining away?”
“I don’t know what you’re thinking. You’re on the arm of a different man every time I see you. I want you to be on mine. Am I so different?”
“I’m on the arm of a different guy?” Elizabeth’s eyes flared.
“What the hell is your problem anyway? When you’re not cold as ice, you’re sleeping around with women who meet your exacting standards.
So what did you mean, ‘she’s no one.’ Why, because she didn’t go to a school that was good enough for you? Was it one of the ‘lesser’ Ivies?”
“She?” Darcy asked, bewildered. “Who are you talking about?”
“Lost track? That Bertram chick. It doesn’t matter. I’ve heard about you.”
“You’ve heard what? From whom? Charles’s stupid jokes again? Or my cousin?” He took a deep breath. “My God, Elizabeth. We spent hours talking at Netherfield. We shared things…”
“I remember. You had my shirt off, and you walked away. I wasn’t good enough for you then, but I am now?
Me, the state college girl, who wears orange and black to cheer on her team?
Now, when you think I sleep with anything that moves, you want me?
Geez, do you want names, just to be sure they measure up? ”
He stared at her. “No, it’s…that’s none of my business. It doesn’t matter now.”
“Now? As opposed to when? Who are you to judge? You treat everyone as though they’re beneath you. You’re telling Charles to be careful and not rush things with Jane? Like you have a clue about people? You ruined George’s life for the fun of it?”
Darcy’s eyes widened. “What makes you think you can say these things to me?” He flushed as her final words sank in.
“My God, are you seeing him? Are you sleeping with him?” He couldn’t believe it of her.
He didn’t want to think Elizabeth guilty of anything but hasty judgment.
She wasn’t stupid. She couldn’t be so gullible as to fall victim to a Wickham’s charms.
“That’s none of your business, remember? But go ahead and judge me anyway. Those men you’ve seen me with are nothing but friends or business relationships. And all of them have been gentlemen. You could learn a lot from them.
“I just don’t get you,” she continued in a hushed voice.
“You’re capable of more, but you don’t even try.
You worry about consequences, but you care more about a dog’s dietary habits than you do about people’s feelings.
” She shook her head. “Your actions have consequences for others too. It’s not all about you. ”
Darcy squeezed his eyes shut. He was breathing hard, trying to regain some semblance of control, but he couldn’t, not yet.
His voice was subdued when he finally spoke.
“I misjudged you. Again. I saw your joyful spirit, and the time I spent in your company made me happy. It made me feel things I hadn’t felt for a very long time.
I might not have expressed them well, but I have responsibilities—things—I have to think about. Of course, I weigh consequences.”
He stared hard into Elizabeth’s eyes, beseeching her to hear him out.
“That evening…you weren’t yourself that night, Elizabeth.
I knew that then, and I thought only of our mutual self-respect.
It was the right thing to do. I see now that I was wrong about knowing you.
You were your better self that night: funny and warm and sweet.
That’s the Elizabeth Bennet I fell in love with.
But I see now I never knew you at all. And you certainly don’t know me. ”
Darcy rubbed his hand across his face. “I don’t know why I ever thought we made sense.” His lips moved but no more words followed. He nodded his head and moved off into the darkness. “Good night.”
He left behind a wide-eyed, stunned, and furious Elizabeth Bennet.