Chapter 12
The sight of the ocean was absolutely magnificent, and the sight of Miss Elizabeth Bennet, her bare feet leaving soft marks on the beach, was even more delightful.
“It is marvelous, is it not?” Elizabeth asked, her face toward the ocean, her eyes closed, her dark curls blowing in the gentle breezes.
“It is,” he agreed softly. He too had shed shoes and socks and found himself pleased with the moist sand beneath his feet, at the slight waves which ran up to tap his toes before retreating.
Elizabeth maintained her position for a minute and Darcy waited patiently, only to be rewarded when she suddenly turned to him, her eyes fierce.
“I find myself quite enraged with my father, Mr. Darcy.”
Darcy looked at her, initially in surprise, and then with understanding.
“Because he left you?”
Her eyes were suddenly wide, “You do understand! Yes, I am angry with Papa for leaving me, though I know it was not his intention. But grief, and anger, are not always logical. You … you lost your father early as well, did you not? I apologize, Mr. Darcy. I had forgotten. ”
Darcy shook his head slightly, “Please, do not apologize. I was twenty-two years of age, Miss Bennet, but my father was ill for some eighteen months before he passed, so at least it was not a shock. It was hard certainly, but unlike you, I still had my home.”
“But you were suddenly forced to assume the mantle of being master of the entire estate,” Elizabeth said shrewdly. “It must have been very difficult. Is Pemberley as big as Rosings?”
Darcy coughed apologetically, “It is actually somewhat bigger.”
“Bigger?”
Elizabeth mulled this over and dug her bare toes into the sands, “I cannot imagine carrying the burden of such a large estate at such a young age. So many people’s welfare is under your guardianship.”
“My father at least prepared me,” Darcy replied, his own eyes faraway.
“I knew from a young age that Pemberley was my destiny. I was trained up by my father to be a good master and I am forever grateful for his preparation. When it became obvious that his end was near, he spent many hours with me, using the last remnants of his fading strength to impart his life-long wisdom. I am thankful for those hours.”
It had been hard, watching his beloved father’s strength ebb slowly away, but yes, it had been a gift as well.
George Darcy had died on a spring morning with his daughter and son at his side, and Darcy remembered, with a pang of sorrow, how the smell of the early lilacs had filled the room where he breathed his last.
When he focused on Elizabeth again, he was startled to see that her expression was rigid with anger, “You are blessed indeed, sir, that your father prepared for his departure from this earth. I am not merely angry that my father left me. I am angry because for all that my father was an intelligent man, he refused to consider the needs of his own wife and daughters. Longbourn’s income is two thousand pounds a year and he saved nothing for us in the event of his premature demise, nothing at all!
If he had saved one hundred pounds a year for twenty years, there would have been an additional two thousand pounds for our care.
If he had saved two hundred pounds a year, there would have been four thousand pounds.
But instead of focusing on the reality that the estate was entailed away to Mr. Collins, he allowed my mother to fritter away our income while he hid in the library.
Oh, Mr. Darcy, the more I consider it, the more it enrages me!
More than that, he abandoned his responsibilities to keep Kitty and Lydia in check, and thus brought disrepute to our name.
You said yourself that my family’s behavior drove you away from me, and Bingley from Jane. ”
Darcy flushed at this with mortification and regret but Elizabeth held up a staying hand, “Do not berate yourself, Mr. Darcy. It is entirely understandable …”
She looked down the beach and then at him, “May I show you something?”
“Certainly.”
She led the way fifty feet down the shore before halting next to a peculiar rock formation.
“Do you see this pool, Mr. Darcy?” she asked, crouching down.
Darcy knelt down as well, aware of her nearness, her soft skin tanned by the sun and her brunette curls shivering in the ocean breezes. He forced himself to focus on where she was pointing her slender finger.
“I do,” he replied, gazing down with interest. The rocks were naturally arranged such that a shallow pool of water, some three feet in diameter, glistened placidly in the sun, separated by stone from the wilder ocean.
Within the pool were a few tiny striped fish, a variety of waving plant life, a spiky urchin, several snails, many shells attached to the rocks and a small starfish.
“Is it not amazing?” Elizabeth inquired, her face calmer now.
“This pool is separated by only a rock wall from the more violent ocean, but within all is calm. I have been here once when the tide was high; some ocean waves spilled in to replenish the water, but the waters within were never agitated like the open ocean. There are all these little plants and creatures who no doubt live out their lives in this small pond.”
“It is like its own little world,” Darcy responded, oddly enamored. It was truly fascinating to see so much variety within a tiny space.
Elizabeth heaved a sigh as she rose to her diminutive height, “I feel as if Longbourn was like a tidal pool, though perhaps that is fanciful. I knew who I was for twenty years. I was Miss Elizabeth Bennet, second daughter of Mr. James Bennet, a gentleman. I am well-read for a woman my age, but I never thought much about the outer world, about poverty and want. I was so arrogant, so confident of my own judgment about you, about society, about matrimony. I was furious with Charlotte Lucas when she accepted Mr. Collins’s offer, you know.
I thought he was far too great a fool to make a decent husband, but Charlotte was more practical about the basic needs of life. ”
She shook her head despairingly, “I was a fool.”
Darcy gazed into her face, his heart aching for her.
“Miss Bennet, I truly do not think you would have been happy as Mr. Collins’s wife.”
She heaved a deep sigh, “You are correct. I do not truly repine that decision. I believe the Bible says that a wife must respect her husband, and I could not respect him. I merely am aware that I was harsh, and not very sensible, to cast aside the practical realities of fortune.”
“Do you know why I fell in love with you?” Darcy asked suddenly, boldly.
She flushed and looked up into his eyes as she shook her head dumbly.
“You were, and are, a very unconventional lady. I have attended parties and balls across London and danced with dozens of heiresses and high society ladies, and they all bored me. Worse than that, they fawned over me. They hung on my words and agreed with everything I said.”
“They offered to mend your pens, and congratulated you on the evenness of your letters?” Elizabeth teased, her eyes brightening.
He laughed now, remembering the night when Miss Bingley, the social climbing sister of Mr. Charles Bingley, had hovered over Darcy and performed exactly as Elizabeth described.
“Precisely,” he agreed. “Miss Bennet, I understand your justifiable anger with your father. I will say, however, that his rather unconventional instruction made you who you are, and much of your charming character sprang from his sardonic personality.”
She laughed with him and blushed, “Thank you, sir, and of course I loved many aspects of my father’s disposition. I know he loved me, and I am grateful for that.”
“And may I extend the analogy slightly further regarding the tidal pool?”
“Certainly,” Elizabeth replied with interest.
He looked down again and pointed toward a small yellow and black striped fish, “What would happen, do you suppose, if that little fish was captured and dropped into the ocean some distance from shore?”
Her eyes were solemn, “I daresay it would not do well, Mr. Darcy. Although I know little of fish, he is small and it seems he would either die from lack of food, or the rough waters, or from being eaten by a fish or a bird.”
“Precisely. Every child needs a safe place to grow and mature, and for all that Mr. Bennet did not look adequately to the future, he and Mrs. Bennet nurtured and cared for you in their own ways. For that matter, what could you have done as a child if you had realized your own privilege as a daughter of Longbourn? Your mother, you say, was entirely opposed to your serving in the kitchens or learning about domestic duties.”
“You are correct,” she admitted. “There is nothing I could have done save worry. My own mother did enough worrying for the entire family, though her fears did not extend to saving money for the future. She spent so much on clothing, and setting a fine table, and entertaining.”
“She would not be the first mother to spend excessively to outfit her daughters in finery in search of a wealthy husband.”
“That is true,” the lady replied in a dispirited way.
He was suddenly solemn and very serious, “I still love you very much, Miss Bennet.”
She paled under the blue washed sky, “I am no longer even Miss Elizabeth Bennet of Longbourn, Mr. Darcy. I am a poor widow’s daughter, when all is said and done.”
He could not help himself and took a step closer, “I am a gentleman and you are a gentleman’s daughter.
Thus, we are equal. I will not propose marriage again to you now; you have been through great trial and hardship and I assume you are not ready for such a step.
But would you be open to a courtship? I will not press you for such a step if you are not ready, but I wish for us to spend time together. ”
Elizabeth looked up into his handsome face and saw the love in his brown eyes and handsome face.
She closed her eyes and bit her lip. She truly wished to say yes, to open the door to a possible marriage between them, but was that fair to him?
She was not the same woman he had fallen in love with and she could not bear to accept him if he would shortly regret it.
But had she not spoken only moments ago of practicality?
Courtship was not binding for either gentleman or lady.
“Yes, sir, I would be honored,” she said, opening her eyes and smiling through her tears. “Thank you.”
“I am the honored one, Miss Bennet,” he declared, his heart surging with hope.