Chapter 40
Ford
The unrelenting sun assaults me from above as if to remind me that there’s no Heaven, only Hell. I glance up and sneer at the glowing heat source, adjusting my assault rifle and the weighted vest that’s only adding to my discomfort level.
Drake steps up next to me as we watch Suarez operate the robot that’s disassembling the IED in the middle of the dirt road.
“These are getting a little too close to base these days,” Drake mutters beneath his breath, and I slide my eyes to his, dipping my chin in a curt nod.
We left base two hours ago, and we’ve been at this for an hour and a half, standing around the Humvee as we watch Suarez’s back. Michaels and Smith guard him on his other side, also monitoring the area.
Hale scans the northern horizon with binoculars, while De Luca examines the southern. My spine prickles with unease as Suarez makes another snip. We’re being watched, and based on the way everyone else has gone on alert, they sense it, too.
“Suarez, what’s your ETA with that thing?” Hale calls out, his voice gruff but calm.
“Maybe twenty minutes,” Suarez returns.
“Any chance you could make that about two minutes instead?”
Hale can be a bullshitter, but something about his words, despite his light tone, makes me think he’s not fucking around. Shifting my gaze to follow his line of sight, I take in the northern landscape but don’t find anything.
“I’ll do my best, Major,” Suarez replies, making no move to swipe at the beads of sweat bubbling on the back of his neck.
Tension fills every atom in the air around us, thickening until it’s a hazy cloud. Next to me, I watch as Drake’s thumb hovers over the safety on his rifle, his index finger poised to pull the trigger.
Fuck, I don’t want to die in Helmand Province. I want to go out in my sleep, curled up to my wife of seventy fucking years. I don’t want to bleed out on the dirt in a foreign country. But I will.
I’d do far more than die for any of these guys here.
The strap of my helmet chafes against the underside of my chin irritatingly. I don’t move to adjust it, but I appreciate the momentary distraction. Giving Suarez my back, I scan my surroundings through squinted eyes, still coming up empty, but I can feel the eyes on us.
“Done,” Suarez announces, and the relief rippling through all of us is palpable.
“Pack it up, boys. Let’s get the fuck out of here,” Hale announces, and there are grunts of assent all around.
Riding shotgun next to Vesper, I grit my teeth as he takes the turn too tight, and the Humvee nearly fucking topples.
I notice Vesper’s jaw tic, flexing against the strap of his helmet, and I can tell the stress is weighing on him.
If we weren’t trying to get the hell out of here, I’d offer to swap with him.
“Goddamnit, Vesper,” Hale barks. “You’ll kill us before the insurgents do driving like that.”
Hale has been on the phone with command for the last half hour, trying to make them understand what we’re dealing with. Based on the parts I overheard, it’s not going well, and the intel is shit.
Now that we have a break, I duck out of the tent and head to the barracks, desperate to hear her sugary voice again.
With the satellite phone in hand, I fire up the computer, log in and scroll back to find her number once more.
My dry throat seems to expand as I type in each digit much like it did the first time I called her. Lifting the phone to my ear, it rings.
“Hi,” she chirps, and relief swarms me, and even fuzzy, the sound of her voice is like a life raft in the vast ocean of sand and blood I’ve been drowning in. “How are you?”
“Better now that I’m talking to you,” I reply honestly, but keep my tone light. “I missed you.”
She giggles, but it sounds a little stilted, but that might just be the connection. “We talked four days ago.”
“Is that your way of telling me you didn’t miss me?
” I tease. I didn’t anticipate finding myself completely infatuated with a woman this year, but this online friendship—relationship?
—has breathed new life into me. If she’d turned out to be an old man, I might’ve accepted that I was obsessed with someone geriatric.
But I’m glad I don’t have to. “You wound me.”
She laughs, the sound sweet like a heavily frosted cake. “Don’t put those words in my mouth.”
I part my lips, but spotty laughter bursts through the phone, interrupting me. I want to hear that sound again. And again. “Don’t say it.”
“Say what?” I feign ignorance.
“That you’d rather put something else in my mouth.”
I can hear her smile, and it broadens my own.
That’s exactly what I was going to say. “I would never.”
“Uh-huh,” she muses. I imagine her gnawing on her bottom lip, or maybe grinning. It sounds like her smile would stop traffic. “I know better than to think you can ever take the boy out of the man.”
Not only is she undeniably a woman, her voice sweet and feminine like the fragrant petals of a flower, but she’s funny and nice, too. I feel as though I hit the jackpot. I don’t even care what she looks like; I’m positive that I’ll find her attractive.
“What are you doing right now?”
“I have plans tonight and I’m trying to decide between a red dress and a black one. What about you?”
“Red, definitely red,” I assert. I bet she looks sexy as fuck no matter what she’s wearing, though. I wish I was there. I wish I was the one she was dressing up to go out with. “I’m in the barracks. Everyone else is in the mess hall, eating some version of shit.”
She titters softly. “You really hate the food there.”
I snort. “You have no idea.” There’s a brief pause, or maybe it’s just the connection cutting out again, but after a moment, I ask, “So did you figure out if you could trust that person you were unsure about?”
She doesn’t answer me straight away, and I wish I could see her face. I’d kill to take in the shape of her lips and the look in her eye. I’ve never given much thought to what my type would be, but whatever it is, it’s her.
“Not yet,” she says finally.
Something about the hesitancy in her voice has me inquiring, “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I don’t like that I’m about seven thousand miles away from her. I can’t physically do anything to protect her, but I could call my grandfather. He’d help if I asked him.
“Yeah, I’m safe. I’m just second-guessing myself.”
The connection shorts out and my jaw tics.
I’d give anything to hear what she sounds like in real life, sitting across from me, or better still, her body curled against mine.
The shitty satellite phone always distorts sounds, but its primary purpose is to connect us to command, not to call the women we meet online.
“For what it’s worth,” I tell her. “You can trust me. I promise to be worthy of that.”
Just then laughter bursts from the tent next door, followed by booming music that makes me grit my teeth.
The line goes fuzzy for a second. “I don’t feel like I deserve that.” I don’t think she meant to say those words aloud because she sighs absently.
“You do, doll.”
“You don’t even know my name, why would you want to give me your trust?”
“Where is this coming from? I thought we were past this phase.”
She exhales, and the line cuts out briefly, making me want to hurl the damn phone across the room. “—right. I’m being ridiculous.”
Her tone has softened, lightening, but I still state, maybe a bit too honestly, “I don’t need to know your name to be yours. But I’ll be home in a month. What do you think about meeting up and we can exchange names then?”
“Are you serious? A month? Yes, I’d love that,” she squeals, her tone brighter. I smile, relieved she sounds as excited about this as I am.
“I’ll message you with a meeting spot and time. I don’t know if I’ll be able to talk on the phone again before I see you, though.”
“That’s alright, I’m looking forward to meeting you, which is silly since I already feel like I know you.”
I grin, loving that.
When we hang up, I stare at the phone, my heart in my throat. I like her, and if by some miracle, I make it out of this place alive, there’s no way I’m not going to see her the very minute I get back to the States.
She didn’t give me much information in terms of who she’s distrusting or why, but I can help her when I get back. We’ll be able to connect like a real couple and start a life together. She’s the one for me and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to be everything she needs.
When Drake taps me on the shoulder that I jolt out of my thoughts. “You good, man? You missed dinner.”
I blink at my friend. “Uh, yeah.” I run a hand down my face, scrambling to my feet. “I’m done. I’m sure you’re trying to call your mom.”
His eyebrows crinkle as he studies me before glancing at his watch. “Nah, it’s Saturday. She’s got her book club at the coffee shop this morning, and I don’t want her to have to choose between me and her friends.”
I nod, just about to log off and follow Drake out to the mess area to try to clear my head.