Thirty-Four
‘How bad?’ I ask quietly, when I’ve got over the shock of Rob’s statement. By the look on his face, I am in no doubt his reply is not going to be positive.
‘Bad. And it’s spread this time apparently. I found out last week when I was over in New York. I’d had some symptoms, so I went back to see my oncologist and they did some tests. It’s not looking good.’
‘But there must be something they can do? Some treatment. Can’t they do what they did before?’
Rob shakes his head. ‘Too late for that. It’s progressed too far. It’s more a matter of when, rather than if this time.’
I shake my head in disbelief. ‘No, that can’t be right. You should get a second opinion – you of all people can afford that, can’t you? Find a different specialist. One who will help you!’
Rob takes hold of my hands and turns me towards him.
‘Don’t you think I’ve thought of that? Problem is they will all say the same. My guy is the top in his field. If he says there’s nothing they can do, then . . . ’ Rob hesitates, and he swallows hard. ‘Then there’s nothing they can do.’ He looks at me, his eyes swimming with tears. ‘I wanted you to be the first to know,’ he says, trying to keep it together. ‘In fact, I want you to be the only one who knows here in St Felix.’
I have to pull my hands away to wipe the tears from my own eyes. I scrabble about in my bag for the pack of tissues I know is always in there. I pull two from the pack, pass Rob one, and then I dab my eyes on the second, while Rob wipes his own eyes.
‘When you say you want me to be the only one who knows,’ I say when I’ve composed myself. ‘I can tell Claire though, can’t I?’
Rob shakes his head. ‘No, only you.’
‘I can’t keep this a secret from Claire! We live together for goodness’ sake.’
‘Claire mustn’t know, Frankie. No one must. I don’t want people treating me differently. The time I’ve spent back here in St Felix has been like a breath of fresh air. Yes, I get the occasional request for a photo or an autograph, but in between that I’m able to be myself. I haven’t been able to do that for a very long time. It’s meant the world.’
I nod. ‘But still . . . people will begin to notice, won’t they? I don’t know much about . . . ’ I can’t even say it. ‘What you’re going through. But surely there will be signs as you . . . well, as you progress.’
‘Stop beating about the bush, Frankie. Just say it. “As I die.” ’
‘I don’t want to! Because if I say it, then it’s real. And it can’t be real, Rob. It just can’t.’
I take hold of his hands this time.
‘You can’t die,’ I say as the tears begin to flow again. ‘You’ve always been here. Not here as in St Felix. But here.’ I place his hand over my heart, with my hand covering it. ‘You’ve been here since I was fifteen, Rob, and as we both know that’s a very long time.’
Rob smiles and blinks back his tears.
‘And you’ve been here all that time too, Frankie.’ Rob does the same as I did, and places my other hand over his heart, so we’re both now touching each other’s chests. ‘And you always will be.’
We both let go then, desperate to wrap the other in the tightest embrace possible.
‘I never stopped loving you, Frankie,’ Rob whispers into my hair. ‘And I never will.’
‘Oh, Rob.’ Sobbing, I pull him as close as I possibly can to me. ‘I’ll always love you and whatever happens I’ll never ever forget you.’