Chapter Twenty-Three
Dear Janelle,
I hope you are not startled by the use of your Christian name.
I confess it gives me a jolt to see it there, written so boldly.
Even I, who thought long and hard about our nuptials, am unnerved by the speed at which our marriage will begin.
Still, plans must continue apace. The intention for a congress in Vienna grows more urgent, and if we are to have any time together before I leave England, then we must marry in proper haste.
Do you note that I said “I” would leave for Vienna and not “we”?
I foresee that I shall be occupied so dreadfully in Vienna that I will be in a cursed mood much of the time, and that is only when I am free at all.
Such is not the frame of mind to entertain a new wife.
I hope you understand that I am thinking of your comfort.
To that end, I have instructed Major Vance to establish your situation in London.
I believe that you shall be happiest there among your friends rather than isolated in Vienna or holed up in my ramshackle castle in Cornwall.
Even my parents have found it uninhabitable.
I am surviving now only because I am used to rough quarters, thanks to my time on the Peninsula.
I would not dream of subjecting you to such difficult environs.
Please do discuss your needs with the major.
I am fully cognizant of your delightful hobbies, and he knows my requirements better than I do.
That makes him the one soul who can best provide for our mutual comfort, but only if you are honest when speaking with him.
I assure you, there is nothing that he cannot manage.
If that were not true, I would not be alive today.
Have I ever spoken of how he and I met? I was a green boy, I am ashamed to say, set upon a military career by virtue of being a second son.
My older brother, you understand, had not yet contracted the disease which took his life so prematurely.
I was sent to Spain to take command of a regiment sorely reduced in numbers.
Though Gabriel and I are of an age together, he had been at war far longer than I and therefore seemed a great deal older.
(Do not wonder that I use his given name.
Such is the nature of bonds forged in war.
I sometimes believe they are closer than that of man and wife.)
He seemed quite arrogant to my young eyes.
He had already proven himself, you see, and commanded a small group of elite men.
He had little patience for an earl’s son steeped in pride.
The harsh truth is that I was the arrogant one with no experience of anything beyond my books.
Yet because of the fortune of my birth, I was given command, and he was ordered to escort me to the first test of my young life.
If only I’d realized the depth of my ignorance, things might have gone very differently.
We travelled in unaccustomed luxury, though I did not realize it at the time.
I was unhappy with the rickety carriage and complained that my delicate digestion would suffer irreparable harm.
Am I giving you a disgust of me? I was a mere boy, and it is thanks to Gabriel that I ever had a chance to grow into the man I am now.
We stopped for the night at a village near an abandoned convent.
By chance, I began conversing with a pair of nuns who had tarried in the area despite the loss of their home.
Gabriel took pains to point out the errors in the ladies’ stories, but I had grown weary of his harsh attitude.
I would not hear that women with such sweet faces could be something nefarious.
They knew the words of their prayers, they had fashioned crude rosaries with the correct number of beads. Ergo, they must be honest, holy women.
To this day, I believe they were nuns or at least taught by such noble women.
Their education was clear, though Catholic in nature, not Anglican.
When they begged to sleep for the night inside our crude camp—for protection, they said—I happily agreed.
I thought them a welcome relief from the company of brusque, unwashed men.
What an idiot I was.
They poisoned us that night. I do not know when.
I thought I was being careful. I know Gabriel was on guard, but skilled killers are able to distract and attack even while saying their prayers.
I survived because I ate sparingly and because it was easy for Gabriel to force me to cast up everything I had consumed.
The others were not so lucky. I am amazed that he tended to me first and not any of the other men who were so much worthier than I, but such is his nature.
Loyalty to the Crown dictated that he defend me over his weakened men who were then set upon by the murderesses.
Murderesses that I had forced him to admit into our camp.
He defended me. He killed the women who were using barbs set in their rosaries to slice men’s throats in case the poison failed.
And he tended his dying men while half dead himself from the poison.
I helped as best as I could, which is to say I was all but useless.
We survived because I obeyed his every command like the raw recruit I was.
He became my mentor, my protector, and my most trusted ally. Aide-de-camp is so small a term for what he was to me. Indeed, I fought daily to gain his respect and am proud to say I earned it, though it took years.
Do you wonder why I tell you this gruesome story of war?
It is so you will look beneath Gabriel’s rough exterior and see the sterling man beneath.
You must know I trust him with my most valuable treasure—you, my future wife.
You may tell him anything, and he will see the right path ahead for us both.
He knows our secrets, you see, and will spare no effort to see both our lives fulfilled.
Trust him, I beg you. He is my proxy when it comes to domestic matters. As I stand for England in Vienna, he stands for me in London.
Signed, your faithful fiancé,
Benedict
“Well,” Nanny said as she set down the letter. She had been reading it aloud to Janelle, her tone brusque. “That’s a delightful thing. Explains it all, doesn’t he?”
Janelle didn’t even open her eyes. Though her face remained untouched, the rest of her body was in agony. She rasped one word and prayed it would be understood.
“Laudanum.”