1. 2
She felt a slight stirring of dread. The fabric of their friendship had been stretched by their diversifying paths and was now torn in so many places it was barely holding together. Their relationship hadn’t just changed, it was unrecognizable.
Usually the only emotion she felt before seeing Nicole was excitement, but tonight her stomach churned with an uncomfortable mix of hurt and resentment.
Where had Nicole been when Milly had needed her?
She was upset and a little bit angry but, most of all, deeply disappointed that their friendship had fallen short of what she’d believed it to be. Never before had she felt the need to protect herself in the friendship, but she did now. And it made her feel lonely.
Not lonely for company, because she had plenty of that, but lonely for that one person she could say anything to in the knowledge she’d be understood and not judged. Someone who knew what she was feeling without Milly having to spell it out.
The train slowed down and stopped, and Milly peered into the dimly lit station, but there were only two people visible. One was a man in his fifties, who immediately strode toward the parked car that Milly had noticed earlier, and the other was a woman of significantly advanced years wearing a coat that had seen better days and a hat that concealed most of her white hair. She was dragging a small suitcase and stooping badly, so bent over she was struggling to walk even with the help of a walking stick.
There was no sign of Nicole, which was confusing because it had been Nicole who had insisted Milly be poised for a quick getaway.
A quick getaway. Was that even possible in a small family hatchback? Milly hadn’t been in the mood for drama. We’re not in a movie now, Nicole.
And Nicole’s response to her. You have no idea what my life is like.
Milly couldn’t argue with that.
She had no idea what it was like to be one of the most in-demand actors of her generation, commanding millions for each movie. And as if acting talent and looks (voted Most Beautiful Woman two years running) wasn’t enough, Nicole’s last blockbuster had required her to sing, and she’d stunned the world with her voice.
Milly sighed.
The last thing you should do when your life was a total mess was to spend time with someone whose life was perfect.
She glanced at the train again. Still no Nicole, and no sign of anyone else leaving the train. Maybe she was hiding in a dark corner, waiting for these other people to leave before emerging. Or maybe she’d changed her mind.
The old woman teetered slightly, almost losing her balance, and Milly shot out of the car, concern for the woman’s safety overriding her promise to keep a low profile.
“Can I help you?” She put a hand on the woman’s arm. “It’s very late. Is someone meeting you?”
The woman lifted her head and looked directly at Milly and Milly stared into those unmistakable eyes and thought I really am a fool.
“You have to be kidding me. N—”
“Shh. Not until we’re in the car.”
Milly would have been impressed if she hadn’t been so frustrated. Part of that frustration was directed at herself for being so easily duped. “We’re in the middle of nowhere, and there is no one around.”
“They’re always around.” Nicole slid her arm into Milly’s and adopted her stoop again. “Help me into the car.”
“Help you?”
How long was this charade supposed to continue?
But she wanted to get out of here as much as Nicole, so she dutifully put her arm around her friend and felt a flicker of shock as she registered how thin she was.
She guided her to the passenger side of the car, hoping no one was watching because she was pretty confident her acting abilities would fool no one.
Nicole handed her the walking stick and Milly tucked it into the back of the car along with the suitcase.
She took another quick glance around the station. “There is no one here.” She slid into the driver’s seat and closed the door. “You’re going to bake inside that coat. Why the heavy disguise? Have you robbed a bank in real life or something? If I’m harboring a criminal, I’d like to know.”
Nicole’s eyes were closed. “I just need a short window of time when no one knows where I am. Can we talk about it later? I’m really not—” her voice shook a little “—I’m not feeling too good. And I’m freezing. I need the coat.”
Freezing?
There was so much Milly had planned to say, but there was something about Nicole’s fragility that sucked all the heat out of her emotions. But then she remembered her assertiveness course.
Her feelings mattered too. This wasn’t only about Nicole.
“There is no one around, Nicole. This place is empty. We are the last people here. And before I drive anywhere, I want to know what this is all about. Why the sudden phone call and why the urgency?”
“You seriously don’t know?”
“If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking.”
“Oh, Milly.” Nicole gave a choked laugh and opened her eyes. “You haven’t changed one bit, and I’m so happy about that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Since Richard had walked out taking most of her confidence with him, she felt as if every part of her had changed. She could barely remember the person she used to be, but Nicole didn’t know that because she hadn’t asked.
She felt a pang of loss as she remembered how their friendship used to be. There had been no barriers between them, but now there was a barrier so big she couldn’t see past it.
Nicole turned her head to look at her. “When we were young you always refused to read scandalous stories about celebrities. You thought it was distasteful that someone was making a career out of exploiting a person’s misfortune, and you didn’t want to be part of it. You were always kind, even to people you didn’t know.”
Was that how she’d ended up where she was, with everyone taking advantage of her?
“These days it’s less about my principles and more about the fact I don’t have a moment in the day to draw breath, let alone read gossip. I have a life, Nicole!” A life she was holding together by her fingernails. And suddenly the heat flared to life again. Maybe Nicole was hurting, but she was hurting too. “I don’t have time to read much at all. I wish I did, but between raising my child alone and worrying what all this is doing to her, dealing with my selfish ex-husband, running a business at a time when everyone is watching what they’re spending and wondering if life is going to be this tough forever, there’s not a lot of spare time left for lounging around reading about people whose lives quite frankly seem pretty good from where I’m standing.” She stopped, mortified. Why had she said all that? She’d blurted out far more than she’d intended. She’d told herself that she was going to be polite and give nothing of herself. She was going to show Nicole that this friendship didn’t matter to her any more than it did to Nicole. That she’d moved on, just as Nicole had.
But that wasn’t what she’d done. She’d had Nicole in her car for all of two minutes and already she’d been more honest with her than with anyone else in her life. She’d intended to be reserved and indifferent, and instead she’d shown that she was hurt. So much for protecting herself. So much for holding part of herself back. She might as well have ripped off a bandage and said Look at these raw wounds . Because that was how she felt. Like a giant wound. Any protective coating she might have had once had been eroded by Richard and now by Nicole. Love provided insulation from the cuts and bruises of life, and so did trust. Milly had lost both. She was a tortoise without its shell. A hedgehog with no spines.
She sat there, miserably embarrassed, and then Nicole reached out and touched her arm.
“I’ve missed you.”
Milly felt something soften inside her, but she forced herself to ignore it. “Sure. You missed me so much you didn’t get in touch for eighteen months.”
She was so surprised to hear those words coming out of her mouth that she almost turned around to check there was no one else in the car.
Maybe the assertiveness course hadn’t been such a waste of money after all.
Nicole removed her hand from Milly’s arm. “Don’t be angry. I know there are things we need to talk about, but the whole world is angry with me right now. I couldn’t stand it if you were too.”
“Why would the whole world be angry with you?”
“Perhaps angry is the wrong word. I should have said the whole world hates me .” Nicole’s voice shook a little. “I am currently the most hated woman on the planet.”
She’d forgotten how all-or-nothing Nicole was. People either adored her or hated her. She was either devastated or ecstatic. There was nothing in between. No middle ground. To be friends with Nicole meant strapping in for a ride on a roller coaster with its steep ups and downs. She couldn’t handle it. “Please, for once, can we leave the drama at the door?”
“For you it’s drama, but for me it’s my life.”
Milly clamped her jaw shut to stop herself from saying something she might regret. “Nicole—”
“I want you to know that what they’re saying isn’t true. Well, some of it is—but not the way they’ve told it. It’s all twisted.” Her voice was barely a whisper. “I’m not sure which is worse—having people make up lies about you, or knowing that people believe those lies without question.”
Milly was starting to wish she’d taken the time to do an internet search. She’d had a really bad night and hadn’t had a moment to herself all day. Both her body and brain were tired, and she didn’t have the energy for this. “What lies? What do people believe?”
There was a pause. “According to the press, I’ve broken up the happiest marriage in Hollywood. I’m a home-wrecker. The Other Woman.”
Milly went cold. She thought of Richard. There’s someone else . . . “You—what?”
“Go to any news site and you can read all about it. Two truths and a lie. Or is it two lies and a truth? I can’t remember. And it doesn’t really matter because no one is interested in the truth anyway. The people who write all that stuff about me just want clicks, and the people who read it want proof that my amazing-looking life isn’t so amazing. Celebrity downfall is a great cure for envy, didn’t you know? Yes she’s rich, but is she really happy? Well, no, she isn’t.” Nicole slurred her words slightly, and Milly felt a growing wave of nausea.
I’m a home-wrecker.
Why did it have to be that? Nicole had a colorful dating history, with a reputation for falling for her costars, but to the best of Milly’s knowledge she’d never been involved with anyone who was married. For Milly the topic was something of a trigger given recent circumstances. She had to force herself to remember that this wasn’t about her.
“You are overthinking this, Nicole. Most people are too busy handling their own problems and making it through each day to worry about what is happening to you.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. When people have problems they look around them for someone who has it worse so that they feel better about their own lives. They think Well, at least I’m not her . My problems are a source of entertainment. Remember when we used to play three wishes?”
And just like that she was right back in her childhood, curled up on her bed watching Nicole paint her nails.
If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for?
Milly frowned. “We haven’t played that game for at least two decades.”
“If I had one wish it would be to put the clock back and start again.” Nicole’s gaze was fixed on Milly’s face. “How about you?”
One wish.
“I don’t know. I don’t waste time wishing for things anymore.”
“Why not?” Nicole spoke softly. “Wishing tells you what you really want.”
“Or else it just shows you what you don’t have, and dwelling on that isn’t helpful.” Milly fastened her seat belt and started the engine. “We need to go. I have to be up early. My life doesn’t go on hold just because you’re here. How long are you planning to stay?”
“I don’t know.” Nicole’s voice shook again. “Maybe forever.”
Forever?
That was a joke, surely? Milly glanced quickly at her friend, but Nicole’s eyes were closed again, and there was no hint of a smile on her face.
Forever.
Milly tightened her grip on the wheel. If she had to wish for one thing right now, it would be patience.