16. Milly
Chapter 16 Milly
I can’t believe he got a table! That restaurant is booked out for months.” Milly riffled through her clothes and pulled out a pair of freshly ironed linen trousers. “These will do.”
“He probably has contacts. He’s a major author. And those will not do. You are not leaving this house wearing those.” Nicole sat cross-legged on Milly’s bed, watching her get ready.
“What’s wrong with them?”
“Oh please!” Nicole sprang from the bed. “Move aside.”
She proceeded to go through every item in Milly’s wardrobe. Everything she held up, Milly rejected.
“I can’t wear that, it won’t fit.” And later. “That’s ancient. I’ve had it since I was eighteen.”
Nicole looked at her in disbelief. “Don’t you ever clear out your wardrobe?”
“No. I hate throwing things away. I always tell myself that one day I might fit into it again.”
Nicole turned her attention back to the Milly’s clothes. “How many things in here do you actually wear?”
“Uh . . . two pairs of linen trousers and the shirts,” Milly said. “There’s a black dress that fits. I suppose I could wear that.” Who would have thought that picking something to wear could be such a trial? She was beginning to wish she hadn’t agreed to go to dinner.
“No, not black,” Nicole said dismissively. “Black is too safe.”
Milly sighed. “ Safe sounds perfect. You’re making me nervous. This whole evening is starting to feel like a mistake.”
What had she been thinking? Chatting to Brendan in the comfort of his cabin was one thing, but sitting across from him at a romantic restaurant with candles flickering was something else altogether.
“It’s not a mistake. It’s exactly what you need.” Nicole pulled out the black dress. “Is this the one you mean?”
“Yes. But is it too dressy?”
“It doesn’t matter what you wear as long as you wear it with confidence.”
“Says the woman who could wear a sack and still look good. I don’t have any confidence, which is why I stick to my linen trousers and shirt. Honestly, I’m fine in that. I feel comfortable.”
“Comfortable is for when you’re ninety.” Nicole studied the dress. “Does this make you feel good?”
“Not particularly. Clothes never make me feel good.”
Nicole added the dress to the growing pile of rejects. “You’re going on a date. It’s important that you feel good.”
“It’s not a date. It’s just dinner.” Milly was growing more uneasy by the minute. She chewed the edge of her fingernail. “Do you really think it’s a date? Do you think he thinks it’s a date? You’re worrying me.”
Nicole raised an eyebrow. “Well, what did you think it was?”
“I don’t know. Dinner with a friend.”
“Right. That’s what it is, then. And stop biting your nails. You’re not twelve. I’m going to give you a manicure in a minute, so I’m going to need something to paint.” Nicole went back to the wardrobe. She emerged moments later with a summer dress in shades of blue and green. “This is pretty.”
She’d worn it on a trip to Greece with Richard, early in their relationship. “It won’t fit.”
But looking at it reminded her that she hadn’t always chosen to wear safe black or navy. Who had she been back then? Who was the woman who had chosen that happy swirl of blue and green?
Nicole removed it from the hanger. “Try it.”
“I will look like a sack of potatoes in that.” And whoever she’d been back then, she wasn’t that person now.
Nicole thrust it toward her, and Milly took it with a sigh.
She knew Nicole well enough to know that there was only one way to deal with this situation.
“Fine, I’ll put it on. And I’ll look completely crappy, and then maybe you’ll shut up and let me wear my linen trousers.” Deciding that the sooner she proved her point, the sooner they could get this whole clothing issue out of the way, Milly stripped off and pulled on the dress. She was astonished to discover it slid easily over her hips.
“Wow.” Nicole grinned. “Yes, you’re right, you look awful. Let’s hope they have a power outage in the restaurant so no one can see you.”
Milly walked toward the mirror. She stared at herself and then turned sideways. “I can’t believe it fits.” She pressed a hand to her now-flat stomach. “I must have lost weight.”
“A side benefit of all that running. And not pouring an entire hive of honey over your yogurt. You look gorgeous. Right. That’s what you’re wearing tonight.”
Milly tugged slightly at the hem.
“You don’t think it’s too short? If it’s breezy, the skirt part blows up. I don’t want my fat thighs on show.”
“I’m not dignifying that with an answer.” Nicole went back to the wardrobe and pulled out a cashmere cardigan in the same shade of blue. “This is pretty. You can take it as an extra layer in case you’re cold. Now we need to think about jewelry, and then hair and makeup.”
By the time they’d finished, Milly almost didn’t recognize herself.
She felt a twinge of nostalgia. “This reminds me of when we were teenagers getting ready to go to a party. You always chose what we wore.”
“Only because left to your own devices you would have worn jeans everywhere.” Nicole hung the cardigan on the door alongside the dress. “Do you have a bag that would look good with this? Let’s put all your bags on the bed, and then we can choose one.”
“We don’t need to put them on the bed,” Milly said. “I only own two bags. I’ll just take the one I use every day.”
“That massive, battered tote bag you haul around everywhere? You are not using that.”
“My everyday bag is brilliant. Very roomy. Holds everything. I actually have a clean T-shirt in there in case of accidents and a couple of spare light bulbs for the cabins.”
“Will you listen to yourself?” Nicole rolled her eyes. “You are not going to an expensive restaurant with a hot guy carrying spare light bulbs in your purse.”
“How do you know he’s hot?”
Nicole pulled out Milly’s drawers one by one, checking the contents. “I know him. I met him a couple of times on set. I was in one of his movies.”
“What?” It took Milly a moment to absorb the full implications of that. It hadn’t occurred to her, even for a moment, that Nicole and Brendan might know each other. “Why didn’t you mention this before?”
“Because I didn’t know he was staying here until you mentioned that you were going to dinner.” Nicole opened another drawer. “Do you own sexy underwear?”
“No. And it doesn’t matter because he is not going to see my underwear unless a breeze catches that dress you’re making me wear.” It unsettled her that they knew each other. “Which movie? Were you a murder victim or something?”
Nicole riffled through the contents of the drawer. “You know I never take that type of role. I was the hardened New York cop investigating a serial killer. It was the type of movie you would have watched from behind the sofa.”
“It sounds like the type of movie I would never watch at all, even if you were in it.”
“That too.”
A horrible thought occurred to her, and she gulped. “Did you—?”
“Sleep with him? No. Not even a flirtation.” Nicole turned her head and gave Milly a slow smile. “But he’s definitely hot. You go, girl.”
“I’m not going anywhere except the restaurant,” Milly said hastily. “I think I might cancel. I wish I’d never said yes.”
Nicole looked at her curiously. “Why did you?”
She was asking herself the same question. “Because he makes me smile. And because Richard said I didn’t know how to have fun and I wanted to prove him wrong. But this doesn’t feel like fun anymore.” She sat down hard on the edge of the bed and breathed. “It feels stressful.”
“Well, you’ve had sex with the same man for a long time, so the prospect of moving to someone new is bound to be a little unnerving, but it will be great.”
“Sex? Who said anything about sex? Do you think that’s what this is?” Her sense of panic grew. Had she mixed up the signals? She had a feeling she was way over her head with this. “I thought we were just going to eat a plate of food together. Now you’re telling me this is about sex?”
“Calm down.” Nicole grinned at her. “Start with the plate of food and see where it goes from there.”
“It’s not going anywhere from there! I’m not ready to take my clothes off in front of a stranger.” The thought made her grow cold. “I can’t do it. I can’t do any of this.”
“Yes, you can.” Nicole delved into the final drawer and pulled out a set of silk underwear Milly had forgotten she’d owned. “I bought you this, and it still has the tags on it.”
Milly was embarrassed. “I know. But it was too pretty to wear. And it cost a fortune. I was afraid I’d ruin it. Also, it’s handwashonly and I don’t live a handwash kind of life.”
Nicole carefully removed the tags. “You’re wearing it tonight. So now all we have to sort out is the bag issue. You are not taking that abomination you cart everywhere during your working day. You’re going to an expensive restaurant, not the supermarket.”
“Then, that leaves the little black clutch. It’s in the back of the cupboard. Probably buried under a decade of dust.”
Nicole pulled a face. “Black isn’t great. Are you sure you don’t have anything else? What do you usually use when you go to restaurants?”
“I don’t really go to restaurants. I take my normal bag, or sometimes I just put my keys and credit cards in my coat pocket.”
Nicole flopped onto the edge of the bed and pressed her hand to her chest. “I feel faint. Are you serious? You put your keys and credit card in your coat pocket? Why don’t you treat yourself to a bag?”
“Because I’m never going to use it. And I’m not good at spending money on myself. I have Zoe to think about.”
Nicole frowned. “Are you worried about money? Is the business okay?”
“Yes, it’s fine, but you never know what’s coming down the road, do you?” She hadn’t anticipated Richard leaving her. It had reminded her of something she already knew: that the unpredictable happened. “I can’t rest on my laurels and assume the business will continue to do well.”
“With you at the helm I think it will.” Nicole reached across and gave her hand a squeeze. “Okay, I am going to stop thinking of all the bags I have at home that would be perfect with that outfit. I don’t have anything suitable either, so in this emergency situation we are going to make do with what we have, and in the fullness of time I am going to teach you how to spoil yourself. You need to treat yourself to a few nice things.”
“Things don’t really make me happy.” She’d never understood how buying something could fix a low moment. “Not for long, anyway.”
She sat down on the bed next to Nicole, who shifted to give her room.
“What makes you happy?”
That was easy to answer. “My family. Cooking with Zoe. Making popcorn and watching a movie together. Spending time with my mother and Nanna Peg. Having you as a friend. This place.” She glanced out the floor-to-ceiling window that looked over the lake. “The mountains and the forest. Just being here. I think I get more feelings of contentment from breathing in the scent of the forest on our morning runs than I ever would from a pretty bag, even if it does match my dress. You probably think I’m crazy.”
Many people would think it was a small life, she knew that, but it was a life she loved. It was the only life she wanted.
“Not crazy at all.” Nicole sounded wistful. “I’ve always envied what you have.”
Milly turned to look at her, surprised. “You envied me ? Why?”
“Because you’re loved. You’ve always been loved. And I have no idea how that feels because no one has ever loved me, not even my own mother.” There was a pause, and then Nicole cleared her throat. “And now this is getting maudlin. Sorry.”
Milly was so overwhelmed by emotion it took her a moment to respond.
She swallowed hard. “Well, that’s just not true, is it? And you know it isn’t. Because I love you.” She put her arms round her friend. “I’ve always loved you. You’re my best friend.” She felt the pressure of her friend’s arms as Nicole hugged her back.
“Still? Despite everything?”
“Always, no matter what.”
There was a long pause, and Nicole drew breath as if she was about to say something else.
“Milly—”
“What?”
There was another pause. A moment when she could hear Nicole breathing.
“Nothing. But if you smudge that makeup I spent hours on, I will kill you.”
Milly pulled away. She had a feeling that wasn’t what Nicole had intended to say. Was she worrying about being pregnant, was that it? “Perhaps I should cancel tonight. We could stay in together and have toast and cereal in our pajamas.”
“Sounds tempting, but you are not canceling tonight. You always do this. You’ve always been the same. I had to drag you to parties.” Nicole stood up briskly and headed back to Milly’s wardrobe. Whatever she’d been about to say obviously hadn’t been important.
“And then you’d abandon me the moment we arrived and vanish into a dark corner with Mark Wilson.”
Nicole laughed. “Mark Wilson. I haven’t thought about him for years. I wonder what he’s doing?” She knelt down and started rummaging around in the bottom of the wardrobe. She emerged triumphant with a pair of strappy sandals that Milly had worn to a wedding about five years before and hadn’t touched since.
“I can’t wear those. And last thing I heard, Mark Wilson was married to Trisha Day.”
Nicole sneezed as dust found its way up her nose. “The same Trisha Day who blew up the physics lab?”
“That’s the one, although I’d forgotten about that. I think she has changed since then. She works for an insurance company. Probably persuading people to insure against explosions.” Grinning, Milly reached for her flat shoes, but Nicole snatched them out of her hand.
“You are not leaving the house in those.” She thrust the sandals at Milly. “You’re wearing these.”
“I will be in pain all evening. They hurt my feet.”
“It will be worth it because they are going to look great. And you only have to walk from the car to the restaurant. The pain will be brief.”
There was no point in arguing, but it occurred to her, as she crammed her feet into the sandals that had been one of her purchasing mistakes, that if Nicole went to these lengths every time she left the house, then it was no wonder she was hiding from her life.