13. Chapter Twelve
Chapter Twelve
T he fine weather held for the next two days, but Millie’s spirits remained low. She hadn’t received any further messages from Winston and worried he didn’t want to see her again. Since he had no interest in marrying, apparently their simple dalliance proved enough to satisfy his curiosity.
The invitation to accompany Tibby to a fitting at her modiste’s finally lured Millie from the house into the bright sunshine. It sounded far more enjoyable than seeing Dunthorpe at the upcoming garden party, something she dreaded.
“Good afternoon.” Millie smiled as she joined Tibby in her carriage for the drive to Regent Street. “Are you excited to see your new gowns?”
“Yes, I confess that I am.” Tibby grinned, eyes sparkling with happiness, though she looked rather pale.
“Are you feeling well?” Millie asked, clasping her friend’s gloved hand with her own.
“A little nauseous is all.” She shook her head as if to deny Millie’s concern. “The leek soup at luncheon didn’t seem to agree with me. Or at least, not with the baby.”
“I don’t care for it either,” Millie admitted. “Clearly the baby and I are going to have much in common. Otherwise, you’re feeling well?”
“I am. I have been walking more often. The exercise seems to help settle my stomach but not always. Michael often accompanies me, insisting it helps him plot.”
“That is exciting to hear as it means we will soon have another book from one of our favorite authors.” Millie smiled, pleased she had come. Time with friends always improved her mood.
“Yes, you shall. He’s working hard to finish the next one before the baby arrives.”
“Wonderful.”
“So tell me,” Tibby began, and Millie knew immediately what her question would be. “Have you considered what we spoke of when we were last together? Is a bold move possible?”
“I have made some progress in that regard.” Millie attempted to keep the emotion from her tone but didn’t think she succeeded. “However, I fear it has ended abruptly.”
“Oh, no. Are you certain? These things often take time. That much I can say with certainty. I nearly gave up on Michael more than once even after we announced our pretend betrothal.”
Millie had difficulty believing that considering how devoted he was to Tibby now. “I confess I am rather envious that the two of you were living next door to one another at the time. Finding opportunities to speak privately is more challenging than I could have guessed.”
“True.” Tibby smiled. “I suppose that means you just have to be more creative.”
“Without anyone, especially my mother, noticing?” Millie shook her head. “Nearly impossible. In truth, I thought I was moving forward but the situation has drawn to a close.” The thought made her heart ache, yet what else could she think when she hadn’t heard from him? “I fear nothing is to come of my secret tendre .”
Tibby sent her a sympathetic look. “As I said, don’t give up quite yet. The Season has hardly begun and with it, more events will be hosted, which will provide more chances to be together.”
“There is one other issue that muddies the waters.”
“Oh?”
Millie sighed. “Viscount Dunthorpe. Apparently, his father and mine think a match between us is wise.”
“Oh, dear.” Tibby bit her lip as she studied Millie. “That lends a layer of difficulty.”
“Indeed.”
“Do you have...feelings for Dunthorpe?”
“No.” Millie watched the passing scenery but all she could see was Winston with his jade eyes and charming smile. The mere thought of him was enough to send her pulse racing. Thinking of Dunthorpe not only didn’t speed her heart but left her with a faint sense of dread. How could she possibly marry him?
“Well then, if time is of the essence, it becomes even more vital to proceed with your bold moves now.”
Millie looked at her friend. “If only it were that easy.”
“The things in life we cherish are worth the effort. If opportunities don’t arise, then it is up to you to create them.”
The carriage rolled to a stop before Millie could reply. Tibby’s confidence was reassuring, but it wasn’t as if Millie could send Winston a message to request a meeting.
Or could she?
What if he refused? She’d be terribly embarrassed if she pursued him only to have him tell her he didn’t return her regard. But that last kiss had been wonderful. Heated, in fact. There was definitely a spark between them, though she needed to decide how much she was willing to risk when he’d made it clear he wouldn’t marry her. The spark they shared wasn’t just about exchanging kisses. She enjoyed his company and liked to think he felt the same. Was there a way to remind him of the simple pleasure they felt when they were together?
She followed Tibby into the modiste’s, hoping her friend didn’t notice how distracted she was. Her thoughts remained on Winston and where they could meet, much like a mouse nibbling a piece of cheese, unable to set aside the possibility.
Soon Tibby was modeling the new gown, the glow of happiness on her face making Millie smile. Knowing how happy her friends were in their marriages confirmed that action of any sort would be worth the risk.
Better to be embarrassed than live with regret.
And though Eliza seemed convinced that Millie and Winston wouldn’t suit, she hadn’t seen them together. Still, Millie worried that Winston’s sister didn’t think she was good enough for her brother. Though Eliza liked her, and Millie felt the same, this was so much more than that.
This was forever.
But Millie knew in her heart she could help make Winston happy and he would do the same for her. She gave herself a mental shake as she waited for Tibby to try on the second gown. She worried about something that might never happen. Winston had made it clear he wasn’t ready to marry and convincing him otherwise was an uphill battle, even if they were attracted to one another.
“That one is lovely, too.” Millie watched as Tibby turned in a circle. “The blue is flattering on you. And with the small bustle and high waist you will be able to wear it much of the pregnancy.”
“Do you think so?” Tibby studied her own reflection in a tall mirror as she tugged at the loose waistline.
“I have no doubt. Having seen my sisters go through several, I can say it with confidence.”
“True. How lucky you are to have older sisters on which to rely.”
“Most of the time,” Millie said wryly. “Other times, they are a nuisance.”
Tibby laughed as she’d intended. “I can only imagine.”
After the hem length was decided upon, the pair departed.
“Do you have time to do some other shopping?” Tibby asked as she checked her pin watch. “There are a few other items I would like to purchase.”
“Of course.”
They started down the busy walkway, taking their time to enjoy the sunshine.
“I can see you’re distracted,” Tibby began. “Are you considering my suggestion?”
“I am.” She closed her eyes briefly. “It takes more courage than I realized to do this.”
“It does. Even though Michael and I had been friends since childhood, I felt as if I didn’t know him at all when he returned to England after serving in the military.”
“And you didn’t want to risk your friendship by telling him how you felt.”
“Exactly.” Tibby held her gaze for a long moment. “I suppose everyone’s situation has had its share of difficulty. The For Better or Worse agenda hasn’t come easily to anyone.”
“True.” Millie nodded, her mind made up. “I am going to try again. I don’t know the details as of yet, but having Viscount Dunthorpe call is enough to push me forward.”
Tibby smiled and looped her arm through Millie’s. “I am glad. I wouldn’t want you to regret leaving the situation to fate.”
“Nor do I.” Fate wasn’t always kind. Now she need only decide how, when, and where to meet Winston so they might have more time together. She hoped he agreed. Her attempt to secretly seduce him into falling in love with her wasn’t over.
Winston opened the message, curious who had sent it, only to have his entire body still at the feminine script that looked rather familiar.
Meet me at the lending library on Fleet Street tomorrow at two o’clock?
M
He chuckled as he considered the blank paper sitting on his desk. He’d been trying to think of a place to meet Millicent, and she’d beaten him to it.
Damn if that didn’t please him. Her boldness only made him like her more. Few unattached ladies would take such action, and he was flattered she had done so, especially after they’d nearly been caught.
Though he’d told himself there was no hurry to further their relationship, he continued to worry about what Dunthorpe was up to and the association between the viscount’s father and Mr. Davies.
Dunthorpe seemed to be one step ahead of him, and Winston didn’t like it. But neither was he prepared to do as Trentworth suggested and court Millicent. How could he when he wasn’t ready to marry anyone in the near future?
He couldn’t call on her and advise her parents that he might want to wed her in a few years. Yet neither could he let her go. Certainly not to Dunthorpe, who didn’t deserve her. The viscount didn’t appreciate Millicent. She was a breath of fresh air. A ray of sunshine, both pleasant to look upon and bask in, and she always managed to make him feel better.
Winston might not know how he wanted to proceed, or even if he did, but he wanted to see her again. The lending library was an interesting choice as it wouldn’t provide much privacy, but no one would think twice if she were discovered there. On the other hand, they might be suspicious of his presence.
He glanced at the book on his desk, one he’d found on estate management tucked among the shelves in his study. Millicent was to thank for his renewed interest in his holdings, not that he had admitted it to anyone as of yet, especially his steward.
But he was thinking about it. Perhaps he might find another worthwhile book at the lending library. Several ideas had been swirling through his mind regarding the estate, but he needed more information before he acted.
With a smile, he penned a reply. Tomorrow afternoon couldn’t come quickly enough.
Millie left a grinning Alice by the door of the lending library and continued inside, the maid’s excitement about the meeting helping to bolster her confidence.
The fact that Winston had agreed to meet her also helped. Her mother hadn’t batted an eye when Millie told her she was going to the lending library.
With a glance around, she found Winston already seated at one of the long tables with a book open before him, much to her surprise. He appeared engrossed in whatever he read, his brow furrowed with concentration.
She took a moment to admire him, thinking again how handsome he was. His thick, dark hair with a slight wave fell over his forehead, and those long lashes of his lent him a sultry look. A flutter of anticipation unfurled within her and had her moving forward. She had brought a book to look at in case he was delayed and took a chair on the same side of the table, leaving an empty one between them.
“Good afternoon,” she murmured as she sat and placed the book on the table.
“Millicent.” His green eyes warmed as his gaze met hers. “How good to see you.”
Why had she doubted that he wanted to see her? Relief filled her, along with the warmth she always experienced in his presence. “And you.”
She feigned interest in the people milling about, some at the counter where a clerk assisted them. A few patrons sat at the tables, some alone, and others in groups. Conversations were in hushed tones, and she was relieved not to recognize anyone. Her literary group frequented a different lending library, which was why she’d chosen this one.
“What has captured your interest so firmly?” she asked as she glanced at the book before him.
“You.”
Her stomach danced as her attention returned to him, hardly able to believe he’d say such a thing and breathless because he had. She looked away, blinking to clear her emotions. It wouldn’t do to read too much into his words. He was accustomed to flirting, and while he might like being with her, that didn’t mean he would change his mind about marrying her.
And that was the only path forward for her.
Yet she wouldn’t deny herself the pleasure of his company or the faint hope she could change his mind. That might make her a fool, but it couldn’t be helped. She just needed to tread carefully so she wasn’t left heartbroken in the coming weeks if nothing came of this.
Weeks . Her heart pinched at the thought. That was all the time she had to help him see her as a partner and potential wife. Perhaps it would only be a matter of days instead, given Dunthorpe’s persistence. Or even hours because of their limited time together. She bit her lip as the impossibility of the situation rose, leaving her overwhelmed.
“I like you, Millicent.” He looked at the page of his book as he spoke in a quiet tone. “Very much.”
Hope flared once again. “I like you, too, Winston. I enjoy our time together.” She glanced around the lending library, thinking how much different it was from a ball. “No matter the place.”
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught his smile. “Indeed. It isn’t only dark gardens that serve a purpose.”
What a relief to know that he agreed. That he wasn’t only interested in kisses and passionate embraces, but also quiet moments together even if they weren’t alone. The realization had her rubbing a finger on her chest at the sweet ache there.
“What book are you reading?” she asked, needing to change the subject before she melted into a puddle at his feet.
“ Modern Estate Management .” He tapped the page before him. “The author has some insightful suggestions, though I don’t know if I can put them to use.”
“Why not?”
He lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. “I don’t think my steward would welcome ideas like these, especially coming from me.”
“Surely he would be willing to discuss their merits.”
Winston gave a low laugh as he shook his head. “Doubtful.”
“Then perhaps you need a new steward.”
He didn’t react to her suggestion, and she feared she’d overstepped the bounds of their relationship. After all, he was a marquess, and she was nobody. Her father had inherited wealth and seen success in investments, but that was nothing compared to the holdings Winston managed.
“That has crossed my mind, but I can’t imagine telling him. I can hear my father whispering in my ear to leave well enough alone. That I don’t know of what I’m speaking.” He frowned as he stared across the room. “Oddly enough, his voice and that of the steward’s sound somewhat similar.”
Millie ached at the doubt in his voice and expression. What had happened in the past to make him feel that way? No wonder he avoided dealing with his estates.
“It seems to me that if you had a logical explanation for the changes you wanted to make, then a good steward would be eager to work with you to implement them. Change can be difficult but is often a good thing.”
She knew that firsthand, though her experience was on a much smaller scale. Acting bolder was her only guide, but she wanted to help and support him in any way she could. Didn’t that include helping to push him beyond where he felt comfortable?
Though tempted to say more, she held back. After all, they were little more than acquaintances who had shared kisses.
He heaved a sigh. “I suppose that is true. But change isn’t easy.” He shifted in his seat as if even thinking of it made him uncomfortable.
“No, it isn’t.” Hadn’t she just told Tibby that? And Tibby’s response was worth sharing. “But the things we cherish are worth the effort.”
He slowly nodded. “You have given me much to think about.”
A companionable silence fell over them as they both read their books. Millie risked several glances at him, often meeting his gaze, which suggested he did the same.
An image of them doing something similar in their own house, each doing as they wished yet enjoying time together had her closing her eyes as longing took hold. How could she see them together so perfectly when there was still so much keeping them apart?
Winston cleared his throat, pulling her from her thoughts. “Will you attend the Quincy ball tomorrow evening?”
“Yes.” But she couldn’t bring herself to risk another meeting in the garden or any other place given that they had nearly been discovered the last time. She hoped he wouldn’t suggest it as she wasn’t sure if she could refuse him.
“Excellent. Will you save me a dance?”
Her heart bloomed as she held his gaze. “Yes, I would like that.”