Chapter 15
I read the last sentence of the book Katrina chose for tonight, closing it shortly thereafter. There was irony in its cover—a bat in the night. Stellaluna, the bat, was her name. This was one of Katrina’s favorite books.
As we got through the story, what happened to Stellaluna sounded familiar to what Katrina had endured since her grandfather died. Both were taken from their mothers and eventually adapted to their new families. Like Stellaluna, Katrina had come to understand that she was worthy of love and acceptance. That blood didn’t define family.
Katrina missed her mother, but she didn’t understand why Maria hadn’t reached out to her. We couldn’t tell Katrina the truth, that her uncles threatened her mother to stay away. But a part of me wondered if Maria did indeed miss her daughter, but something told me no. I wasn’t sure how to explain to Katrina that a real mother, mothers who loved and cared about their children, never put their hands on them in anger, bullied them, or told them they weren’t loved. All I could continue to do was be there for my niece and keep her wrapped in the warmth of security and love and acceptance.
We would never make her feel the pain that Maria did.
“That’s one of my favorites,” Katrina said in reference to her book.
I looked at her. “I know. I’m surprised I don’t have this memorized by now.” I winked, smiling.
“Can you read it again tomorrow?”
Amused, I nodded. “Of course, sweetheart.” She then put her arm around my belly and laid her head against it. I gently grazed my nails along the top of her head, scratching her scalp.
“I can’t hear him,” she said.
“He can hear you, though.”
She lifted her head, looking at me. “Really?” I nodded. Wonderment in her eyes at the revelation, she instantly put her ear back against my belly and stayed still for a moment, soon feeling a spot where he kicked. “I love you.” She lifted her head just enough to kiss my belly, feeling it for a few more seconds before sitting up and leaning against me. I took her under my arm.
“He loves you, too.”
It was silent, both of us absorbing the moment. Katrina was going to be an amazing cousin.
“Lulu, does B love me, too?”
My heart cracked at the question and the hint of her heartbreak of missing Bianca behind it.
I looked down at Katrina, finding her staring at me, sadness in her eyes while I swept strands of hair over the shell of her ear.
“Of course, she does. Why do you think she doesn’t?”
Tears glimmered in Katrina’s eyes at my question.
“Because she doesn’t come over and play with me anymore.”
My stomach twisted, my heart heavy. I had to arrange a meetup for them. Bianca’s absence was hurting Katrina, and seeing Katrina’s tears filling her eyes, I needed to figure out a way they could resume visiting each other on the regular.
I took Katrina in for a hug, rubbing my hand up and down her back. “Bianca loves you very much. There are just things going on right now that I can’t talk about, but I promise you’ll see her again very soon.”
“I will?” she asked, voice muffled against my clothing.
“Yes.” I kissed her head, hugging her tighter. Wanting to steer her mind away from Bianca and cheer her up, I decided to let her in on another plan of mine. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but I’m trying to convince your uncle, Dominic, to have a kitten in the house.”
She lifted her head, joy and excitement entering her eyes. I gently wiped her stray tears from her face.
“Really!? I can have one?”
“It’s not definite yet, but?—”
“Oh, thank you, Lulu!” She wrapped her arms tight around me, beaming. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
I laughed, hugging her back, shaking my head, and smiling. Dominic had to agree to it now. He was out-voted. I eventually moved Katrina’s arms from around me and got up off the bed, tucking her under the covers. Sweeping her hair past her shoulder and tucking some of it behind her ear, I leaned down one more time to kiss her on her head.
“Maybe you’ll get one for your birthday,” I suggested, winking again. She smiled wide, cupping my cheeks and pulling me closer so we were nose to nose, giving me an Eskimo kiss. Those were part of our routine whenever I tucked her into bed.
“I love you, Lulu.”
I held her hands momentarily as I kissed her between her eyes, telling her, “I love you, too.” I let go of her hands, making sure she was comfortable before I stood back. “Nightlight on?” She nodded. I bent over next to the nightstand and turned on the nightlight that was plugged into the outlet. I then made my way across the room, pausing in the doorway and turning to look at her. Katrina had Mr. Cat secured in her arm. “Do you want the door open or closed tonight?”
“Closed please.”
For the most part, Katrina had her bedroom door closed for bed, but on nights when she either grieved her grandfather or missed Maria, she wanted her door left open. The sounds of the rest of us settling for bed soothed her to sleep, the reminder of our presence comforting.
“You got it,” I said, my hand on the handle. “Goodnight, Katrina. Sweet dreams.”
“Goodnight, Lulu.”
I softly closed her door, heading toward Dominic’s office, where I knew he was. He’d been in there since we got home from the park.
Coming up the stairs with a glass of blood in his hand was Anthony. Barefoot in a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt stretched from wear and multiple washes, he was in for the night. He and Angelo tended to go to bed the earliest. Dino, Dominic, and I were the night owls around here.
“Turning in for the night?” I asked him, sparking conversation, knowing good and well he was.
“Yep,” he confirmed, leaving the top step. “Just had to stop in the kitchen for a refresher first. Where are you headed?” He drank a sip of blood.
I jutted my chin toward the office. “To go bug Dominic.”
Aside from telling Dominic about what happened when tucking in Katrina, I figured he could use the company.
“Tell him goodnight for me.” We then hugged, giving a quick kiss to each other’s cheeks.
“I will,” I said as I pulled away, softly smiling. “Sleep well.”
Nodding once, Anthony said, “Same to you.”
As he began walking toward his room, I resumed my walk to the office, talking over my shoulder, hand on my belly. “Depends on if he kicks the crap out of me again tonight.”
A clipped burst of laughter escaped Anthony.
Not bothering to knock, I entered Dominic’s office. He was lounging on the sofa with his legs outstretched, shirtless, a glass of Walker in his hand, the bottle resting on the coffee table. He tracked every move I made as I stepped further into the room.
Jutting my thumb toward the door, I asked, “Want me to lock it?”
He shook his head. “No. Why aren’t you on your way to bed?”
“Because I wanted to touch base with you.” I put my hands on my hips, cocking my brow. “And I could ask you the same.”
A smirk barely teased the corner of his lips as he sipped his drink. Lowering the rim of the glass away from his mouth, he asked, “What’d you want to touch base on? The park?”
Dropping my arms, I said, “You read my mind.”
I did actually want to talk to him about what happened this afternoon, to see if he figured out if there was, in fact, some random guy after us. I’d bet every dollar I had that there was.
I sat down in the armchair by his bare feet, resting my hand on my belly. Judging by our son’s activity, it’d be yet another night where sleep didn’t come easy. I sighed. Dominic looked at me quizzically.
“He’s a night owl like us.”
Lifting his chin, he drank another sip of his drink, the glass almost empty. Bringing the glass back down to his lap, Dominic said, “I spoke to Scioli and Deliso. There wasn’t anybody chasing us, so you can rest easy.”
No fucking way. There was absolutely no motherfucking way I didn’t see anyone. There was a man there running after us! I knew there was! Dominic had to be lying. They all had to be lying. But why would Sonny or Lucas lie? It couldn’t have been in the name of protection; that was an excuse Dominic would’ve used. No… I smelled bullshit.
“You’re lying.”
Making a face like he was taken aback by my accusation, Dominic said, “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. There is no way there wasn’t anyone watching us. I saw him, Dominic.”
“No, Lilith, what you saw was a man minding his business. There was no threat.” He was calm, cool, and collected, as if we were chatting about the weather or congested traffic.
Shaking my head, I was ready to leap out of the chair. “What I saw was a man, again, watching us on our walk and then running toward me like he was after me If they actually told you there wasn’t a man, they’re lying, too.”
“My men, especially those two, wouldn’t lie to me.”
“I want to see the cameras. The city must have them in the park.”
Shaking his head this time, Dominic dismissed my demand. “Not directly in the park, but the nearby businesses do, and we’re working on obtaining them for verification, but I believe them. They have no reason to lie.”
“No… They don’t, Dominic, which is why this makes no fucking sense.”
Dominic put his now empty drinking glass on the coffee table. “You still have Wyatt living in your head. Anyone acting like him probably comes off to you as a threat, so it makes perfect sense.”
I covered my face with my hands, letting them slowly fall, groaning in absolute frustration. There was a man after us. I saw him clear as day. I knew it wasn’t a hallucination or any kind of PTSD episode. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I knew he was staring right at me. His aura… It was unmistakable that he wasn’t in the park to see the sights or enjoy the fresh air. He was there for me. And when he began to turn… Then make his way towards me… Why would no one believe me?
“If there was anyone after us, I would’ve sensed it and shot him before Scioli or Deliso had the chance to. No one was getting within yards of you and our unborn on that walk. Trust me, Bellissima .”
I did trust him, which made all of this worse. I wanted to see that camera footage he talked about, then I could prove Dominic wrong, and he would’ve seen Lucas and Sonny were indeed lying. Something smelled seriously wrong, but the energy to keep stoking this fire wasn’t there, so I moved on. For now.
Sighing, I leaned back into the chair, staring at the ceiling, my arms stretched along the arms of the chair.
“What’s really going on, Lilith? The truth.”
“Katrina.”
“What about her?”
“She wonders why Maria never tries to see her… And she doesn’t think your mother loves her anymore.”
There was a pregnant pause.
“Why the hell does she think that?”
“Because she doesn’t come over and play with her anymore—her words.”
I heard Dominic pour himself a finger’s worth more Walker. Seconds later, I heard him set his glass down hard on the table. Yep, he poured a finger.
“Foolish logic,” was all he said. Then, he released a clipped, deep burp.
“She doesn’t understand, Dominic. I haven’t told her what’s going on, and I don’t plan to.”
“Good.”
I released a defeated breath, still leaning back in the chair. “I wanted to take her to see your mother as a birthday present, but I might set that up sooner. I hate seeing her so sad.”
“Fine. What did she say about Maria?”
“She’s just been confused on why Maria hasn’t tried calling her or coming over. I can’t tell her the reason behind that one either.” I sighed again. It broke my heart to keep secrets from that poor girl.
She had endured so much so far that some small part of me wasn’t sure she could handle the truth of her mother ghosting her. Bianca ghosting her. Kids were resilient. They understood and processed ugly pieces of their lives far better than adults gave them credit for, but I was too selfish right now to put Katrina through further heartache. I could hold her through the tears and her fears and her confusion and anger. I just wasn’t strong enough to push past my anxiety and my feeling of being uncomfortable, nor defying Dominic’s or anyone else’s desire to hide the truth. Not yet.
“Katrina will miss her mother for a long time. It’s unavoidable. Just keep feeding her whatever excuse you’ve given her until it’s no longer in her mind.”
How long would Katrina accept my excuse? When she first asked where Maria was and if she would see her again, I told Katrina there was an emergency and her mother had to leave, and I wasn’t sure when she would be back. I explained it was complicated, and I didn’t understand it all, but I let her know she would see her mom again. I had been sticking with that story ever since. I hated lying to her, but I had to until we figured out when we should tell Katrina the truth.
Restless like our son was for yet another night, I stood from the chair and wandered over to the piano. I thought about the first time I saw Dominic play it. It was the night I told him I was in love with him, as long as it took me to finally admit it. The night I threw my heart on my sleeve and meant every word I said with my whole chest. He played my favorite piece by Chopin.
I missed that—watching him play. It was like he was one with the music. It was beautiful.
Skimming my fingertips along the side of the Fazioli, I walked around it and moved the hem of my kimono out of the way before sitting on the piano bench. I sensed Dominic’s staring at me, and when I looked at him, his eyes said he was waiting anxiously for whatever he thought I was about to do. I looked down at the piano keys and played a few random ones, taking my time with each note. I lacked the patience to study and learn the mechanics and technicalities of playing the piano. I just wanted to cut straight to learning to play songs, “Nocturne Op. 9” being one of them.
“Do you remember the first time you played this for me?” In the silence, I looked at him again, only to find his sharp, blue eyes still honed in on me. Smiling at the memory of me professing my love, I answered my own question while I focused back on the piano keys. “It was after I told you I love you.”
“I remember,” Dominic said. Amid pressing a piano key, I lifted my head, slowly taking my finger off the key. The intensity in his eyes had softened. “I seem to also remember you talking about jumping off a bridge.”
Chuckling at the memory, I said, “Oh, yeah.” Thinking of the rest of my desperate ranting that night, I added, “And you said I had Stockholm Syndrome.” I playfully rolled my eyes.
“What a dope I was.”
I laughed. Dominic sat up on the sofa and swung his legs over the side, reaching forward for his bottle of Walker. He poured himself one more finger’s worth and then twisted the cap back on the bottle.
“Why didn’t Hector want you to play the piano?”
He chugged the liquor before setting the glass on the table. He took a deep breath while staring at the expensive, wooden furniture.
“The bastard didn’t make sense sometimes,” he stated as he shook his head. “Hector enjoyed classical music, but the thought of me learning to play like the composers got his panties in a twist.” Dominic rested his elbows on his knees, running his fingers through his hair. He then laced his fingers together and rested his chin on his clasped hands. “He wanted tough men, and me playing the piano wasn’t something powerful men did—his words. He said that only sissy boys play piano, and he wouldn’t have any sissies in his family. So, I had to quit the lessons Nadia had been taking me to, the lessons he approved and funded.”
“But wait,” I said, confused with Hector’s logic. “If he said you could, why would he?—”
“He thought I’d try it, get bored, and want to quit. He didn’t think I was serious.”
After a moment, I asked, “And then, what happened?”
Dominic turned his head and looked at me. It was clear in his eyes this was a dark road to travel. I was ready to be his guiding light.
“He ordered Nadia to end the lessons. He wasn't sending the teacher any more money, and if Nadia tried paying for it and kept it going, he would banish her from the family.”
My eyes widened, shocked to hear how easily Hector turned on Nadia, the woman he respected so highly.
“Nadia tried to talk him into the lessons, but he shut her down, raising his voice at her. It pissed me off to see her scared, and it pissed me off that he wanted to take away what brought me any semblance of happiness because I sure as hell wasn’t happy under his thumb.” He set his chin back on his hands, staring at the table again. “Before the piano, the only time I smiled was when I was with Ma.”
My heart sank. Hearing this side of Hector, remembering how he talked to me about Dominic, it made me wonder why he treated him so horribly. Then again, Hector did refer to Dominic as damaged goods and that he wasn’t capable of the responsibility of fatherhood. Bullshit. Dominic was already more of a father than Hector could’ve ever claimed to be.
“Did you try pleading your case?”
Dominic chortled. “He told me he was confiscating the money I had saved for what would be that one over there.” He nudged his head toward the piano. “I said fuck you and told him he was a piece of shit, daring him to touch my money. He called me boy, which I fucking hate .” Those last words were laced with venom. “I spit on his five-hundred-dollar pair of shoes. Paid for that one pretty good, but it was worth it. I should’ve kicked it, would’ve scuffed it.” He sighed like he was kicking his ass for the missed opportunity.
My anxiety rose, knotting my stomach. I wanted to know what his punishment was, wondering if the scars on his back Hector gave him were from that day. That punishment.
“You said Hector gave you some of those scars on your back?”
I watched him play with the ring on his finger—Hector’s ring.
“He kicked Nadia and my brothers out of his office, locking the door. He ordered me to remove my shirt and face the door. If I spoke or looked at him, he’d restart the beating.”
My hand over my heart, my chest squeezed at the revelation he never truly escaped the abuse. The beatings. Dominic never experienced true safety, just false promises of protection. I closed my eyes, my hand now on my throat as I continued to take it all in.
“He took off his belt and used it on my back until it bled,” Dominic continued.
I closed my eyes and took it all in.
“By then, I was on the floor, begging him to stop. Luigi carried me back to my room, and Nadia tended to my wounds. The pain was unbearable those first few days.” Dominic collected his empty glass and bottle of Walker and brought them over to the mini-bar, saying on his way, “That was the day I lost every shred of respect for Hector I had.”
While he cleaned the dirty glass in the sink, I wished for nothing more than to resurrect Hector just to chew him out myself. Lord, rest his sinful soul. I couldn’t have imagined what ran through Dominic’s head as the man he highly regarded, and maybe even loved like a father, beat him so savagely. The fear he felt when Lorenzo first turned abusive—did Dominic hold that same fear the first time Hector beat him?
As he dried off the drinking glass, I said, “I’m surprised you didn’t take out his knee sooner.”
Dominic’s shoulders shook under his tense blip of laughter.
“You suffered for your art,” I thought out loud, heartbroken. Dominic stood at the bar after putting the glass away, staring at the counter. I talked on. “You were an innocent little boy that was involuntarily swept up into a world of so much evil… People who hated themselves so much that they made you their victim, when all they did was end up becoming their own victims of their evils and failures…” Dominic looked at me, something in his eyes screaming for me to keep talking, like he was grateful I understood. Like my words were a hug in itself.
“You molded yourself into someone able to survive on their own if push came to shove,” I added. I briefly closed my eyes to release some tears. “Sure, Hector trained you to defend yourself, but you already knew how to do that and how to fight.” I looked down at the piano keys, saying, “You once told me your drawings and paintings and writing those poems helped pull you through Lorenzo’s abuse.” I looked back up at Dominic, voicing my sudden realization. “Did this piano carry you through Hector’s?”
“It gave me the peace that a person’s words and touch couldn’t.” Dominic walked away from the mini-bar and headed toward me, more relaxed. He soon stood behind me, and with his arms at my sides, he delicately touched the piano keys, like they’d bite if he wasn’t careful. I put my hands over his, letting him take the lead. “Until I heard your voice and felt your soul.”
I leaned into the crook of his neck, nuzzling against his smooth skin. The blend of his cologne and the hint of aged cigarette smoke lulled me into a feeling of tranquility that only Dominic supplied.
“I’ll never forsake you,” I murmured. Dominic planted an affectionate kiss on my head. “I’ll never break your heart.”
“I know,” he breathed.
“Play us a song.” I looked up at him. “Please?” I nuzzled my face once again into the crook of his neck, soaking in the soft notes he played. Our son calmed as the music swelled. “You have a new fan.”
Dominic paused his melody and sprawled his hand on my belly. In the silence, the baby moved and kicked. Dominic then played a new melody the best he could with just his left hand. He became amused when his son once again relaxed. I caught a peek of the sweet smile I loved so much.
“I found out he likes the classics after I played him your favorite song.”
Foregoing playing anything else, Dominic cradled my belly in his hands, capturing me further into his arms. “ Vi amo entrambi così tanto .”
I tenderly kissed the skin of his neck. “We love you, too.”