Chapter 23
Unsurprisingly, I can’t really sleep.
I think I have slept, a bit, on and off, but I’m awake again. I think it’s going to be like this all night.
It’s only as I come around a little more that I realise I’m on Lockie’s side of the bed – and he’s not here.
I sit up quickly, the feeling of uncertainty compelling me to get out of bed. Luckily I spot him right away, sitting by the firepit, poking at the embers with a stick.
‘Hi,’ I say quietly as I approach him.
‘Hi,’ he replies. ‘Can’t sleep?’
‘Not really. You?’
He shakes his head. ‘I thought I’d give you a bit of space,’ he replies.
‘That’s a shame, I thought you’d keep me warm,’ I reply with a smile.
He laughs.
‘I was worried the storm might come back, but I think it’s blown over,’ he tells me.
‘The weather or the drama?’ I check.
‘Both,’ he says with a smirk.
For a moment, we just sit there, watching the sparks drift up into the darkness.
‘I knew this was going to be strange, being on the show,’ he starts, pausing briefly to gather his thoughts. ‘But I didn’t think it was going to be this strange.’
‘Yeah, winding up stranded and deserted on a tropical island isn’t all that common, is it?
’ I reply. ‘But, if movies and TV have taught me anything, then we’re probably doing it all wrong.
Aren’t we supposed to, like, sculpt a big SOS into the sand, or stick a message in a bottle and send it out to sea? ’
‘You can try those tomorrow, if you like,’ he replies with a laugh. ‘We’re lucky we have Ozzy, he knows all about survival. Survival takes priority over rescue, right?’
‘It makes sense,’ I agree. ‘My instinct would have been so focused on getting rescued, I probably would have neglected eating, drinking, shelter. You’re right, we’re lucky to have him.’
‘Your island partner,’ he reminds me. ‘Are you still coupled off?’
‘I think that went out of the window when the show went off-air, don’t you?’ I reply.
‘Yeah, perhaps,’ he says.
‘You ever think,’ I say finally, ‘how weird this all is? That we’re sitting here, like… strangers, pretending to be on a dating show, and now we’re basically a survival group?’
Lockie chuckles. ‘Yeah. I didn’t exactly picture this when I signed up for TV work.’
We listen to the fire crackle for a little longer. Then…
‘You’re good at this, you know,’ Lockie says.
‘At, what, not being able to sleep? Yeah, I’m great,’ I joke. ‘Years of experience.’
He laughs. ‘No, at keeping everyone together, in order, making sure we’re all doing what needs to be done,’ he replies.
‘I think we’re all doing great, given the circumstances. I’m panicking on the inside.’
‘You’re hiding it well then,’ he replies. ‘The first step towards being brave is pretending that you are. Eventually it comes naturally.’
I look at him for a moment – and I mean really look. I try to read him, to figure out what’s going on in that brain of his. Whatever it is, it always looks so peaceful. Even here, now, with all that’s going on, he seems so calm.
‘Why aren’t you scared?’ I ask.
He doesn’t answer right away.
‘Who says I’m not?’ he replies.
The honesty in his voice surprises me. He looks away, out toward the sea for a few seconds.
‘I just learned a long time ago that fear doesn’t help,’ he replies. ‘It’s there, of course it is. You feel it, you move through it, and then you do what needs doing anyway.’
‘Just like that?’ I reply.
‘I wouldn’t say “just like that” but… yeah,’ he says. ‘You do what you need to do, if not for yourself, then for the people you care about. I have people on this island I care about a lot. That’s my motivation, that’s what keeps me pushing forward, trying…’
‘That makes sense,’ I say with a smile.
I think that might be what’s motivating me, too. If I were alone, I don’t know. I think I’d probably just lie on the sand and wait to be rescued or washed out to sea. But our weird little family feels worth fighting for.
‘You should try to get some sleep,’ he tells me. ‘Who knows what tomorrow will bring?’
I shake my head. ‘I’ll stay up with you a bit longer,’ I tell him.
‘Thanks,’ he replies.
Looking out to sea, I can just about make out the flash of lightning in the distance.
‘Don’t worry, that’s far away,’ Lockie tells me. ‘We’ll be fine.’
‘Are you always this optimistic?’ I ask.
‘Only when you’re watching,’ he says, glancing at me.
I roll my eyes, but I can’t help smiling.
I shiver, just a little – I don’t know if it’s from being cold, tired, stressed or all of the above. Lockie reaches out and wraps an arm around me.
‘Better?’ he asks.
‘Yeah. Thanks.’
For a moment, I think about leaning in, about resting my head on his shoulder. But I don’t. I’m not brave enough yet – or willing to pretend I am either.
‘We can go back to bed soon,’ he says. ‘I’ll be your own personal hot-water bottle.’
‘My hero,’ I reply.
And for one strange, fleeting moment, it almost feels like everything might be okay.
It does make a difference, having him here, in the same boat (or not, as the case may be) with me. It almost makes me feel like it’s all going to be okay.
Almost.