Chapter 31
It feels strange, this calm – and you know what they say about calm.
Honestly though, this is the most organised and together we’ve felt since we got here, but we have a plan, and an understanding, and it’s given us this weird sense of normality. We’re just a group of friends, sitting down to have dinner together, having a lovely time.
I mean, yeah, we’re dirty, and hungry for carbs, and my God do I need some caffeine, but we’re eating fish, and roasted fruit, and polishing off the last of the rum. It’s nice. Like we’re all on holiday together.
The firelight flickers between us, making us all feel warm and cosy, and for once no one’s bickering or plotting, and it feels like a million years since the rules of the show felt like they mattered.
Even the ever-present sound of the sea seems gentle tonight, like the island is giving us a little bit of a break ahead of tomorrow.
It really has felt oddly normal tonight. Honey laid out our food on big leaves, like we’re in a fancy restaurant. And Tony made us more coconut and rum cocktails – they might be the things I miss the most, when we’re back home.
‘To tomorrow,’ Tony says, raising his coconut. ‘Because tomorrow, we might actually make it off this godforsaken island.’
‘Hear, hear,’ Camilla adds.
I smile as I glance around the fire. Somehow, after everything that’s happened – the storms, the scares, the bickering – I feel…
grateful? Like maybe this weird, broken little group is exactly what I needed.
I thought I was trapped with a bunch of reality TV dummies but, nope, they’re all great.
Each one of them has depth and skills and a lot of love.
Lockie catches my gaze and smiles.
‘Don’t start getting emotional, guys,’ Honey says. ‘You’ll make me cry.’
‘I could shed a tear,’ Tony tells her. ‘For good and bad – mostly because I’m desperate for one of my mum’s Sunday roasts.’
‘Aww, that’s so lovely,’ Camilla says.
‘You’ll be back with your mum soon,’ Lockie reminds him. ‘And, whatever day it is, I’m sure she’ll make you a roast.’
Ozzy sits opposite me, shaking his head with a grin.
‘You’re all crazy,’ Ozzy says. ‘We should be punching the air.’
‘I’ll do it when we’re back on different dry land,’ I joke.
‘I might say a few words, if you don’t mind,’ Lockie says, standing up.
‘Ooh, speech, speech,’ Honey shouts.
‘Okay,’ Lockie starts, pausing to take a breath. ‘Since this might be our last night here—’
‘No, it will be,’ Camilla practically heckles. ‘Be positive, be positive.’
‘In that case then, before we go…’ he corrects himself with a smile.
‘I just want to say… You’re all great, and I wouldn’t have wanted to share this experience with anyone else, and I don’t think it would have been so easy with anyone else.
You’ve all brought something to the island, something we needed, but Ozzy, mate, you’re one of the main reasons we’ve made it this far. ’
Ozzy laughs.
‘What, because I can catch a fish?’ he replies.
‘Because you’ve held it together,’ Lockie continues. ‘You’ve looked after everyone. You’ve been the leader we didn’t even realise we needed. And a great leader at that.’
Ozzy smiles.
‘Thanks, mate,’ he replies.
I know what Lockie is doing, he’s trying to tap into Ozzy’s emotions, to get him to actually show some. I think he needs my help.
‘And,’ I add, standing too, hooking my arm with Lockie’s, ‘you’ve been our anchor. Literally and metaphorically. You kept us grounded. You made us feel safe.’
Ozzy chuckles awkwardly, rubbing his neck. ‘All right, all right, that’s enough,’ he says modestly.
‘You built half this camp with your bare hands. You made sure we had food. You were the first one to fish for supplies, even when the waves were insane. You didn’t complain once.’
‘And you took on outhouse duties,’ Honey adds.
‘And you didn’t make a big deal of it,’ Camilla adds.
‘You really are our island daddy,’ I say with a little laugh.
‘Yeah, mate, we love you,’ Tony tells him.
‘I think we all owe Ozzy a toast,’ Lockie says. ‘Come on – to Ozzy!’
‘Guys…’ Ozzy’s voice sounds tight, his eyes are blinking, are we finally getting through to him?
‘You’ve got the biggest muscles out of all of us,’ I tell him. ‘And you’ve got the biggest heart too.’
Ozzy wipes away the happy tear that escapes his eye.
‘Give over, you’re making me fill up,’ he tells us. ‘I get it, I get it, I’m amazing. I’m just glad this didn’t happen on camera.’
‘We’ve taken a mental picture,’ Honey teases him.
Tomorrow’s going to be hard. Maybe even dangerous. But right now? Right now, it feels like we could do anything, as long as we do it together – as cringe as it sounds.
I can’t resist resting my head on Lockie’s shoulder. I just feel so comfortable – which is ironic, given how uncomfortable this island is.
‘Okay, okay, if Ozzy’s getting a speech, we’re all getting one,’ Honey declares.
Tony groans.
‘Oh, God.’
‘Go on, Honey, we’d love to hear it,’ Lockie encourages her.
Honey shifts on her seat and tucks her hair behind her ears.
‘Right,’ she starts, suddenly shy, ‘before all this, I thought the biggest thing I’d ever do was…
I dunno, bag myself a job on breakfast telly, or be the ditzy one on a panel show.
But I haven’t been scared here. Not really.
’Cause I knew you lot wouldn’t let anything happen to me.
And I’ve done things I never thought I could – but I’ve also found out that the best thing for me is to be myself. That people will like me for me.’
‘We love you, Honey,’ I call out, like I’m a diehard fan at a footie match.
‘Well, I didn’t think I’d last a day,’ Camilla says, taking to her feet. ‘I thought I’d be useless. Or worse – I’d die.’
To be fair, that is worse.
‘I know I can be…’ She pauses. ‘A lot.’
‘You’re a lot of wonderful,’ Tony tells her. ‘An absolute diamond.’
Camilla blows him a kiss.
‘You’ve all put up with me. And I’ve – weirdly – enjoyed roughing it with you on this island. This is roughing it, right?’ she checks, not wanting to be offensive.
‘It is,’ Ozzy reassures her.
‘Phew,’ she replies.
‘My turn next,’ Tony announces. ‘I’ve never gone this long without a mirror.
Or decent clothes. Or just the essentials like moisturiser.
’ We laugh, but he’s serious beneath it.
‘But I think… I think I needed it. It turns out people don’t actually hate me when I’m not trying so hard.
And I kinda like not worrying about whether my eyebrows are doing that weird thing – you’ve all been too polite to point it out. ’
I don’t think any of us has a clue what weird eyebrow thing he’s referring to, but that’s being self-conscious, isn’t it? You worry about things that other people don’t even clock.
‘Your eyebrows look banging, mate,’ Lockie tells him.
Tony smiles.
‘I’ll worry about my pores when I’m back home, but here – who cares?’ he adds.
‘I’ll drink to that,’ Ozzy tells him. ‘And to being your island daddy. Honestly, it’s been an honour. You say I’ve taken care of you – it’s been my pleasure. And you’ve been a joy to take care of.’
Suddenly all eyes are on me, like I’m the only one who hasn’t been yet. I got in on Lockie’s – does that not count? I guess not.
‘Your turn,’ Camilla prompts me. ‘Don’t think you’re getting out of it.’
I open my mouth, then close it again. What can I say that hasn’t been said already?
‘I suppose…’ I start slowly, staring at my emotional support coconut. ‘I didn’t think I’d cope this well. Or at all. I’ve never been… brave.’ I laugh softly. ‘Not like this. I thought I’d crumble. And if I could have boarded the first plane home, I probably would have.’
‘No, you wouldn’t,’ Ozzy calls out. ‘We wouldn’t have let you.’
He couldn’t have stopped me.
‘But a very wise man told me that the first step toward being brave is pretending that you’re brave,’ I continue, giving Lockie a wink. ‘I’ve been pretending this whole time but, I don’t know, maybe now it feels real. I feel brave because I know you’ve all got my back. So… thanks.’
Everyone claps and cheers. It’s a proper love-in, but we need it. It’s giving penultimate episode edit, but it’s natural.
What I want to say, but can’t, is that one of the things I’m most grateful for is him.
Lockie. That he’s here with me. That he’s alive.
That I’m not going into tomorrow without him.
That it will be me and him on the raft, clinging on for dear life together.
But I can’t say that here, now, in front of everyone, because it’s something that leads to a different conversation, and I don’t think we’re ready to have that yet.
So I smile instead and raise my cup.
‘To us,’ I say. ‘The islanders who survived the storm.’
‘We’ll be famous when we get home, if we make it,’ Tony says.
‘When we make it,’ Camilla corrects him. ‘And I’m already famous, darling.’
Lockie taps his coconut against mine. ‘To tomorrow,’ he says.
‘To getting off this bloody island,’ Honey adds.
‘To Island Daddy,’ Ozzy jokes.
We drink and, do you know what, that might be the last of the rum. Perfect timing, in that case.
‘You know what, I don’t even care that you’ve got me blubbing,’ Ozzy says. ‘It feels good to cry, actually. I feel… comfortable. With you lot. We’ve been through hell, and we’re still here.’
‘Like a family,’ Honey says softly. ‘The best family! The family you choose, not the one you’re born into.’
‘Yeah,’ Tony agrees. ‘A weird, dysfunctional, half-naked family. But family all the same.’
‘I’ll raise a coconut to that,’ Lockie jokes.
‘Me too,’ I reply.
‘And me,’ Honey says.
‘I’ll drink to that too,’ Camilla says. ‘Why not, hey?’
Do you know what, if this is our last night here, then at least we’ll all go out together.
I should probably be terrified, but I’m not. We’ve survived this long because we’ve stuck together, so if we stick together tomorrow, then why shouldn’t it work out?
Anyway, it’s a problem for tomorrow. Tonight it’s just about having fun together, and being a family. And that clearly means so much to us all.