Chapter 11
Peter and Ana had taken the carriage into town in search of warmer clothing.
Mother’s discarded wardrobe only contained clothes that were fit for warm weather, as Abbeygate had usually been a summer destination for their family.
It was to be Peter’s first Christmas here, along with Ana’s, and while it seemed a bit frivolous to focus on Christmas celebrations when weightier matters were at hand, he still wanted her to enjoy the holiday.
And to do so, they needed warmer clothes.
They each selected fine wool cloaks, and Peter ensured that Ana also had a variety of warmer day dresses with long sleeves or matching spencer jackets as well as thicker dressing gowns for the chilly nights.
He had, however, left her to speak to the seamstress about the underthings that she would require.
Heat rose on his cheeks now just thinking of it.
While Ana was his wife, it was better that he did not have the image of her in her underthings in his mind, whatever said underthings might entail.
He would likely never recover from such an intimate sight—although it would be a welcome replacement for the nightmares that currently occupied his mind. He fought to repress a chuckle.
“Qué?” Ana questioned, having rejoined him outside the shop.
“Oh, nothing, my dear, just something Burnsey said,” he lied, his words desperate.
“What did he say?”
Peter rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. He was in trouble now. Burnsey definitely did not say anything about the enticing nature of a woman’s unmentionables. His mind scrambled.
“He simply reflected on my deviousness as a child. Have I ever told you about the time that I turned the corner of the gardens into a great mudhole?”
“No, but I am not surprised. It does sound like an actividad that a little boy would love so much.”
“Indeed, it was. I will have to show you the very spot. Matthew and I spent many a happy afternoon playing in that mudhole. And Mother spent many a frustrating evening washing us off afterward. She ought to have thrown us in the lake.”
Ana laughed as he helped her up into the carriage.
Peter breathed out a relieved sigh. Ana need never know that he had ever imagined anything so familiar about her.
But when had his thoughts about her strayed from being overprotective to curiously romantic anyway?
That was just as distressing as the whole undergarments plight itself.
He had promised Ana—and himself, for that matter—that this arrangement would be a marriage in name only.
Physical affection of any sort was not to be trifled with.
He could not make her feel endangered in any way, not after her attack.
And yet there were some actions they had grown accustomed to that could be seen as affectionate.
Like when Peter settled down onto the front-facing bench next to Ana, she sidled up near him and looped her arm through his.
Her closeness spread warmth through him, but it was also expected, nearly habitual at this point.
He wanted to provide her with comfort when she needed it.
But he would never forgive himself for allowing friendly affection to become too overbearing.
How could he draw a very clean line between what was proper and what was protective?
Their carriage started to move, cold air whooshing past outside. Ana broke the silence.
“We may need to tell everyone en la casa about my condition soon.”
Peter’s heart resumed its errant pounding, but now for an entirely different reason. He pulled at his cravat as he tried to maintain his calm, confident smile.
“Oh, I’m certain we can wait a little while longer. You needn’t be worried about such things yet, Ana.”
Peter felt a great deal of peace at the ignorance of everyone around them.
Of course, it was not because he intended to keep them in the dark about the truth of Ana’s condition, but rather he wanted to prolong Ana’s safety for as long as possible.
The longer her condition was a secret between the two of them, the longer the origins of their relationship would go unquestioned.
“But I would prefer that they know before it is very much obvious,” Ana said, indicating at her midsection. “They may be more suspicious if I start to appear as if I am . . . oh, how do you say in English?”
Peter flushed. “I believe one of the phrases commonly used is ‘in the way.’”
There were not many polite ways to refer to the condition of carrying a child. Peter knew that Ana was more comfortable speaking about these things than he was. Admittedly, any mention of the terms made him feel heated in embarrassment.
“Sí, eso. I will feel so much happier to know that everyone knows when my bebé starts to grow bigger and I need more help. I think today. We can tell them of the bebé today.”
Peter tapped his feet against the floor of the carriage.
He was not prepared to announce his imminent fatherhood to the household.
Such an announcement would normally require days of careful planning to decide how he would describe their situation, as complex and delicate as it was.
But if Ana was carrying the weight of their secret and the weight of her child, he needed to ensure that she was comfortable.
He sighed in submission. “Very well. When will you feel comfortable telling them?”
“When we return to the casa?”
So soon? Peter had no time to think of all the possible questions he would be bombarded with, no time to build defenses for Ana’s reputation if it happened to be called into question.
He breathed deeply as the faces of his household flashed before his eyes.
He could trust them; he had told Ana as much.
They would surely be happy to know their news and would not have any untoward thoughts about the timing of Ana’s condition.
After all, that timing would not truly be revealed until the child was born, as far as Peter understood.
“Yes, I believe that would be ideal,” Peter smiled. “I’ll ask Burnsey to gather the household together after we’ve returned indoors.”
“Perfecto.”
“And you are certain you are truly ready? Everything will change upon them knowing.”
Ana nodded as she nestled into Peter’s side, leaning her head on his shoulder.
“I know it will be muy diferente. But I realize now that I feel so much safe when I talk to you about all I feel in my mind. And perhaps it will help to not keep a secret in the house too. I feel much better to be more honest this way.”
Peter nodded. He had noticed a change in Ana, aside from the sickness that had been improving as of late.
She did not need to be reminded to eat, and she slept much more easily.
It seemed she was more motivated to care for herself.
While he knew she was far from recovering from the mental repercussions of San Sebastián, he was encouraged to see her progress.
And perhaps telling the staff their secret was a step along the path of healing.
“I need their help, as I do yours,” Ana continued. “They will help to prepare everything for the bebé when she arrives. They will help to ensure I am healthy and well. Sí, I am ready. Estoy lista. Still, I no wish that anyone else know.”
“Even Mother?” Peter rubbed a hand over his jaw.
He wanted to respect Ana’s wishes. But surely Mother would provide them both with a great deal of wisdom as they were preparing to be parents.
“I confess I would feel a great deal of comfort upon telling her that I am going to be a father. I will not divulge the truth of your condition, of course. That secret will forever remain between the two of us.”
“Soon. We will tell her soon, sí?”
“Very well.”
The ride back to Abbeygate passed by quickly. He hardly had a chance to slow his heart rate before he was placed in front of his staff, a nervous Ana at his side. His mouth was as dry as gunpowder. His eyes darted to Burnsey, wanting to ask for a glass of water to drink but thinking better of it.
“Dear friends, we have gathered you together to share with you a bit of joyous news. Mrs. Ashmore and I . . . that is, we are . . . I mean to say . . .”
“I am ‘in de way’!” Ana burst out, a smile spreading across her face as she placed her hands on her middle. The trembling of her frame revealed she was much more nervous than her exuberant display let on.
“Yes,” Peter chuckled nervously. “Mrs. Ashmore is with child.”
A silent, surprised pause lasted only a few beats, until a crescendo of applause swelled.
Happiness echoed throughout the hall in the form of laughter and exclamations.
Peter scanned the group, noting no suspicion.
There were no fingers being counted in calculating the months, no hands being raised to cover accusatory whispers.
Only open smiles and fond embraces, signs of genuine happiness.
Peter could see those same signs in his wife.
Her shoulders were loose, rather than the tense posture she often adopted.
Her face was smooth, devoid of worry lines, and her smile had a serene light that he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen before.
She had been quite insistent upon telling the staff today, so much so that he had not paused to consider whether she could be feeling anxious about such a revelation.
After all, she had taken to a rather quiet, solitary lifestyle in the house so far.
But now that he saw the physical transformation in her after announcing the imminent birth of their child, he knew it had been troubling her.
Perhaps this would provide the perfect opportunity for her to trust more in those staff members and friends around her, just as much as Peter trusted them.
She would require their help more and more as the months progressed.
Peter stepped closer to Ana and wrapped an arm around her waist. Her hand crossed her belly to lace her fingers through his.
“They are delighted,” he whispered, “And they will be a great support to us.”
He saw bright tears of contentment in her eyes. It had been so long since he had seen her so happy, so carefree. Too long.
“When are we to expect the arrival of the dear babe, Mr. Ashmore?” Mrs. Thompson called from across the room, clapping her hands eagerly as she approached Ana.
“She expects to be confined in July, according to the physician’s knowledge.”
About a week prior, Peter had taken great pains to have a discreet physician with great expertise who would confirm her condition while still maintaining their secret.
It had not been an easy task to find such a physician, particularly when trying to be aware of the discomfort that being alone with a man could incite when Ana had undergone such violence only months ago.
But she had endured the appointment well and had emerged with a peaceful smile on her face as the physician confirmed her condition.
A spark of pride had lit in Peter’s heart.
And he would permit himself such a feeling; although he was not physically the father of the child, he would truly be the father in every other sense of the word.
A chorus of giggling grounded Peter back into the present as Mrs. Thompson released a tearful Ana at last and then approached him, her arms open and expecting an embrace.
“Aye, Mr. Ashmore!” Mrs. Thompson said as she wrapped her arms around him, tears sparkling in her eyes. “A lil’ babe in the house! How delightful ’twill be! I’m simply tickled, meself.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Thompson. We are quite delighted ourselves.”
“Our sincerest congratulations are in order, Mr. Ashmore,” Burnsey said.
“We couldn’t be more thrilled for you and Mrs. Ashmore.
You certainly wasted no time, just as should be done, if you ask me.
No wedding trip necessary!” A jolly chuckle shook his frame, the buttons on his uniform wiggling humorously.
Peter’s cheeks flamed red hot. He glanced at Ana, glad that she had not overheard.
He had only imagined his role in claiming the child as his own once he or she was born.
But he had not anticipated the insinuations that would come beforehand.
Perhaps his staff was too bold for making such comments.
But they had known him for the entirety of his life.
They were just as much family as Mother was.
Perhaps it was better this way, as Peter would become accustomed to the suggestive comments and hinting jokes before they became all too blatant in the company of his brother, friends, or fellow soldiers.
He lifted his arms, waving to address the exuberant crowd.
“We thank you for your excitement and congratulations and thank you in advance for the additional measures of support you’ll undoubtedly bring to Mrs. Ashmore during this time.
Please do all you can to ensure that she is comfortable and cared for, and I vow to do the same.
We share this news in confidence, knowing that you will respect Ana’s privacy as she adjusts to this new stage of life. ”
“And soon we will meet our little bebé!” Ana exclaimed.