Chapter 24
London felt much more familiar this time, Ana decided.
Or perhaps it was being in Peter’s company that felt more familiar, more comfortable. She snuggled into Peter’s side, wrapping her arm through his.
Estás bien? Peter squeezed.
Estoy bien. Ana squeezed in response, and Peter leaned more heavily into her.
Ana sighed at the comfort that came from the warmth of his touch.
Months, even weeks ago, the prospect of traveling to London again would have brought her great distress.
Abbeygate had become a safe haven for her, and the looming, bustling landscape of London was overwhelming.
But somehow, being with Peter quieted the noise, both inside her mind and outside the carriage.
Ana pressed her cheek into his shoulder, squeezing her eyes shut.
So much had changed in so little time. And now she felt as if she could never endure life without his touch, his companionship, his smile, his wry jokes.
She loved him. She could no longer deny the reality of her feelings.
The comfort of waking up at his side each morning had stripped her heart bare, revealing that truth.
And loving him somehow flooded her with elation and terror at the same time.
Elation that she could discover so pure a love in the darkest moment of her life.
Terror that she would lose him—that more important responsibilities would come along, and he would leave her, just as Mamá had. Just as Papá had.
Peter had planned this trip for Ana’s benefit.
Her swelling form had started to grow past the constraints of her current clothing, all except the loose night shifts and dressing gowns he had purchased for her a few months past. And although she protested that Elena could help her to make some adjustments to some of Lady Ashmore’s old gowns so they would be more serviceable, Peter insisted that they would take a trip to London in search of some garments that would be comfortable for the coming months.
Lady Ashmore had been kind enough to arrange for a seamstress to come to her home so Ana could have her measurements taken in a more comfortable setting, given the privacy it provided.
Ana admired Peter as they stepped out of the carriage in front of Heathridge Hall.
His double-breasted greatcoat was a vibrant Prussian blue, its length long and flowing, as was the apparent style, but the cut of the garment indicated that Peter had worked directly with the seamstress to ensure it fit the demands of his daily activities.
The fabric had a durable flexibility that suggested it could be worn for years without revealing signs of distress.
The definition of the shoulders and collar also had a specific military-esque appearance, as well as the numerous pockets that he had apparently requested to be sewn into the interior.
Ana had already seen him slip half a dozen items into his person, and he surely couldn’t be storing them in his cravat.
She was sorry to see Peter’s relaxed, country manner of dressing disappear for the day, but she had to admit that his slightly more formal outfit had its own type of allure.
It was, in a way, reminiscent of their days in Spain.
And although those memories were hazy with pain and trauma, they also had the faint, shimmering remnants of attraction.
Perhaps Ana had nursed hidden feelings for her husband longer than she realized.
She hoped that this trip to Heathridge Hall would have dual benefits.
He needed to experience the healing of being close to his mother again after so many years, a healing that Ana desperately wished for herself, although she knew it was impossible.
It would be good for them both to have this short stay.
“Mr. Ashmore, what a delight to see you.”
The Ashmores’ butler ushered them inside and led them up to Lady Ashmore’s private sitting room, where the dowager was waiting for them, an eager smile on her face.
“Ana, my dear, you look simply beautiful. Do tell me, how are you feeling?”
As if on some cue unheard by the room, the babe placed a firm kick to Ana’s ribs. Ana pressed a hand to the spot, as if patting could ease the child’s motions. “Thank you. I feel well as I am able. I am much tired but happy to feel the child move in me.”
A peaceful smile crossed Lady Ashmore’s face, and she placed a hand on her own midsection, as if she could still feel the same movements. “That is one of the most precious experiences a woman can have.”
“Es verdad . . . um, yes, it is true.” Ana stumbled over the Spanish words that seemed to naturally make their way out of her mouth.
She and Peter had been practicing using more English in the past days, knowing that Lady Ashmore didn’t have the partial understanding of Spanish that Peter did.
But some of the most instinctual responses always seemed to come out in her native tongue.
“I have inquired with a number of the ladies in my society about the most modern preparations to assist a mother in her lying-in and confinement, and I hope you don’t mind that I’ve made arrangements to provide some of those comforts for you.”
Ana licked her lips and darted a glance at Peter.
She had always known Lady Ashmore to be exceedingly kind, but she didn’t want her or the child to be a burden on her, particularly when her marriage to Peter was so unexpected.
“We don’t need anything so grande. I know Peter will care for me very well. ”
“I don’t doubt Peter’s abilities in the slightest. But I do want you to be comfortable. The process of bringing a child into this world can grow quite complicated, and it is wise to have the necessary preparations so you and your child can endure the process safely.”
“Thank you, Mother,” Peter interjected, “I would be most grateful for your arrangements, and I know Ana would too.”
“That is what I hoped to hear. Dear Ana, I hope you know that I am so grateful to you for joining our family and for caring for my Peter, perhaps in a way I have never been able to care for him myself. I hope you will allow me to help you in any way that you might need. Do think of me as another mother. I truly desire to be that for you.”
Ana’s throat tightened, and her eyes blurred with tears.
This genuine, natural declaration of affection from this kind woman was also the confirmation that Ana had longed for.
She knew that she was wanted in this family, and not only by Peter.
She also knew that she had a mother who would care for her during the difficulty of the coming months.
A small piece of her heart that had been shattered so many years ago seemed to mend itself.
“Thank you,” she cried as she launched herself into the woman’s arms, unable to restrain her tears anymore.
“We love you,” the dowager whispered as she rubbed Ana’s back.
“I love you too,” Ana whispered, her voice breaking. Had it truly been so many months since she had heard that she was loved? Or since she had expressed the same sentiment herself?
“Now, shall we discuss some of the arrangements we can make? Lady Gray told me of a special bed that has been invented for the lying-in process. And we must find an accoucheur to assist you. That is a modern type of male physician, dear, a discreet, gentlemanly type. An accoucheur will be precisely perfect—that is, if it is what you wish.”
“I wish for anything to help that it be easier,” Ana said with a laugh as she patted her belly nervously.
“One thing that will do a great deal to make things easier for now is to obtain some special stays for your condition and some dresses that will adjust with your growing form. Don’t blush, Peter dear, it’s not as if you’ve never seen your wife’s stays!” Lady Ashmore chuckled.
The color of Ana’s face now matched Peter’s, and her gaze, like his, suddenly found great interest in the carpet.
She would not be the one to reveal that although they had grown a great deal closer as of late, there was one aspect of their marriage they had yet to approach.
Ana knew that Peter would never initiate that final step in their relationship.
It would go against every vow he had made to protect her and honor her.
And despite her savoring every kiss they shared and every moment she slept at his side, Ana likewise was not convinced she was ready for things to change further between them.
Besides, the arrival of their baby was fast approaching now, which would bring a great deal of physical and emotional change as well.
Perhaps it was for the best that they remain safe in the familiarity they enjoyed at present.