Chapter 4
Chapter Four
F rankie woke up with a start at four thirty the following morning. She felt foggy and drained, yet her mind moved at a mile a minute. She got up and eased through her family home like a ghost, heading to the kitchen to drink some water and look out the window at the inky-black Nantucket Sound. It was hard to believe they’d left the Benson yacht only four and a half hours ago. It felt as though she lived in another dimension. As though she could never get back.
Frankie sat on the sofa in the dark, scrolling through her phone. Scrolling your phone when you woke up at night was the single worst thing to do to get back to sleep, but she didn’t feel like reading, and much like anyone her age, she was addicted to her phone just a little bit.
That’s when she noticed a new email from yesterday. It read: Interview Information. Frankie clicked on it and read:
Hi Frankie!
We’re looking forward to welcoming you to Manhattan tomorrow for your interview at 3:30 p.m. If you come by car, make sure to park in the lot on 36th St. We will give you a parking voucher after the interview is finished.
Frankie’s heart thudded with panic. Tomorrow? Tomorrow, as in today? She shot up and threw her phone onto the sofa. She’d thought the interview was two days from now. She’d put it on her calendar as the eighth, not the sixth. How could she have gotten this so wrong? Why was she always so confused? Lost? She couldn’t make it in the real world! She should have just gone to graduate school! She should have done a fifth year at undergraduate school!
Frankie was outside of Nellie’s room in a flash. Sweat pooled across her stomach and over the back of her neck. Tentatively, just as Nellie had once opened Frankie’s door at night after she’d had nightmares, Frankie entered Nellie’s bedroom. Her door creaked.
Nellie stirred beneath the sheets. “Frankie?” she croaked.
Frankie burrowed herself in bed beside her sister. Tears welled in her eyes. Nellie turned over and placed her hand across Frankie’s back.
“The interview,” Frankie whispered. “It’s today.”
Nellie shot up in bed. “What?”
“It’s at three thirty this afternoon,” Frankie said. “I got the date wrong.”
Nellie flailed around, looking for her phone. “It’s the sixth?”
“Yes.”
Nellie leaned against her pillow. Light from her phone pooled across her cheeks. “It’s only 4:50,” she said. “We have plenty of time.”
“Mom’s going to think I’m an idiot,” Frankie cried.
“You need to give Mom more credit,” Nellie soothed. “She doesn’t think you’re an idiot. She never has.”
Frankie placed her hands over her face. She wanted to sleep for the next ten hours.
“Do you want to run through any interview questions?” Nellie asked.
Frankie groaned into her hands.
“I’ll start,” Nellie said. “What inspired you to apply for this job?”
“Fear of failure. Knowledge that if I don’t make money, I’ll never be able to live on my own. Knowledge that if I don’t make money, Mom and Dad will never look me in the eye again.”
“Great answers.” Nellie giggled and turned on the lamp on the bedside table. “It’s going to be perfect.”
“I don’t know.”
Nellie sighed. “I know you’ve been having a really hard time the past few months. But you have to remember that these hard times don’t last forever. Things are going to change. And this interview is the first step.”
Frankie couldn’t articulate why she didn’t think this dark era would ever end. She didn’t want to sound pathetic, especially not to Nellie. Nellie was the only person she really had left.
Two hours later, Frankie and Nellie were at the breakfast table, where they had cups of coffee and slices of toast with peanut butter. Their father was still asleep, and their mother was in her at-home office. It wasn’t strange for their mother to get some early work in before heading up to the docks, especially if Shelby was tending to things in person at the Nantucket Sunset Cruisers. But it was bizarre that Ida hadn’t allowed herself more sleep than that. Ordinarily, their mother was keen on her beauty rest.
Just then, Ida burst from her office. Her hair was in strings, and there were shadows beneath her eyes. Frankie and Nellie made momentary eye contact. What’s up with Mom?
“We have to go to Manhattan today,” Nellie announced. She sounded easy. Proud. As though this was always a part of the plan.
“That’s right,” Ida said, shuffling through packages in the kitchen. “Good luck today, Frankie.”
Frankie raised her eyebrows. She doesn’t remember I got the date wrong.
“Will you girls be home tonight?” Ida asked. She still sounded distracted.
“I think we’re going to stay in the city,” Nellie said.
“Have a great time,” Ida said. She then carried a jar of peanut butter, a package of crackers, a package of cheese, and a full cup of coffee back into her office and closed the door behind her.
Frankie and Nellie shrugged their shoulders. Frankie thought maybe there was more to her mother that they weren’t aware of.
Frankie showered and changed into a black dress and a pair of tights that she knew she’d remove during their drive to Manhattan. She styled her hair, did her makeup, then made faces at herself in the mirror and imitated herself later at the interview. “The thing is, I love advertising because I just love selling things to people they don’t need.”
“I heard that!” Nellie called as she passed by her bedroom.
“You think they like a little bit of sarcasm?” Frankie called.
“Absolutely!”
Frankie and Nellie knocked on their mother’s office door to say goodbye. Ida called, “Drive safe!” yet didn’t come out to say goodbye. This was puzzling. Frankie had imagined her mother doting on her, making a bigger deal about the interview than Frankie wanted her to. This felt cold. Abrasive.
But they didn’t have time to think about it.
They met their father in the foyer. Rick gripped Frankie’s shoulders and reminded her, “You’re a Benson. You’re a Coleman. It means you’re a winner.”
Frankie snorted, but Rick maintained that stern smile—one that told her that no matter what, he was in her corner. He was pulling for her. It warmed her heart.
Nellie drove them out to the ferry. It was eight fifteen when they parked in the belly of the ferry, got out, and grabbed a cup of coffee at the kiosk. Frankie and Nellie sat in the sun with the soft wind in their hair, watching the island recede. A few tourists milled around, suntanned and sorry after the end of their vacations. Frankie wondered if any of them had taken a Nantucket Sunset Cruise.
“I guess Mom’s just stressed about what happened last night?” Frankie suggested now.
“Probably,” Nellie said. “It definitely doesn’t make me want to start my own business. Ever.”
Frankie laughed. “It takes a particular kind of masochism to start your own thing.”
“When Mom’s up, she’s up. But when she’s down…” Nellie took a sip of coffee.
“Sometimes I can’t believe the way Grandma talks in front of Sophie,” Frankie said, remembering last night. “I can’t help but feel like she’s ridiculing Sophie every chance she can for not being like Mom.”
Nellie raised her shoulders. “They’ve been through a lot this year. It’s getting better.”
Frankie gave her a look.
“I know. I know. Grandma still isn’t perfect,” Nellie said.
Frankie lowered her eyes. She hated how obvious it was that this bothered her now more than ever. It was because of her own failures in the eyes of their family. It was because Nellie was now successful, and Frankie was—whatever this was.
Frankie’s phone buzzed in her pocket. Grateful for a distraction, she pulled it out. It was a text from her college roommate, Georgia, with whom she’d lived every year of undergrad. Georgia now lived in Queens but worked in Manhattan and had begged Frankie to move to the city ever since they’d parted ways in May. Frankie hadn’t yet told Georgia that she had a job interview this week in New York. She hadn’t wanted to get Georgia’s hopes up. Nor her own. Not that I want to work at this heinous place. Not that I want to write advertising copy.
GEORIGA: Omg, you won’t believe who I ran into last night on the Upper West Side.
GEORGIA: Colin!!!!
GEORGIA: It was crazy. I hadn’t seen him since, what, April?
Frankie’s heart thudded. Her hands were clammy, and she had the sudden desire to throw her phone off the side of the ferry. Nellie was busy with her own phone, her thumbs flying as she composed a text.
Frankie wondered if she should tell Georgia that she didn’t want to hear about Colin ever again. Or should she press her for more details? She hadn’t heard from Colin at all since he’d dumped her; he hadn’t even attended college graduation. Where’s Colin, Frankie? Everyone had asked her. We want a picture with you and Colin! Frankie knew he was in New York somewhere, but it was often hard for her to picture the man she’d spent the past four years loving. What was he up to? Did he still eat Pop-Tarts for breakfast? Did he have a favorite new dim sum place?
And Georgia had seen him! In the wild!
Maybe Frankie didn’t care about Colin anymore. Perhaps she could pretend she didn’t, and then it would be true one day.
FRANKIE: That’s crazy. Wow.
FRANKIE: Did you talk?
GEORGIA: Like barely! He ran away from me. But you’ll never guess why.
GEORGIA: He was with someone.
GEORGIA: But she wasn’t some New York girl.
GEORGIA: It was literally brYNNE.
Frankie nearly dropped her phone. She gaped at the name—Brynne—and memories flooded through her. Memories of Colin studying with Brynne for midterms. Memories of Colin attending Brynne’s birthday party when Frankie had the flu. Memories of Colin saying Brynne was one of his best friends.
FRANKIE: Haha, yeah, they’ve been friends for a long time.
GEORGIA: No, girl. They were together. Like together-together.
Frankie closed her eyes. She was surprised at how painful this felt. It was as though the knife twisted. As though everything she’d built her memories upon now turned to ash.
“What’s up?” Nellie asked.
Frankie opened her eyes and realized she was still aboard the ferry, headed to a stupid interview she didn’t want to attend at all.
“What happened?” Nellie eyed Frankie’s phone.
“Nothing.” Frankie shoved her phone in her pocket.
“Something’s up.”
“Nothing is up,” Frankie said.
“Is it Mom?”
“What? No.” Frankie rolled her eyes. She would have told her sister any news of their mother first thing.
The ferry was nearing Hyannis Port. Frankie hopped off her stool, drained her coffee, and tried to shove all images of Brynne and Colin into the back recesses of her mind. But over and over again, Brynne popped back into her mind’s eye, blond and smiley and said, Wow, I’m so thrilled Colin met a nice girl like you, Frankie. He’s such a genius, isn’t he? And he thinks you’re so, so smart, too.
Frankie buckled herself into the passenger seat and crossed her arms over her chest. She thought she was going to vomit. Nellie eased the car off the ferry and headed for the city, turning up the volume on the radio when it was clear that Frankie wasn’t keen on talking.
When did it start? Frankie wondered. Were Brynne and Colin having an affair all last year? The entire time we were dating? Or did they just sometimes hook up and lie about where they’d been? Her stomach sloshed, and her eyes filled with tears. It was suddenly incomprehensible to her that she was headed to New York City right now. That was where Colin and Brynne lived! That was where they had realized the extent of their love!
Frankie remembered now that Brynne had gotten a job in Manhattan. Something to do with social work. Something to do with saving the world. Colin had been so proud of her. “We’re going to New York together!”
Frankie let out a sob, then clapped her hand over her mouth.
“Okay, you have got to fess up,” Nellie said. She sounded stern. Angry.
Franke’s tears came after that. They were thick, salty and hot. Frankie sobbed and sobbed, drenching the curls near her face. Before she knew it, Nellie pulled into an exit and parked outside a Wendy’s. She touched Frankie’s shoulder; she curled her hair over her ear.
“What’s up?” Nellie breathed.
It took ages for Frankie to come out with it. She hiccuped as she explained that Colin had been seen out with Brynne, that she’d always suspected they were in love, and she was silly not to have guessed it before.
“And it’s just really bad timing,” Frankie said. “I’m going to this interview! I was supposed to move to Manhattan! I was supposed to get Colin back!”
“First of all, there are millions of people in New York,” Nellie reminded her. “Most of them are way, way better than some dude you met in college.”
“You don’t know that,” Frankie breathed.
Right now, she was totally inconsolable. Right now, she was sure that Colin was the single greatest man on earth. And she’d lost him.
Not that he can see me like this.
I’m broken. I’m nothing.
“Listen to me,” Nellie said. “You’re going to kill that interview today. You’ll show all these idiots that you’re worth so much more than Colin or anyone else.”
Frankie let out another sob.
“We’re so close to the city,” Nellie assured her. “We’re so close, and then we’ll go get burgers and hang out and go shopping, and it’ll be the best day of the summer so far.”
Frankie shot her a look but set her jaw. She understood that she owed it to her sister to go through with the interview. Nellie had driven her all this way. And it was far too pathetic to give up now.